The Darkness Behind the Perfect Killer
I am staring at the covers on my bed. I have been doing so for countless hours, by now. He will surely come in here to punish me for that ungrateful human whelp's misgivings, once again. More and more I have taken to lying on my stomach, and just staring at the intricate patterns on the covers of my bed. It sincerely is the only thing I can do to pass the time without making myself sick from the nervousness. And from the moment he walks in, I know once and for all that he has never loved me, and never could. He can only love my body... the beauty of the one thing he can never love. It is the first time in my life that I know what fear is.
"Chichiue-sama?" I hear my voice, and I know it is barely a whisper in the near darkness.
The moon shines on his still body and he does not move. This scares me more than I already am, him unmoving as he is right now. The only thing that is scaring me more is the predatory grin I see upon his normally graceful lips.
"Sesshoumaru." His deep voice, that had always sounded so... fatherly... sounding so foreign.
My eyes widen as the reasoning hits me. "No!" My eyes are clearly wide with fear, and I know he can smell it rolling off of me as well, but that does not mean I will not fight. I scramble off the bed as I shout my protest defiantly, only to find that in his walking into my bedchamber, I am cornered. All I can do is slowly back toward the wall as he steps so calmly closer to me, like he is stalking some prey whilst hunting... so I walk backwards, until I hear myself gasp at the sudden coldness of the castle wall at my back. There is no where for me to run. Not anymore, at least.
He continues on toward me at that same slow, calm pace, knowing he will reach me soon enough. Then the thunder clangs and the lightening flashes in the sky again, and I see that this stalking of his is affecting him as well. I know in a few seconds I will be able to smell just how much... Father.. I never thought you so depraved...
He must see my thoughts, because he is growling at me lowly, and this time it isn't because of lust. He walks up to me, towering over my small form. What a pity I am youkai... because of this fact, I am no where near puberty... I will never be a match for my Father...
"You will listen to what I tell you! You do not walk away from me! Not only am I your father, but I am your superior! I will not tolerate your insolence nor your petty defiance!" He punctuates this by a hard slap across my cheek. It is just soft enough to not break the delicate bone I know to still be forming. "Do you understand?"
"Hai, Chichiue-sama..." I whisper meekly to him, not raising my eyes to meet his in a direct display of submission. Tonight, I cannot win... but I do not have a death wish, and I am at least smart enough for that. But when he's through with me... will I have made the right decision? I will find out soon enough...
He backhands me again. And again. And a third time, only satisfied that he sees a small bit of blood dripping from my lip. I can only assume that this is what he wants.
He leans down, his face too close to mine for my liking, but there is nothing I can do about it and we both know it. He smirks, then darts his tongue past his lips to lick at the blood welling in the small gash he made on my lip. I don't like the glitter in his eyes. Just as well, he doesn't like my knowledge of what he's doing. He kisses me with bruising force, obliging me to taste a drop or two of my own blood. How revolting.
Then he backs away from me. Father dearest. Is this what you do to me for being everything you have always wanted me to be? I feel so loved. Too little, too loved, too late. All I want is for him to go away and he is inching himself closer to me, placing his warm hands on my small shoulders... He could easily crush the bones in my shoulders should he want, seeing as they fit in the palms of his hands so easily and readily, but unfortunately all he wants is to take the kimono from my skin... And regrettably, that's exactly what he's doing.
As he moves his hands further down my arms, he slides my kimono with it. It is so cruel knowing that I can do nothing to stop this and that he loves every second of my pain, that he relishes in knowing he has utter control over me...and that I know it as well. I cannot help but close my eyes at the indignity, for that is what it is, as he drags my kimono down further, only the knot holding it to my thin waist. I hear him laugh as a single hot tear trails silently down my right cheek from my eye. I do not know if I will ever forgive this... Of myself... But I know I will never forgive this of my Father... His shame is inexcusable. ...Most certainly as he laughs at my pain, yet again.
His too hot hands are on my very childish waist, tracing along the tie before they pull it out of the knot and throw it to the floor. Another single tear joins the other on my left at this. The lack of tie immediately makes my kimono pool at my ankles. He laughs again, relishing the slightly saltier smell of the air, knowing that I shed yet one more tear. It was his accomplishment. Then he bites down hard on my left nipple... It hurts so much... But I know he only does it to get a response. A response and to taste something he could never have. His hands are vulgarly feeling me. It starts with my hips, but he moves them back... It feels so wrong... I cry out softly as his claws slice into the soft skin on my backside, not expecting him to do that so harshly or so carelessly. His voice stops me.
"Turn around, Sesshoumaru." I would have stared, but what came next prevented any such thing. "Do as I say, now, my little whore, because I will put you in your place. You belong to me. You do not deserve your title, and until I die will not have it. Turn around."
