A/N- Title from 'The Torn-up Road' a poem by Richard Siken who is an amazing writer. This is an 8- shot of moments of Quinn in cars (Faberry).
1.
Lucy loves riding in the backseat of her father's large Cadillac. It's this white, SUV, deal with seat warmers and a sun roof. When Lucy swings her legs from the backseat, her feet don't touch the customized plastic floor protectors that cover the entire bottom of the car. She especially loves the winter time when the whole family piles into the car and makes the two hour trek to her father's grandparents house on Christmas.
It always seems as though on those days, nothing can go wrong. It's the one day a year with no fighting, only mild drinking, and Lucy absolutely loves spending time with her grandmother.
Lucy has come to associate the large car with peace and safety. Sometimes, when they are driving home from a day of holiday festivities and her parents think that Lucy and Frannie are passed out in the backseat, when they Christmas carols have been turned down to a comfortable white noise, Russell will lay his hand across the center console with his palm up, and hold Judy's. The gesture is small, but even when Lucy is too small for her feet to reach the floor of the car, it reassures her of. Of happy endings and of true love.
2.
It's the summer of transformation. The summer Lucy finally turns into Quinn, the summer that Frannie turns into herself, that her mother turns into an alcoholic.
Frannie's just graduated high school and has exactly four days (she's been counting) before she flies out to California to attend Stanford University. She's earned a scholarship, and it was literally the farthest she could get from Ohio while staying in the continental United States.
Frannie is driving Lucy (almost Quinn) home from the mall for a final 'sister date' before she leaves for good. The younger girl is leant against the door, watching the clouds with the expression Frannie has learned to associate with her sister's daydreaming.
She has bought Quinn (no longer Lucy) some skinny jeans and dresses, the younger Fabray's wardrobe having been depleted since her recent loss of weight and transformation.
Frannie looks at her sister out of the corner of her eye, she is fourteen, just about to enter high school, and already she looks so much different from the little girl who would make pillow forts with her in the living room and read for hours in their backyard.
Lucy catches her staring, and Quinn calls her out on it, "What?"
"Nothing." Frannie refocuses on the road, "I just want you to be happy, Luce."
Quinn doesn't bother to correct her- she knows that no matter how much she dyes her hair, and no matter how much weight she loses, she will always be 'Luce' to Frannie.
"I am."
Because she's fourteen, she hasn't quite mastered the art of lying with grace.
Because she's a Fabray, she's damn close.
Frannie recognizes the song playing on the radio and turns it up, hoping that the music can drown out the guilt she feels for leaving her sister, "Sing with me." She commands.
Quinn raises an eyebrow slightly before Lucy caves in, and belts the word of the ridiculous top 20's song with her sister.
They roll down the windows, and Lucy lets herself soak in the sun. She knows she is preparing for a long winter in the dark.
3.
There are many things which Quinn Fabray despises about Lima, Ohio. Currently, the amount of dirt roads and the propensity for urban legends are two of those things.
Quinn is sandwiched between Santana and another cheerleader in the front seat of Jessica's SUV.
The blonde glances in the rearview mirror briefly. It is overflowing with six girls, four of whom are wearing pajamas with their hair a mess. There's three more cheerleaders riding in the trunk (it's an SUV so those girls have more space than Quinn in the front), bringing the passenger total to an even thirteen. It's not the entire Cheerios squad, but it's damn close.
Santana and Quinn share a look. The Latina has a mischievous light in her eyes, she still remembers last year when they were freshmen, and they were the ones roused at midnight by the older members of the squad, and 'kidnapped' for the bonding trip.
Jessica, the senior captain, smirks. She's only got one hand on the wheel as she flies down the road pushing sixty five. Her other hand is out the window, catching the wind.
One of the girls from the back reaches up to the front between Quinn and the junior she is sitting beside to spin the dial on the radio, blasting the music. Immediately, the car perks up and all of the girls begin singing loudly along to the song. Quinn clenches her hands in her lap, and tries to remain focused on the road, she seems to be the only one with that goal as Jessica swerves slightly.
Fifteen minutes later, and they are pulled off to the side of the road, all the girls spilling out of the car.
"Blind bridge should be around here somewhere." Jessica smirks. She points down into a dark gulch that they can just barely make out between the edges of two farmer's properties.
"There it is!" Another upperclassman smiles.
"Ok, freshmen." Jessica says, turning to the new girls, "You just have to go down there and write your names on the bridge, and you will officially be Cheerios."
