"You have got to be the most annoying ASSHOLE I've ever met!"

Vegeta glared at the woman from his bed in the infirmary. It had been three days since the GR exploded and landed him in this cursed bed wrapped in bandages. Going in and out of consciousness he vaguely remembered waking up after the incident to see her sleeping at the desk beside his bed. Now she won't leave him alone, finding any excuse to come and harass him about all sorts of nonsense. At the moment she was going on and on about how fragile the GR machine was. Like he cared. He scoffed and finally looked away from her. Why did she keep coming back? Why did she even care? Surely she could monitor his injuries from afar like everyone else on the capsule corp grounds-

"Hey! Don't ignore me while I'm talking to you!" She interrupted his thoughts and smacked him on the arm.

He wheeled around his head in shock. How...how dare she?! He had never had someone as weak as her so blatantly disrespect him! He narrowed his eyes.

" The next time you hit my arm will be the last time you have a hand blasted female." he growled.

Instead of cowering like he expected, she leaned into his personal space.

"Would be pretty hard to make a GR that can go up to 400 times gravity with one hand. Hell, it's hard with two hands. So I suggest you start being nice to me" she poked him in the chest to emphasise every word.

Cerulean eyes clashed with Onyx. The constant eye contact was a challenge and he stubbornly refused to look away. He had never seen eyes like hers before. They reminded him of the blue giant suns his space pod would pass on the way to purge a planet. The blue flames in her eyes seemed to almost reach out and touch him. It was too late when he realized that she was actually leaning forward.

Her gentle touch felt warm on his face as she slowly reached her hand up and undid the bandage around his head. Something that felt, shockingly, like unease made him lean away from her. The fact that this weak creature could make him feel uncomfortable in anyway caused an embarrassed blush to heat his face. His eyes skittered to the side, silently admitting defeat to their little battle. What in the world was wrong with him? He could still feel the touch of her fingers on his skin. Her chuckle caught his attention again.

"Nice to see you aren't dead...see you around homeboy." she winked at him and flounced out the door.

What...was she talking about? Nice to see he wasn't dead? Of course he wasn't! He crossed his arms and glared out the window. Bah, whatever. He had better things to think about right now, like how he was going to ascend to super saiyan. All he had to do was replicate the conditions that Kakarot was doing and he should see results in no time. He already felt stronger now that he survived-

"Huh...maybe she's wrong and you ARE dead" A deep voice said from across the room

Vegeta whipped his head around, arms going up in a defensive position. He froze at what he saw. He was looking at himself..but not himself. The figure across the room was relaxing against the door with his arms crossed, smirking at Vegeta with amusement. Whoever (or whatever) it was had his face but that was where the similarities stopped. It's hair was longer than his, so long it rested on his shoulders. It was taller and seemed more muscular than vegeta himself was. The being was shirtless, allowing vegeta to see the red fur covering the beings entire torso and arms except for the pecs and he wore nothing but gloves, jeans and boots. Movement caught Vegeta's eye and he saw the being had a red furry tail flicking back and forth.

"Who the hell are you?" Vegeta demanded " How the hell did you sneak in here without me noticing?"

The figures blue eyes flashed with annoyance. "My name is Geetz and I'm your hormone monster idiot. I've been trying to claw my way up to talk to you since you were 13 but SOMEONE here was a sociopath in a high stress environment."

Vegeta couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was completely ridiculous and yet deep down he knew it to be true. This creature, whatever it was, was a part of him. It felt alien and unfamiliar and Vegeta didn't trust it. "Well what do you want? Speak your business and leave."

"It's not about what I want, it's about what you want. But you are going to have to make some changes if you want her to keep coming around. She likes you so it won't be hard." He got up to walk across the room and picked up Vegeta's armor from Namek. It was bloody and worn with two very noticeable holes in the chest. "What the fuck is this?"

"That's my armor" Vegeta grated out. "It's the only thing I own" He was trying not to tell Geetz being anything, but some internal force possessed him to respond to it's question. "What does that woman have to do with me becoming a super saiyan?"

"Who gives a shit about becoming a super saiyan?" Geetz said as he threw the armor threw the window, shattering the glass. "I'm here to help you use that dick for something other than pissing."

"WHAT?! H-How Vulgar! You are no better than the woman. I don't have time for such petty nonsense!"

