Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Red vs. Blue. They are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and Rooster Teeth Productions respectively, just to be safe, I'd like to point out that Halo is the property of Bungie.
As a guy who's thought of numerous unlikely crossovers (including Naruto/Scarface, FullMetal Alchemist/Quantum Leap, and FullMetalAlchemist/The A-Team) this idea is probably my pride and joy; hence why I'm writing this and not the aforementioned crossovers.
You might also notice there's an inconsistency regarding a certain character in light of developments in episode 100. I'll explain that later.
On a final technical note, I generally don't like using "fangirl Japanese," so don't expect words like "kawaii" or "gaijin" to pop up anywhere. There are some exceptions though.
Use of honorifics: "-san," "-kun," "-sensei," etc.
Most jutsu names
The numbering of Hokages: (e.g. Shodai, Yondaime, Sandaime, etc.)
"Exclusive" terms like Akatsuki, Jinchuuriki, bijuu, etc.
And finally, naming order, i.e. "Uzumaki Naruto" instead of "Naruto Uzumaki"
Finally, some of the dialogue in the novelization of a certain scene may be awkward, but that's just me taking a cue from the manga. I'd watch the rest of the anime, but the damned flagger Nazis on youtube got rid of all the English sub episodes!
Furthermore, due to me working on another fic and getting a job that requires an 8 hour work day, I might not be able to update this as often as I like.
Well, enough beating around the bush; on with the show!
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The barren, eroded Valley of the End was darkened as clouds blotted the morning sun. No matter who left this valley, one of them would always have tears to bite back, and the gray skies above would dutifully reflect this.
One such conflict was about to reach that point...
Two combatants, neither of them entirely human anymore stood at the foot of twin statues. A massive waterfall stood as a backdrop for this climatic end. Neither party was backing down nor would they be holding back.
On the left side of the canyon was a tengu-like monster of a boy, scarcely 13 years old. His skin unnaturally dark, punctuated by his obsidian eyes, a cross shaped scar on his face, and two large hand-like wings extending from the tears in his shirt. He was sizing up his opponent, the boy he considered his best friend, or would have in another time: Uzumaki Naruto.
At least this new thing standing in his place looked like Naruto. The familiar whisker-like birth marks on his face were much thicker and darker than before and his teeth protruded from his closed mouth as fang-like projections. His once blue eyes were now as red as the blood that flowed through his veins and his fingernails had extended into serrated claws. The most noticeable feature, however, was the glowing red aura around him, one that seemed to resemble some kind of canine, a dog, maybe a fox?
But smaller details aside, Sasuke couldn't lose focus as he locked eyes with his opponent. He couldn't afford to do that for long though. The Level 2 Cursed Seal that had turned him into this monster was corroding his mind and body. He couldn't afford to stay this way for long, so he needed to end this now. He had to kill Naruto if he wished to acquire the Mangekyou Sharingan and finally stand up to Itachi, and he had to do it soon.
The short-lived silence was broken when the Uchiha's lips parted.
"Did you know?" He began. "This place is called 'The Valley of the End.' It's our border."
His eyes briefly parted from Naruto to glance at the barren, sunken environment, and the waterfall that would lead to his freedom.
"This is the perfect setting, isn't it Naruto?" A grim smile formed as he said this.
The orange clad ninja, the very picture of fury at this point, remained silent.
"Yes, that's right," Sasuke said. "Like I said, the time for talk is over."
Disappointingly, Naruto still didn't reply, gritting his teeth, readying himself for Sasuke to make his next move.
"Well," Sasuke began. "Finally it's ending. This battle."
With no more time to hesitate, Sasuke's hands leapt into motion. Faster than any eye could follow, hand seals spelled each letter of doom for whoever dared get in the way of the jutsu it created. Across the watery battlefield, the demonic chakra enveloping Naruto began to bubble as the boy held out his right hand. The air around it warped and spun. The boy was readying an attack of his own.
With the hand signs completed, Sasuke clasped his right hand around his wrist. He immediately welcomed what sounded like the wings of a thousand birds flapping their wings at once. This unusual sound was accompanied by crackles of static and electricity as a dark glow pulsed from the palm of his opened left hand.
The wind in Naruto's own hand was now taking a tangible form. The typically blue sphere mixed with red chakra, forming a sphere of purple wind with a glowing white core. Even though the sphere of the energy flux was no bigger than a baseball, it roared like the winds of a hurricane.
Naruto extended the arm carrying this "ball of wind" as far out to his side possible. The attack was complete. All that was left to do now was lunge. Even though he didn't show it, deep down, the boy was hesitant, hoping against hope that Sasuke would back down. Even though he had stabbed his village in the back for power, the last Uchiha was still his best friend, and friends don't let friends make decisions they'll regret.
In Sasuke's hand was a maelstrom of barely held together black lightning, flashing wildly from his palm. He meant to use it. He wasn't going to let it go to waste.
Time was running out, it was time to finish this.
With a pump of each party's legs, they were airborne and traveling in each other's direction.
There was no turning back now.
Whether the world knew it or not, it held its breath when the two boys thrust their arms forward as they closed the distance between each other.
And with one blast of their voices, it was over.
"RASENGAN," the Jinchuuriki shrieked.
"CHIDORI!"
In the blink of an eye, the dimly lit valley was awash with a brilliant light as two opposing forces licked and pushed at each other. The demonic chakra of the Rasengan picked at the warped, dark chakra of the dark Chidori, which could only do the same to the other. The water underneath the two combatants sank as wind and lightning forced it to the sides of the valley. Rock and rotten logs were uprooted and dispersed to all ends of the valley; gale force winds shot hundreds of feet into the air to the point where they almost parted the storm clouds above themselves. It would have been a beautiful sight were it not for the grim fate that awaited whoever gave out first.
