Kurt Hummel did not know what to think as he walked down the hallway, hands carefully rapped around the strap of his messenger bag. Usually, he would walk down the hallway with confidence, head held high, and a smile adorning lips. However, today was different. He was on his way to meet Blaine in the common room where they both sang Baby it's Cold Outside before leaving to go home for winter break with their families. As he walked down the hall, he walked with neither confidence, nor his head held high, nor a smile. In fact, he was preparing himself to do something that would change his friendship with Blaine for either good or the worst. He was about to admit his feelings for the other boy.
This thought alone scared the boy and his heart caught in his throat as he saw the door to the common room coming closer. Quickly he stopped and stared at it as if it were about to rip off its hinges and attack him. "What if I ruin yet another relationship with a person I simply adore?"He asked himself, un-noticing the stares he received from other boys walking past him. Out of all the boys in the hallway who walked by staring only two stopped to watch Kurt clearly having a dilemma over something. These two boys were Wes and David.
Both boys were extremely good friends with Kurt after they met him when he came to "spy" on Dalton Academy, when in fact he only came to check out the school.
It concerned them to see Kurt acting this way, and seeing that he was surely not going to be moving anytime soon they decided to see what was wrong with him.
As casually as possible, they continued to walk and talk about their last class and how mad the teacher got when he realized that someone had glued his stapler to his desk – ahemDavidahem. Upon seeing Kurt, they put on their best greeting faces and tapped the boy on his shoulder.
"Hey Kurt," They said cheerfully at the same time, grinning widely. "What's up?"
Their sudden greeting seemed to wake Kurt up from his thoughts, their greeting had almost caused him to fall over and clutching a stitch in his chest, he turned and looked at them.
"You two scared me!" He exclaimed, trying to calm his heart.
"We could say the same to you," Wes stated, crossing his arms over his chest, a smirk adorning his lips. "Are you okay, you looked pretty out of it . . .?"
Kurt stared at both of them, a blush slowly creeping up his cheeks. "I-I'm fine, I-I was just thinking."
"Are you sure? If you need help with something you can talk to us if you'd like," David smiled fully, unlike Wes.
"N-No I think, I think I've got this under control – for now."
"Okay, but if you ever need anyone to talk to, you know where we live," David continued to say but paused for a second. "Let me rephrase that, you know where we are." In addition, after both giving him a gentle pat on the back, they disappeared back into the sea of bodies.
Kurt waited for their heads to disappear before letting out a sigh he had been holding in since he asked them if he was okay. Now as he thought about the reason why he was there in the first place he bit his lip, looked, yet again, to the common room door, and kicked himself, mentally. "You can do this," He told himself as he took the last few steps to the door. "You have made it this far. What more can you do but try?"With those last thoughts of hope and encouragement, he opened the door.
To his utter dismay, no one was in the room. Letting out a groan of frustration, he closed the door and walked over to couch, carefully placing his bag onto the cushion next to him, plopping down onto the cool leather.
"This would only happen to you." He grumbled to himself, covering his face with his hands as he tried to calm himself.
"What would only happen to you?" A voice suddenly asked causing Kurt to jump, yet again. His head snapped into the direction of the voice and he immediately went wide eyed at the sight of Blaine sitting in the corner of the room, quiet amused with Kurt.
"What is it with people scaring me?" He asked, answering Blain's question with a question.
"So I wasn't your first?"
This question caused Kurt to blush at how strange it sounded. Stupid brain and it comparing it to everything it could possibly not mean. "Yeah, David and Wes beat you."
"Well, sorry for scaring you," Blaine told him with a smile as a gathered his large amount of books and papers. "I didn't know if you saw me or not," He continued to say, taking a seat on the couch opposite of Kurt and placing his things on the coffee table. "Now I know."
Kurt felt embarrassed at how suddenly he assumed he was alone. At least he did not say everythinghe had been thinking at the time. Even though he was relieved at this, he was still worried about how he was going to approach at admitting everything without freaking Blaine out. Okay, freaking him out was inevitable but at least he could attempt at keeping things simple.
