Title: The Smoke Does Finally Pass
Characters: Kurt, Blaine
POV: Third Person
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are living their dreams in New York and are enjoying the city, as well as each other. Except, the city isn't all that they'd hoped it would be and Kurt gets an unwelcome visit from his past, the likes of which Blaine must help him through. One-shot.
Song: We Found Each Other In the Dark by City and Colour (This along with The First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes will undoubtedly play at my nonexistent wedding. My boyfriend is aware of this.)
WARNING: Possible triggering due to homophobic situations. A bit of language that I feel is necessary or, at least, realistic given the circumstances. None of the ignorant and misguided homophobic ideas reflect my beliefs at all.
Kurt Hummel had been living in Manhattan, New York for just over a year now and it was all that he had hoped it to be.
However, he admittedly found himself a bit forlorn at times at the lack of vegetation that had been so methodically interspersed within the buildings and businesses of Lima, Ohio. Homesickness had visited both Kurt and Blaine, sometimes at the same time but, usually, individually. They were nearly pros at helping each other through it, if necessary.
Those moments of loss happened at odd intervals and easily dispersed just as quickly as they appeared, for which Kurt was eternally grateful. In the dead of winter, with thick coats of icy snow blanketing everything as far as the eye could see, Kurt found himself downright giddy at the beauty of it all and had a strong urge to skip through the streets, a la '40s musical.
In truth, he most likely would do just that, were his boyfriend, Blaine Anderson, present. But, alas, Blaine was (Kurt hoped) sleeping off his exhaustion that had taken hold in the last couple of days due to exams and finals. He had been pulling all-nighters and routinely receiving, at most, six hours. The usual was closer to four.
Kurt was perfectly content with making the small trek from NYADA to the apartment that he shared with his boyfriend and took his time tonight, basking in the warm glow of the streetlights above. Whereas in Lima, such lights would cast an eerie, mocking glow that almost haunted one's steps, these seemed to accompany and guide you and the effect was only magnified due to the glittery sheen that it illuminated upon the otherwise grey sidewalks.
The cold did eventually catch up with Kurt but, rather than lengthening his strides and making haste, he simply pulled his crème colored McQueen coat tighter around his frame, re-wrapping the scarf that he had borrowed from Blaine.
Rather than weaving through the throngs of people around him, Kurt merely trailed along, smiling slightly to himself as h began to quietly hum a bar from his school musical that he happened to be starring in along with Blaine.
After a while, he started to concentrate more heavily on the music and pay less and less attention to his surroundings, only being shaken from his thoughts once he felt the firm press of another person against him.
"Some of us have somewhere to go." A man dressed in a navy blue suit chirped at Kurt as he mumbled a half-hearted, if even that, apology, which the man ignored.
Kurt, in annoyance, took his cell phone out of his back pocket, quickly tapping out a text of Goodnight, sweetheart to Blaine, expecting him to have already gone to bed.
As expected, he didn't receive a reply but, smiled at the thought of his boyfriend regardless.
Once again, he felt a person shove against him and this time, Kurt was anything but apologetic. It was clearly not his fault.
However, he was mildly surprised to see a small boy grinning up at him, eyes twinkling in the faint light.
"I'm sorry, Mister." The boy said, in his high, pre-pubescent voice. "You're really pretty. Like an angel." He added, grinning wider and Kurt noticed that his front tooth was missing, making the boy even more adorable, which was saying something, as Kurt was not fond of kids.
"William. How many times do I have to tell you that men are not pretty. Girls are pretty." An older woman chastised from beside the boy, causing him to frown in confusion.
"Ma'am, it's fine, really. I understood what he meant." Kurt assured her, flashing the boy a charming smile as he casually moved his hair out of his eyes.
However, the look of disgust on the woman's face wasn't lost on Kurt as she moved the small boy further away from the college student.
"We don't talk to people like him, William." The woman sneered, glaring at Kurt, who looked on in shock and more than a little pity for the little boy that honestly reminded him a bit of himself.
Naturally, he couldn't be sure since the boy, William, was so young but, he had a sneaking suspicion that the boy's life wouldn't get any easier anytime soon if this was indeed the woman raising him.
"There is nothing wrong with 'people like me'." Kurt put an extra emphasis on the term, glaring back at the woman. "Don't you think people have enough to deal with in their lives without the likes of you stressing them out further? I don't see myself judging you for wearing a Gucci bag that's older me and him combined and a fake, at that and, yet you wish to condemn me for something completely out of my control? How dare you, you little wench." Kurt caught himself just in time, desperately wanting to say another word to describe the woman before him but, restraining himself for the sake of her kid, who happened to be beaming up at Kurt in awe.
