Final Fantasy VII

Tifa meets Jim Carrey

Written By CodenniumRed

You just KNEW this had to be Humorous.

Disclaimer: Actually, there's a few parts to this. In any case, I have no intention of obtaining profit through displaying this fanfiction on the web.

Final Fantasy VII: Final Fantasy VII is a GREAT game, as are all of the games in the series. The characters and settings within are the property of Square-Enix (formerly known as Squaresoft and unrelated to the independent Enix software company).

Jim Carrey: This fanfiction in no way reflects who Jim Carrey really is. Although he is portrayed as a clueless wacko in this fanfiction, Jim is really a talented and intelligent actor who can play a variety of roles beyond Comedy, such as in the movie, "The Truman Show" TM. Just think of it as Jim acting as another of his roles, named 'Jim' for clarity. Jim Carrey is the property of… none other than Jim Carrey.

The Narrator: Meet The Narrator. He'll be your guide throughout this fanfiction. The character of The Narrator is MINE!!!! Yes, he's my creation… not 'a' narrator, 'The Narrator.' He sits in the sky and is invisible. It's my new experiment to combine script and novel style writing into one! Gya-ha-ha! Oi… I sound like Heidegger now.

Chapter 1: The Meet:

The Narrator: Today seemed to be just another boring day in Tifa's Seventh Heaven Bar. She was especially lonely after not having seen Cloud for two years, ever since the incident with Sephiroph and Holly. But, little did she know, conditions were about to change drastically! And just in time. Why? Well, let's take a look at her present life. See?

Tifa: What'll it be, sir?

Grumpy Old Man: Eeeeeh… heh, heh… anythin' that'll keep my 'art tickin'!

Tifa: What?

Grumpy Old Man: My 'art! What part of 'art ain't you understanin'? Eeehe… *cough*

Tifa: Your heart?

Grumpy Old Man: Yeah, my 'art. Connected to my veins that you can see everywhere. Them spider-veins sure give me a few years and countin'! No, genius, what else could I mean? Eehehe… *cough* *wheeze* Heeh.

Tifa: Well, what do you want?

Grumpy Old Man: What are ye, deaf? You're worse than me!

Tifa: Yeah, right!

Grumpy Old Man: As I said, I want anythin' that'll keep my 'art tickin'!

Tifa: Would a Small Brew be good?

Grumpy Old Man: What do I look like to ye, one of those champion runnin' freaks???? That's no good, Einstein!

Tifa: Why not just tell me what you want instead, that's what everyone else does.

Grumpy Old Man: Well my eye-sight's goin'! You young people just assume we old folks are fine. Well, you should see what it's like. Your years robbed away from ye.

Tifa: Why not come back when you get glasses?

Grumpy Old Man: And ruin my pretty face?

Young Cocky Man: Hey, 'urry it up ova there!!!!

Grumpy Old Man: Eeeh, shut up ya prettyboy! Even I could hear ya from a mile away!

Young Cocky Man: Want a piece of me?

Tifa: Whoa, stop this!!!! Is this any way to behave, even in a bar????

Grumpy Old Man: Eh, just give me the Brew! It's a wonder I'm even going to pay ya! In any case, I ain't comin' back!

The Narrator: As you can see, Tifa hasn't had much reason to smile in a long while. Cloud's gone, and she's surrounded by obnoxious loons that she has to serve. Oh… but what's this???? Here comes another weirdo into the fray. Donning giant sunglasses and shorts, though, his motif doesn't exactly match that of Tifa's other Customers from Hell.

Tifa: Oh, great. Another loon. Midgar barely even sees sunlight; why is he wearing glasses????

The Narrator: Just relax, Tifa. You've become paranoid. Just wait… watch… yadda yadda yadda. Oh, I forgot, she can't hear me. I'm on the outside looking in. Anywho, there goes this new guy up to her counter. Let's see what happens….

Tifa: *sigh* What'll it be?

The New Guy: Ermmmm… lemme see… now… I'm kinda new here. Sorry, let me take these glasses off….

Tifa: Wow, he's not half bad.

The New Guy: How about some water? I don't drink.

Tifa: Water? Um… okay I guess.

The New Guy: Say, you look sort of sad….

Tifa: Hmmm? Oh, rough day… as usual. *sigh*

The New Guy: I know how it could be… no friends around, drunks yelling all the time… can you tell that I don't drink?

Tifa: *mock annoyance – he's being nice after all* Obviously.

The New Guy: My name's Jim. Jim Bumblestein!

Tifa: … Bumblestein???? *smiles*

Jim: Kidding! Aah! o_o Made you laugh! Really, it's Jim Carrey.

Tifa: Teehee… I'm Tifa. Tifa Lockhart. The pleasure is mine.

Jim: THE Tifa!? Wow, I never expected to find her HERE!!!!

Tifa: Um, this IS my Bar, after all. It's called 'Tifa's Seventh Heaven.'

Jim: All the same… would you like to hang out sometime?

Tifa: Sure! Teehee. You seem interesting and nice.

Jim: Oh, but I'm not perfect…

Tifa: Who is?

Jim: Oookay!!!! *-* I like Tennis, television, jogging, cooking, joking, reading, writing, learning, playing, working, eating, sleeping, basketball, racing, gardening, cleaning, organizing, theorizing, contemplating, typing, sorting, skydiving, snowboarding, skiing, surfing, hang-gliding, flying, boating, fishing, modeling, model-building, banking, accounting, collecting, sculpting, travelling, making friends… and did I mention tennis?

Tifa: @-@ WOW!!! Really?

Jim: Well actually, I just said half those things for effect, but the obvious ones were true. Like Tennis and television. But I'm no pro, though.

Tifa: When we hang out, let's do some tennis. K?

Jim: You bet! I'll try my best.

The Narrator: Wow, this seems to be interesting. A nice change of pace from the tub of shrimp I've been fed for the past week. Hehe… I get to spy on their date… hehehe….