Dear Diary
Isn't it weird how everyone always start like that? As if the diary was a person? I'm not even sure why I do, I know you don't even have a mind… And still I adress you as "you".
Anyway, I'll let my brain rest for a while, even if that is practically impossible too, the brain is always active… I need to pour my heart out, really.
I'd like to add, I won't do that literally!
The thing is… Derek told me he want to tell the others about us, and I'm scared.
This job means everything to me. I have friends there, I have my life there… I can't take the risk of losing it!
I'm trying to think about what's the most important, Derek's happiness or my job. I wonder – can I even compare the two?
I mean I love Derek with every fiber of my being, and I'm not going to argue with that one, even if most fibers in my body can't feel love… It's a mixture of hormones you see… But it does feel like I do love him with every single fibre that makes me who I am. He makes me who I am. Do I make any sense, Diary?
How stupid is this… You're not going to answer me…
But Diary… Without my job, I'm nothing, and without Derek I'm pretty much nothing aswell, so what do I do?
I told him I need some time, and he said that was fine, but he told me we have to tell the others pretty soon.
I'm going to have a glass of whiskey right now. For once I really need a drink.
Yours truly
Spencer
…
The robust floor lamp in the livingroom made the polished leather backs of the dozens of books glimmer in their shelves. It was a little over 9 pm and Spencer Reid sat in his old, large chair with a glass of Blanton's finest whiskey hanging from his fingers.
He stared out into the nothingness of his turned off TV. He had unbuttoned his shirt a bit and rolled up his sleeves. It was nice and warm in the room.
His cell started blinking with it's harsh, blue light and he looked at it as it moved with every vibration on the table. He reached over and took the call. He already knew it was Derek Morgan.
"Doctor Reid" Reid answered. He always did, no matter who it was that called him.
"Hello there" Morgan's voice replied and Reid couldn't help but smile a little. "What you doin' at this time of the day, doctor?"
Reid glanced over at his glass.
"I'm having a drink, Agent Morgan… And you?"
Reid took a sip of the smokey drink.
"You drinkin' all by yourself? Now that must mean something's up" Morgan said. Reid pressed his lips together and cleared his throat.
"No, I'm fine… Just really worn out" he said with a sigh.
"I could come over and rub those worn out shoulders… For a start" Morgan teased. Reid smiled again.
"Thank you, but I'm okay. I'm off to bed soon anyway"
Morgan chuckled.
"Alright, Pretty Boy. I will see you at work tomorrow"
Reid nodded.
"Yes. Will you have coffee ready when I get there?" he asked softly.
"I always have. Don't get too drunk now"
"I promise"
"I love you" Morgan said sweetly. Reid loved the way he said those words.
"I love you too" he replied and they both hung up.
Reid sighed and finished his drink. He could see Strauss in his mind, telling him to pack his things and leave the team. He was scared, but he hadn't told Morgan that. He had said he wanted some time… That was all.
But the truth was he was scared… Really scared. Only the thought of it made a sore lump grow in his throat and after the whiskey it burned even worse.
He took a deep breath and got ready for bed. He knew the nightmares would come, but there was nothing he could do about it.
The so called destiny, wich he did not believe in, had to form the next few days.