She hands one of them a silver sharpie, "Good luck."
The second that the freshmen stumble off into the darkness with only one flashlight between the four of them, the rest of the girls take off for Jessica's car.
Lucy watches with a hidden guilt as the freshmen disappear in the rearview mirror. She knows it's only a two mile walk back to the school, but she also knows that there is no cell reception until you make it to the building.
Exactly one year ago she had made the walk with Santana and Brittany. Now she's not sure if the ride is any better.
4.
"Ok, so you just have to sort of balance back and forth between the gas and the clutch."
"I've got it."
The truck lurches forwards before coming to a sudden stop.
"Shit Fabray." Puck curses, one of his hands is holding the handle above the passenger side window, and the other is braced on the dashboard.
"Sorry!" Quinn says, restarting the ignition and breathing in relief when it turns over.
"Jesus, if I knew that 'teaching you stick' would turn into you burning out my clutch, I'm not sure I would have agreed."
"I can do this." Quinn grits her teeth, successfully easing off the clutch and pressing down the gas gently so the truck rolls forwards.
She mentally applaudes herself until Puck says, "Alright, now push in the clutch and shift into second."
Quinn draws her lip between her teeth and does as instructed. They continue practicing like this for nearly an hour until Quinn is reasonably competent at the whole operation. She only hard stalls a couple of times, and once when she forgets to put the truck back in first before starting, Puck practically jumps out of his seat yelling 'First Quinn, first!'
When they finish and Quinn brings the truck to a shuddering stop in front of her house, Puck stalls her leaving.
"Why did you want to learn to drive stick anyway?"
"I feel like it's a good skill to have." Quinn lies.
She doesn't say that the last party the Skanks took her to ended up with all of them too shitfaced to drive, and Quinn nearly killing all of them trying to drive a manual car home.
Puck can see she's hiding something, but she's the mother of his daughter, her hair is the color of bubblegum, and she's so broken, that he doesn't push. He just offers, "If you ever want to practice some more, you have my number."
Quinn nods, "Thanks." Before hopping out of the car and waking up her driveway.
The next time she has to drive stick shift she's not extremely drunk, but she's by no means sober, she manages to drop off all of the Skanks safely without hard stalling once.
5.
The first time Quinn is in a car after the accident is when her mother drives her home from the hospital. She sits in the back seat and clenches the fabric of the upholstery so hard she's amazed she doesn't rip right through it. A truck passes them a little too closely for her liking, and Quinn squeezes her eyes shut with a ragged intake of breath.
Judy watches with her eyebrows knit together in concern.
She looks so much like Lucy in this moment that Judy can't help but remember the first time the girl was ever in a car, when they were bringing her home from the hospital. Back when Lucy was small and perfect, when Lucy was just a young girl full of possibility.
Before Lucy was replaced by Quinn. Quinn who's soft skin is crisscrossed with scars, whose lungs bear the marks of glass, her own ribs, and cigarettes from having a half pack a day habit for nearly two whole months.
It isn't that Quinn isn't perfect too, it's just a different kind of perfect now. The kind that takes years of rehearsing and careful perfecting, this Quinn is perfect like broken beer bottles on asphalt that drivers swerve to avoid. Green and glistening perfectly in the sun, yet dangerous, strong enough to punch through anything.
This Quinn will leave her mark.
When they get home and Judy puts on the parking brake, she hardly has time to unbuckle her seatbelt before Quinn is out of the car and on the sidewalk. Quinn jumped out of the car and practically sprinted (sprint and jump used here as relative terms because Quinn has just been released from the hospital after becoming a hood ornament for a truck) up the walkway to the front door.
Quinn avoids cars for a very long time after that, she doesn't leave the house for a while, rather people come to her. Rachel visits nearly every day, and Judy watches her teach her daughter how to walk again. They go around the block every afternoon.
In the beginning, Quinn had been released from the hospital with a walker. She hated it with a passion, and tried to avoid using it as much as possible. Judy watches Quinn blush each time she tries to get out of the house without it and Rachel immediately scolds her.
Eventually, she moves onto a cane, and then when winter falls and the sidewalks ice over and are salted, Quinn makes the trip around the block with only Rachel's arm for support.
She avoids cars as much as she can.
6.
Quinn goes to school in the city, she avoids having to drive, but she becomes an expert at weaving in and out of traffic as she makes her way between classes.
