Title: Happy New Year
Author: myself
Pairing:01x03
Warnings: lime/lemon
Disclaimers: Don't own GW or anything else but the wired idea.
Special Thanks to Tsuki for the great beta-work!
I stretch again. A short glare at the clock— I slept really late today. But it's no wonder; I read a good book last night and that take it's time.
"Mhm, lovely." Still a bit sleepy I try to free myself of my sheets. Today is the last day of this year and that leads me to a big problem. Duo and Quatre planned a party for tonight. The worst thing imaginable is seeing myself in that mess. Hmm, the best thing about being up late is the fact that I could block the bathroom for a while.
I headed to the stairs. Breakfast would be a good thing.
I can feel it. I can feel the pressure in the air. Everybody around me is so nervous about this day. Even I feel a bit like that. Maybe it was time to take a look at Heavyarms.
In one smooth move I grab my blue coat and the long dark-green scarf. It was the x-mas present from my friends. My friends? Well, maybe.
A small shiver runs down my neck as I duck myself deeper into the warmth of my clothes. My breath turns white in the cold air. The heavy wet snow crunches under my boots. I love that sound. You have to be quiet to hear it, maybe that is the reason I love it so much.
The house stands about 15 minutes— by foot— away from the hangar. Just a little bit up the hill. There was no town or anything like that around. Only the old little house and the hangar inside the hill. House? Well, it's more something like a cabin but it serves our needs.
"I am back my friend."
I don't know why, but Heavyarms is the one thing that is close to me as a friend. Not that I don't like the other pilots or that I don't 'trust' them, but … I don't even know. I can't get my finger on it. They are so different to me.
My right hand touches the cool metal of 03's Feet. "You are the only thing I have to myself" I say, and even that isn't exactly true. I feel a small grin appear on my face. The only thing, except the coat, the scarf and the gloves, that I had received as a x-mas present. It's weird. The Gundam, the presents, even the friendly feelings of the others were not addressed to me. They belong to Trowa Barton, a dead man!
"I've got to go, boy. I don't think I'll need you for a while."
It is odd but OZ seems to respect most of the 'higher holidays'. No fighting at Easter, Christmas, New Year, and most of the high Jewish holidays. Double payment at Sunday or what ever your 'spiritual pray-day' is. I was surprised at it when I snuck around their bases. It was nice, but odd! Maybe our mercenary unit was too small, but none of us had a day free because of spiritual needs.
Out of the old hanger, the place where Heavyarms rested. The weather was still good. Cool but sunny. I try to get deeper into my turtleneck and throw the scarf around my neck. The small cabin looked like a place out of an x-mas-card and not like a hideout of five young fighters.
I don't know why, but I felt sad. Since the x-mas season began, I could feel something like that. Just a few month ago my friends— are they?— found me and gave me the way back to my life, the way it was, anyway, before Quatre blew me out a space. I still have some problems remembering my past. Somehow, Wufei seems to be the only person who does not handle me like a thin piece of glass. Duo feels just sorry for me because I lost the only think I had: my memories.
But Quatre and Heero? They each have some strange kind of self-guilt. Quatre for taking my life and blowing away my past and Heero…well I think he couldn't find out who he's more pissed off at: himself, me or Quatre.
Me? I was just a fool not to fight at full-power. I had to, or just retreat before being blown away. But no…
He thought he saw his best friend die. And all I could do was just being alive after all. Yes… That's pretty much enough to hate someone.
Quatre would be easy. He was the one who blew up a whole colony and tried to kill us both. God, that little creature is a living feeling of guilt since I met him again. He is always coming up to me, worrying about me and my feelings. I feel so sorry for him. Maybe Heero does also.
Himself because he could not help me while I drowned in space. Even now, I don't remember a lot about him, but from what they all told me, we were both some kind of best friends. I drove around with him when he apologizes to Noventas family. I was the one who helped him make his chance to get into the Mecha-program at OZ. Sometimes, I think, if he finds who he really hate the most, he will kill that person, no matter who it is!
As my mind wandered, my feet did the same. I don't know why, but they guided me to a place higher up the hill. The dark forest allowed me a simple walk; not much snow, no wind and no sounds. Just my constant breathing. Somehow… I feel a little bit free.
