Ever since she was a little girl, Scarlett O'Hara had always been with someone. Even if they were little more than burdens atop her shoulders, they had been with her, and she had never been alone.
When she was still a young girl running with the county boys through the cotton fields of Clayton County, it had been Pa, who had loved and spoiled her with everything he had, Mother, who had been a sturdy, gentle, loving figure to her despite her distance, and Mammy, who had raised her with an iron fist and the warmth her saintly mother did not give.
When she became a young widow living in a world consumed by the flames, it had been Mammy, whose unwavering support she had not appreciated as much as she ought to, Ashley, who had been the object of her blind infatuation, Wade, her son who she had never properly loved, and Melly, her sister-in-law whose quiet strength and devotion Scarlett had never paid attention to.
When she became a young businesswoman reviled by Atlanta's Old Guard, it had still been been Mammy, strong and comforting as ever, Ashley, who did not find it in himself to tell her the truth and end her obsession with him once and for all, Wade, who she had ignored and fended off to others, and Melly, kind and unappreciated as ever, but Rhett, Ella, and Bonnie had joined their ranks, although their affection had been stars whose light she had failed to see as she continued to covet the moon.
But now, as she stood as the young survivor of all the turbulent years that had passed, she had no-one.
Pa and Mother were long gone.
Mammy was in Tara, far from her reach and nearing death's door with every day that dawned.
Ashley had dwindled into nothing. He was a shell of the man he used to be, was not even half the man Scarlett thought him of being, and would never be any comfort to her after all those years he spent knowing that she was throwing away happiness for him and never telling her outright that her feelings were not returned, all because he was a coward who had secretly found solace in her unwavering devotion, the one thing that remained from the world of grace and comfort he had once known.
Melly was gone, dead before Scarlett truly understood her value.
Bonnie was also gone, dead before Scarlett could be a good mother.
Wade and Ella were in Marietta, far from her reach like Mammy, and she could only hope that she would be able to make up for the years of neglect and chastisement they had experienced under her hand.
And Rhett...
Rhett was gone, too. He left her, just like Melly and Bonnie. But he was still alive, although far from her reach like her children and Mammy.
Rhett had loved her, and she had been too blind to see it.
No.
Rhett had loved her, but he had been too afraid of her scorn that he hid it, knowing full well that her mind, which had never been one for introspection, would never be able to see through the uncaring facade he had perfected through his years of gambling and trade.
In the early years of their marriage, he had always gazed at her with that look she had compared to a cat waiting in front of a mouse hole. She had never been able to figure out what he was waiting for, what he was searching.
Now, though, the answer was as obvious as the beating of her heart: He had been waiting for her to love him. He had been looking deeply, intently, into her eyes, searching for anything, even just the faintest hint, that would prove she had finally developed some modicum of romantic feeling for him.
For twelve years he had waited for her to love him back, and when she finally did, it had been too late.
They had hurt each other too much, suffered too much, lost too much, and his love had ran out. They had been at cross purposes that fateful morning; Rhett, who had always longed for her love, no longer wanted it when she offered it to him.
Scarlett had always been a person who did not cry over past mistakes. In fact she did not cry over the past at all. But that morning in September, that morning when Melanie died and Rhett walked out into the mist, Scarlett O'Hara let go of her pride, her dignity, and sobbed long and hard for everything she had lost, for everything she had thrown away with open eyes and open palms. She had finally mourned the past that morning. She had finally realized her errors and experienced true regret.
It was useless though, and she knew it. There was a strange solace in crying alone, a peculiar comfort brought by each tear she shed, but time still passed on. She could never undo the past. All she could do was repent the present and hope for the future.
She had no idea how much time she spent venting her sorrows on the staircase, but when her melancholy finally abated enough for her to stand, the sun was shining brightly like a joyous ruler looking down on beloved subjects.
At first, Scarlett was onl thinking of how she could be crying for so long. Then, she felt the distinct lack of lush carpeting underneath her on the stairs.
And then, she realized two things.
First, the sun couldn't have been grinning down from the heavens. It was September, and in Atlanta it was unheard of for the heavy clouds to part until spring.
Second, she shouldn't have been able to see the world outside, for heavy crimson curtains should have been covering the windows. In fact, the only moment that those curtains have been taken off was when Rhett left with Bonnie and Scarlett, hoping perpetual brightnes would in turn lighten her pain, ordered every window in the house to be bared.
She looked around her mansion's opulent front hall. It looked exactly the same, though Scarlett swore the flowers on the golden vases were different than what they had been that morning.
