So She Exists
.confessions.arc.

-ser3ne eternity.

Summary:

I tell myself it's nothing. That nagging feeling isn't the foreboding sense of jealousy at all. Being jealous would imply being insecure. And I am neither of those. Somehow, I don't think I quite believe myself. Damn it. When did you start meaning so much more, Kagome?

Chapter 1

Kagome. Ka-go-me.

I raised my brow at the distant look on Kagome's face.

Hmm.

I'd never seen her expression look so wistfully dream-like.

If I were being completely honest, I could admit that I'm worried. Extremely worried. She's been acting strange, and not at all like herself. Come to think of it, she hasn't been herself since the month started.

I wonder what she's not telling me. Something's...changed. She's not the same. I don't know how to explain it, but she's different. This is probably one of the first times where I haven't been able to read her. I always know what she's thinking and the same goes with her for me. We were strangely different in some ways, but we balanced each other out. We worked well together. So what changed? She doesn't tell me what she's thinking anymore—like I said, I can't read her anymore—even though I nearly almost always read her mind correctly, I never had to try very often as she would often tell me herself.

But she's been quiet. Almost eerily quiet.

I counted on her to be straight with me, to tell me exactly what she was thinking since everybody else felt the need to shower me with praise. I could count on her honesty. I could count on her to be there, where I needed her. And I wouldn't have to worry about shallow nuisances because I was used to seeing her blunt and logical—it was one of the reasons we'd managed to stay friends for so long because of course, I'd have ran like a bat shot out of hell if she were even remotely close to acting like the fool...or even worse.

A fangirl.

It worried me that she seemed much more prone to daydreaming in class—especially today of all days, the last day before winter break begins for the Christmas holidays—she's usually much more focused than this. Then again, maybe the excitement of the holidays is getting to her. She's always enjoyed that kind of thing. Except...she doesn't seem excited though...

If I were any less assured of myself, I might've thought I didn't even recognize her anymore. But that's ridiculous. I've known Kagome since preschool days—and as undignifying as it is to remember a mini-me fooling around with crayons of all things—I remember. Throughout the time I'd known Kagome, her personality has always contradicted itself with her many traits.

But surprisingly some way, somehow, the disorder and indescribable quality suited her.

There would be her endless forgiveness. How she can be so goddamn nice sometimes, I'll never know. And her boundless patience for Kouga—despite us being friends, that lowly wolf shouldn't be constantly asking her out like that. And she always smiles at him!

Because really, of course that would discourage him. You're not sending him mixed signals at all. I rolled my eyes.

And then there was that sharp tongue of hers. She can say the most pride wounding things sometimes. I should know—she's used me for practice.

Not only was she good with comebacks, she's basically my intellectual equal. Which is good, because I need someone I can have an intelligent conversation with instead of little underclassmen constantly grovelling or stuttering in my prescence. And the girls, oh dear Kami, the girls at this school are the most annoying female specimens I've ever had the displeasure of being stuck around. Especially that damn Kagura—Kagome doesn't get along with her either.

It would take too long to name all of her traits. I suppose if I were to simplify it I would say she was all things beautiful and ugly, all the same. Her quality of imperfection is what I like about her considering I'm not fond of pathetic media expectations. Really though, she's always reminded me of the elements—always changing and never staying in one place, yet managing to balance things gracefully and take things in stride. A survivor at heart, spiritedly tempered, thoughtful and serene and of course, perceptive beyond measure.

There's always been something about her that's kept me around...but now...

Now I just want to know what the hell is wrong with her.

--

The bell rang, and the scrape of chairs pushing back hurt my ears while I shrugged my bag on. Kagome had already walked out the door and when I looked at Sango and Inuyasha curiously, they both gave a simultaneous shrug while Miroku whistled feigning innocence. My eyes narrowed. I glanced at Ayame, but looked away quickly. I didn't need to know that she and Kouga were official. It was only the first thing I heard when I walked into school this morning. It's almost sickening how Kouga coos over her every whim. Tch, silly wolves.

Still though, they know something. I can tell. You don't spend your whole life around people not getting to know them, no matter how much you'd rather not bother. I wonder if she was avoiding me. I wonder if they know she's avoiding me and why. Why won't anyone tell me what's going on? One minute everything was fine, and now it seems as though everything's fast forwarded while I blinked or something and I missed the memo that everyone else seemed to have gotten already.

This disturbed me because I wasn't known for being ignorant. It made me increasingly frustrated, not knowing something. Part of me wants to demand that Kagome tell me what the hell is wrong with her, or if it was something I did or anything, another part though can't stand the thought of asking someone to tell me simply because I hate not figuring things out for myself. Maybe it was fickle of me to be so, and while I understood that some things just aren't meant to be spoken of and should remain a secret, I couldn't ignore the urge to investigate. I know curiousity is a dangerous thing sometimes, but I could care less.

I'm not a cat, after all.

And what could possibly go wrong...?

Perhaps I shouldn't say things like that. Kagome's always saying that irony tends to occur when you least expect it—and almost always, it usually makes an appearance simply for the satisfaction of humiliation at your own expense. Despite all this though, I don't think I can stop myself from trying to find out anymore. I've given up on exercising self-control when it comes to Kagome, but she is the only exception. I don't know why, but I've stopped questioning it after the many headaches I've endured trying to trace the reason for it. I tried to go after her, but realized that she'd already disappeared beyond the slowly closing door at the end of the lockers. I know she saw me.

She didn't look back.

I recalled all the times where she'd been looking at me differently the past few weeks. Something in her eyes that was a little more observing, more intense...not nearly as casual or with the practiced ease of meeting the eyes of a friend you've had for years. And the things she's murmured under her breath in one of her hazes, always sounding so longing and confused. But she's never said a word. I can't understand what she's going through, but I can see the beginning of something happening.

I'm not sure I like it. I blink contemplatively, before I turn around all together.

She was going in the opposite direction of her house. And she did not beg for the customary ride I always give her, regardless of if she wants one or not. Yes, there's something not right about the way she's been lately at all. But I can't even begin to fathom all the possibilities of her behaviour.

Is there an issue with Souta's health? Has she been doing poorly in a subject at school? Is her supervisor giving her trouble?

Or is there a boy she's interested in...?

I shake my head. The first three might be understandable explanations to her worrying, but the last notion is simply preposterous. I would know who it is that she's interested in, if there was someone she was interested in. I know all the things to look for in our reactions to the opposite sex. Yet even as I tell myself that it can't be that, for some reason just thinking the thought betrays a feeling that sounds laughingly like denial.

Whether she wants me to know or not, I will find out what's going on with her. And with this is in mind, I've decided that if I'm a man of my word, then I'll have her figured out once more by Christmas. If not sooner.

Kagome may work in mysterious ways...

But so do I.

Hey guys! So here's the first chapter to the sequel of 'If You Could Only See Me'. Hope you enjoyed it. I haven't yet decided how long I'm going to make this, but if I decide to make it longer than 10 chapters than I'll alternate between the character's points of views, probably between Sesshoumaru and Kagome. I feel kinda bad for making Kagome's story so short, but I felt that I needed the intro. I may re-edit this chapter...So yeah, drop a review if you'd like since you know I always love hearing from you guys. Till next chapter.

-ser3.