After a while, the forest ends and I step out. The outlook was breathtaking. The small clearing ended right at a very steep side of the hill. The hangar and the cabin where out of sight, but the nearly untouched snow covered landscape spread out below and all around me. Just the beauty and peace of this all meant the world to me.
As my eyes wandered through the peaceful landscape, I settled myself on top of a fallen over tree that was lying across the clearing's edge. Was it quite so bad that I lost my memories?
To count on my dreams, there is a lot I could be happy not remembering anymore. Sure, there are moments I feel sad about it. But why?
Is it just because sometimes Duo jokes about missing me? Or is it the feeling of being an outsider? Was I an outsider before? Is it because sometimes they all walk around me like I am terminally ill? Why? I am not ill— I just lost something.
Okay, it was my life –so to say- but I recovered. A lot.
Maybe it could be a chance. A chance to become a real person; maybe the real Trowa Barton? I don't know. All I know that all my weird thinking is just because this year will be gone in a few hours.
I don't belief in new-year's resolutions. Or do I!
It's all so beautiful. Why must there by war? Pain? Hunger? Hate? It could just be so nice. Only me, the wind, the snow and the low sounds of the wood. As the daylight turned, the colour and the appearance of the whole landscape changed. More colourful and bright, it passed over to darkness and peace.
"Trowa?"
In shock, I turned my head. The bright light of the full moon— reflected by the pure white snow— had caught me. I didn't even notice that the day passed out and the full mask of night was already there.
"Heero?" God, my voice was even more miserable than ever. As the young man walked over to me, I trie to remember how long I'e been up here. I had no clue!
"It's cold."
"Yes." And hell, he's much better protected than me. He wore his down-coat and black thermo-trousers. Not like me. That was the point that I realized I couldn't feel my feet, nose, ears or …okay, anything except the cold! "Nice to remind me."
A contemptuous glare. I don't know myself why I said that! Sometimes I think there is something about Heero Yuy that awakes an odd kind of humour deep down in my soul. I can't explain it.
"Quatre is going nuts. You left hours ago."
"Poor boy. I didn't want to make him worry. I just …thought."
Heero turned to me, his deep blue eyes seeming to search my face. "You are to kind."
"Why?"
His eyes connect with mine. "You really can't remember?"
Something more cold than the wind ran through my body. I swallowed hard. Remember? His eyes searched my soul. I felt it and it scared me a bit.
Before I could ask why he was there, his lips— gentle— rested on mine for a moment. Then he pulled away again. As cold as I felt, a spark of fire rolled over my body. Was there something else to remember? Yes— of course, there is something, but what?
Again Heero took the initiative. His arms wrapped around my chest, his face burying into my scarf. I could feel his sadness. Maybe that was it— it was not guilt but sadness that forced him to stay out of my way for the last few weeks.
"I hate him." His low voice sounds exhausted and stressed.
"Don't. I think he hates himself more than you could."
"Hn. Maybe that's the reason to let him live."
I held my breath in shock. I never expected that. My mind started to cry out and do some kind of 'flip-flop'— Heero hated Quatre so much as to kill him. But he kissed me. And it was not the first time he did. Losing memories can be complicated! My body may very well be stronger than my mind, because it seemed to remember something my mind only hinted at. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my cold face in his soft hair. There was something familiar about it. "Please… tell me!"
"You're cold. We should leave."
What could I say against it? Maybe… 'I can't feel my legs'. No, he is right, as usual— I had to warm up and walking around at least helped me with thinking.
"Okay," I said, "but you have to tell me. I want to remember, please." I normally hate to ask for something, but…
Heero stepped back. Again, his eyes searched me. A small and helpless nod was all he gave me. As Heero and I walked down the hill, he started to talk. His simple and plain explanations didn't sound that emotional, but maybe it was just his way of protecting himself. I tried to stop that train of thought and concentrate as he continued.
"…so it took a few weeks, but I learned a lot. I fed the animals with you and you showed me some tricks. We shared a lot of time together. First, I thought it was part of your mission. Because you were afraid that I could tell someone that you and I are Gundam-pilots, but soon I was not sure. We had gotten to know to each other." Heeros voice turned sad again: "I discovered how to make you smile."
