A/N: I own nothing sadly, except Joey.

Yeah, so I'm going warn you all that this story is a total Mary Sue. If you don't like that, then read no further. This story was written as an inside joke between a friend of mine and I. So if you don't like it, I really don't care, but if you do, I always love REVIEWS. It wasn't my idea to put this up for the world to read but what the hell.

Warnings:

Yes there is a lot of cussing this is about a friend and I's actual life

Yes, there will be sex and sexual situations, if you don't like that, don't read it.

That should about cover it. This story is really just for a laugh, so I hope you all enjoy it.

WildCatOfTheNorth

Chapter 1

Welcome Back

Lily Evans was a beauty that was for sure. What's more, she knew it but chose to ignore it. With her bright eyes that changed from stormy blue to bright emerald green depending on her mood, her full lips, mid-back length wavy red hair and her 5'9" frame, she was gorgeous. But Lily Evans despite her looks and devilish charm was a total bookworm and every teacher's dream pupil. Lily was 17 and a 7th year at Hogwarts. As head girl and the top witch in her year her future was full of possibilities. Despite having everything going for her Lily kept to herself for the most part. She had plenty of friends and lots of admirers, but Lily was only close with Joey, her best friend and up until she was made head girl, roommate.

Josephine McLadden or Joey as all her friends knew her was an interesting one. Joey was like Lily, gorgeous. Though that wasn't the only thing you noticed. She had a kick-ass personality and the ability to ignore people like no one else. Joey wasn't a Bitch by any means she just happened to be temperamental. She really was one of the sweetest girls in the school. For the most part she was really focused on her studies. She had awesome reflexes as well though so it was no surprise that she was the seeker for Gryffindor's house team. She had long blonde hair that reached her lower back, bright green eyes framed with long lashes and full lips. She was quite short just reaching 5'3" and was extremely curvy without being overweight. Like Lily, boys chased after her.

Lily and Joey made quite a pair. They were always together and always annoyed with guys staring at them. I wasn't that they weren't interested or didn't want to have boyfriends they just wanted to actually like the people they dated. Lily's worst enemy was James Potter who just happened to be head boy. James loved to drive Lily crazy. He was constantly asking her out and playing pranks on her. She couldn't tell if he was serious or not and that drove her insane. Joey had tried to tell her that James was serious about her but Lily still wouldn't change her mind. Lily wanted to trust Joey considering she was her best friend but couldn't forget James' past.

Joey had problems all her own with a certain Gryffindor beater and ladies man, Sirius Black. Joey would have rather been in Lily's position. Sure, James had slept with a bunch of girls, but since the middle of their sixth year, had stopped. Sirius on the other hand slept with anything that moved. Joey wasn't stupid. She knew he just wanted her to get her in bed so he could say he'd had her. Being his teammate Joey had to deal with him but it drove her nuts. The sad part was that they had once been good friends. But when he started suddenly coming onto her things had changed.

"Evans," said James as he plopped himself next to Lily at the table. "Dumbledore wants to see us in his office after breakfast."

"Fine." said Lily as she glanced at him and then back to Joey who was across the table from her. Just then Sirius sat next to Joey and draped his arm around her shoulders.

"So . . . McLadden, when are you going to give in and let me show you a good time." Sirius taunted casually as he took a piece of bacon off her plate and proceeded to eat it.

"When you tell me why I need you to have a good time." said Joey nonchalantly as she took his arm from around her and slapped his hand away when he tried to take another piece of bacon.

"And I've told you, I can't tell you but I'd be happy to go back to the tower and show you." said Sirius with a wink.

"Really? It would be that quick. Damn Black, you make it seem so much better. We have like ten minutes before class. According to the rest of the guys on the team you're like the champion 'athlete'. I guess I'll have to let them in on the truth." said Joey with a look of triumph on her face.

"Why are you two still sitting here?" Lily asked quickly trying to save Joey. James was still next to her and was filling his plate with food.

"Well if you haven't noticed everywhere else is full and I'm hungry." said James as he started eating. Sirius just sat there looking at Joey with a look of mock hurt on his face.

"Stop staring Black. . . or at least close your mouth." said Lily shortly as she turned to James. "What, not here to ask me out again?"

"No Evans." said James as he ran his hand through his hair out of habit. "Why? Do you want me to?"

"No! We should get going." said Lily quickly as she stood. Joey was the only one who picked up on the panic in Lily's eyes.

"I guess. What class do we have first Sirius?" said James as he stood.

"How the bloody hell should I know? It's the first day of school. McGonnagal hasn't been around yet." said Sirius as he finally snapped his eyes away from Joey.

