NaruGaara One-shot
26/08/08 - 16/02/09
Chap Name: What Is Love?
Summary: One summer day, Naruto asks Gaara what love is to him. from past experiences, Gaara thinks that love only causes you pain and only hurts people. Naruto shows Gaara the true meaning of love.
Warning: this chapter contains graphic hints of rape and smuttyness but no lovemaking
:What is Love?:
"I love you Gaara. Let me show you how much" an evil smirk glowed through the darkness towards a small boy with red hair. He backed away from the words and the grin, into a corner of the dirty bedroom trying to escape the pain he was sure was to come whenever someone said that they loved him.
"please" a small whimper broke through his fear, attempting to plead to be left alone, but it only seemed to be a reply to the last statement, asking him to show him what he knew was coming.
The man's beady eyes were coming into view as he got closer to the boy and as he grabbed onto his wrist in a bruising grip, the boy yelped and the man's beady eyes glinted with malice as he cackled.
-Beep Beep Beep…-
-Buzz Buzz-
-Beep-
-Buzz-
-Beep-
-Buzz-
Gaara flew into a seated position in his sleeping matt, panting and in a cold sweat. He calmed his breathing as he looked around his room. Everything was still in place in his small one room apartment. The once upon a time white walls were a dirty greyish colour with black lines of dirt staining them from the top where water leaked from the apartment above. The kitchen tap had the constant –drip drip– as it leaked. The beep was coming from his alarm clock on the floor beside him where he lay.
His legs were tangled in his sheets and his pillow at an angle to the side as evidence of his restless night. He slammed a shaky hand on the snooze button and proceeded to make his way to the source of the buzzing, the phone that opens the door to the old apartment complex.
He took a deep breath before his quivering hand picked up the phone.
"hello?" he stopped his voice from shaking and started his monotonous act.
"Gaara-Chan!" a bright, bubbly but surprisingly deep voice called at the other end, "let me in already!"
Gaara sighed as he hung up the phone that pressed on the button to open the door to the apartment complex.
He turned and made his way to his neat pile of clothes on the floor and proceeded to look for his long thin white cardigan that he threw in his bed place. He made his way to the bathroom, the only room separated by walls and a door, and turned both hot and cold water on full, not that it made much of a difference, the water was still so cold it was just about bearable and there was hardly any strength in the flow. He ran his hands through his hair and over his small body frame cleaning himself as much as possible.
He turned the water off and shook the stray droplets from his hair and proceeded to wrap the small worn down towel around his waist. He stretched his arms towards the floor and twisted his body round to ease himself down on the mat that he slept on. His towel fell around him and he looked down at his legs, turning his knees outwards to get a clearer view of the inside of his thighs. He gently ran his fingers over his small thighs tracing the scars that lay there; nail marks from where people dug their hands in to keep his legs open and knife marks that were never stitched properly and only treated by himself. He shuddered as he remembered montages of each scar he had received along his thighs.
"nice and wide now Gaara. Let me see that tight hole of yours" a dark figure said with a smooth almost calming voice as his long fingernails drew blood from the boys leg. Gaara was of course helpless, being around the age of 9, he was easily tied and gagged to the bed as the man had his way with him, his hands tied behind his back and a belt around his neck that was connected to the headboard; if he moved his head too much it would tighten and choke him. His briefs that had been removed where stuffed into his small mouth, preventing his screams and protests from being heard "now now Gaara, you know I do this because I love you"
A different bed. A different man. A different position. Gaara's arms were stretched out; each tied to a bed post preventing him from moving the upper half of his body. His legs were tied to the same posts putting him in a very uncomfortable and vulnerable position. The man of the night glided a cold blade down Gaara's face check, Gaara's eyes were wide with fear, "I love your eyes Gaara" the red head was unable to say anything with a cloth wrapped around his mouth. The man's eyes raped Gaara's torso as his hands glided downwards, " I love your pale skin, Gaara" tonight the voice had a certain –hiss– to it that made the man seem serpent-like. The knife had stayed in the man's hand for the entire ordeal and after every time he came inside the small boy he would make a scratch tally on Gaara's pale thigh. "-pant pant- I -pant- love -pant- your tight fuck hole -pant- Gaara"
The first night it happened, the first series of scars he had received. A Gaara of 5 years old was making his way back home after dark. He stumbled but was caught but a hooded man. "what's your name kid?" his rich voice called out to him. "Gaara" he said timidly. A smirk grew on the other man's face as he held on tighter onto the kids wrist and dragged him down an alley "come with me" he said. When they were deep in the alleyway Gaara was flung against a wall, "he loves you Gaara, do you know that? Your uncle really loves you. But it's the wrong kind of love. Your dad loves you too, so he told me, 'tell Gaara that he is never to see any of us again. I don't want him anymore.'" The man held Gaara's hands above his head with one hand and used the other to put it up the red heads shirt and tweak a nipple. His lips were by Gaara's ear as he spoke and then on his neck biting and marking him. Soon Gaara's clothes were gone and the man had lowered his trousers ad boxers to have his way with him. By the end of it, Gaara was on the floor, crying and bleeding and shaking. The man spread Gaara's legs once more and carved a word into Gaara's leg, "so people know who it is they love to fuck" he said before leaving.