He paused, pain passing across his face. "Then, there was one day without a show. I fed and brushed the donkey. I loved him— he was such a grateful and reassuring animal. I told you that his hair fell just like yours, over one eye and that you could go for brothers. You laughed. That was the first time in my life that someone got a joke I told. And it was you— the man who could not even smile— that laughed at it. But, more irritating was the moment you stop laughing. You gripped my arm and kissed me. Just as soft as I did today." He stopped, silent.
How strange… I dreamed about the circus, so often, and after that dreaming I was normally not so sad and lonely. Was it those memories of Heero and the time we spent there?
It took me some time to realize that we reached the cabin. Just a few meters and the spell that made him told me all would be gone. The only thing I could think of was to grab him and force him to tell me all. I reached out and closed my blue, frozen fingers around his wrist. He turned his face, but refused to look at me.
"You can't remember that time," he whispered. "We shared so much. It was not easy for me. You were so gentle never pushing and by the time my injuries healed we become more than friends. And now?" His shame passed as his eyes met mine. "I hate him, Trowa. I can't say why I didn't kill him. Maybe because I know he lives in painful guilt or because he helped me or … I think I am too selfish. I am sad and angry because of what I lost. Not because of what he did to you."
I can see a soft water shine in his eyes. Please, not tears. I can't handle them— not with Heero. An odd feeling shook my entire body, and all I could do was give in. By the time one tear began its path down Heero's cheek, my lips were already touching his. Just a moment, but it felt so right, so good.
"I think it would be better to you to go first. Quatre and Duo would be all over me." I don't know why, but I am smiling! As I thought, good to have a body— it remembers better than a brain.
"Trowa, where have you been? Are you alright? God, you are an ice cube!" Quatre didn't give me the time to answer. "You need some warm blankets and a hot drink. You'll get a cold."
"Give him a chance. He needs to get rid of that coat and the scarf." Duo laughed, trying to clam Quatre down.
I allowed my mind to check out. Nothing I said or did would settle them down, so I waited for them to get it over with. They took my scarf and my coat and tried to pull me out of my boots. Fools, I was still standing on my feet! I shook my head and sat down. The air in the kitchen felt so damn hot!
A shot of pain runs hit me as the two tried to pry off my boots. I hoped my toes didn't have frost bite— it was the last thing I would need. Before Duo and Quatre came to a decision about what I was supposed to drink, Heero stepped back into the kitchen. Already dressed in dry clothes, he glared at Quatre as usual. The small blond boy jerked under his eyes. I guessed that he didn't know the whole story about Heero and me but… Shit, he knew that we were close friends, so he felt sorry for ripping me away from Heero! Poor boy…
"Leave him alone. He needs more than a hot drink. He needs a shower or a bath!"
Quatre nodded. What else could he do? Before thinking I hear my own voice: "A warm shower would be good. And, Quatre, will you make me some of that nice cinnamon tea?"
The blond tried to smile but it couldn't reach his eyes: "Sure, what ever you want!"
I nodded. I felt so odd. My body burnt but from the cold; the warm air didn't make it any easier to handle.
The small room I slept in was unheated, but to my blue and red skin even the air in there burnt. Slowly, I pulled myself out of my clothes and searched for somewhere fresh and warm. The bathroom was cool and I started my shower, starting with cold water, adding more and more hot. It took a while till I could feel my toes and my ears again. The water burnt at my skin like liquid needles.
I can not even guess the time I spent under the shower but it helped me. At least I could feel my toes again.
"The tea."
I nearly jumped out of my clothes. Or, to be exact, out of my boxers and the big towel around my shoulders. "Heero?"
He lifted his head to me and gave me a sad smile as he got up from my bed. "I was just about to bring you the tea." His voice lowered. "Are you alright?"
God, he looked so lonely, so sad and hurt. But there was something else, not only pity. It …it felt odd and right at the same time. Just like the kisses we shared. Before he could pass me by, I took my chance and grabbed him.
"Are you alright, Heero?"
Again he wrapped his arms around me. He shook his head.
"Why?"
"I miss you, Trowa. It hurts so much."
