Disclaimer: Is Calvin still with Olivia? Is Elliot still married? Is Dani Beck still alive? Then obviously I don't own…
Olivia sighed as she opened her desk drawer to grab her keys and hit the road. She ran her fingers through her hair, a stressful and nervous habit for the insecure parental figure at the moment. She wrapped her charcoal sweater around her body a little bit tighter, trying to keep a barrier between her and the bitterly cold, biting New York winter air. At this exact moment, she felt like disappearing into her attire completely for unsteadiness and awkwardness on the subject of discipline.
Calvin had gotten into a fight at school. Little Calvin Arliss, the sweet child staying with her, no, the sweet child she had custody of, had gotten into a fight at school. And Olivia hadn't a clue what to do about it.
Sure, she worked with setting people straight every day. She worked with laying down the law and being strict with people who needed a piece of her mind and to be reminded of what was appropriate and what was not. But that was easy. She didn't have to live with them. She just had to prove what they did wrong, put them in handcuffs, and babysit them for awhile before shipping them off to the lawyers to complete the steps. They were the scum of the earth, adults that knew what they were doing. Her responsibility however, was quite a different story.
She knew she had to talk some sense in the kid, tell him he was wrong for fighting, tell him she was disappointed, and tell him that it wasn't to happen again. But just saying that didn't even begin to cover the emotions and the connections that were supposed to go in this relationship. She still wouldn't know how he felt, and just simple going through the motions and pre-judging him without even knowing his side of the story would make him shut down, lash out, and not trust her with especially important things.
Then again if she starting off letting him control the conversation, he could manipulate her into thinking whatever he was saying, truth or not. Then he could think that he could get away with anything without consequence and play her until he was out of control and not within reach anymore. Seeing him become destructive would hurt just as bad as him being scared or afraid of her.
These were the times which she wished she had more experience with children and the little things in life that had to deal with them. She could tell you an exact formula that worked most of the time with kids that experienced lots of trauma and extreme and dire situations regarding almost anything, but having to hands-on raise one herself, a preteen boy especially, by herself, an adult woman, was a lethal combination, made even more dangerous by the fact their history only spanned back to a matter of days.
She felt like she was failing as a person, failing for Calvin, failing for Vivian, letting them all down. She trusted her to be there for her son, yet she couldn't even find the nerve or the answer on what to do when the tiniest problem arose. And Calvin expected and needed her to always be there for him. So many people so many times had let him down. He had finally begun to trust somebody, and if that somebody was too cowardly or confused to even associate with him properly, then maybe he shouldn't have trusted her so much.
She thought back to the picture on the refrigerator door, just a token of the pride she felt for her newly adopted boy in her heart. She remembered how the neat, bold printing mixed his first name with her last, an example of the trust and adornment he felt for her. She knew that she loved him back just as much. She knew she loved him more than he could ever know. What she didn't know was how to show it.
How do you mix your feelings of love with feelings of doing the right thing for him? What was the right thing for him? Was the correct thing really to be with her right now, or would someone else be better qualified and suited to give him a stable home? Was she being selfish for wanting a child so badly it hurt, and now having one she loved him so much it was making her delirious and threatening to suffocate her? Did he want to be there with her, or was he just trying to make her feel better, make the lonely, pathetic, single woman feel better about herself by not running? Was is wrong to feel so attached to the child that when she saw him, she felt a magnetic pull of her love, seeing her own heart walking around? What was right and would she ever know?
It went deeper than just the fact of the fight, but this battle would be a turning point in the war. It would help her decide if she was fit to be a parent at all.
After all of the thoughts were done rushing through her head, after the questions had calmed down considerably, she realized that she had walked all the way to the place she'd been dreading to arrive at. Wanting desperately to turn around, she inwardly pushed that thought aside and took the last few steps into the brick building with no game plan, the intention to ad-lib, fake her way though, and have a lot riding on a couple of minutes.