Gaara looked at his scarred leg; 'Gaara' was etched into his left thigh and the tallies on his right. He shook his head and put on one of his grey briefs from their small pile followed by some long pyjama bottoms. He heard a knock at the door and rushed to put on his cardigan before reaching the door and opening it to a tall, well built blonde boy with shocking blue eyes and a bright smile.
The corner of Gaara's lips tugged up slightly at the sight of Naruto in a tight white vest shirt where the neckline stopped a centimetre above his nipples, and baggy beige three quarter length shorts that stopped over his knee. He had a big back pack over one of his shoulders and Gaara could see small beads of sweat forming on his face.
"what do you want Naruto? It's Saturday; shouldn't you be sleeping in or something?"
"on a day like this?"
"like what?" he said as he yawned and rubbed his eye. Naruto walked past Gaara towards the small window that was covered by a makeshift curtain.
"Naruto, WAI-!" Naruto tugged on the cloth used as a curtain and pulled it completely off, the bar that was holding it up fell down with it and clattered to the floor. Gaara closed his eyes and counted to 10 as he heard Naruto say, "oops…sorry" he breathed out and opened his eyes to see Naruto looking at him with a look he couldn't name.
"What is it?" he asked.
Naruto shook his head and gestured to the window, "it's such a nice day! I'm surprised you haven't died of heat exhaustion yet! It's 32 degrees Celsius!" Gaara walked forward and plonked himself down on a grubby old pillow on the floor in the living area, "so I decided… to take you swimming! I know, you don't like swimming and I figured out why" Gaara's eyes opened in fear. If he knew about the scars that covered his body then he would most likely know why he had them…
"It's alright Gaara. I won't tell anyone about you not being able to swim." Gaara dead panned in his head, Naruto would have to actually be observant and actually be able to think to be able to figure out Gaara's real reason; he had nothing to worry about.
"I'm going to teach you!" Naruto said with that idiotic grin on his face.
"what?"
"I'm going to teach you to swim! Your complex has a pool right?"
He was right, it did have a pool, but it didn't have any water in it and the sides were covered in graffiti.
Gaara lived in an abandoned complex. He was the only resident. Everyone else had gradually left 2 years ago, but he couldn't afford anywhere else, no one would give him help and he refused to burden the closest thing he had to a companion and as long as he wasn't loitering the streets, the government couldn't give a fuck what he did with an old building, until they decided to demolish it and build a new one, but for now, they couldn't care less. Most of the windows of the complex were smashed by bricks thrown by teenage thugs bored in the nights. Before the landlord had left, knowing that Gaara was still there, he drained the pool and turned off water, heating and electricity. Gaara had what he had through scavenging through the abandoned complex, buying the cheapest things on the rack when his 'clients' gave him a decent amount of money for his 'services' and from when Naruto took him shopping or bought him presents for his birthday or any other occasion. Why Naruto still socialised with him, Gaara will never know.
But then again, Naruto didn't know about the life that he had made for himself. When he wasn't with Naruto and wasn't at home, he had been taken off the dark streets he was walking on and thoroughly fucked by horny men who needed a lay. Some would pay him and others wouldn't bother. The ones that paid him only did it because he had gone to them and asked if they required a service. The ones that didn't pay him were the ones that shoved him against a wall when he wasn't expecting it and pulled his briefs and trousers down shoving whatever they could find in his mouth so that his expected screams wouldn't alert anyone. Not that he ever screamed anymore. He had become somewhat immune to the pain of being entered without preparation and recoiled to a dark corner of his mind until it was over.