"What hurts you so much?" I wrapped my arms around him and it gave me more heat and life than a whole ocean of hot water could do!
"Not to be with you, not to love you, but always being around you." I could hear him swallow his tears. It hurt me. I wanted to see him cry for me… No, not exactly. I want to see him smile, see him happy but all kind of emotions that Heero would be able to give me would make me a better person. It was odd but it seemed so right.
I kissed his soft hair. I didn't move. I wanted him to stay with me like that.
"Heero?" He tried to pull away. I tightened my arms. "You can cry if you want to. I am with you."
A million for his thoughts! But it took something between 2 seconds and eternity till he relaxed. "Sure?"
"Yes. I don't remember what happened, but I want to be here with you now! Is that alright with you?"
A small nod, then he pulled away. "You'll get cold again."
"Not if you share your heat with me." I think of it as a joke, but Heero? I could feel him pulling me to the bed. Wait, isn't that a bit too fast? I knew that teenage hormones are disastrous to the mind, but I had some problems connecting that knowledge to Heero! But, even if he was the perfect soldier, he was also a teenager. And at that moment he was…God, who showed him that?
His tongue circled down my throat, a hot wave washing through my body. He softly sucked at the sensitive skin. I moaned out loud, but there was nothing to do against it. My hands ran through his soft hair, down his strong neck. The soft and warm skin under the tank top felt so amazing good. I can not deny that it turned me on. Fuck, it is the best thing I ever felt, or at least remember feeling.
Heero's warm hands made their way all over my upper body, the sides of my hip and legs. Soft longing kisses covered my chest. My heavy breathing and the unstoppable panting seemed to push him further. I couldn't take control of my hands. They just wandered aimlessly over his body, all by themselves. It felt so good!
I felt totally relaxed till his warm fingers began to explore the waistband of my shorts. That's a bit too much— I didn't know where that would end up. Okay, I had a more than good idea, but…
"No, please Heero." I managed to grab his chin and pull his face to mine.
His face hardened, his eyes losing some of that new born life. "You don't like it?"
God, what a question! "No. I like it a lot." I moved a bit so I could hold him close in my arms. "It's more the problem that I like it too much."
A contemptuous glare. I deserve it but my problem is a bit deeper.
"You see Heero: I lost my memories and I … don't know how to say but I think that makes me some kind of mental virgin. I mean I am not sure what to do or what you expect from me. I am …nervous and, I don't know, maybe it is a bit too fast for me."
Silence.
"Sorry. I pushed you."
"No, Heero. I … I like what you do but I'm just nervous. God, it's not easy to speak about it."
A low laughter escaped Heero's mouth before he snuggled against my neck: "Believe me, Trowa. I know exactly what you mean."
Okay, seems as if we had that kind of conversation in the past. Nice to be the fool! But that small laughter was worth it all.
"Maybe I should be a bit more patient?" Heero's breath against my neck sent the next fire through my body. I wanted to be near him, I could feel it. The memories of a body…
"Yes, that'd be nice." Before ending my sentence Heero was all over me again. An army of burning ants started their march down my spine and their fellow butterfly soldiers attacked my guts as Heero sucked and gnawed at my left nipple. Patient? If that was patience to Heero I should be happy that I wasn't fucked by now.
A hot wave ran through my veins. Who really cared, anyway? Mind and thinking is much too overrated! All I could do— no, want— is trust him and let myself go. So I did.
His soft strokes at my sensitive skin made me mad and his kisses just finished me off. I couldn't stop to move my hands. By the side: where did that tank top goes to? Maybe the same direction my shorts did!
Heero's moans made me even dizzier. But I enjoyed it— everything he did made it better and better. His lips were incredibly soft. My heart beat so fast that I thought my chest could break. My loud moaning showed him exactly how much I liked what he was doing to me!
It is hard to hold my control when his hands and, my god, his lips— I never imagined his lips could be so soft and forcing all in one— wandered downward. I couldn't hold back a low scream when his tongue slid around the tip of my painfully hard cock. God; he is so perfect! How did he become so skilled in this?