The woman merely scoffed in retaliation and guided the small boy away, power walking through the large mass of people as the boy waved merrily at Kurt, who returned the gesture with equal tenure.
As much as Kurt hated to admit it, things like that still got to him. He wanted desperately to be above it all, to say that he had been there, done that, that nothing could touch him anymore but, it simply wasn't true. Despite the lofty, confident man that was Kurt, he was also a nineteen year old boy, barely an adult and still relatively innocent of the complete cruelty of people.
Sure , he had experienced evil at the hands of his peers many times but, he chalked up a lot of it to immaturity and childishness. To see adults, his elders, being so unkind and un-accepting f complete strangers, or worse, of their own children confused an unnerved him.
Kurt, unknowingly had began to walk far more quickly as he turned off onto a street that was always mostly bereft of people. It was a quiet neighborhood however, tonight, he heard an odd shuffling coming from not too far behind him, which caused him to cautiously per into the darkness behind him.
The streetlights had become increasingly sparser, which made it difficult to make out anything other than the shape of the lone person behind him.
Kurt shook off his uneasiness and continued walking, only starting to panic once he heard the person's footsteps becoming increasingly quicker.
Kurt contemplated running but, told himself that he was just imagining things in far more dramatic ways than they actually were. He told himself that the man behind him was nearly in a hurry somewhere and probably lived in one of the complexes before him.
This was proven invalid when he felt a firm, unkind hand on his shoulder, which wrenched him backwards, causing him to trip painfully onto the icy sidewalk.
"C-Can I help you, sir?" Kurt asked politely, not wanting any trouble with the figure currently towering over him.
"I just wanna know what gives poufs like you the idea that it's okay to go faggoting around like this." The man growled angrily.
"I'm not sure what you mean." Kurt replied softly, highly aware that the man was even taller himself and far larger.
"You know what the fuck I mean. The broad back there with the kid. She's right. You little fuck-ups are killing the world, taking it in the ass all the time like that." It was then that Kurt noticed the slurring to the man's words. Being sober wouldn't change his ideas but, he probably wouldn't have half the guts to actually make a confrontation.
"I'm not doing this with you right now." Kurt said, as he tried to stand while avoiding slipping on the ice once again.
"Nu uh, you just stay where the hell you are, princess." The man sneered and reached down to push Kurt against the ground but, he lost his footing and slid harshly into the brick wall behind him with a resolute smack.
Kurt found himself hissing in pain at the sting spreading the length of his back and the man, thoroughly spooked, ran, or rather staggered, down the street, fearing that he'd severely hurt Kurt.
The college student once again attempted to stand but found that his back was aching too much to do so, he resolved on sitting there until he was able to do otherwise.
He immediately tried to trace the exact moment at which his nice, cheerful walk home had become such a disaster, hoping that logic would ultimately prevail and he could reason himself through it, keeping his emotions at bay.
After a review of the night's events though, Kurt found himself trying desperately not to cry, not from the pain in his back but, from the people that he had encountered.
He and Blaine had moved here to not only follow their dreams but, in search of the acceptance that they had craved so much in Ohio. They hadn't moved here expecting a utopia but, their first year had gone by without incident and so they had slowly but, surely began to let their guards down and focus on more pressing matters.
They had both grown accustomed to the immense wisdom and accepting nature of the locals and had found themselves blending in almost seamlessly.
Whereas in Lima, they were beyond thrilled to steal fleeting butterfly kisses to the cheek, in New York, they could kiss full on the lips, taking the time to enjoy one another's company being together.
Sure, they had seen a few disapproving glances but, no one had ever actually confronted either of them so, they'd gone a bit slack on their previous precautions.
As Kurt stifled his sobs against the cold, damp wall behind him, he quickly recognized his mistake and vowed to never again let his guard down like that, lest he experience McKinley all over again.
McKinley.
His last year there had been perfect. He had Blaine, his amazing family and New Directions, as well as the Trouble Tones, which combined, was an awkward mixed family of sorts.
However, the previous years hadn't been anywhere near as successful. Quite the opposite, if he was being honest.
He couldn't help but be reminded of routinely being shoved by Azimio and Karofsky, slurs being thrown at him with the effect and accuracy of daggers.