SVU
Pushing through the doors of the Jr. High, Olivia's nostrils were overwhelmed by the unique smell of school and nostalgia. She smelled the familiar bleach smell mixed with the scent of cafeteria that smelled the same everyday despite a wide array and palate of foods prepared. She heard shoes squeaking on the surface of the tile floors mixed with a dull toot of a gym coach whistle from the physical education class going on a few doors down. She was hypnotized by the endless, repeating pattern of alternating horizontal and vertical grey and black freshly waxed tiles.
She tiptoed through the large, empty hallway on legs of a newborn pony, being here only once before to register Calvin, seeing that she and Vivian lived in different school districts. She tried to remember the way to the principal's office when thankfully she felt déjà vu seeing an odd-shaped water fountain, a sure sign she was going the right direction and would be at the boss' workplace soon.
Sighing in relief, she opened the door housing a nameplate that read: Ms. Kellie Mason, only to reveal a slouched over tall, skinny girl with thick makeup and a 'who cares' attitude, obnoxiously chewing on a piece of gum, about to fall asleep, a chubby looking boy with an icepack on his head and a scowl on his red-freckled face, and a pale girl with thick-rimmed black glasses, heaving and coughing. Just when she was officially confused, a woman popped out behind a wooden desk.
"Hello there, can I help you with something?" She asked her dark, caramel hair and brown eyes beaming with delight. She looked thrilled to be at her job, and happily and carefully stapling together packets of paper.
"Yes, I'm here for Calvin. I got a call earlier saying that there'd been a confrontation earlier."
Her eyes darkened slightly, but not a cynical, looking-down-on-you sort of way. She looked almost sympathetic. "Ah, yes, Ms. Mason is talking to him in her office right now. Oh, here he comes now," she said pointing to the connecting door now creeping open by Calvin's youthful hand. Everyone turned to look at him, finding some sort of entertainment in the otherwise bland, uneventful room. He, however, had the opposite effect. He kept his eyes down, one of them starting to turn a purplish color, and picking at a small bleeding spot on his right arm.
No one said something for a few moments until Olivia looked at the assistant. "Are we free to go?"
"Oh," she said snapping out of her staring daze at the young so-called perpetrator, "yes, of course. As for what the grounds for discipline will be, Ms. Mason probably wrote a note for Calving to give to you on that, but listen," she said leaning in closer and lowering her voice, "don't go to hard on him."
Not knowing why this woman she'd never met was defending Calvin, she was somewhat confused as to why she would say this, but she decided to take it into consideration. She needed all the help she could get, right? She nodded at the lady and gave her a slight smile.
"Let's go," she said to Calvin as she walked over to the vulnerable-looking kid, and laying a hand on his shoulder for the double purpose of comfort and control.
"I meant what I said earlier, and don't think I'm going to let you and your filthy mother get away with this," the freckled boy said.
Olivia felt Calvin stop underneath her grasp, and could almost feel his blood grow cold and his muscles tense. Before she knew what was happened she felt the skin beneath her pounce and the shoulder blades fly out from under her. A split second later, before she could even process what was happening; she wrapped her arms around the boy's midsection, harnessing him from further destruction. His arms and legs flailed everywhere, but Olivia stayed strong, pulling him into her so he could not escape, attempting to pin his out of control limbs flying everywhere.
"Leave my mom out of this! She's none of your business you big idiot!" Calvin screamed. As he yelled, Olivia could feel the vibration of his hollers and the sobs he was choking back violently in his throat.
"That's enough," Olivia said, trying to sound calm, pleading Calvin to stop squirming around.
"I can't let him get away with this again!" Calvin said, rather irrationally, pushing harder and harder, trying to get a hold of taunting boy.
Olivia tightened her grip one last time, "that's enough!" she said more forcefully this time. His body went limp from exhaustion, his breath still quick from the struggle that just took place. When she felt it safe, she loosened her hold on Calvin, setting him back on his feet, in shock. "Come on," she said, returning her hands to his shoulders yet again. She saw the boy snicker as she indirectly reprimanded Calvin, begging him internally not to say anything or do anything back. Luckily Calvin telepathically got the message, or was too worn out to do anything and the duo walked out into the hallway again.