My mind went 'out of order' here— colourful stars appearing before my eyes every time he sucked my swollen flesh. I think it did not take him long to bring me over the edge. Unbelievable…
Heero's face appeared before my eyes. His lips softly swollen, his cheeks flushed. He was so …sexy, beautiful? He gave me a really small smile, but I know that it seemed to him like a big, foolish one. I know that, because I have the same problem— I think my lips nearly meet my ears and in real other people can hardly see it.
"Liked it?"
Stupid question, isn't it? I tried to answer, but my throat was too dry and I couldn't trust my voice anyway. I nod.
Was that an uncertain flicker in his eyes? Why? Didn't I clearly show that I did more than just liked it? Still thinking with my unreliable brain my body acted— I closed my arms around him and softly place my lips on his. So warm, so soft, so perfect!
It was a bit odd to taste myself when his tongue slid into my mouth. But it wasn't bad, so I answered properly. His warm body gave me a good, safe feeling.
I hugged him harder, so that he was resting on my chest. His hot and fast breath forced my body to shiver. Okay, I am not the best at remembering things right now, but from what I can tell, this is the best I ever felt.
Oh man… as he relaxed a bit, I could feel what he was trying to hide— his more than warm length pressing against my hip. With a small movement against it I found I could make him moan. I wanted more of that sound!
"Please, Heero," it seemed a miracle to me that I could speak at all. "I want to help you. What do I need to do?"
An adorable groan answered my husky voice. My hands wandered all over that perfect, lithe body pressing so seductive to mine. "Please, Heero."
He shivered and slowly moved his sweat-drenched body over mine. His deep breathing against my neck provoked my own body again.
"Did you ever touch yourself?"
I had a brief problem understanding him. His voice was husky, lustful, low, and so turned me on. God he is so perfect! All I could do was nod. He returned to me a throated moan before he wound out my arms. With a longing and— I don't know how the hell he managed it in his situation— shy expression he fixed my eyes with his. I felt like I was burning, but I wanted to give him as much pleasure as he gave to me.
It seemed so right to me, to be with him like that. A small move was all I needed to lean against him and kiss him again.
"Please, Trowa. Touch me as you touched yourself."
What could I do? His voice, his lust drove me crazy! Carefully my hands ran over his chest, his muscular abdomen— just caressing his wonderful skin. Don't know how, but I managed to kiss him— brushing my tongue along his perfect teeth— all while touching him with my hand. Too impatient to work slow and concentrated, my right hand wandered along his waist. A hot moist feeling at my hand and the jolt of Heero's body showed me clearly that I had found what I was looking for.
Heero lifted his lower body to force me to hurry. So I was not the only impatient youngster in the room… As if I would need to be forced, though! I want to do this, to see him in total pleasure.
He broke my kiss roughly to catch a hard breath as I wrapped my fingers around his hot erection. It felt like steel covered with velvet, only the tip wet because of his desire.
I couldn't stop moving my hand up and down, as each inarticulate cry he gave pushed me to stroke him faster and harder then before. My own breath was nearly as fast and wanting as his. Perfectly he met my moves, driving both me and himself higher.
I couldn't remove my eyes of his face, distorted with need and passion. It didn't take long till I realized that he was close. As I often did to myself, I loosened my grip. Before he could protest, I circled my thumb over the wet tip. As I rubbed the sensitive slit with my fingertip, he winced again and— so to say— finally.
A husky cry of my name and his warm creamy seed spilt over my hand and onto his writhing body. There was nothing in the world more beautiful and sexy than Heero's face at that particular moment.
I slowed my movements down, knowing that it would help him to enjoy it even more and longer. Slowly he relaxed, a wonderful shine on his face he leaned against me. All I could do was hold him.
I don't know how long we stayed like that; it was so natural, so good. The feeling of loneliness and uncertainty was gone. I felt so alive. "I love you."
I don't know why I said that in that moment, but it was— no it is— the truth. He moved tighter against me. His warm breath caressed my skin as he breathed out, relaxing.
"You remember?", his voice was low and some uncertain waves spoke out of it.
Softly I ran my hands over his warm skin. "No. But it is the truth. I can feel it."
A shrill Alarm suddenly broke the odd mood of the situation. I turned, hitting the button to end the sound. Then I kissed his head softly
.