Snapped out of his thoughts by Blaine who dropped his book on the floor when attempting to organize his things Kurt turned to his own bag and started to pull out his books. He might as well start on his report for Mr. Rimier (who happened to be the only teacher to give homework on a Friday night). With one last glance at Blaine, Kurt opened his textbook and spiral notebook and began, what seemed to be, a never-ending paper.
Blaine Anderson could not help but feel as if something were up as he sent an occasional glance over at Kurt. For the past forty minutes both of them had been working but Blaine could feel something in the room and would occasionally take his eyes off his book and glance around the room – his eyes landing on the boy seated in front of him.
A blind man could sense the frustration, tension, and confusion radiating off Kurt as if it were a fire. Blaine certainly could feel the flames but he could not explain the reason for their being or how they began but after a while, a thought crept into his mind that something was going to displace. He did not know whether this was good or bad.
As if reading his mind Kurt let out a sigh before snapping his book shut and tossing it onto the seat next to him. Running his hands over his face, he let out a deep breath before looking up at Blaine once more.
Kurt could not take it anymore, and even though he was unprepared and had no clue what he was doing he was determined to get this off his chest before he would completely lose his mind. Blaine was sitting right in front of him and if he did not take a chance now . . . He did not want to think about what would happen, not at all.
Looking up he was not surprised to see Blaine watching him, confusion and concern clearly displayed across his face. Kurt closed his eyes for a few moments, thinking of as many good and happy thoughts as possible before opening them again to meet Blaine's beautiful hazel eyes.
"Kurt . . ." Blaine began to say, pausing for a few moments, unsure of what Kurt's reaction was going to be. "Are you okay?"
Kurt practically flew off the couch and began pacing the room, this sudden action actually scared Blaine and he slowly leaned his back against the couch.
"Everyone has been asking me that question all day and I have been dying to answer it but I can never seem to find the right thing to say, especially if it's someone close to me," He began to babble at 1,000 miles per hour. Continuing to walk back and forth he made hand gestures as if he were trying to work out all of the – neither of them knew what it maybe. "But in all honesty I am not okay, everything is not okay. No. This has nothing to do with my old school or bullies,"
"Actually this has to do with you," He looked at Blaine who gave him a confused expression. "I don't know how to explain this but I will say everything until it makes some sense." He stopped and looked into the empty fireplace, hands behind his back, looking serious before, once again, pacing the floor. "For years I have been making mistakes, when it comes to certain things. When you first met me, I was falling apart and I was lost, unknowing of what to do, or who to turn to. Ever since I met you I have not been as lost, I have not been as afraid. Nevertheless, I do not want to keep tricking myself or making up things in my head because that is neither fair to you or me. Blaine, I-I don't know how to say this, and I certainly do not know how you will react, especially to me, b-but," Kurt stopped walking abruptly in front of the window and leaned against the window frame helplessly as he watched the wind move the branches of the trees. "I-I-I can't describe them to you but – I have feelings for you." He whispered out the last part, loud enough for Blaine to hear.
The room was silent as Kurt stood with his back to Blaine, he couldn't even see his reaction. Kurt didn't want to feel the fear he felt; he wanted to be able to breathe, but now that the truth was finally out he felt as if he were suffocating.
Blaine sat, staring wide eyed at the boy before him. What was he supposed to think? How was he supposed to react? He had never had anyone confront him about their feelings, especially another boy. However, without another word, he stood up from his seat on the couch, gathered his things, and left the room. He didn't know whether this was the right decision to attempt at not messing up his friendship with Kurt but as he looked back all Blaine could see was the of shock and hurt on Kurt's face, which had told him that he had messed up - big time.
"Fuck," Blaine said to himself as he sunk to the floor, back against his dorm door, and head in his hands. For the past hour he had been receiving threatening texts from David and Wes about how messed up Kurt is because of him. Blaine felt like such a douche bag for just leaving like he did, without a word, without a reaction. He made it seem as if he hated Kurt with his actions. "Why am I so stupid?" He grumbled to himself. Running his fingers through his curls causing them to come loose from the gel that held them together.