When he was the one to approach the one that fucked him, he would moan like the whore he pretended to be if that was what the client wanted. No, if Naruto new about this life then he wouldn't ever want to look at him anymore.
The blonde energy ball dumped his bag on the floor and moved towards the door, "where did you say you turned your water and stuff on?" Naruto asked in an attempted casual tone as he subtly walked towards the door.
"Control panel in the basement"
"Gotcha"
"wh-" Gaara was about to ask why but saw that Naruto was already gone as he heard fast footsteps running away from him.
"shi-" Gaara pushed him off the floor and slipped on some shoes so that he wouldn't hurt his bare feet on any broken pieces of glass that may be lining the corridor floors and exited his apartment running after the blonde. He chased him down the stairs, always jumping the last three as he saw Naruto a few floors lower jumping 5 or more at a time. When Naruto got to the ground floor the stairs stopped and he started searching doors for another way down.
Gaara had just reached the ground floor when he saw Naruto go through the doors that lead to the basement.
"NARUTO!" he growled as he continued on his chase.
Naruto ran through the hallways blindly, he ran down a set of stairs and proceeded to look in the dark for a control room, he tripped and as he flung his arms out to brace himself for the fall, his hands brushed against a light switch. All the lights turned on and he continued his quest more efficiently now that he could see where he was going. He laughed as he ran and gave a joyful shout when the door ahead said 'Control Room'. He kicked the door open and searched for a light switch. Once he found one and the room was lit, he looked through all the knobs and buttons to try and find what would start the pool off.
He played with various dials once he found the pool panel playing with the different settings.
Gaara barged into the room panting and sweating, red faced as Naruto turned one more dial. A loud thud was heard above their heads as they both held their breath waiting for something to happen. They heard water flow through the pipes and both looked at each other before running out the room towards the pool at the back of the apartments.
Gaara pushed the door leading to the outside open, closely followed by Naruto. They both threw their hands in front of their eyes at the glare of the sun and gradually made their way to the pool as their eyes adjusted.
Naruto was the first to adjust to the light and blinked a few times before, "Wahoo!" he yelped, "yes!" he punched a fist in the air as he ran closer to the pool.
Gaara soon opened his eyes and saw the pool steadily filling with water. He had never been swimming; never even stepped foot into a paddling pool, but not being able to swim was the least of his worries.
When Gaara had been told not to go back home, he was too battered to go anywhere or call for help. If he hadn't been found then he would have died. Maybe that would have been better than the life that he lived… but it was a man that had taken him in, that had cleaned his cuts and given him a bath, fed him and healed him back into shape. It was three days later that he asked for payment with his body. When the boy had been reluctant to touch him as they shared a bath, he got angry and forced Gaara's head under the water. He passed out from lack of air and when he came to, he found himself newly sore and used and back on the streets with fresh belt welts on his back.
It had been easy for a cute boy like Gaara to find a temporary home with a sex deprived paedophile. They would care for him then beat him and have their way with him. They would never scar his beautiful face or pure chest and never harm him below the knee. The last person that took him in, he ran away from before he had the chance to hurt him again. He ran as far as he could and was then caught by the police for skipping school. When they found out that he wasn't enrolled in one, he was quickly done so and entered into a foster home.
That's where he met Naruto. They shared a room together, Gaara from the age of 10 and Naruto 9, until Gaara was 15 when Gaara ran away. He took what money he had and bought himself an apartment. Naruto knew about his plan. Gaara had come to trust Naruto and told him they wouldn't be roommates anymore. Naruto was saddened by that but didn't tell anyone about Gaara's plan and stood by his side at school when everybody else avoided him for his pale skin, red hair and dangerous looking eyes even though he was in the year below.
Naruto had also left the home but he had earned more money and had an income for every week when he went shopping for food. His situation was a lot better. He had offered Gaara a place to stay when he heard about his situation and said that if he didn't want charity then he could pay whenever he had the money. But Gaara had refused. But not because of money or space. For something completely different. He didn't know how to explain it. But he felt differently about Naruto than he did other people. Maybe it was because Naruto was the only person who had really got to know him. The only person who although he had pushed himself on him, hadn't actually hurt him. But he felt more than just gratitude. He didn't know what it was, but he felt like if he got physically too close, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from holding onto him or touching him. He wouldn't know how Naruto would react and could only think that he would run away from him.
