A Love like Yours Chapter 1, a dr. quinn medicine woman fanfic

A Love like Yours

My breath caught in my throat the moment the shadowy figure at the door pulled a gun from his holster. I wanted to shout out NO! Only all I could get out was, "Yes, I'm Dr. Michaela Quinn," in answer to his question. The next thing I felt was pain burning through me as I fell to the floor in a heap. I didn't want my life to end, not here, not now.

Oh God, please don't let me die... I prayed silently. I needed Sully here to save me from this hell. He wouldn't leave my side, not for a minute. When I had been so sick with the influenza, he cared for me each and every day. I could still remember the feel of his hands on mine, so gentle and loving. Hope filled me for a moment as I heard footsteps rushing towards me, only they weren't Sully's.

The smell of liquor and cigars filled the air as Hank knelt over me. His gaze was filled with fear and a tenderness I hadn't seen in some time. It frightened me and caused all those pent up feelings to surface. As much as I loved Sully, there had always be a soft spot in my heart for this man. "Hank," I coughed out. "Hang on, Michaela!" he shouted. He wasted no time in lifting my limp body into his arms as he moved into the street. I could barely hear all his shouts for help before darkness overtook me.

As the blackness faded, I found myself back in the clinic unscathed and staring at a medical text. I had it open to a page about alcohol. Jake had turned to drinking after Harry died from septicemia, partly because of me. I was so distressed over what I felt was a senseless death I took out every emotion I had on the poor man. It took some time to patch things up. I further remembered that Hank stopped by one day, all smiles.

I opened up the clinic door, surprised to find a smiling Hank on the other side. It startled me how nice he looked since his hair was never combed nor was his vest ever buttoned, but today... I wondered what was actually going on. Then his inquires about Jake surfaced, and I felt myself becoming defensive in letting him know his friend had gone home.

Deep down I was touched by his sincere concern for his friend and tried to hide this growing emotion. The way he smiled made my heart skip a few beats. I wasn't used to his being so nice to anyone. Walking over to Grace's with him felt awkward, yet a part of me couldn't deny the little thrill running through me. Hank was a handsome fellow when you stripped away the façade he presented.

I was flattered he wanted to help although it became quite clear he had other ideas. It bothered me greatly to have the town talking about my marital statu,s and I didn't need every man in town courting me. This was supposed to be about Jake, not me.

As I sat there across from him sipping coffee, I was charmed at first. He was sweet and kind, smiling at me with those piercing blue eyes. I could feel my cheeks heating up and tried to hide it. When his hand touched mine, I was flustered by the electricity between us. I nearly lost my breath with how gentle he was. This can't be happening, I thought. This is all a mistake, I added quietly as I exited the café, embarrassed by his actions.

The stubborn doctor in me had surfaced demanding that he stop serving Jake liquor — only my words seemed to infuriate him. I couldn't believe he'd said I was man enough for both of us…

"The nerve of that man — who does he think he is?" I mumbled under my breath as I walked back to the clinic. "He's not a man at all."

In my state of semi-consciousness, I could barely make out his pleas for me to hang on, to not die. I wanted so much to smile and tell him I wanted to live. Only I felt helpless as a baby unable to do anything at all, frozen in a state between here and there, and very much wanting to be staring up into his eyes.

"Please don't leave us!" Hank begged. "You are a special lady, and the town really needs you. Deep down I know you aren't frozen inside. I heard every word you spoke to me. Michaela, you're a brave woman, and you can get through this. I want you to pull through so I can….." His words and the tears that fell touched me so much I wanted to reach out and grasp his hand and hold him. A moment later blackness enveloped me, returning me to past memories filled with pent-up desires.

It was frightening to reveal so much of my heart to Hank. Tears kept slipping down my cheeks as I carefully told him how brave I wanted to be. Nor had I known he'd been listening to everything I'd said until his voice broke through the silence in the air.

"Michaela, you're cryin'," Hank whispered as I sat on the bed, holding my hand in his.

"I'm fine really," I answered wanting to wipe the tears from my face. I didn't want him to see me like this, so vulnerable.

'You've got fire in you, and if you're tryin' to hide from me what I just heard, don't." His reply startled me. "I've been a fool plenty of times, Michaela, won't call it bein' brave neither, just bein' honest. Whatever's inside you let it free. The right man isn't gonna turn away from you."

"I don't know about that," I replied, staring at a spot on the floor. "What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Look, I've seen the way Sully is around you. There ain't anything to worry about. Just – don't wait – too long," Hank answered quietly. I noticed it was hard for him to get the words out. Could it be he had feelings for me, too? I wanted so much to thank him but didn't know how. I cared about him and that worried me. However, my feelings for Sully were much, much stronger, evoking a passion I couldn't even put into words.

Although that didn't stop me from daydreaming about what might have been…

In my fantasy, I found myself inside the empty saloon with Hank behind the bar. My face flushed as he called out, "Michaela." It was soft, sweet, with none of the harshness he usually displayed. "Hank," I answered back as I made my way over to him. "I – I wanted to talk," I stammered out. "I'm all ears," he said as he continued to straighten up.

"I'm touched you find me brave even though I've been so afraid to let my feelings show. You were there when I needed someone to talk to. I didn't realize you heard what I said while you were in the coma. Most of the time, I keep my feelings to myself, but that night you opened up something inside me, and I stopped being so afraid."

"Glad to hear it," he answered. I watched as he set a glass down before moving closer to me. "Lettin' people know how you feel ain't such a bad thing, is it?"

"No, of course not," I murmured, his face now inches from mine.

"Got real pretty eyes." My cheeks colored at his words.