He'd taken it all in stride and was strong throughout the assaults. But, he was rusty and hadn't visited those emotions or circumstances in a very long time, or so it seemed.
The effect was still fresh if his tears and shallow breaths were anything to go by and for the first time since junior year, he actually allowed himself to re-visit his worst high school experiences.
I was walking through the halls, rather proud of the new shirt that I'd just received yesterday, after having ordered it a week ago. It was fitted and creased and-
And then, Karofsky just slammed me into the cool, hard metal of the lockers around me and no one noticed. No one saw the thin, solid stripe of blood streaming from my hand from being scraped.
Grape slushy was being thrown onto my face, ruining my entire facial regime and making my eyes sting horribly.
I was trying to find my way out of that stupid damned dumpster, slime edging its way under my nails, squishing into my shoes.
Karofsky was pushing me against the gym lockers, his disgusting breath lingering over me, invading my space, pressing his disgusting, dry, chapped lips to mine, holding my face in place.
If anything worse had happened, no one would have cared enough to stop him, to help me. They never did back then. They were too preoccupied with themselves. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. No one saw.
Kurt began to involuntarily shake at the thought because it was oh so similar to his current position. There was no one there now. No one to witness the stupid man who had done this, who had sent him into a spiraling and suffocating recollection of his past.
The worst part was there that were surely people just a block away. People that could have helped him, people that could have remained a barrier between him and the offending drunkard, at least.
Kurt's breath was becoming shallower still as he gasped for breath, tearing his scarf from around his neck in hopes of calming himself down.
He knew what was happening. He was very close to having an attack and hardly even knew what to do about it. He hadn't experienced one in years and his dad and Carole had always been there to help him through it. Finn even helped, if he was needed. The important part, Kurt knew was that he not be alone because it was crucial that someone was there to calm him down.
Kurt felt his throat constricting even more and tried his hardest not to start wheezing altogether. He could get through this. He was more than strong enough, just as Blaine always told him. Of course, Blaine hadn't been talking about this circumstance but, the same applied, right?
Kurt fumbled, in his haze for his phone, quickly pressing the two on his speed dial and registering mild shock that his boyfriend had answered on the first ring. He just needed to hear his voice. Surely, that would help.
"Hi, Kurt!" Blaine answered cheerfully and Kurt could detect the smile in his boyfriend's voice, which would have ordinarily caused him to chuckle because Blaine was simply adorable. He only managed a pained grimace this time, though.
"B-B-Blaine." Kurt managed to say but, immediately regretted it as his breathing became even more labored.
"Kurt? What's wrong?" Blaine asked, his voice saturated in deep concern.
"C-can't breathe a-and I-" Kurt started, before getting cut off.
"Okay, I'm literally walking out of the door as I speak, Kurt. Don't wear yourself out by talking but, hang onto the phone for me, alright sweetheart? I need to hear you to know you're okay." Blaine tried his hardest to sound calm for Kurt's sake but, was obviously struggling with it.
Kurt felt his arm slip from his ear and resolved to laying the phone beside him as he waited for Blaine, whose voice was still streaming steadily through the receiver. Kurt was beyond trying to decipher his boyfriend's words and merely found comfort in the sound of his voice, which he focused on, rather than the increasingly cold sidewalk or the dampness that was making its way through his clothes.
Blaine continued to talk to Kurt but, after a while, he couldn't even tell what he was saying, as he had resorted to focusing on the sound of Kurt's breathing which wasn't steady but, was a palpable sign that he was still there even if he wasn't okay.
He only stopped to find his keys and coat before leaving in an old shirt of Kurt's and a pair of sweats that he only wore at home. Kurt would undoubtedly make fun of him for his attire under normal circumstances but, Blaine lamented that these were not normal circumstances.
He hadn't heard Kurt sound so completely broken since Karofsky had kissed him, which automatically made him suspect the worse. What if someone had hurt Kurt? Had hurt him… in that way?
Kurt was so strong. Far stronger than Blaine could ever hope to be and knew that it took a lot to break the man that he loved. Blaine found himself praying with all that he had that he could get Kurt through whatever happened as he tapped away on his phone, trying desperately to locate his boyfriend.
It didn't take Blaine long to locate Kurt due to the GPS tracking that they'd decided to program onto both of their phones; a safety procedure for moving into such a large, unfamiliar town.
What Blaine saw as he rounded the corner that he knew would be the last separating him from Kurt broke his heart and alarmed him.
His beautiful, lively boyfriend was sprawled in the snow, drenched and shivering from the cold.