"Quarter to 12. If we don't show up downstairs Duo will kill us."
Heero lifted his face to look into my eyes. A shy smile appeared around his lips as he nodded.
"Uh… right on time." Duo tries to say something more, but Wufei's growl stops him. "Come on, Quatre made us some food and in …3 and a half minute the new year will be there!"
As we entered the room, I could tell that Quatre had changed. He normally gave me shy and guilty looking smiles. But now he hardly lifts his head. He trying not to look directly to me or Heero. Why?
Okay, I lost my memories, but I wasn't stupid. And as I had learned during the last few weeks, the walls here were not soundproof. Also, I doubt that they all had stayed in the kitchen for the last hour. Oh God, why is life so complicated?
So, Quatre now knew that he had done more than just destroy a good friendship. Fine. Now I am the man with the guilty feeling. Not that I felt great about his behaviour before.
Maybe it was the right time. I mean: could there be a better time to end the misery? A fast look. Okay, two minutes to do it…
"Hey, Quatre. I need to speak with you and Heero." Quatres eyes flickered with sadness and fear.
"I know you feel guilty because of what happened, and I know that Heero is really pissed off by it. But …to tell the truth… I just now know why. I think you know what I mean."
He nodded. Thank God! To tell the truth, I was still a bit too shy to tell all my friend about my newly discovered sexuality and love, especially just so short after discovery.
"I still can't remember everything but I am happy to have you all as my friends and I am happy right now. I forgive you Quatre. As I told you long ago: There is no guilt. I don't want you to act like a mother goose around me. I want to be a friend to you, as equal as Duo or Wufei." I reached out to grab Heero hand. "I'm with you Heero, and I want to still be with you. Please, try to forgive Quatre. He is good and you know that. Will you try to forgive him? For me?"
Heero seemed to freeze. His fiery eyes fixed with mine. He seemed to search me again, but I wasn't scared anymore. I told him the truth and I knew it from deep in my heart.
"Thank you, Trowa," Quatre sobbed. "I am still sorry and I am even more sorry because I destroyed… what you and Heero had. I am really sorry and I understand if Heero can't forgive me, but I am sorry." As I said the walls here were not soundproof, but this was still the first time since we all met here that Quatre had cried in front of us. Not that loud and guilty cry that we could overhear when he went to sleep. But different— maybe the silence made it worse to see the tears running down his cheeks.
It was at that moment the clock chose to signal the year passing. I felt so helpless. Acting out my feelings or telling people about them was never really my cup of tea.
"Come on, people." Duo put a hand on my shoulder and the other on Heero's back. "Happy New Year, folks!"
I don't know why. But, with Heero still at my hand, I took a step closer to Quatre. I pulled him close: "Happy New Year, Quatre! I know this year will be great, because we are all friends."
Heero glared at me. Fine, I deserved it! Hug another man than the one I love.
A warm and exciting feeling spreads out across my body as I hug the perfect one I love. "I love you Heero and I am happy to start the New Year with you at my side."
"I love you too," he answered gruffly. "And I will try to forgive Quatre. But just because of you."
I couldn't stop my low laugh— his last sentence sounded more like the statement of a narrow-minded child than a perfect soldier. "Thank you, Heero."
I took a deep breath before I let go of Heero's arm. "Happy New Year, Duo. Oh, and I know that it's not your new year's event, Wufei, but Happy New Year!" Heero relaxed.
Duo smiled. "Okay, as I said Happy New Year, to everybody and now: lets eat!" Ah, Duo always the practical one. Not to mention that I only had breakfast that day, a lot of fresh air, a nice kind of interaction, and thus a lot of hunger!
"Sounds good." I lead Heero to the table. I don't know why, but I couldn't stop touching him. I just wanted to be near him.
Shyly, Quatre handed a plate to Heero: "Happy New Year." His voice sounded brittle.
"Thank you." Heero sounded a bit grumpy.
I felt myself relaxing, knowing that this would be the best year of my life!
END
Hello!
It is the first POV I ever wrote and the first english lime; so ...hope you like it! (Review would be nice...puppyeyes!)
Super Thanks to Tsuki for beta-reading (yes I have a really bad grammer)