A/N: Please let me know what you think. This has been haunting my brain ever since this episode aired. Reviews are a necessity!
"I love you Kate," his words swirl around his head. An endless pounding against his skull. He wishes he'd told her earlier. He wished he told her while she was still with him, still safe. But he didn't. He waited until a bullet was in her chest and she was breathing faintly on the ground.
Regret filled his entire body. He regretted not telling her how much he loved her before she stepped up to that podium. Before their argument, before that man with his gun took her away from him.
"She went into cardiac arrest. The doctors are doing everything they can," the doctor spoke to a group of people that were waiting at the hospital. "We weren't able to stop the bleeding. We couldn't save her."
Those words haunt him to this very day and that was over a year ago. He can't sleep without being drunk; he only eats when he's close to starvation. She's gone. His muse, his inspiration, his love.
He can't seem to get her out of his mind. The mysterious woman who always showed up at Kate's grave. Who was she? How did she know Kate? How come he didn't know about her?
The first time he laid eyes on her was at Kate's funeral eleven months ago.
Jim Beckett was up on the podium giving the eulogy in the church. He was trying not to cry but broke down the minute he looked down at Kate's dead body right in front of him.
"You will be dearly missed Katie. We all love you."
The Paul barriers carried her body up the hill underneath the weeping willow. They all watched as they lowered her body into the ground. Castle unable to control himself walked away, putting his back towards the ceremony.
Tears streamed down his face and he wanted to kick himself for not saving her. He wasn't fast enough. Anther second and he would have saved her in time. She would still be here with him. And he could protect her. Keep her away from harm. But he wasn't fast enough.
On the far side of the cemetery he saw her. Some woman dressed with eloquence, at the funeral. She had on a hat that helped shield her face from view. No one else seemed to notice her. He knew she saw him. And whenever he would try to approach her, she would disappear.
Castle dressed in a suit again to visit the love of his life. It seems like ever since she died the sky has been grey. It rained almost everyday. There were no clouds out and the wind was slightly chilly to day. Like the way it gets before it starts to rain.
Castle visits Kate's grave every Saturday. He tells her how sorry he is some days. Others he just sits with her, letting the silence speak for him. And almost every time he's there so is she. She's here now. And Castle caught a glimpse of her face.
"Oh my God," he whisperes. "It can't be."
He's not sure and he doesn't want to get his hopes up. But she looked just like…No. Don't do this to yourself Rick. The wind blew slightly harder, flicking his hair with it. The weeping willow blowing effortlessly above her grave, giving off a familiar scent.
Staring down at her from on top of the hill, she walks toward her car opens the door, and then stops. She looked up at him. Her hat no longer shielding her face, her bright red lipstick, embellishing her face with beauty. But she's still to far away. He can't make out any facial features. But he swears he sees her smile. That condescending smile that he's only use to seeing from one person.
He marches down the hill, and then she quickly jumps in her car and drives off before he can get to her. "Who are you?" he yells at the car.
Castle runs to the street and hails a cab. He tells the driver to follow her car. He hopes she doesn't know he's following her. He needs to see her face. To see who she is.
Castle couldn't have imagined that the sky could any greyer but as he as following this mystery woman its all the sky could do. Dark clouds were forming in the sky. A storm was coming.
Castle saw her get out of a car and head into an apartment building. He paid the cab driver and swiftly got out the car and followed her into the building. He tried to act calm as he was walking through the lobby so no one would ask if he belonged there. Thankfully no one did.
He saw her turn the corner and walk into the elevator. He tried to get on but was too late. Meanwhile she still had her head down, making sure the hat covered her face. He knows her. She's so familiar. Her body…
Without wasting anther second Castle darted up the stairs stopping briefly on every floor to hear an elevator ding. He finally heard the elevator ding on the fifth floor. He saw her walk out. This is as close to her as he's ever been before. And he can feel the magnetic pull of attraction between them. A feeling he knew all too well. He watched her walk. Long strides, her heels making a sound with every step she took. Her legs…endless. He's only seen them on one other person before.
"Hey," he called out to her.
She turned to him slightly. He saw her eyes. Hazel-green. They were gorgeous. But she started walking faster. Fast enough to get away from him.
"Don't," he pleaded. But it was too late she took off running down the hall. "Hey!"
Please don't let me be hallucinating, he thought. Please let this be her.
She turned anther corner, and his heart was racing. He thought it was going to beat out of his chest. But he didn't care. He needed to see her face. He needed to know…
He heard a door slam shut just as he turned the corner. He saw which door it was. He stood in front of it. Terrified. He was breathing out of control, his heart was hearting, and he couldn't slow down the thoughts that were racing through his mind. After a few moments he gathered the courage to knock on the door.
Bang, bang, bang.
He waited. No response. But he could feel her standing on the opposite side of the door. His heart beating uncontrollably, his breath frantic, his hands sweaty with anticipation. He knocked again.
When the door swung open his breath was taken away, his heart stood still, and he couldn't move. She was so beautiful. Her face so red, filled with life. He was speechless.
"Hi Castle," Kate said. She held her hand out to him to tug him into her apartment.
"What the hell?"
"I know."
Castle stood there in the middle of her apartment, which ironically, looked just like her original. He was unable to move, unable to speak. He was just so mesmerized. Her hair was now hanging down by her shoulder in small curls. Her hat was gone and her heels chucked somewhere across the room. She was wearing a dress. Nothing fancy but a short grey dress that hugged her frame and stopped just above her knees. Even still she was beautiful.
"Are you thirsty?" she asked him.
He shook his head yes. Still unable to speak.
So many thoughts were running through his mind. He was angry with her. Why did lie? How is she still alive? Who else knows? Was she here the whole time? Did she remember his confession to her when she was shot? Did she miss him? Who shot her? Did she know? He wanted to scream at her. He wanted her to feel the guilt he's been feeling ever since she "died."
Thunder started rumbling as Kate poured some water into a glass and handed to Castle. Their fingers brushed sending a wave of electricity through both of them. He knew she felt it. He knew because she looked up at him with those piercing eyes of hers. Those eyes he hasn't seen in what felt like a lifetime.
Kate stood against the counter sipping her glass of water. Quietly. Castle couldn't help but look as her lips pressed against the rim of the glass. He wanted to throw that cup across the room and replace it with his lips. But he couldn't.
"Are you gonna explain?"
"I think its best you don't know." How does she do this? How can she make him want her with just the slightest words, slightest movement of her mouth.
"No. Your gonna explain it. You owe me that much."
"Castle," she whispered.
"KATE!" he yelled throwing his glass behind him. The noise from the glass shattering against the floor brought to life a part of him that he thought died a long time ago. He hasn't been with anyone since she died, he didn't want to be with anyone but her. "How could you do this?" he repeated.
His breathing increased as he stared into her dark eyes. Filled with desire and aching need.
He pulled over to her, no, he ran to her planting his lips to hers. And it felt so good. His Kate, his love was alive and in his arms.
He kissed her with a deep passion that's been boiling inside his soul waiting to be unleashed. Their kisses deepened and began to burn hot with a fire they've been harboring for too long. Castle took his hands and ran them down her back stopping on her upper thighs. He squeezed them tight pushed her up against the refrigerator door.
"I watched you die," he said not slowing his actions down.
"I'm sorry."
Castle stopped and looked up at her. Both knew what this meant. What their unspoken words were saying. Until it wasn't enough for him. He needed to hear her say it.
"I missed you Castle."
And at the sound of those words leaving her lips Castle rested his head up against her chest. He started crying. "I missed you too. God how I missed you."