Spell Out
"Us"
a/n: I don't quite remember how to breathe...man, the last moments of the last episode...they just killed me. The rest of the episode was not that great, but the sacrifice at the end brought me to tears. He was touching her, they were almost crying...that'd he'd be willing to give up everything for her... I'd hoped that he would have said something else, but that will be included in my story. Please read. Just read. Thank you.
./.
Every time she closes her eyes, little blips of the wizard competition flit through her mind. Running, legs burning, the look in Justin's eyes as she'd stopped to help him, the tremor in his voice as he'd asked her if she was okay, tears in her eyes and in his as he prepared to give her the wizard powers - everything he'd been striving for since the day of his birth, practically.
She thinks that's it's just a little bit egotistical of him to sabotage her mind like this so she can't think of anything besides how good, gracious and just all around wonderful he is. So Justin. So predictable.
She also blames him for the feeling of utter happiness - well, more like a disappointment so huge it feels like relief - she gets when she notices that the door to his room is open and his sheets are thrown back. Everything else is in pristine condition except those sheets. One would think he'd be happy after becoming a full wizard - Professor Russo, no less - not troubled enough that he can't sleep, Alex wonders as she heads down to the kitchen.
The light by the fridge is on, casting pale sunshine over the countertops. So unlike Justin to leave it on when he's clearly not using the kitchen for anything, Alex thinks as she saunters in. (Oh, and for the record, she's not being quiet so that he can't hear her and she can observe this troubled aspect of her brother, not at all. The floor are just shiny and she's wearing socks, so there's no sound. Yeah, that.)
He's there, on the couch, the kitchen the only source of light. Alex isn't sure, but there's something more than happiness in those puppy-dog eyes he's perfected. She's not supposed to feel obliged to talk to him, Alex reminds herself, because he's been nothing more than a jerk to her these past few months. She should just keep on walking, get a cup of orange juice - cause OJ is awesome - or something and then head off to try and launch a virus onto his laptop. That sounds like a plan.
But instead she reaches for the switch and turns on the lights, smiles in that way only Alex can when Justin turns to her with a deer-in-the-headlights-look.
"Why aren't you in bed?" Justin asks wearily, rubbing his forehead.
"Because." Alex pops open the fridge, grabs a mini carton of orange juice and holds out another to him. For a second he shakes his head, but when she cocks an eyebrow and waits, he finally takes it. "Why are you awake?"
"You didn't answer my question," Justin says, but he's not getting irritated like he normally does and if he doesn't get irritated then there's no point to this.
Alex sits down on one of the barstools, spins in a circle. "Do I ever?" she asks him with a little smile.
"Good point," Justin says, relaxing back into the couch.
Alex studies him for a minute - with those forehead bags he's really starting to resemble the recently resigned Professor Crumbs, she thinks - then walks slowly over until she's standing right in front of him. Justin takes her hand, playing thoughtfully with her fingers; she lets him, instead of pulling away and smacking him across the face like she normally does. Plopping down next to him, she takes the hand that he's playing with and sets it on his knee, watches his expression draw further into self-examination.
"Why did you try to give up your powers for me?" Alex asks.
He says nothing.
She waits a long minute before asking, "Okay, are you ready to be a Professor? I know you love fancy titles and all."
Justin chuckles - barely - but still says nothing. Alex sighs, beginning to get irritated with him.
"Should I throw you a mixer?" Alex jokes. "I'll invite all your magical ex girlfriends..."
He flashes her a look, "How would that be fun?"
She smiles, happy to get any sort of reaction from the boy. "Fun for me," she says with a laugh, shoving his knee with their twined hands when he doesn't respond. "Ok, what's up? You're being way more introspective than usual."
"I didn't know you had such an extensive vocabulary," he says, but she just continues to stare at him, knowing that he's stalling.
Justin clears his throat, looks at her until it becomes uncomfortable and she wiggles to try and relieve the tension.
"It's just a big deal, is all," he says at last, offering her one of those 'I'm fine' smiles which she's never believed. It's just his way of shifting the attention off himself, which he then follows up with a question for the other party involved. "How are you doing?" Ding, ding, ding, she's a winner.
"I'm me," Alex says simply, stroking her thumb across the top of his hand and watching his lips tighten until they're stark white. "I have to admit though," she adds slowly, "I never actually thought that I would be the family wizard, you know?"
"Why not?" Justin asks, angling himself just slightly towards her. Their knees brush and she jumps. "You did it once before," he points out.
Alex shrugs, "You and I both know that I won by pure chance. And, oh look, I didn't really win this time either."
"Of course you won," Justin exclaims, shaking his head in confusion. "You would have kept running if you didn't have one of your rare moments of compassion and decide to help me, so you deserved to win."
"No," Alex objects, her voice rising, "I only won because you said something."
"What difference does it make?" Justin asks, trying to keep his voice down, considering the other occupants of the house are probably still sleeping.
"It makes a world of difference," Alex shouts, exploding. He gives her a look, silently telling her to be quiet and she rolls her eyes in response, getting the hint nevertheless. "When's the last time I accomplished something by myself, Justin? Huh? Someone is always intervening on my behalf! You, Max, Professor Crumbs," she snaps, breaking off to stare at something on the floor. "I just want to be able to do things for myself, sometimes, without actually messing them up." Her voice cracks, and she winces.