Gaara was brought out of his musings when Naruto grabbed a hold of his hand. Gaara looked from their joined hands to Naruto's bright smile, Naruto looked away and Gaara followed his line of sight. The pool was now full and Gaara noticed as he looked down at Naruto's legs were wet and shoeless. He noticed more rubbish around and figured that Naruto must have gone and taken all the rubbish that had filled the pool.
"its great isn't it" Naruto stated more than asked. Gaara didn't say anything and wasn't given much of a chance as Naruto quickly spoke again. "Come on" he turned around still holding Gaara's hand as the red head blindly followed him back up the stairs to the now very hot apartment.
Naruto eventually let go of Gaara's hand and went to his backpack where he pulled out two pairs of swimming trunks. "I didn't think you had any, hope you don't mind" Naruto knew that Gaara hated it when he bought things for him but if he didn't then no one else would and he would have nothing. Naruto threw the long shorts at Gaara, "I think green really suits you well, goes with your eyes" Naruto said with a smile before dashing off to the bathroom to change.
Gaara opened up the shorts and took a look at them. He put them against his hips where they went down to bellow his knees. The length would cover his scarred legs, but what about his back? Naruto had already seen his scarred arms, Gaara said they were self inflicted, which some of them were but he promised then that he wouldn't do it anymore when he saw how hurt Naruto looked. That expression had made his stomach and heart clench and his eyes started to sting as tears threatened to pool, but as soon as Naruto smiled again, he was at ease.
Naruto came back out the bathroom with low riding swimming trunks that rested on his hips and ended below his knees, they were bright orange in colour of course. His tan chest was firm and he had the faint lines of a 6 pack forming, his arms were toned as were his legs. Gaara stared at him with fractionally wide eyes and the slightest gape in his mouth.
"come on then, get changed" Naruto was pushing Gaara into the bathroom and held the door closed no matter what Gaara said or how hard he hit the door.
Eventually he gave up and proceeded to remove his PJ bottoms and briefs and slipped into the well fitting trunks. He tightened the strings and looked at himself in the cracked mirror on the back of the door with and without his cardigan before putting it back on and telling Naruto that he had changed. When Naruto opened the door a crack and saw he was telling the truth, he flew the door open and proceeded to openly check out his friend.
"niiiice!! Very nice! Give us a twirl," Gaara awkwardly turned on the spot as he always did when modelling clothes Naruto had got for him.
"perfect!" he shouted, "just one thing."
"what?"
"take off the cardi"
"what? No"
"come on Gaara, you must be boiling in that thing! It's long sleeved and goes down further than your butt!"
Gaara looked down at the floor and said in a small timid voice, "you got it for me"
Naruto sighed, "I know. And I know how much you like it but, it's just, you can't go swimming with it. It would get ruined." Gaara wrapped his arms around his own waist as he thought what to do. Maybe Naruto wouldn't even ask. They respected each others' privacy and accepted that some things people just don't want to talk about. He took a deep breath and removed the cardigan, folding it neatly onto his sleeping mat before looking up at Naruto who was staring at him again. Gaara felt conscious and Naruto hadn't even seen his back yet.
"what?" he asked, slight apprehension leaking through his voice. Naruto shook his head again before smiling, "that green really suits you" Gaara felt his lips tug into a small smile before Naruto grabbed his hand and his bag and dragged him to the pool.
The pool was set out in two sections; a shallow pool for children about 50 cm deep and a big pool that got 2 meters deep. Naruto dumped his bag on the side of the pool and stepped into the shallow side of the pool sighing.
"the water's great" he said as he kneeled down and paddled the water with his hands, "come in."
Gaara pointed a cautious toe and dipped it in the water before drawing it back quickly, "it's cold!" he squealed. Naruto laughed and held out a hand for Gaara to hold on to.