With anxious eyes she stood up, bothered by these peculiarities, and decided to go up to her bedroom to rest. It had been a long, exhausting day, and it must have been finally taking its toll on her. "I'm tired and my brain's just muddled," she whispered to herself. "A nap will fix it and then I'll think about everything tomorrow."
Her steps were slow and sluggish, and both her hands were clutching the railing tightly. Her shoulders were slumped, weighed down by the world, and her brain was being pricked by pins and needles. Her whole body, from her head to her toes, felt like it was being anchored down.
She heard a click behind her, and as the heavy doors creaked open she felt the urge to run and close herself off from the world. No one ever visited her. Shen was hated by Atlanta's Old Guard and she hadn't spoken to her Carpetbagger and Scalawag friends for a long time. The servants would never dare use the front entrance, which means this surprise visitor was either Aunt Pitty who had come to sob and ask her what they were going to do now that Melly was gone, or Uncle Peter who had come to tell her that his Miz Pitty needed her company.
Scarlett had half a mind to release an exasperated sigh, but she realized something. She had heard the lock click.
There were only four keys to the front door. The first one was with Pork, since he was the butler. The second was with Mammy at Tara, since she had been the household's main servant. The third key was was with Rhett, who had just walked out on her. And the fourth was in her room, safely locked in her vanity table.
A crease formed between Scarlett's brows. Who on earth was at the door? Before she could turn and check, she was stopped by a familiar voice that made her blood run cold.
"Mama! Mama, we're home!"
Scarlett felt faint, and with an ashen face she slowly turned to look at the small, familiar figure that was running towards her.
"Did you miss us, Mama? Daddy brought me to see Grandma before we went—"
She heard nothing. She felt nothing. Her mind was at a standstill, desperately trying to comprehend the sight before her.
A sob threatened to tear through her throat. Tears made the world around her blurry, but the one who stood in front of her was unmistakable.
It was her beloved daughter who had left them too early, her vivacious, winsome, beautiful little girl.
It was her precious little Bonnie Blue.
"Mama? Mama, are you alright?"
Scarlett nodded dumbly. Tears spilled down her cheeks, but she didn't care.
She knelt on the wooden steps and pulled Bonnie's little body tightly towards her. If this was a dream, Scarlett never wanted to wake up. She would forever be happy if she could stay this way, her arms around her daughter, feeling the warmth and joy that had left her after the little girl's death.
Scarlett didn't know how long she held her daughter, but the moment felt like hours instead of minutes. When Bonnie pulled away, she felt the void in her heart return with a vengeance.
"Look, Mama, Grandma gave me a kitten! But London was horrible."
The little girl then raised the little creature proudly, sure that her mother would love it just as much as her young heart did.
Scarlett only took one glance at the tiny animal before pressing a kiss on Bonnie's head and pulling her closer.
"That's was lovely of him to do, precious."
Her daughter only hummed. It wasn't long before she grew restless and asked her mother, "Mama, where's my pony? I wanna go out and see my pony!"
Her lips quivered. In Scarlett's mind, Bonnie was atop her pony, attempting to jump but failing and inevitably breaking her delicate little neck. With watery eyes she nodded. "You go out and see your pony, precious. You wait here while I fetch Mammy—'"
Scarlett stopped. Mammy was at Tara, but if this day was what she though it was, then Mammy should already be at the bottom of the stairs, attentively waiting to be of service.
She gulped and tore her eyes away from her daughter. Just like the day of her fall, Mammy really was there, her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes shining as she took in the sight of her lamb and Miz Bonnie.
"You be careful and run along with Mammy," Scarlett told her, hesitant to look at the front door and see Rhett, the only man she had ever truly loved.
"Come on, honey chile." Mammy's familiar, warm voice was like a balm that suited Scarlett's aching soul immediately.
She turned and gazed at her husband from beneath her lashes. He looked different from what he did that morning. Gone were the lines of grief that marred his handsome face. Gone was the exhaustion and melancholy in his eyes. Gone was the bloated figure he acquired from the alcohol he drowned himself in ever since Bonnie's death.
He walked towards her slowly, his lips twisted into a mocking smile. Scarlett's breath hitched when he took her hand and pressed a kiss on her knuckles. "Mrs. Butler, I believe?"
A/N: I'm a sucker for fanfiction where Scarlett goes back in time (A Second Wind by SkyBlueSW is one of my favorites) and because I haven't seen any where Scarlett goes back to the day of her fall, I decided to just go and write it myself.
I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to review and point out any mistake I might have made. Requests and suggestions are most welcome.