His breathing was audible and each breath wracked horrible shivers through his thin yet muscular frame and Blaine found himself even more worried, if that were even possible, for his boyfriend's health.
"Oh, Kurt." Blaine breathed as he dropped to Kurt's side, immediately recognizing his state as a panic attack.
"Bla-ine." Kurt whispered brokenly as he struggled for breath, trying to absorb strength from Blaine's wide, brown eyes.
"Kurt, baby, breathe with me alright?" Kurt managed to nod as he watched Blaine inhale deeply and he mimicked him.
"Now, I need you to exhale with me and we'll just follow this pattern." Kurt did as Blaine said and focused all of his attention on the rise and fall of his boyfriend's chest against his, along with the hand that was caressing his back.
Blaine wouldn't act on it but, he wanted to cry more than anything right then. His boyfriend was falling apart before his eyes and all he could do was pray that something, anything that he tried would help.
After a while, Kurt did manage to calm down and his breathing returned to normal, at which point he clung even harder to Blaine, wanting more than anything to just feel him and have him to hold onto.
"Can we go home now?" Kurt's voice was raspy but, well above a whisper, for which Blaine was thankful.
"Of course, baby." Blaine said, standing and then carefully reaching down the lock his arms around his boyfriend, carrying him bridal style.
"You- You don't have to-" Kurt started, as he shook his head at the smaller boy.
"But I need to, Kurt. For me." Blaine whispered against his shoulder, kissing him there. Blaine needed to feel that the other boy was okay, that he was alive.
He really didn't know what to expect once he had finally made it to the dim street that he knew Kurt to be on. He had expected to find his body beaten, blood everywhere and since he hadn't he couldn't bear to not be touching him.
He felt Kurt nod against his chest as he began to make his way in the direction of their apartment, walking briskly, yet carefully, not wanting to drop Kurt.
Once they finally made it, he managed to open the door without letting go of Kurt.
"Blaine. I- I can stand." Kurt murmured and Blaine finally conceded since they were safely home. Kurt was pleasantly surprised that the ache in his back had dulled and eventually disintegrated altogether on the walk home.
He started to peel his coat off before Blaine stilled his hand with his own, bringing his hand to his lips and kissing it softly, eyes closing as he did.
"Let me." Blaine requested, opening his eyes to take in the flushed face of his boyfriend, who nodded wordlessly at him.
Blaine reached up to unzip the coat the rest of the way, internally vowing to take it to the dry cleaner's s much as needed, despite the cost to restore it to its former appearance. If needed, he'd buy Kurt a new one. Hell, either way, he'll probably buy him a new one.
He gingerly hung it on the coat rack before unbuttoning Kurt's soft shirt, peeling the thin fabric away to reveal Kurt's undershirt.
He carefully pushed Kurt backwards so that he was sitting in the edge of the bed and unlaced his boots, tugging them, along with his socks off.
He looked up at Kurt, needing his approval before removing his slacks, leaving him in merely his undershirt and his red boxers.
"I'll find you some pajamas." Blaine muttered softly before standing from his crouched position, walking to the dresser and finding a pair of silk pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.
Kurt held his hand out for them but Blaine shook his head. "Please let me take care of you?" Blaine whispered, bending to kiss Kurt's forehead before moving the pants up his long, slender legs, pulling the drawstring to make sure that they stayed in place.
"You know I don't really like sleeping in shirts." Kurt broke the silence, a small, tired smile on his face.
"Yeah, I know. It was just in case. If you were cold." Blaine responded casually as Kurt stood up slowly, firmly pressing his still-cold lips to Blaine's parting his lips to taste him.
Blaine hummed softly against his lips before Kurt pulled away, arms still firmly around Blaine's neck. "I'm okay now. Really, I am." He said, staring deeply into the younger boy's eyes, hoping to convey his certainty. "Go get ready for bed. I'll still be here." Kurt said, smiling as Blaine fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable with the notion. "Promise." He added, quirking an eyebrow and Blaine finally nodded because this is the most Kurt thing that his boyfriend has done since he found him.
Blaine quickly finds another pair of pajama bottoms before lying back on the bed, taking Kurt into his arms and breathing deeply, finding safety in his scent.
Blaine internally berates himself because even now, he's looking to Kurt for safety, for security when Blaine is obviously the one that needs protection this time.
Kurt sighed into Blaine's neck before nuzzling it. Blaine merely settled on running his fingers through Kurt's disheveled brown hair, twirling it in places as he massaged his scalp.