How was he supposed to apologize to Kurt, for his stupid reaction? If he hadn't been so retarded he wouldn't be asking this question. Everything would be fine. Blaine would have told Kurt how he felt and both of them would be happy.
Picking up his phone off the floor next to him, Blaine scrolled through his contacts. Finding David's number he took a deep breath before clicking send.
"This is going to be one long night . . ." He thought to himself as David didn't waste a second of time after picking up to yell at Blaine.
Kurt stared at his bedroom ceiling, unable to actually see it, due to the fact the tears would not stop falling. After Blaine left him standing in the Common Room, alone, he immediately broke down. Not even five minutes later David and Wes burst into the room, happy as always, until they saw him curled up on the floor under the window. Both of them managed to convince Kurt to let David carry him back to his room, and have him explain, where things were more private.
At first both David and Wes were shocked, when he finished explaining the event, however, that shock quickly turned to anger and they said that they would come back to check on him before leaving the room.
He wished that he could just reverse time and stop himself from making the biggest mistake in the world. If he hadn't been so convinced that everything was going to be fine things wouldn't have turned out to be the way they were. Full of sadness he rose from his bed, still wearing his uniform, he didn't bother looking in the mirror before leaving his dorm.
Slowly he walked down the hallways towards the Warblers' practice room, staring at his feet the entire time. Not a soul was in sight as he entered the room. Taking a seat at the baby grand piano in the corner of room he wiped a few excess tears away before slowly starting to play.
"He put it on me, I put it on, Like there was nothing wrong. It didn't fit, It wasn't right. Wasn't just the size. They say you know, When you know. I don't know." The tears slowly fell as he poured his heart out in the words, heart aching under the weight. "I didn't feel the fairy-tale feeling, no. Am I stupid girl for even dreaming that I could?"
"If it's not like the movies, that's how it should be, yeah. When he's the one, I'll come undone, and my world with stop spinning and that's just the beginning, yeah," A sob managed to escape his chest but he continued to sing. "Snow white said when I was young, "One day my prince will come." So I wait for the date. They say it's hard to meet your match, find my better half. So we make perfect shapes. If stars don't align, If it doesn't stop time, If you can't see the sign, wait for it. One hundred percent, with every penny spent. He'll be the one that, finishes your sentences . . . "
It didn't seem as if he was breathing he was crying so hard, but his voice continued to sound beautiful, soothing, so full of emotion that anyone who heard him down the hallway stopped to listen. "If it's not like the movies, that's how it should be. When he's the one, he'll come undone, and my world will stop spinning, and that's just the beginning."
Voice becoming rougher, yet controlled, he punctured each word with seriousness. "'Cause I know you're out there, And your, your looking for me. It's a crazy idea that you were made perfectly for me, you'll see," But his voice became gentle and sweet. "Just like the movies. That's how it will be. Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending. It's not like the movies, but that's how it should be. When he's the one, you'll come undone, and your world will stop spinning . . . and it's just the beginning . . ."
Abruptly the music stopped and he rested his head against the piano, sobs racking his body as he whispered a question to himself over and over again, "Why am I not good enough? . . . Why am I not good enough? . . ."
The next day Blaine was sitting on his bed, frowning as he thought over things. The night before he had gone to meet Wes and David to talk about everything and was passing the Warbler practice room when he heard Kurt's emotional rendition of Katy Perry's song, Not Like the Movies. It physically hurt him to hear Kurt in so much pain and know that Blaine himself had caused it.
In twenty minutes they were going to have Warbler practice to prepare for regional's, but Blaine stared at the numbers that slowly ticked away and felt his heart grow heavier and heavier as the time went by. With five minutes left he got up from his bed, smoothed out the wrinkles in his uniform and left his dorm.