I can only shiver at the coldness I hear. It sends shivers down my spine. I don't even know what I did to make him say something like that. He is more disgraceful than I thought. But again, I know there is nothing I can do, so I turn around and face the cold wall. He pushes me to lean into it, bracing me against it and I do nothing to stop him this time, simply acting as a reed in the wind. What more can I do? I am already nothing in his eyes. I am soon to become nothing in my own as well. I feel him grin against the small in my back as I silently sob without tears. I do not want this. I do not want my Father to be like this. Why is the only person I respect more than anything degrading me so?
His breath is hot and it makes me want to cry yet again, but I will not shed any more tears for him. His nose is nuzzled firmly against my left cheek, and I am deathly afraid of what it means. I don't want to admit to myself what he's going to do. My eyes widen as he licks the spot he's been nuzzling. He licks it again, as if sampling the most delicious thing in the world. Then he bites down. Harshly. Piercingly. Sinking his fangs deep into the pale flesh and lapping at the blood that is flowing from the wound. I immediately cry out loudly and sharply, tears streaming from my eyes at the intensity of the pain. It feels like he's draining it from me as he laps at my blood. Why, Father? It's all I can think through my tears and the haze of pain.
It is then that I feel him sucking not only my blood into his mouth, but my flesh as well, savoring it, licking it, marking it in more ways than one. I understand. And now, I can honestly say that I hate him. He does not deserve the respect I gave him. He does not deserve the respect he has. He bites harder, resinking his fangs deeper still into the soft fleshy skin on my left cheek... which will forever hold his mark. Or at least until the bastard dies. The tears are still freely falling from my eyes. This time, he has won and I did nothing to prevent it. Do you hear it, Father? You win.
It feels like forever, but his fangs finally let their deathlike grip of my backside go. My body is trembling slightly. I am not sure if it is because he took so much of my blood or if it is because of my fear, though I think it is a mix of both. And dread of what he is to do next as I hear his clothes being carefully discarded. His hand is on my back, between my shoulders, pushing me harder against the cold wall. I can almost see his smile as he hears me cry. And he knows I know what he is doing. Every second. And he relishes this power he has truthfully gained over me.
He does not prepare me, for why would he prepare someone he called a whore? Why would he care about his son so much? Now, I am nothing but property. Dirty, filthy, degraded property... to be used... whenever he feels the need to use me. Of course, I will still continue in my studies, and to everyone else, I am still Sesshoumaru-sama, the firstborn of the Inu no Tashiou. But I am nothing more than what he calls me, now. And not even my name is my own. I hear the storm rage even louder outside and realize that this is the moment he will strike. The gods may pity me some day, but it is not tonight. I scream at the top of my lungs and still the thunder is louder. He grins against my neck as he feels my insides rip. He nips harshly at my ear at my screams. He thrusts violently at my tears, the clawing at the wall because of the indescribable pain he has just forced upon me.
I had thought I was scared before, I truly thought I was. But now, I hear him growl at the thick scent of my blood as it slowly drips down my legs. It causes him to thrust harder still into me. I scream harder, with all of my voice. I know no one hears me. If they do, they will not save me. They saw my father enter my chamber. They will not even save me if he killed me. He is my father and can do with me as he sees fit. No matter how they think of what he does, they cannot stop him.
This time, the scream never comes, my voice finally gone, and I cry all the harder as he keeps pounding himself into me. I cannot even begin to describe the pain. And the blood... I have never bled so badly before, not even in training. The thick liquid is practically running down my legs making a rather large puddle on the floor.
When he sees it, he groans. I feel him swelling inside my body even more. My tears sting my eyes. I am morbidly fascinated with what he sees in using me, why I so apparently make him this way, because I hear him calling my name. It sickens me. Father, you disgust me.
He pulls himself out of me and gathers himself, and I hear him panting slightly as he regains his composure. I simply fall into the puddle of my blood, curling in on myself. I do not want to exist at this moment, I ache so badly...
"Sesshoumaru."
I look up. He is dressing. I wish I am not looking up. I wish I am not looking at him. I wish he is not talking to me. I wish I had my innocence. I wish I did not loose the rest of it as I look in his eyes and he speaks to me again.
"You are just like your mother, Sesshoumaru." He smiles at me. I don't even want to know what kind of smile that is. It makes me even more nauseous. "You look like her... You feel like her... You even scream like her... like a bitch in heat." His eyes twinkle as he says it. Then he whispers, as if to taunt me, "Just like her, Sesshoumaru..." and he leaves.
I cannot get up from my spot on the cold floor, not even to get a blanket. I feel so cold. I feel.. so utterly violated. It is all I can do to sit up, my backside hurts so bad. I would cry but I have no more tears. I am nothing. I am absolutely nothing. My father just raped me... degraded me... insulted my Mother... To him I am little more than a free whore. Or the mirror image of my Mother.
So I lie here in my blood and my father's semen, my young flesh warm against the cool tile of the castle floor, but chilled against the night. All I can do is think. I can never get rid of his presence on me or in my mind. And I will never forgive him for what he did to my Mother, either. For the both of us, Mother, some day I will make him pay. I swear to you, the things he's said and done against you will be repaid. "For you, Mother." I vow as the thunder claps again, and for the first time in a great many years, the moon tinges red.