"I'm sure Dumbledore will tell us where to go after the meeting. I'll see you in class Joey. Save me a seat." said Lily as she started out of the hall.

As soon as Lily and James had left,McGonnagal came with their schedules. After a bit of confusion (damn sixth years) Joey was finally on her way to Advanced Double Potions with Slughorn. Unfortunately it appeared that Sirius was in that class as well.

"Looks like it's just us. You know I only meant just a demonstration. If you want it all. . . well we will have to plan around a few things, but I'm sure I can get you in right away." said Sirius as he once again dropped his arm around her shoulders.

"Black . . . stop touching me. I don't know where you've been." said Joey as she took his arm from around her.

"So why are you suddenly calling me 'Black'?" Sirius asked as if he'd been burned. "You've called me Sirius since we first met in first year and when we play Quidditch. Why change?"

"We haven't played Quidditch since last year so that's really not a good example." snapped Joey as they started the descent to the dungeons. There was hardly anyone in the corridor and Joey prayed that their class would be big enough to get away from Sirius.

"That doesn't answer my question." said Sirius.

"Yeah well you never really answered mine. . . so we're even." said Joey. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wanted to take them back. It brought the subject of their "relationship" up.

"If you want to know so badly all you had to do was tell me. I know a quiet corridor we can go to." said Sirius smoothly as he wrapped his arm around her again.

"Sirius!" said Joey as she scooted away and punched him in the arm. Without waiting for a reply she walked quickly down the hall where Professor Slughorn was waiting with the door open. Students were already in their seats.

"Miss McLadden, how nice to see you. I'm trying something new this year. You will have assigned partners this year. So . . . let's see, we'll put you with . . . ah Mr Black!" said Slughorn brightly as Sirius came walking up. Joey groaned and seriously thought about killing herself.

~*~

Lily walked ahead of James as quickly as she dared without making it seem like she was running from him. She couldn't believe him. He was being so strange. It wasn't like she wanted him to ask her out. She wanted that to be very clear. But him not caring. . .that was just so unlike him. Maybe Joey had had a point. Maybe she shouldn't be so hard on him.

"Evans. . . you could wait up you know." said James as he jogged to catch up with her.

"Sorry. Didn't realize you were out of shape." said Lily shortly as she mentally kicked herself. So much for going easier on him.

"I'm not. Did you not sleep well or something?" James asked with a look of concern on his face.

"I slept fine. Well except for the fact that we share a bathroom and a common now. I slept great." said Lily tightly as they neared the stone gargoyle to Dumbledore's office. Thinking about it she knew the reasoning that they shared a common room wasn't really all that smart but it was their private common room and she hoped he got what she meant.

"Licorice Snaps. Do you hate me that much Evans? I have never done anything to you." said James as he and Lily ascended the stairs.

"I don't hate you. I just don't understand you. You've been trying to get me to go with you since we were 14. Obviously after all this time I'm not going to change my mind." said Lily as they walked up the stairs. She refused to meet James' eye afraid that her own eyes would give away a secret. Not that she was secretly crushing on James or anything but you never know.

"Have you ever tried to understand me?" James asked quietly.

"Well. . ."

"Look Lily, I like you . . . a lot, but in case you haven't noticed I'm not going to keep chasing after you. You have made it obvious that you want nothing to do with me. I'm sorry you feel that way but I respect you. Can we just try and get along for the sake of the rest of the school?" James pleaded in a voice that Lily had never heard him use. Was that sincerity? Before she could answer him, he jogged up the last few stairs and knocked on Dumbledore's door. Instantly it opened and James went inside. Lily followed but felt like she was about to cry. She didn't even know why.

Upon entering Dumbledore's office, Lily saw the Headmaster sitting behind his desk with his eyes twinkling as they usually did. He gestured for Lily to sit next to James who was in one of two chairs in front of the giant desk. Lily quickly took her place and stared at the headmaster, willing herself to not look at James. She couldn't bear to see his face. She was the biggest bitch in the world.

"I am guessing that you two have found your quarters satisfactory?" Dumbledore asked with a smile though it wasn't exactly a question.

"Yes sir." they replied in near unison.

"Excellent. Now as you know Miss Evans the roles of Head Girl and Head Boy are highly prestigious and require a great deal of responsibility. Mr. Potter seeing as you are new to this side of the school's disciplinary system I expect you to follow Miss Evans' example. Now this year you two shall be responsible for a number of things including organizing rounds and meetings for all the prefects, helping teachers keep track of points as well as organizing the Halloween, Christmas and Graduation Balls as well as the Graduation itself. These are not to be taken lightly but I am confident that the two of you will be fine. I will send you on your way now, but I want to have another meeting with you in two weeks to know the theme for the Halloween Ball as well as how rounds with the prefects are going." said Dumbledore very matter-of-factly.