(When did she become such a wimp? Well, she is a Russo...that's the excuse for everything. Heh.)
She feels Justin's thumb tracing circles around her own. His mouth opens and she prepares for one of his lectures, his way of comforting her the best he knows how.
"You know, you've always teased me about my obsession with books," Justin begins.
Alex snorts - because she just has to interrupt him; it's how things go, how they are, like yin-yang, but more like being complete. "I'd call it more of a fetish," she mumbles.
Justin glares at her, huffs, but lets it go.
"I use books - knowledge to prove to everyone else that I can be smart, that I can succeed without their help," Justin says slowly. Alex wonders why she didn't pay so much attention to his studying before, not even when he locked himself in his room and memorized Archimedes' Principles after losing Juliet. She just assumed it was one of his quirks - which it was - but more than that, apparently.
"I just gorge myself," Alex admits, curling herself closer to him until their arms brush. He must have hyjacked her brain to make her like their little touches, because otherwise she'd surely be grimacing and scooting as far away from him as she could. Surely, that's what she'd be doing.
"One of these days you're going to look like a whale," Justin says, laughing.
"Are you calling me fat?" Alex says, fake-glaring.
They both take a moment to laugh, be carefree, something they seemed to have lost along the way. Growing up does weird things to people, to relationships, Alex thinks. Freaky stuff, aging. When her giggles subside, Alex takes a long look at her brother, at the way his face has lost it's baby fat, how his teeth are still glittering white - honestly, does soda do nothing to his enamel? - and how his brown eyes are finally free of the mocking look he's worn of late. She likes his eyes like this, open, honest, real. They at least should agree to be real with each other, otherwise, eventually, they'll have no foundation anymore.
"Can I ask you something?"
His eyes widen, face getting pale. Honestly, what does he think she's going to ask him? Well, there was that one - no, no, she's not that sadistic.
Justin gulps, "Uh, sure."
"Why did you give me your full wizard powers?" Alex asks quietly, eyes dead serious as they stare into his own. Her stomach is jumping, kind of burning up; she doesn't like the feeling.
Justin pauses to think, taking his eyes away from her. She feels herself drooping towards him, the fatigue from lack of sleep finally catching up to her. He wraps his arm around behind her without thinking - a subconscious response, probably, one he'd gotten to use a lot with Juliet - and she smiles happily. There's something about being this close to him that's calming; they used to cuddle like this when they were younger and thought nothing of it, but recently it's like Justin wants nothing to do with her. (Not like she cares about that, psssh.) So Alex supposes it's best to cherish the moment while she has it.
"You deserved them," Justin says after a long bout of silence. "This is the second time you've won something and I've stolen it from you, and I just - it wasn't right." He clears his throat, tries to banish the emotion.
Alex smiles again, "Good to know you have a conscience. For awhile there I was worried..."
"Very funny," Justin snaps, and she's finally gotten a response out of him.
Alex tips her head back, looks at him the same moment he looks down. Their heads are so close she could reach up just a bit and bite his jaw if she wanted to, scar him for life. He smells nice, like vanilla, and she feels strangely vulnerable. How odd. Not even Mason can provoke this timidness in her and her brother can do it faster than you can say 'jaloopee.'
"When you were about to tell Professor Crumbs -"
"May he rest in peace," Justin cuts in.
Alex rolls her eyes, "He didn't die, stupid. He just retired."
She swears there is a hint of a blush on her brother's cheeks, but doesn't bother to check it out. Instead she lets her head fall back on his oddly comfortable shoulder and begins again, "When you were about to tell Professor Crumbs why you didn't deserve the full wizard powers, you looked at me -" that look stopped me cold, Justin," and I thought - I thought you were going to tell him about the first wizard competition, the one where I nearly -" nearly lost all of you. She is unable to finish.
"I'm still here, Alex," Justin says in a voice so sweet she nearly chokes up (but she doesn't.) "Pinch me if you have to."
She sticks her tongue out at him because it seems appropriate.
"I should have told him about the first competition, but -" Justin hesitates.
"You wanted the chance to prove that you could win something on your own," Alex fills in for him.
Justin nods, looking stunned as he locks gazes with her again. This whole moment is way too mushy for her, but she's allowing it because of all they went through to get their final powers. But this is the only time she's allowing it.
"Well thank you, for telling him," Alex says sincerely, touching his cheek. His head tips a little lower and her breath catches in her chest. "Can I tell you something?"
"Uh-hu," Justin breathes, his expression becoming more and more terrified with each second. His lips hover just above hers and if either one of them decided to move, they'd be kissing, bodies pressed flush against each other. Alex's heart is thundering in her chest and she can't stop red from leaking onto her cheeks.
I love you, Justin.
"You're such a dork," she says instead.
His face lights up with a smile as he pulls back just enough to keep them safe - from themselves, from each other; she's not really sure - and Alex thinks that he understands what she really means.
/./ fin \.\