Note From The Author—I'm starting this at two am, I have to be up and about at six, and I can't sleep. I'm also feeling particularly angsty today, which explains the middle part of this piece. Prepare for an overly emotional Stella
Disclaimer—I don't own any of the characters
They always said that your life flashed before your eyes when you were sure you about to die. The first time he came close to dying he was out too quick to see anything, and then too drugged up. This time he saw it coming, and he saw things as vividly as if they were playing out before him; but he didn't see his life. There was no grand vision of his first ride on a bike or the first girl that he kissed. No vision of his parents or sisters or the work he had done. As the reality of death came barreling at him, he saw only his regrets.
There were regrets from the job; that he hadn't put this perp away or caught that bastard. Regrets that he had let things with him and Jess get so far before he realized she was never the one, and regrets for hurting her so badly.
He found himself wondering if he had been a good enough friend to Danny, if he had stood by him enough. There was a pang when he realized that he would probably never see his goddaughter again or get to tease Lindsay about her and Danny's little girl fighting the boys off with a stick one day.
And the last thing that occurred to him as the world fell in was that he had never told Stella how he felt. For so long he had pretended that whatever he felt for her didn't exist for fear of destroying their friendship and working relationship. He realized then that he had been scared to say anything; and as the cries for help faded away he wondered if he would ever get the chance to be brave enough again.
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"Don! Come on Don please talk to us."
The desperation in Stella's voice brought swift awareness that there was something seriously wrong. Then he remembered it all, and he couldn't decide if it was horrifying or hilarious. "Am I actually at the bottom of a fucking well?" he asked.
Stella's laugh rang through the cold night as she and Danny breathed a collective sigh of relief. "Yes, you're really at the bottom of a well."
"Yeah Timmy, how you doing?" Danny questioned.
"Well," Flack managed. "The debris all over is making it hard to breathe, and overall I feel like shit. You call for Lassie?"
They were both peering down into the deep hole, thankful to see him; and he was thankful to see Danny nod. "Yeah, in a manner of speaking. We can't get to you without help so the cavalry's on the way."
He took a deep breath, wincing when it sent pain lancing through his body. "Good, that's good. I'm going to see if I can move some of this."
"Be careful," Stella warned.
The palpable fear in her voice caught him a bit off guard, but he tried not to think about it. At this point he figured it was better to take things a step at a time. He moved his left arm gingerly, glad when there didn't seem to be much resistance and it freed easily. But things went quickly downhill as he moved on to his right arm.
Don's strangled cry of pain reached them quickly and both Danny and Stella started so quickly they almost fell headfirst after him. "Don? Talk to me man."
"Shit." He took stock of the situation then squeezed his eyes shut against the pain and what he could see. "Definite trouble breathing, my right arm is pinned, and I'm not doctor but I'm pretty sure this much blood can't be good."
Panic rose white hot in Stella's throat when she heard it, and though she ruthlessly clamped down on it, she could feel her heart pounding as if it was trying to escape her chest. "Don't move at all Don, you hear me? We don't want that debris to do any more damage."
"Got it," he answered. He was starting to feel light headed and he knew that couldn't be good. "I really wasn't expecting to die today."
Danny shook his head. "Hey, no talk like that Flack, okay? You are not going to die today man. I need you with your A game to beat those ass hats from FDNY at the basketball game next month. So you just stay still until that bus gets here."
"Yeah, I can do that." But his head was starting to spin, and the thoughts spinning through his head were all whispering what if. What if he really was going to die? Stella was right there, and he could tell her how he felt just as easy as breathing. Maybe he would make it and it wouldn't be a problem; but what if? "Stell."
She could hear it in his voice, and she sent her hair whipping through the wind as she shook her head hard. "Don, don't."
Flack felt himself fading, and he knew it had to be then. "No, Stell. You need to know…"
Tears sprang to her eyes and she got as close to the edge as she dared go so they could see each other. "Don Flack you are not going to die today so just save it!"
"Stell," he said weakly. "If this is it, I'm not going out without letting you know how I feel."