"Thank you," I whispered, his lips brushing mine. I could feel my heart picking up speed and the moment he touched me, the walls fell away. I gave in to all those pent-up desires, leaving myself free to love a man I inexplicably longed for. His touches and his kisses burned through me like a roaring fire.

My emotions were in such a confused state when he carried me up to his room, I didn't protest. I felt so alive. For just one night I would forget everything but the man beside me, loving me. I nearly died when his mouth descended on my breast, capturing it with pleasure. "Oh Hank," I cried out. He moved with experience, causing strong sensations all through me. With every touch and kiss, my body felt like an inferno.

"Michaela," he breathed as he kissed me gently on the mouth. I pulled him close to me, not wanting to let go. "I've always loved you." I turned to look at him, not bothering to hide my nakedness. "A part of me will always love you, too, Hank." I nestled my body close to his, hearing the beating of his heart as his arms wrapped around me.

Morning broke, the sun shining through the thin curtains. I stirred, finding myself wrapped in a sheet with a strong arm embracing my waist. Smiling at the memory of last night, I snuggled closer to the smell of whiskey and smoke. I felt safe, knowing no harm would come to me. Hank had saved me from my nightmares and given me paradise.

"Michaela," he whispered as his hand caressed my face, sending in renewed and intense feelings all over my body. "Hank," I whispered wanting to give in to the way he loved me all over again. I had never felt so consumed with passion.

I wasn't sure where I was anymore. Familiar voices cut in and out making me wonder if I were really still alive or if I were hanging in the balance. I thought I heard Brian's voice, and there were others I couldn't make out. I wanted the horrid nightmare that put me here to be forgotten. The way Hank had treated me, as if I were a fragile doll, I clung to. Lastly, knowing he had likely saved my life was something I wouldn't soon forget, neither his actions nor the attraction for him I had buried deep within me. By the time I did awaken, everything was a blur. My family was there, and after seeing them, I was too exhausted to talk.

As the days passed, my nightmares continued. I kept reliving the moments before I was shot. The knock on the door, the black shadow behind the curtain, the gunshot, all were clearly imbedded in my memory. Sully heard me awaken from each terrible dream of my ordeal, wanting to comfort me with his open arms though he understood my wanting privacy some nights.

The long-buried feelings I had for Hank, along with my fantasy, I kept to myself. Sully had spoken to him and thanked him for being there to bring me to Andrew's. In a way, Hank saved my life, too, although he wouldn't admit it. I heard Cloud Dancing had been present as well, and it amazed me those two hadn't killed each other.

"Michaela," Sully whispered, "You alright?" I turned to look at my husband, shirtless with the sheet tangled around him. His hair fanned out around him as I reached out to brush a strand from his face. "I'm fine," I whispered back. "I couldn't sleep." He reached out to capture my arm, bringing me closer to him. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I keep dreaming about the day I was shot, reliving it over and over. Each time is different, yet the outcome is the same. I'm lying helpless on the floor fighting for my life." Only in some of my dreams, Hank rescued me before the fatal shot was fired. I was breathless after those, feeling the passion, not wanting those dreams to end.

"I left all my surveyin' tools out there. The moment Matthew told me you'd been shot, all I could think of was bein' by your side. Sittin' by your bedside waitin' for you to wake up was torture. Andrew had done everything he could to save you, and I prayed the Spirits would see you through this." I was so touched by his words tears filled my eyes as I related, "As I lay there I could hear voices, and by the time I did awaken, everything was out of focus. I also wasn't sure where I was or how I'd gotten there."

"I'm glad you woke up, despite the bad dreams," he whispered softly in my ear so as not to wake our daughter. I smiled slightly into his chest, "I'm grateful Dorothy was there to look after Katie. Thank goodness she was sound asleep when it happened and Dorothy was there to keep her calm." He stroked my arm gently to comfort me. "We were all worried and scared. Cloud Dancin' frightened a lady stayin' at the hotel when he went lookin' for sewing thread. I'd never seen Hank so distraught neither; he was pacin' back and forth outside the Chateau clinic."

"Cloud Dancing is a good friend; I don't even remember his being in the wagon with Hank," I whispered feeling the tears start to fall at what I had just been told. Hearing how agitated Hank was made me want to comfort him and let him know how grateful I was. "I vaguely remember hearing Brian; voices were in and out so much I wasn't sure whom they belonged to."

"Brian was a worried mess, near tears pleadin' for you to wake up. After watching Charlotte pass, seein' you so sick with influenza, he still did his best to stay hopeful. Matthew held it together fairly well, and Colleen rushed home as soon as she could." Sully placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder. "I remember hearing how upset Brian was when I was sick."

"You've got that same strength in you," he whispered before placing another kiss on my shoulder. Oh, how I wanted to believe him, especially in those moments when I felt broken inside. There were times when I couldn't leave the homestead, or I'd hear a noise at the clinic and thought the worst. I understood even more now what it had been like for Colleen all those years ago after Tom had broken in. "Thank you for being there," I whispered back, unable to find anything else to say. "You're welcome."

Unspoken silence hung between us as I found comfort in the arms of the man I loved. I felt bad that I had put him through so much, dealing with my terror and fears since the gunshot. "There were days when I was afraid it was going to happen all over again. Yet each time you were right there with your arms around me, assuring me no one was going to hurt me. I don't know that I could have gotten through it without you."

"I'd seen men going through this kind of thing while I was in the mining camps, heard horrible screaming at night. Watching Colleen acting jumpy and then you, it wasn't easy to witness. Especially since I love and care about ya'll so much."

"Sully, if I have to testify at the trial, will you be there with me? I don't think I can handle it on my own."

"Course I will," he soothed as I tried to fall back asleep. This wasn't going to be easy, and I needed all the strength I could muster to get through it.