It narrowed it's eyes at him. Suddenly the creature disappeared from across the room and appeared directly in front of Vegeta. It crouched over him menacingly and grabbed both of his arms and glared it's glowing eyes at Vegeta.

"Oh no, you are not about to push me aside this time." It growled at him "You may claim to be prim and proper but we BOTH know that you are just as vulgar as she is. You want her to touch you. You want to make her angry because that look in her eyes gives you pleasure. You want to humiliate the weakling she's with and laugh at his pain."

"I don't give a DAMN about that woman or the weakling"

"She's not The Woman anymore" It grinned, showing a hint of fanged teeth "From now on you will think of her as Bulma. Did you know her name means "bloomers"? Every time you think her name I'm going to put a picture of panties in your head."

The sound of steps and arguing could be heard coming towards his room. Vegeta looked at Geetz in a panic. It sighed "Don't worry, no one can see me but you". Soon Bulma and the weakling were in the the door both trying to figure out what caused the glass to break in the room.

"It's the beta-male" Geetz said with a growl, "The competition should be emasculated at all costs, embarrass him."

"GET THE HELL OUT WEAKLING!" Vegeta roared.

Looking around Vegeta quickly picked up a spare IV pole and beaned Yamcha in the head. The poor human crumbled to the floor.

Bulma stood stocked for a moment looking back and forth between her male and himself. Vegeta had no idea why he listened to that...hormone monster. It seemed to have control over his actions and his will at random. When Bulma looked back at him though he was shocked to see her trying not to smile and failing...badly. She walked over to the intercom and called a nurse over to fetch Yamcha and put him in another room.

"Well done Vegeta," The monster said, patting him on the shoulder "You even managed to make her smile. Remarkable considering you have the humor of a corpse. Do it again."

NO.

She turned towards him and scanned the room, stopping on the spot where his armor was sitting. Intelligent eyes turned back to him speculatively. He didn't like the look she was giving him at all.

"Yes you do."

No I DON'T.

" Why did you throw your armor out the window?" Bulma asked.

Well he couldn't tell her that an imaginary friend did it now could he? He scrambled for an explanation.

"That was the best armor in the galaxy and Frieza blew a hole in it. It's useless now."

"Well next time open the window jerk!," She huffed, "I don't have time to replace windows every time you have a tantrum. Why didn't you just ask me to replace your armor? I am a genius after all"

"I don't need your help" he sneered

"Fine! See if I care," She stuck her tongue out at him and turned to leave.

"Gods, do you see how feisty she is? I like this even better than the smiling. Tell her to stay and use that tongue on-"

SHUT UP!

As she got to the door she turned and looked at him with a mischievous look before leaving.

"Thanks for hitting Yamcha by the way. He's being an annoying ass today and that was just what I needed." She smiled at him before closing the door softly behind her.

Vegeta stared at the door in confusion.

"What she needs is to be bent over this bed and -"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Vegeta roared, "Why are you distracting me now after all this time? I've done nothing but fail ever since I landed on this blasted planet and only ONE person is responsible. The only thing I need to be thinking about is training. I will not be left behind like some low-class warrior while Kakarot ascends to greater heights.

The monster looked at Vegeta for a minute after his outburst with a skeptical eyebrow.

"I can see you are going to fight me every step of the way. That's perfect, because I like a challenge. Go ahead and train Vegeta. Train as hard as possible until your bones break and your muscles tear. Train until you can't see straight and pass out. You will never reach the levels are a Super Saiyan until you break yourself."

The monster's quick acquiesce to his demand made him uneasy, but he had no time to dwell on it. He got out of bed and swayed on his feet. Damn, he was still too weak to do much more than human training levels. But that never stopped him before. He immediately got on the floor to start his first round of 1000 push-ups. That should be a good warm up.

"Remember to overdo it so Bulma can come and touch you again."

Vegeta gritted his teeth and began his warm-up. He tried and failed to ignore the images of panties and the creatures laughter in his head.

AN: this is my very first fan fiction so thank you for reading! This was very much inspired by the show "Big Mouth" on Netflix. You might have noticed that I turned Vegeta's Hormone monster into a SS4 version of himself. I just love the design and since GT is non-canon ( you cannot convince me otherwise) I thought it would be a fun way to incorporate him into the normal cannon story line. I hope you liked it and comments are welcome!