One day she's walking quickly, head down, earphones in, when a taxi going far too quickly up to the crosswalk and doesn't stop in time. It taps Quinn just barely on the knee, but she freezes up. She stands there in the middle of the road not seeing the busy Connecticut street until she's brought back to reality with a loud beeping.
Quinn hurries out of the road and skips class. She goes to the train station and catches the first one going to New York. It only takes one text, and Rachel is there waiting for her at Grand Central. The walk through the city to Rachel's apartment isn't scary, Quinn doesn't flinch once when the cars drive too quickly, and Rachel holds her hand when they walk across the crosswalks.
Neither of them has to say anything. When they get to the apartment that Rachel shares with Kurt and Santana, Quinn curls up beneath Rachel's Crate and Barrel comforter and Rachel orders Chinese food. She manages to coax Quinn out from under the blanket long enough to get her to eat some lo mein and watch an episode of Parks and Rec.
After that, Quinn blushes through recounting the story of the slight accident. Rachel nods and doesn't push her to say anything she doesn't offer up. When Quinn finishes, she lets Rachel curl up behind her and just hold her until they both fall asleep.
7.
The first time Quinn drives a car after the accident is after she graduates college. She returns to Ohio for a couple of weeks after graduation to visit with her mother before returning to New York for graduate school at Columbia. She's twenty two and she tries to keep her voice from wavering when she asks her mother for the keys.
Judy, for her part, tries to downplay the importance of the situation, simply nodding and fishing the keys out of her purse and passing them over. When Quinn slides behind the steering wheel she lays her hands over the wheel and focuses intently on keeping them from shaking.
She peels out of the driveway and stays at a steady three miles under the speed limit the entire way. When she makes it where she's going, she gets out of the car and shuts the door proudly. She walks up the driveway, and her hands are jittery when she flattens the skirt of her dress.
She rings the doorbell and when Rachel opens the door, her jaw drops, "You didn't have to- I could have-"
Quinn just smiles reassuringly. She stops Rachel's rambling with a quick kiss, "You were busy getting ready, I didn't want you to have to drive to my house just to pick me up and bring me back here."
Rachel melts under her girlfriend's touch. She wants to tell Quinn how proud she is that she got behind the wheel all on her own, but she knows by now that Quinn doesn't want this to become a big deal.
So instead, Rachel takes Quinn's hand and leads her into the house to officially introduce the blonde to her fathers as her girlfriend. They've been dating for nearly three years now, but somehow Quinn has always avoided meeting the Berry men as Rachel's significant other. She was away on internships, or in school in New Haven when they visited New York. She had met them plenty of times before she started dating Rachel, but this made it different.
8.
Quinn is driving so very slowly. She refuses to get on the freeway, and she keeps peeking in the rearview mirror, she jumps every time someone beeps at her- it's pretty often. Each time someone beeps and then speeds around her, Quinn glares out the window at them.
Rachel is entertained for the first five minutes, then she's hysterical.
"Are you sure you want to drive right now? I'm sure Santana can come meet us if you want."
"I can do this." Quinn insists with a determined glare on her face as a small Audi passes them.
"Ok." Rachel laughs. She reaches next to her and readjusts the soft blue hat the old nurse had knit. The woman was ecstatic when she found out that The Rachel Berry-Fabray was giving birth in the hospital.
Quinn peeks in the rearview mirror again once she pulls to a stop at a redlight. Rachel is exhausted with her hair thrown up in a messy bun, and she's smiling softly at the baby strapped into the car seat beside her.
Quinn had gotten lucky the night that Rachel went into labor Santana and Brittany were over for dinner and the Latina drove them all to the hospital. She sat in the back next to Rachel, holding her hand the entire time, trying to keep calm.
Now she's driving as carefully as she possibly can because she's got the two most important people in her world in the back seat. The normally fifteen minute distance from their home to the hospital turns out to take half an hour with Quinn's new defensive driving to the extreme.
Their son doesn't wake up through the entire ride until they get home and Rachel is unstrapping him from the car seat.
"Hold him for a second, Quinn." Rachel says, not even waiting for a response from Quinn before passing the baby off to her so she can grab the baby bag and everything else from the car.
He squirms a bit in her arms, and buries his tiny face into her shirt, grabbing onto the cotton material. Quinn beams down at him, she would drive across the country for her boy without a second thought.
A/N- Thanks for reading, review, let me know what you thought.