"Don't," she begged as her breath hitched. "Don't do this."
But he was losing blood fast, his head was spinning and he knew he wouldn't be conscious much longer. So with darkness closing in he took one last deep breath. "Stell, please listen to me. I really screwed up not telling you this sooner." His breathing was getting more and more labored but his eyes caught hers as well as they could in the night. "I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you, which scared the hell out of me. That's probably why I was such an ass for so long. Either way, it smacked me in the face when you went through everything with Frankie. Seeing you that way… Point is that I love you, Stell."
"You're saying goodbye Don, and you can't say goodbye. Not now."
He ignored her. "Take care of her Danno."
"I will. I love you like a brother Don."
"Love you too Dan."
He went silent, and Stella felt her heart constrict. "Damn it!" She pushed to her feet with Danny close behind. "God damn it!"
Sirens sounded in the distance, but it was hard to know whether to rejoice or mourn. They couldn't see his injuries in the dark, and Flack could have been unconscious, or he could be dead.
"We shouldn't have said goodbye," she said, shaking her head. "Why did we say goodbye?" She was fighting back sobs when Danny's arms came around her, and she struggled against him. "We shouldn't have said goodbye!"
"Stell. Stell!" he barked. "Don't give up on him yet, Stell. Not yet."
She nodded, but she couldn't stop sobbing. But she stopped fighting him, and suddenly it was as if she couldn't hold her own weight. Danny shouldered it happily, and with tears in his eyes he held onto her. Together they listened to the sirens, and they waited.
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He hadn't expected to wake up.
When the lights had dimmed that final time he figured it was it, and was just glad that he'd gotten it all out. The Catholic in him half expected to open his eyes and find the pearly gates, with St. Peter waiting for him there. But when he opened them and saw Stella and Danny he was thoroughly confused.
"This is not what I was expecting."
Their heads shot up when they heard his voice, and Stella fought back tears. "Danny go get the doctor."
Flack watched as Messer more than willingly did what she said, then turned his focus back to her. "What happened?"
"You remember the well?"
He nodded. "I remember it all; just didn't think I was going to wake up."
Stella took a shaky breath. "Neither did we, actually. The bus got there a couple of minutes after you lost consciousness. To make a long story short you were bleeding so much because a piece of the rubble severed a major artery in your arm."
"That would explain it," he said, trying for a smile.
"Yeah, well… They got you here and into surgery and managed to repair the damage, but they were really worried about blood loss and…"
He could see her shaking as plain as he could hear it in her voice. Reaching out, he took her hand in his. "Stell, you don't have to go through it all. Leave it for the doctor."
She nodded. "Okay. God, Don, we were so worried." She pushed her free hand through her hair with a frustrated sigh. "I'm really sick of hospitals.
This time he didn't have to try for the smile. "Hazard of the trade, but I'm okay. Lassie pulled Timmy out of the well."
It made her laugh for the first time in a day and she shook her head. "Only you, well only you and Danny anyway. I'd punch you if it wouldn't rip your stitches. You scared the hell out of me."
"I'll try not to fall down any more wells then," he said, his smile contradicting the serious tone.
They both went quiet for a moment, and Stella wondered how to bring up what had been turning over in her mind ever since Flack had lost consciousness. Did she bring up the confession, let it go and wait for him to say something? She had no idea what to do in a situation such as this.
Despite her lack of experience in the area, she knew what worked for her; so she went for it. "So, you really in love with me Don?"
His eyes rose to met hers and he held back a sigh of relief when he saw the hope there. "Yeah, I'm really in love with you."
Her smile was radiant as she leaned a bit closer. "I had to make sure, because you never let me say anything about it."
"And what exactly did you want to say?" he questioned.
She wasn't sure if she was ready to say the actual words yet, but she knew she was ready to take a chance. "The feeling's mutual, Detective?"
Don grinned. "Good, because I'd really have hated to have to flee the state for making a complete ass out of myself. I'm no good with goodbyes."
"No goodbyes," Stella said quietly as she leaned in to kiss him. "Only hello."