"you need to get in first. It's good" he gave Gaara a reassuring smile and held on to one of his hands. Gaara looked around and saw some steps that lead to the pool, he pointed to it and Naruto gave a small chuckle but understood what he wanted. He stood up still holding Gaara's hand and walked him round the edge of the pool to the steps. Gaara slowly walked into the water step by step with Naruto's help but still managed to strip on the last one and fell on top of Naruto who fell into the water. Naruto, who had moved quickly, had wrapped one arm around Gaara's waist before they were both in the water and used his other arm to push them both out of the water. When the situation had passed, they were both kneeling in the water, Naruto had an arm firmly around Gaara's waist and Gaara had both hands in fists against Naruto's chest. They were both coughing up the water that had made its way into their lungs and noses and gaining back their breath. Naruto was the first to smile and laugh, "be more careful, okay Gaara?" Gaara nodded before looking away and blushing slightly. Naruto let his hand fall from Gaara's waist and hold onto his hand again.
"maybe we should start with walking" Naruto laughed. He held Gaara in front of him holding both his hands and walked backwards slowly as Gaara adjusted to the force that the water had on his legs.
He soon got the hang of walking through the water and could travel from one side of the pool to the other without assistance. As Gaara continued to walk around the water and enjoy the new sensation, Naruto went over to his bag and brought out several rubber bands and blow up bands to teach Gaara to float on the water. He blew up the arm bands and the donut and let them float around on the water.
"what are those?"Gaara asked pointing to the floating objects.
"those are going to help you to swim"
"how?"
"come here and I'll show you" Gaara walked over to Naruto who had grabbed onto the floats. "give me your arms" Gaara held out both his arms as Naruto eased each arm band onto his thin arms. Gaara couldn't help but watch Naruto's happy face being cautious as he put the arm bands on and Naruto couldn't help but be gentle with Gaara as though he was a child and not a boy that was a year older than him.
Once the arm bands were on, Naruto looked up at Gaara's staring face and smiled as he continued, "okay, come with me" Naruto held out his hand for Gaara as his other hand put the hoop around his arm. He walked Gaara out the shallow pool and into the other pool. It started as 75cm in the shallow end. He let go of Gaara's hand and jumped into the water reaching the surface quickly and throwing his head back to get his hair out of his face. The donut was outside the pool by Gaara's feet.
"step into the hoop" Naruto said, and Gaara did, "now lift it to your hips" and Gaara did, "now come in" Gaara hesitated and started to walk to the ladder, "no no. Jump in" Gaara looked at the water for a minute before biting his bottom lip and shaking his head. "come on, you'll be fine" Naruto said with a reassuring smile. Gaara again shook his head, "I'll catch you, trust me" Gaara looked as Naruto moved closer to Gaara with his outstretched arms. He bit his lip one more time and Naruto thought that he was going to shake his head again, but he jumped in and Naruto caught him under his armpits helping him into the water.
"okay! Come on" Naruto held Gaara's hand and moved towards the deeper end of the pool, only going as far as he could here he could stand. "kick your legs" Naruto suggested, Gaara attempted to kick his legs but they went all over the place and he made no progress. Naruto laughed lightly at his attempt and proceeded to show him how it was done.
------
Throughout the day, Naruto went step by step to teach Gaara how o swim. While they were in the water, even if Gaara's back was facing him, Naruto failed to notice the scars, which were a good thing for the red head.
Gaara had made good progress in the one day and by the end of the day could do a very crude imitation of a breast stroke, front crawl and back stroke. But Gaara also found how much he enjoyed being in the water. How refreshing the cool water felt against his heated skin and along his old scars.
He chose to scowl when Naruto laughed at his failed attempts and claimed that Naruto was being patronising when he was told 'well done' when he was successful, but he felt well and truly happy and proud when he was congratulated on little things that he had done right.
------
The sun was starting to set and Naruto had decided it was time to get out. Neither had eaten anything all day, apart from Naruto before he went to Gaara's place. Naruto let Gaara go ahead of him to the ladder and watched with a smile as Gaara grabbed a hold of it and hoisted himself put the water, this was the first time Naruto could see his back properly and he gasped at the scars and gashes and lines and crescent shaped marks that covered Gaara's back.
Hearing the gasp, Gaara quickly turned around and saw the pain and shock on Naruto's face, but Gaara was still on the ladder and the sudden turn had caused him to become unbalanced and he fell towards the water. Naruto moved in and instance and caught Gaara before he hurt himself.