"Kurt…" Blaine said hesitantly. "Do you- Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, looking up into his boyfriend's eyes. "You don't have-" Blaine started, worried that he'd offended Kurt somehow.
"Yes." Kurt answered simply, reaching up to caress Blaine's face.
Blaine swallowed, throwing his boyfriend a confused glance. "Yes what?' He asked quietly, leaning into Kurt's hand.
"Yes, I want to talk about it." He elaborated, waiting for the younger boy's nod to continue.
Kurt had managed to inform Blaine of his night in a rather detached, plaintiff manner that he wished he could have mustered earlier.
"That fucking asshole." Blaine intoned darkly, his eyes darkening as he thought of the man that had said those awful things to Kurt, to his Kurt who had already been through so much shit in his life. Far too much shit for a nineteen year old.
"It wasn't that he and such an affect as it was that he just reminded me so much of the stupid McKinley Neanderthals. Dealing with them was hell and suddenly, I was re-living it, Blaine. I got really worked up since there was no one there. Just me and those damn memories." Kurt shuddered visibly.
"Suddenly, I was there again, getting shoved every single passing period, thrown into dumpsters, slushied, ridiculed. It all came back at once." Kurt continued darkly.
"God, I'm sorry Kurt." Blaine's eyes were wide with concern, eyes glistening as he imagined how Kurt must have felt. He hated seeing Kurt scared like that, mostly because Kurt was rarely scared by anything. He took everything headlong and he was always so sure of himself.
"I overreacted. I guess I thought I was over all of that, you know?" Kurt shrugged against him dismissively.
"Kurt, no. You didn't overreact at all. You're allowed to still be affected by this. I'm still affected by that dance all those years ago. I still have nightmares about it. This isn't something you just get over." Blaine shook his head, feeling his face heat up as he went on.
"You still have trouble sleeping? Why didn't you tell me, Blaine?" Kurt frowned at him, his own eyes glistening as well.
"Well, I've been so sleep deprived lately that I've slept peacefully for the last week or so." Blaine dismissed. "Why didn't you tell me that you get panic attacks? Full disclosure, remember?" Blaine hinted at their policy prior to moving to Manhattan.
They had agreed to disclose any information that they felt needed to be known, regardless of embarrassment or awkwardness.
"It just- It slipped my mind since it hasn't happened in such a long time." Kurt offered weakly, knowing that he really should have told Blaine about it. "But problems sleeping, Blaine? Full disclosure." Kurt intoned, realizing that he really did need to monitor Blaine more closely to ensure that he was getting the rest he needed.
"I'm sorry. I just- I've been dealing with it this long, I figured I could handle it, you know?" Blaine let his gaze drop to this sheets as he avoided Kurt's gaze.
Kurt moved to lift Blaine's chin, forcing him to look at him. "Guess we're a pretty screwed up couple, huh?" He chuckled lightly, offering the younger boy a sad smile.
Blaine nodded. "So, you feel any better? I could make you some soup or something." Blaine offered, unable to shake the worry that had taken hold of him ever since that phone call.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It just takes a lot out of me. Uses a lot of energy." He explained with a yawn, marking how difficult it was becoming to keep his eyes open.
"So, why don't you go ahead and sleep this off, hm? Wake me if you need to." Blaine murmured before leaning in o kiss Kurt, allowing the drowsy boy's tongue to slide lazily against his.
Kurt hummed contentedly. "Will do sweetheart but, you need to promise the same, m'kay?" He felt his eyes drift closed as he snuggled closer against Blaine.
"I promise, Kurt. I love you so much." Blaine finally allowed his eyes to shut as well, only then noting that he hadn't slept at all the entire day and was dreadfully tired, even more so now.
"I love you too, baby." Kurt finally fell asleep, knowing that he would sleep peacefully through the night because regardless of what happens in his life, as long as Blaine will be the last thing he sees each night, he'll make it.
So, that's all, folks. I have zero experience with bullies so, I tried my best writing that. I have had panic attacks before, though not to this extent. They were pretty calm compared to this.
This little story has been floating around my head all day and it just wouldn't leave me alone so, here it is. I really do recommend the songs because they're absolutely beautiful in so many ways.
As for any typos, my editing process consisted of me re-reading through this every few pages and having my boyfriend read it as a whole. I think we fixed everything but, if not, our apologies.
Have a great rest of the weekend and feel free to let me know what you think via reviews!
-Alexis