There were a few stragglers entering the room when he arrived and took his place in the corner, almost away from everyone, casually leaning against the wall. Many of the members turned to look at him, confused. Usually his face would be graced with a smile but a clear frown was on his face as he stood, staring at the wall ahead of him. Quickly they all turned to look at Kurt on the couch who stared at his feet, looking tired and exhausted. Furrowing their eyebrows together they seemed to be trying to put two and two together but eventually just came to the conclusion that something must have happened between the two, which was an underestimation. However, moving along . . .
After David and Wes both took their places at the table in the front of the room they needed not to attempt at silencing the room, for it was, already, silent. This didn't surprise anyone, especially David, Wes, Kurt, and Blaine, they all could feel the tension in the air.
Clearing his throat David stood before the group attempting to put a smile on his face, and even though he succeeded in placing on on his face it did not reach his eyes.
"Today we are going to start things a bit - a bit different," David began to say looking over at Blaine who refused to look at him. "Blaine has requested to sing a song before the group," David glanced over at Kurt, who also refused to look back. "You may take the center floor, Blaine."
Stiffly Blaine walked to the corner of the room, next to the piano and picked up his guitar, that he had left in the room the previous night before. Putting the strap over his shoulder and adjusting it to comfort him, he licked his lips before finding the heart to look up at the group of boys who were watching him curiously.
Smoothly and meticulously he plucked the strings. With all of his heart, mind, and soul he began to sing . . .
"When the world gets too heavy, put it on my back, I'll be your levy. You are taking me apart, like bad glue on a get well card," Blaine watched as Kurt slowly lifted his eyes from the floor and looked up at him. Looking into each others eyes Blaine poured out his heart. "It was always you falling for me, now there's always time calling for me. I'm the light blinking at the end of the road, blink back to let me know."
Tears filled Blaine's eyes as he had to control himself from looking away from Kurt.
"I'm a fly that's trapped in a web but I'm thinking that my spiders dead. Lonely, lonely little life, I could kid myself in thinking that I'm fine," Kurt could barely breathe and clutched the arm of the couch. "It was always you falling for me. Now there's always time calling for me. I'm the light blinking at the end of the road, blink back to let me know."
Unable to look Kurt in the eye, any longer, Blaine closed his eyes. "That I'm skin and bone, just a king and rusty throne. Oh the castle's under siege, but the sign outside says 'leave me alone,'"Opening his eyes Blaine wasted no time in finding Kurt's.
"It was always you falling for me. Now there's always time calling for me. I'm the light blinking at the end of the road, blink back to let me know.Kurt didn't even notice tears were pouring down his face.
"It was always you, blink back to let me know," Wearily Blaine smiled, happiness in his eyes, once again. "It was always you.
It was as if everyone knew that the two boys needed to be alone because everyone slowly backed to the door, watching the two staring at each other. After Wes and David forced everyone out of the room they glanced at the pair one last time before exiting.
The silence was hopeful as the two sat, continuing to stare. Neither of them knew what to say but Blaine knew what he had to do.
"Kurt, I am so sorry for what I did to you yesterday," Blaine's apology barely came out above the whisper but Kurt heard it loud and clear. "I was so stupid. I-I knew I should have told you but I've never had someone tell me that they like me. Usually it is the other way around. You have every right to be angry at me and to never want to speak to me again but I-I just want you to know that I am s-o sorry for what I did. That song was my way of saying - it was always you. It really has . . . I just wish I hadn't messed it up." Pulling the strap over his head he gently placed the guitar where it once was and went to leave the room, he had done all he could do. As he passed Kurt's rigid, sitting figure on the couch a hand suddenly shot out and grabbed his wrist.
Stopping in his tracks Blaine looked down at Kurt. Kurt stared back at him with so many mixed emotions. Blaine was unsure of what he was thinking. Slowly Kurt stood from his sitting position on the couch, still holding onto Blaine's wrist.
"You really mean it?" Kurt asked, only loud enough for Blaine to hear, staring into those gorgeous hazel eyes.
"With all my heart," Blaine said gently slipping his already taken wrist into Kurt's hand, squeezing it slightly. Slowly he leaned forward and kissed the somewhat taller boy on the lips. Pulling back slightly he whispered against the other boy's lips. "I love you Kurt Hummel."