A/N THIS IS FOR JAS AND MY OTHER ROLE PLAYING FRIENDS WHO ACTUALLY MADE ME PROMISE CAUSE THEY WON'T LET ME HURT MYSELF SO THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO... Be happy my friends
~JKUPCHURCH
Pain, it's all I feel now. There is this force surrounding me killing all feeling and hope. They don't know, none of them do. Hell, they don't understand it's my fault. All four of them are dead and somehow it's my fault.I have direct contact with how they died. I have killed them, all of them.
This is the only solution, the only way I can be free. It is filled with pain, but pain seems to be my only escape from the nothingness. The black hole that has taken me hostage, pulled me away from all my friends. I've stopped sharing a room with Soda, I knew me being depressed made him upset. It's made everyone upset, they all hate me, hate me for being a stupid tag along kid.
Steve, I bet he is taking glory in all this, saying he was right all along, I can't do anything right. Soda is probably worried about me, why I don't know. No one deserves to have to deal with me, my scar ridden arms prove it, I just want it to end, want the black hole to go away yet I can't. I can't bring myself to leave Soda and Darry like that. But who am I kidding Darry'd be happy I'm gone, one less person to provide for and worry about and Two-Bit, he'd be joking about my death saying I didn't do it soon enough.
All of them would benefit, all of them would be glad I'm gone. Darry, he wouldn't yell at me about my grades dropping anymore. Right now, my teachers are "Worried" cause of the sudden grade drop and all my black clothes. Full on depression, black clothes, not talking, hell, I even dyed my hair black. Soda says it's just a phase, no, this is more than a phase.
"Hey Greaser!" A socs yelled, every since Johnny died I've been the main target, I don't exactly care anymore. They hurt me and the pain feels good. Ignoring them would only make them madder and make the pain even greater. "HEY GREASE! I was talking to to." I just smiled and kept walking, the car sped up some and pulled in front of me.
"Hey answer me when I talk to you." Five, five socs got out, each of them would take a turn beating on me, each of them would cause pain. "Maybe I didn't want to." I've also become bad with my mouth, always talking bad to the "Gang" now. "Well grease, when I say talk to me talk to me or you just might regret it." Regret it, whats the worse they can do to me, nothing worse then I already have.
"I'm so scared..." I said mockingly, anger flared in all there eyes each one of them took a step towards me, I just stood there standing my ground. "Well, looks like this grease needs to be taught a lesson." In the next second two of them were holding down my arms and legs and the one who was threatening me sat on my chest pinning my arms down with his knees.
"Damn greaser, we're going to teach you your place." I felt the cool edge of a blade against my neck. "Move once and you're dead." He reached is fist up and brought it down on my face. It felt good, it's going to leave a bruise. "Fucking greaser." He brought his fist down on my face again, another bruise. This time though, I felt something dripping down my cheek, blood. Blood is much better than the pain, it'll leave a scar, a battle wound almost.
"Hey Darren, look at this." I felt the socs holding my arms start to pull on my sleeves, this is bad, no one is supposed to see the scars. "What is it?" I felt the look from my bleeding face to where my sleeve used to be protecting and hiding the scars. "Awww... the little greaser wants to die?" I felt he looking at the scars smiling. "Well we can help with that." Dammit, as much as I loved the pain I don't want to die from some stupid social. For the first time in a while I am finding myself wanting Soda and Darry. "Hey, give me that blade."
The blade left my neck, I was starting to get a little nervous, if anyone was going to kill me I wanted it to be myself not some soc. "Let go of me." I spat at them, snickers came from around me. "Aww... we just want to have a little fun. I felt the blade go to my wrist, pleasure filled my body as soon as the cold metal touched the scars, it's like my brain thought I was doing it to myself. "Is the greaser liking this? Liking the pain. Damn emo..."
Footsteps, I heard running, people running towards me and the socs. "HEY WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?" I knew that voice, Soda, his usually cheery voice had gone stone cold and was filled with hatred, all towards me I bet. "Come on grease we were just having a little fun." Fun? For them maybe, a little for me but I didn't need them threatening to kill me that's my job.
"Let the kid go now." Two-Bit growled, I felt all there eyes on the socs and the blade. "Fine." I felt someone grab my shirt and yank me up. "Here." The soc pushed me towards Soda, I felt his arms immediately around me protectively. "Before we go," I look over towards the socs who were now in their car. "You might want to check his wrist." I felt all eyes on my, the socs took this distraction to quickly drive away.
"Ponyboy, what were they talking about?" Soda's voice was filled with fear. "Nothing, can we just go home." I knew that they weren't going to give in. "Ponyboy show me your wrist now." Darry said walking over to us. "NO!" I yelled by accident, now they were defiantly going to check. "Pony, as soon as we get home, you are showing us your wrist, all of us." I didn't have to look up from my wrist to know he glanced at Steve and Two-Bit.
"Let's go home." Soda kept his arm around me and started walking, I walked with him Darry, Steve and Two-Bit were lagging behind us, I knew they were talking about me I could barely hear them but they were. "Hey Ponyboy how's your day been?" Soda asked, I looked over at him and shruged. "Got jumped again, not a big deal." Soda looked at me surprised when I said again. "Again," He began cautiously. "What do you mean again?" Is he really that dumb, I knew he was but really? "Yes again, as in like the fifth time this week, it's a daily occurrence, cant believe none of you all have been smart enough to find out." I snapped at him, he looked hurt but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore.
"Pony, i'm sorry for whatever I did..." "You did, everyone, you all hate me, it's my fault mom and dad died and it's my fault Johnny and Dally died, just admit it you HATE ME!" I pulled out of his arm and faced them. All four of them stood looking at me wide eyed. "I'll be at home." I turned away from them and started running towards the house, the one thing that hasn't changed about me, my speed. "PONY WAIT!" I heard Soda yell but I just kept running towards the house, I didn't care what he had to say. Running up the steps I flung open the door and ran inside, back to my room in the back of the house, away from all of them.
A/N CHAPTER 1, so yeah this is chapter 1 and I have this story planned out and yeah I just need to write it so expect frequent updates and I AM TAKING REQUEST so if you have an idea please tell me, I want to write it... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah... SPAM :D Okay free cookies Hands out free cookies* Yeah, ummm... Bye