"are you okay?" Naruto asked. Gaara turned away blushing from the situation and Naruto seeing his back.
"I'm fine" he masked his face with a look of indifference and snatched himself away from Naruto's grasp. Naruto watched as Gaara stepped out the pool again and saw him rub his hands up and down his arms in an attempt to warm himself up.
Naruto grabbed the inflatables in the water and left them by the side while he pulled two towels out of his bag.
"here" her held the towel out to Gaara. Gaara took the folded towel and held it open to look at it. The towel had a panda on it eating bamboo shoots with more bamboo behind it. Gaara closed his eyes as he wrapped the towel around his shoulders and held it tightly around him. Naruto watched Gaara for a while before drawing his attention to the inflatable's that he started to deflate one by one. When Gaara opened his eyes, he watched Naruto work and sat by the water's edge to dangle his feet while he waited for him to finish. He turned his head to watch his feet more in the water and became so absorbed in that, that he didn't notice Naruto had finished and was watching him with a small smile on his face.
Naruto walked over to Gaara and sat down behind him with a leg on either side of Gaara and his arms around Gaara's waist holding him tight as he rested his forehead on Gaara's shoulder. He closed his eyes and all he saw was the scars on Gaara's back. He started to shake as tears gathered behind his eye lids. Gaara could feel Naruto shaking and thought it was because he was cold.
"didn't you bring a towel for yourself?" he asked, still watching his feet.
Naruto laughed, "yes I did"
"you should go get it then" Gaara said. He then turned his head to look at Naruto's head on his shoulder. Naruto could feel Gaara's eyes on him and so he lifted his head from his shoulder and looked into Gaara's teal beautiful eyes as his own leaked badly controlled tears. Gaara frowned in worry as he turned his body and lifted as arm between the gap in the towel and wiped Naruto's tears away, "what's wrong?" he asked, his eyes frowning with concern.
"nothing" Naruto lied.
"then why are you crying??" Gaara asked, still concerned.
"sorry" Naruto looked down to the ground as Gaara watched him. Gaara didn't know what to do. He had never seen Naruto cry before and had never had to comfort anyone before, but he had remembered seeing a mother wrap her arms around her crying child and decided to give it a try. He turned around and kneeled between Naruto's legs and let his towel fall as he wrapped his arms around Naruto's neck and pulled him towards his body. Naruto responded to the action and held his arms tighter around Gaara's waist and snuggled his head against Gaara's smooth chest. Gaara didn't know what to do next and acted on a reflex running his fingers through Naruto's hair, feeling it and playing with it gently. Naruto sniffed against Gaara's chest and tried to control his breathing and crying as his heart beat faster at the closeness of the situation.
"we should probably go back inside" Gaara said once he felt Naruto stop shaking and heard he had stopped sniffling.
"can we stay like this for a little longer?" Naruto asked, not wanting to let go of Gaara.
"only a little longer"
"thank you" Naruto moved his arms so that he held onto Gaara's shoulders as he shifted slightly and stretched his neck to kiss Gaara on the cheek with closed eyes. Gaara was surprised by the action but didn't feel the fear or dread that he normally felt when someone's lips touched him and he closed his eyes, feeling content with Naruto in his arms.
------
They were upstairs now, back in Gaara's apartment. Gaara had put his cardigan back on even though Naruto had now seen the scars, he thought it would make Naruto more comfortable or less worried or at least make it easier to divert his thoughts from it. The two of them had gone out and bought a burger king take away and brought it back to the apartment where they ate in silence. Naruto was usually the one to start the conversation. Well, he's the one that usually talked. Gaara would just listen or add in a comment every now and again.
Gaara had opened his sleeping mat so that it was now big enough for two people. Naruto often slept round when he stayed too late or just wanted to spend more time with Gaara when he needed a break from everything else, and Gaara had got tired of sleeping in the cold hard floor and found a sleeping mat that could count as a double or he could use for winter when it got cold.
The two of them were currently sitting on it next to each other quietly eating the last of their chips, Naruto in the part where Gaara usually slept and Gaara to the left of Naruto.
Gaara had thought long for something to say and had worked himself up to sound as cheerful as he could when Naruto finally spoke, "Gaara"
Gaara exhaled as he looked at Naruto who was looking down at his hands before he replied, "yeah?"
