AN I: Hello, this is a one shot I couldn't get out of my head, thought I'd put it down to paper. It's a little darker than I normally write. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading!
You stopped trying to tell yourself how wrong it was months ago. You already knew it was wrong. That didn't stop you the first time and it won't stop you now.
You always worked better in secret anyway.
You think that this must be what an addiction feels like and sometimes, in your darkest moments of self-reflection, you wonder if you were too quick to judge your disappointing alcoholic mother. Other times you blame her for setting such a rich and full example on how to flourish in codependency.
Sometimes, your dark humor scares even you…sometimes.
You're still dating Piz in all his vanilla glory, you've learned to pretend the power of love has fixed your cracks and dents, that Piz fills up the empty spaces Logan left. You don't even flinch anymore when you make your excuses, and leave Piz happily placated with lies. Have fun honey chasing the bad guys, he says. In your head you hear go get'um bobcat, and when your insides quiver and your eyes go dreamy, he generally thinks it's for him, and he blushes as the intensity of your gaze before you remember to hide the real deal.
Poor generic Piz.
He's your cover, your pretend, your beard….. While you and Logan meet time and time again. Apart your broken, together sometimes you're a little less jagged. Without the expectations of a future and a real relationship, it's just Veronica and Logan.
And surprisingly it works. Which you think is ironic because it's all closed signs, bathrooms, stairways, and secret motel rooms under assumed names. Lies and secrets, breathy sighs and damp skin. It's you and Logan…..you need each other.
But you can't fix each other, and that happy little realization has landed you in your current predicament, murky as ever under the dull glow of your broken light bulb of an epiphany.
You haven't worked a case in months, in name only, not since you finally gave in to the incessant craving you'd been refusing to name. You'd been wide awake, unable to sleep. Piz had been snoring next to you, his features slack and innocent in respite. And suddenly you hated him for it….just a little bit. Your skin had hummed and your eyes had burned.
You knew who you wanted, and it wasn't Piz.
You'd written a note, left it on the dresser, and felt like scum the entire time you'd been scurrying stealthily in the dark, slipping into pants, finding your keys. You'd ended up at the Grand unconsciously, as if lead there by the need coiling, rolling, in your gut.
He'd opened the door, Logan always did. Like magnets, you found each other, eternally drawn by forces stronger than yourselves yet able to turn and repel just as strongly in an instant.
He'd known, had probably been expecting you, yet the look in his eyes almost made you turn around.
Don't break me they said.
Don't hurt me they screamed.
You threw yourself in his arms anyway….damning you both and to hell with the consequences. He caught you just like you knew he would.
Your lips fused, your skin burned together. You didn't need words, when it came to it, you never had. You and Logan had been at your best when forged together, finding shelter under a patchwork of treachery and deceit.
His breath was your compass, his pulse your northern star.
Of course, you had run far and fast in the weak morning light, shame hurrying your footsteps. But the smell of Logan's skin was an addiction, a deep need Piz couldn't fill even if he'd known about it. You and Logan had both been in the dark for so long, pretending, hiding. You were veterans from the trenches of Neptune High, the last remaining two of the fab four.
You didn't even make it 24 hours before you wound up on his doorstep again.
That time it had been Logan who'd grabbed you, pulling you in, and kicking the door shut, all without the use of his hands….as they were wrapped creatively and busily around your body; leaving burning trails of fire over your skin.
Naughty, naughty boy you'd thought and proceeded to let him make you forget your own name for a while.
And that was how it started.
You think, sometimes, it will never stop and you've decided to stop telling yourself it was wrong.
You leave the library where you'd all been studying. Piz is still laughing with Wallace over something from class earlier. He sees you lingering by the door and smiles in your direction before gesturing wildly at Wallace and continuing his story. You know he doesn't suspect a thing.
You also know Logan is waiting in the stacks for you, you'd gotten his text, and your heart thumps just a little bit faster at the wild indecency of being with your lover two floors up from your unsuspecting boyfriend.
Then you crack up in your head, slightly hysterically, at the word lover. That had Lily written all over it.
But Logan is…more than ever before.
A good person would tell Piz the truth, would stop stringing him along. But you've already decided you're not good. And neither is Logan. Not when it comes to the two of you. You're not giving him up again.
So you go to the stacks. You've already forgotten what Piz's smile looked like.
Warm fingers touch you.
It's in the dark.
It's secret
It's perfect.
AN: I hope you enjoyed it, leave a review if you're up to it!