"What was that all about?" Olivia asked as they walked slowly down the hall. His breathing was still thick and rapid. "Hey, calm down, take a deep breath, and tell me what happened," she said.
"What does it matter? After this I'm going to have to leave anyway," Calvin said, wiping his eyes, his voice high and nasally from the mucus building up from the tears.
"Wait, what now?" Olivia asked.
"Excuse me ma'am," she heard a small voice call from behind her and a tug on her sweater and a tap so small and gentle it had to be from a child.
She whipped around to come face to face with a short little girl with long, straight brown hair and huge green eyes. "Yes, sweetie? Who are you." she said, kneeling down to better be able to talk to the tiny girl.
"Keely," she said bashfully. "Don't be mad at Calvin. Calvin's nice. David is who started fighting and Calvin just tried to save himself," she said shyly.
"And what makes you say that?" Olivia asked.
"Because I was there. David saw a heart in Calvin's pocket and said mean things to him and pushed him down. He tried to steal the thing from his pocket and Calvin pushed him off and David punched him," she said.
"Oh, I see. Well, Keely, thank you for telling me that. I appreciate it very much. Now shouldn't you go to class?" Olivia said kindly, standing up.
"Yeah. I'm in the second grade," she said proudly.
"Wow! That's sounds like fun. Now run along, you wouldn't want to miss anything," she winked at the little girl, patting her on the back, sending her on her way.
As the petite youngster skipped away, Olivia turned back to Calvin.
"What was in your pocket?" she asked.
Calving reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver heart locket with a cursive 'V' ensconced inside. She pressed her fingers together to see a picture of a young-looking Vivian and a baby Calvin. Her heart sunk a bit, realized just how much of an impact his mothers disappearance had on him. He barely ever mentioned her if he even talked at all.
"He called me a girl for having it, and he told me that my mom was a slut," Calvin said, tears forming in his eyes. "He said that it was people like her that sent his father to jail. He said if people were stupid and gross enough to buy drugs then why shouldn't his dad sell him? He told me my mother and I screwed up his whole family. Olivia, I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't ask for his dad to go to prison," he starting crying.
Olivia reached over and enveloped him in a hug, kneeling to reach him. "Of course you didn't, honey. It isn't your fault," she said, rubbing his back, scratching it gently with her fingernails. How someone could put children through there sick games was unbeknownst to her. "Now what was that about you leaving her earlier," she said pulling away and raising an eyebrow.
"I thought that if I wasn't behaving well you wouldn't want me to stay with you," he said.
"You really thought something like this would make me not want you anymore?" she asked, hurt he didn't trust her enough for unconditional love.
He shrugged.
"Baby, I'll want you no matter what. And you are not going anywhere," she said, smiling at him, him returning the favor.
"Especially now," she said standing up and grabbing his hand, starting towards the door, "you know you have to be grounded right? For the little outburst in the office? I realize where you're coming from but I can't just let that go. You get it, right?" she hoped he'd understand.
"Yeah, I understand. I was just so mad. And I felt bad for him for not having a dad or anyone really. At least I have you," he said, making Olivia smile internally.
"Right. So, no videogames or TV for five days, alright?" she said.
"Sounds okay," he said, monotone, a bit disappointed.
"Okay, just don't let this happen again, all right? I'm getting too old for all this drama."
"You're a cop, you live for drama."
"True, but not when it involves my favorite dude," she said, smiling and ruffling his hair, trusting everything would be okay for now.
Author's note: I realize I have an actually story to be writing, but watching Rescue today I realize NBC screwed us out of an awesome Calvin/Olivia bonding scene. Did she handle it correctly do you think? Was Olivia fair? I hope you liked it! (Sorry for any spelling or grammar, I wrote this all in one sitting and I'm a bit fried. My bad for anything inaccurate or glaring writing errors.) REVIEW! Thanks! =)