Naruto bit his lip and Gaara knew his wanted to ask about the scars on his back. He sighed before speaking.
"go on then. What do you want to ask?" Naruto continued to twiddle his thumbs and ignore Gaara's question. Gaara shifted in his position to turn and look round at Naruto, he stretched out his right hand and cupped Naruto's left cheek, "Naruto," he said. Naruto closed his eyes against the feel. Gaara turned Naruto's head to face him. What he saw clenched at his heart. His eyes were so sad and his whole expression made him seem like a lost puppy separated from everything he cared about. Naruto closed his eyes again and pressed his face into Gaara's hand. He placed his own hand on top and stroked it gently; he then used his other hand to take the hand of his face and held it tightly with both hands. He stroked it and played with the individual fingers, tracing all the lines, he brought the hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly again and again. He was back to stroking the hand and his fingers went towards the scars coating his wrist, he traced them with his fingers before he spoke in a quiet voice, "you've been through a lot haven't you?"
Gaara watched him with a calm face taking pleasure in the gentl touch.
"you could say that"
"how…" he began but stopped.
"'how' what?"
"how did you get them?" his voice was still hesitant.
"the short version? People fuck me"
Naruto winced at the harshness and indifference in his tone.
"how long?"
"too long"
"what for?"
"money I suppose"
"Gaara…"
"look I don't want to get into this."
Naruto was silent as he looked at Gaara who was avoiding looking at Naruto.
"Gaara? Hat is love to you?" Naruto asked with his small voice. Gaara flinched, that word had only ever hurt him.
"love hurts me" h spoke quietly, in a whisper even, and looked at anywhere but Naruto as he spoke. Naruto placed his fingers under Gaara's chin and brought his face to look at him. Naruto looked into his eyes and saw all the pain that Gaara had hidden for so long. Tears fell from Naruto's eyes and Gaara's hand flew to his face in an instant catching the tears and wiping them from his face.
"why are you crying?" he asked in a whisper. Hurt turning to concern as he cupped Naruto's face.
"I'm sorry Gaara" Naruto closed his eyes after he spoke and turned his head to feel more of Gaara's hands on his face.
"for what? You didn't do anything. You're the only one who hasn't hurt me when they touched me."
"that may be true but…"Naruto looked away from Gaara.
"Gaara, love isn't supposed to hurt you."
"my experience tells me otherwise"
"I know" Naruto lowered his head, "but it isn't supposed to. It is supposed to be the most incredible feeling you can imagine… when you love someone, you would do anything to make them happy, even if it hurts you. Love returned is even better because you both want to be together and don't have to stand by and watch the one you love, love someone else" Naruto was looking at Gaara as he spoke now, Gaara's eyes were widening at Naruto's words and tears stung his eyes as he realised how love had been ruined for him. Naruto removed some of Gaara's hair that had fallen in front of his face and pushed it behind his ear. He then held Gaara's hand as he continued to speak. "when you touch, it's pleasant and enjoyable, you want to touch them more and hold them close to you and want to protect them from anything that could hurt them. You get such a happy feeling when they blush or get embarrassed and you can't help but love the things about them that they hate about themselves." One of Naruto's hands was linked with Gaara's and the other had moved up to cup his face. Gaara's free hand had trailed the other and was gently griping Naruto's wrist.
"do you – " he still winced at the word, " – love anyone Naruto?"
"yes"
"and you've never hurt them?"
"not that I've realised. And I would never even dream of it"
"they're lucky" Gaara smiled softly and Naruto returned his smile.
"Gaara, it's you that I – " he thought about his choice of words, "care about so much. I want to hold you and look after you."
"I'm the older one aren't i?" a small laugh ran through the room.
It quietened down and they simply stared at each other adoringly. The silence was all the filled the room before Naruto spoke, "Gaara, can I please show you was love is really about? Please?"
"will it hurt?"
"what I want to show you won't hurt"
Gaara was silent for a moment, barely thinking it over before saying, "I trust you Naruto"
Naruto smiled at this and released the hand that was linked with Gaara's to place it on the other side of Gaara's face. He held him there and brushed one of his thumbs over Gaara's lips before leaning forward and pressing their lips gently together. Gaara closed his eyes and found it reassuringly easy to relax in Naruto's presence. It felt good to have Naruto's lips on his, it felt right.