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now I have your times tables for you and off you go." said Dumbledore with a wide smile as he handed them each a piece of parchment. Standing, Lily and James nodded their understanding and turned to leave.

"A word of wisdom: understanding can only come from intimacy. Not that intimacy Mr. Potter! A deep and mutual understanding of each other. Off you go. . . Professor Slughorn is expecting you." said Dumbledore wickedly as though he knew what had taken place between them. Lily merely nodded her head and then quickly rushed down the stairs eager to get to Advanced Potions. Little did she know just how long a year it would turn out to be.

~*~

Lily was sitting grumpily in Potions waiting for James to come back with their potion ingredients and trying to catch Joey's eye. This was by far turning out worse than she ever thought it could. She was stuck with James outside of class and now in class. The only other person who she knew could share her pain was Joey. Joey looked absolutely miserable. She was paired with Sirius and looked like she wanted to die. Sirius was making the potion so fast that it looked like he was trying to stop death.

They only had an hour of class left and Slughorn had still assigned Lily and James a potion. While it was a simple potion ( dragon bite remedy), it still took a great deal of concentration. Lily knew that she could do it but having to work with James. . .

"So what do we do first Evans?" James asked nonchalantly as he set all of their ingredient on their work space.

"Um . . .well for the next 15 minutes the blood of the bats needs to simmer in the cauldron. So . . . you can do that while I prepare the rest of the ingredient or I can do that while you prepare the ingredients." said Lily quietly as she looked intently at the ingredients around her.

"I'll simmer the bat's blood. You read the directions so you'd better prepare everything. Just tell me what to do." said James simply as he pulled out his wand and lit the fire under the cauldron.

"Ok. . . the bat's blood needs to be stirred 3 times counter clockwise every 3 minutes for 15 minutes." said Lily as she poured the exact amount of blood into the cauldron. She then began to chop up the shrivel fig. Just then they heard a shriek across the room.

"GOD DAMN IT SIRIUS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO ADD THE BLOODY CAT"S EYE YET!" bellowed Joey as she jumped up covered in potion. Their potion had exploded all over them causing Joey's hair to turn black and whiskers to begin sprouting from her cheeks. Sirius was no better off with whiskers and ears.

"Both of you, off to Madame Pomphrey. Miss McLadden please contain your temper. Both of you will receive no credit for the day. I suggest you learn to communicate in the classroom as well as you do on the Quidditch pitch." said Slughorn as he cleaned the area with a wave of his wand.

Joey scooped up her bag and marched out of the classroom, Sirius just behind her. Joey was so pissed she was sure that steam was coming out of her ears. She couldn't believe him! She had told him not to add the bloody cat's eye and what does he do . . .

"Joey . . . wait up!" said Sirius as he jogged to her side.

"You! You complete prick!" Joey growled through clenched teeth. "Do you like to get zeros for the day?"

"No but come on it's Slughorn. He loves you and will let you make it up. Besides, look at us! You cant tell me you don't find this hilarious?" said Sirius with one of his melodic laughs. Suddenly he found himself pinned against the wall.

"I don't find this bloody funny!" said Joey as she pushed him into the wall. "Do I look like I think this is funny?"

"No . . . I think you look damn sexy when you're pissed though." said Sirius as he looked down at her. Compared to his 6'2" frame she was tiny but damn was she strong. Joey suddenly released him as if she'd been burned. She then strode down the hall and disappeared up the stairs. Sirius quickly took one of his many shortcuts and cut her off just as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Come on Joey . . . I didn't mean to make it blow up on us. I . . . I just don't like cats." said Sirius lamely.

"Yeah well I don't like them either but it was an eye not an actual cat. It's no excuse." said Joey coldly as they continued down the hall.

"Really? So are you a dog person then?" said Sirius with a sudden light in his eyes.

"Not that it's the point but yes." said Joey shortly.

"Me too! See we have more in common than you give me credit for." said Sirius with a smile.

"I know we have stuff in common. We've only been friends and playing Quidditch together since we were 12. That doesn't change anything. You are still an immature arse who only cares about yourself and your friends." said Joey wearily as they walked into the infirmary.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing I consider you one of my friends. Poppy! Did you miss me?" said Sirius with a giant smile as Madame Pomphrey came over to them.