Summary: I'm not the only one sick of the OOC running rampant on this site—the boys have got somethin' to say about it too.
Warning: Boys will be boys, and their mouths are not censored.
Disclaimer: Hinton owns, man.
Using fanbrat technology, a camcorder has been placed inside the Curtis house and somehow hooked up to the old TV. (Not much is thought of the space age technology.) The boys, including Johnny and Dallas (who have been brought back from the dead despite the constant reference to Pony's theme), have taken to speaking up against the horrid obscenities on the site.
It's a documentary of sorts… Let's see how the boys react.
"When I —" Ponyboy starts to say but stops as Two-Bit steps in front of him.
"Two-Bit here. Not Keith… I don't know why ya'll insist on calling me Keith. My own mother doesn't even call me Keith and she's the one that named me!" He laughs at Pony's attempts to get in front of him again. "Pony wanted to go first, sayin' somethin' 'bout how he wrote the damn theme. Ya'll are butcherin' it by the way… but that's beside the point…
"Ya'll need to start giving me better jokes. I'm called Two-Bit for a reason, ya know. It's not 'cause I tell knock-knock jokes. Seriously now, save those for the four year olds. Besides, I ain't all jokes you know. I just like laughin' better than bein' serious and if I can shed some of my light on a topic, I damn well will. And another thi—"
Suddenly, Ponyboy shoves Two-Bit, and Two-Bit, not expecting the shove, stumbles to the side a bit. "Go find some booze and broads, Two-Bit. I'm tryin' to talk here," Ponyboy tells him.
Two-Bit grabs Pony, and lifts him up, promptly dropping him to the side. "That's another thing!" Two-Bit starts, holding his finger up in the air as he looks into the futuristic device. "Just 'cause our little Pony-kid here"— places Pony in a headlock as he comes back, and ruffles the kid's hair—"says I like booze, don't mean I'm a fuckin' drunk. Save that for all the dead-beat dads out there, ya dig? I wouldn't give it to kid neither. Give me some credit here, people. I'm offended you think I would even actually do it. I got a kid sister at home, ya know. I ain't the one who got this bum"—motions to Pony,who is now scowling by the wall—"drunker than a skunk when he was thirteen. You think I want Darry beatin' my head in? Would you want him beatin' your head in? I didn't think so."
Ponyboy mumbles something under breath, only to be ignored by Two-Bit once again.
"Give me some credit people!" Two-Bit continues. "I sure as hell ain't the moron ya'll like to make me out to be. I know what two plus two is. I've been in school longer than most of you and you have the gall to call me dumb? I ain't dumb. Give me some credit. I mean, can't a guy actually like school? Pony likes school and I don't see ya'll givin' him a hard time about it. Ya'll make him smart, or at least try to make him smart. I see the amount of homework ya'll give him. That's more than he gets in a week, I think.
Ponyboy scoffs from his spot by the wall. "You sure talk a lot, Two-Bit."
Two-Bit looks at Ponyboy incredulously. "Why Pony, I'm hurt! An' here I was thinkin' you loved me…"
Ponyboy rolls his eyes.
"Anyway, like I was sayin'…" Two-Bit continues, yet again. "I ain't a boozehound and I ain't a complete mooch. I like free things an' all, but I mean come on, who doesn't? Liftin' stuff is fun when you got the challenge of the law holding you back, and no, I ain't like that king guy from Robin Hood stealin' from the poor."
Ponyboy starts laughing at the incorrect literary reference. "Robin Hood's the one who steals from the rich and gives to the poor."
Two-Bit throws his pack of cigarettes at Ponyboy. "Go smoke, Ponyboy, I'm talkin' here," he tells the kid, and rather than fighting it, Ponyboy chuckles and lights up. "Like I was sayin'… I don't mooch off'a Darry like ya'll like to make me do. You ever seen how much the three of them eat? Even if I was goin' to mooch some, there'd only be crumbs left!
"And another thing! Mickey Mouse was Soda's thing and he sure wasn't no mouse either. He was a horse. A horse! How do ya'll mix up a horse and a mouse? Even I know the difference and I'm supposed to be dumb. I don't wear Mickey Mouse t-shirts either. I don't even know a place where the hell I would get one of those things. Disneyland maybe? I can't afford to go to Disney, people. I don't have a job, remember? And besides, why would I buy one anyway? You'd probably make me lift it if I did want one." Two-Bit grabs hold of his shirt and shows it to the camera. "See this? This is some good quality shirt here. Much better quality than the rag Pony's got on right now."
Pony scowls and tackles Two-Bit.
A/N: Yes, I realize I do some of the things Two-Bit mentioned.
Edit: Taking into consideration what Artemis said, I have rewritten this in prose. (Something I had been debating on doing but didn't until someone suggested it.)