He lifted his hands and placed them between Naruto's arms, now holding his face as well as he deepened the kiss. They parted and Naruto smiled, "how was that?"
Gaara sat there for a moment, still with his eyes closed before leaning in again and reattaching their lips, Naruto's lips were so soft and warm, he felt Naruto smile through the kiss and opened his eyes looking up to clear blue adoring eyes.
Naruto moved his hands from Gaara's face to his shoulders as they parted, just looking into each other's eyes, and he stroked his shoulder absentmindedly. Fear started to clench in his heart as tears began to build in Gaara's eyes, but before he knew it, Gaara's arms were wrapped under his arms and over his shoulders, his head was on his chest and Naruto could feel Gaara grip onto him with all his might.
"is this real?" Gaara mumbled against Naruto's chest, "or will I wake up in the bed of someone who I don't even know? Although, I don't think I could dream up such stories. The idea of actually being happy never even crossed my mind. I never thought that there might be someone who could… make me so happy when they touched me."
"this is real Gaara. Love is hard to describe… if you care for me, the way I care for you, then you won't have to experience the pain of rejection from the one you love. It should make you happy to know and have someone that can't wait to see you so that they can hold you and kiss you, who wouldn't do anything to you that you don't want them to do. I will never try to hurt you Gaara. I will do my best to protect you and make you happy. If you have the same feelings for me as I do for you. I don't need you to prove this to me; I'll believe you and everything will be at your pace, your choice. If you don't, then I'll return to being your friend and hope that one day you will be able to find someone to hold or that will hold you and will never want to let go. Someone who cares for you as much as I do if more is impossible"
Naruto's arms were firmly around Gaara's shoulders, rubbing soothing circles in his back and stroking his hair.
"you're holding me, aren't you?" Gaara said, his nose in the crook of Naruto's neck. Gaara felt Naruto nod on his shoulder, "do you want to let go?" he asked.
"never"
"then don't"
Naruto stayed quiet, not knowing what to say or how to react to this, so Gaara continued, "never let me go. Hold me, kiss me, do as you want with me because I trust you to not hurt me. I trust you to really love me"
"Gaara…" Naruto's grip on Gaara tightened. Gaara was the first to separate the bodies so that he could look into Naruto's eyes. Naruto had such a genuine smile on his face full of pure happiness and Gaara saw water gathering in his eyes. It was now Gaara who placed his hands on Naruto's face and leant in to kiss him. It was the same as the last one, simple and lingering, but this time, Gaara nibbled slightly on Naruto's lip; even though he had given Naruto permission, he knew that Naruto wouldn't do anything unless enticed. Sure enough, Naruto took the bait and slipped his tongue in Gaara's mouth, gently massaging his tongue and pleasuring him as his hands went and rubbed Gaara's back. They eventually broke apart for air and panted slightly. They rested their foreheads against each other and one of Naruto's hands stroked Gaara's chest the other twined with Gaara's own. Gaara looked into Naruto's eyes as the blonde looked at Gaara's lip before twisting his head to the side to reach Gaara's lips again where they repeatedly touched lips.
Gaara unlinked their hands and started to take off his cardigan.
"wait" Naruto stopped him, "I don't want to do this yet. To do it straight away would make me feel like I was just another man using you only to throw you away the next morning. I wouldn't do that!" he added quickly, "but it's just…"
"it's okay" Gaara smiled and kissed Naruto on the lips again, "you also have to ready, right?"
"ehehe" Naruto scratched the back of his head in a way that was so typically Naruto. Gaara pushed on Naruto's shoulders gently pushing him back.
"let's just go to sleep, okay?"
Naruto wrapped his arms around Gaara's waist before nodding. They arranged themselves so that they were on their sides facing each other. Naruto reached out a hand and pulled Gaara closer to him so that Gaara's head was facing Naruto's bare chest. He kissed it once as Naruto kissed the top of Gaara's head, let his arms rest on top of Gaara's waist, and the two of them lay there quietly as they let sleep take them over.
Before Gaara fell asleep, he heard Naruto whisper, "I love you Gaara" and only felt warmth flow over him as he knew that this time he wouldn't be hurt by those words.
-end-
it took so damn long to write this fic!!!! i started it in august last year!!!