"Sasuke!"Naruto bellowed in a less than human voice. "If you keep this up, you'll die, I don't need that blood on my hands! Not after all you've worked for!"
"You don't have to worry Naruto," the Uchiha growled through gritted teeth. "Because I'll kill you first!"
With that umph, the chakra being pumped into the dark Chidori spiked, causing the Rasengan to begin spinning out of control.
Instinctively, Naruto responded by pouring more of the Kyuubi's chakra into the wind attack, stabilizing it, but even with the aid of the bijuu's red chakra, combined with the stinging lightning of the dark chidori, his hand was starting to burn and he could feel his own bones rattle in his arm against the combined forces of both attacks.
It wouldn't last long though.
With the aid of his Sharingan, Sasuke saw it first. The air between the Rasengan and the Chidori seemed to ripple. It looked like one of those watery mirages you would see at the base of a hill on a humid summer's day. For a split second, Sasuke dismissed it as a trick of the light in his eyes, but then he remembered the Sharingan was supposed to be infallible.
It was when he noticed the barely visible look of confusion on Naruto's face. No longer were the boy's eyes drawn to him, but instead, the twin assassination techniques clashing with each other. Amidst the purple and the black, a white glow began to emerge. Both attacks started to contort and warp out of shape.
The white was growing, and neither boy knew what to do. Both of them attempted to cut off the chakra flow to their respective attacks, but for some reason it wasn't working. Whatever was happening in between the two jutsus, it was like it was sucking the chakra right out of them!
Neither boy was panicking at this point, the years of discipline at ninja academy was kicking in, and while both had worried looks, neither appeared terrified. However, given that their hands were feeding a glowing white void that was rippling the air around them; they had every reason to be frightened.
Sasuke felt his ever lengthened hair start to blow in his face, wrapping his head in darkened silk. Strangely, what little of Naruto he could see at this point showed the blonde ninja's own hair being blown towards him. It was about the time Sasuke noticed pebbles and water start stretching towards him that he realized where the wind was coming from.
This thing, this growing light, which was now bigger than a basketball, was sucking both parties in, and it was about then that he noticed his forearm was completely engulfed in the pale white light.
There was no other way around it, the chidori and rasengan had both faded, and now they were being sucked in, into whatever this thing was.
Both of their screams were silent in the hurricane force winds. They watched helplessly as their features stretched and warped. The rest of their bodies followed their arms into the white vortex in front of them. Even with the source of its power absorbed, the energy sphere continued to grow. At this point it was the size of a sedan and showed no signs of stabilizing.
At last, the warp could not hold itself together any longer. With a bulge, a shift and looking like the ripples on a water balloon, the white light contorted, barely holding itself together. Finally, when it could take no more, it burst.
The Valley of the End had become the "Crater of the End," and the last testament of its destruction was several balls of broken off energy arcing into the sky in every direction.
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The chakra that Konoha Jounin Hatake Kakashi felt was enormous. He hadn't felt even this much chakra radiating from Hoshigake Kisame when he fought the shark-man of Akatsuki. What worried him even more was the direction he sensed it coming from, the same valley where Jiraiya and Orochimaru had fought before, and the First Hokage and his former friend before him. The blinding white light he felt coming from ahead pressed him on forward.
His students were both powerful enough to kill each other, and one of them had the mindset to actually do it.
It was his fault he had put Naruto in this predicament. He had taught Sasuke the Chidori (among other things), his own signature move and proud creation. He had hoped his tutelage over Sasuke would give the boy incentive not to be tempted by the power of that irremovable cursed seal that damnable snake man had placed on him. Yet here he was hunting down two-thirds of his genin team before one killed the other, assuming fate didn't plan to deal both of them the fatal blow.
He was so focused on scouting ahead that he didn't notice his summoning dog, Pakkun take a sharp left. Had he paid attention, he would have noticed the pug was trying to avoid something. Frankly, that something was very bright and streaking at Kakashi like a gigantic kunai.
He looked up just in time to feel like he had been punched by a fist of boiling water. He felt the world around him tumble and Pakkun scream his name before the sounds of the forest outside were drowned out by this pale void. The world went as white as paper until the debris caught in the light smacked him in his forehead.
After that, everything was just black.
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Nara Shikamaru, exhausted to the point of collapse, did just that. Sure, a few owls, crows, and squirrels just lost their homes and the warm sun beat down overhead, but he couldn't care less now. The most troublesome opponent he had ever faced down was dead; at least that's how it appeared. He knew he couldn't let his guard down, even if he did see that foul-mouthed sound nin's corpse beforehand. Even with Temari a few feet away, his mind screamed and protested against his rest period now.
'Just a minute,' he tried to rationalize. 'You earned it after this troublesome fight.'
For the first time since the mission began, Shikamaru found his eyes drifting skyward. In a matter of seconds, he was already doing what he did best: cloud watching. Once again, the boy heard his mind screaming at him for being distracted by such innocuous hobbies, but soon it too, was wooed by the various shapes and images it could make out in the sky.
The first cloud looked like that eager-to-go weasel Temari had just summoned to anti-climatically kill the sound chick he had just fought.
The second cloud seemed to remind him a bit of a pig. A pig with Ino's hair no less. Wait a minute, Ino meant "mountain boar." He smiled slightly, he finally figured out how Sakura was able to come up with "Ino-pig."
The third cloud looked more like a rabbit. For some reason, it also sounded like Temari shouting "run!" at the top of her lungs. He must have been hearing things, clouds don't make noises. Well, maybe thunder clouds.
He had finally figured out what this meant when he noticed the fourth cloud. It was somewhat spherical shape and was as bright as the sun. It was truly a unique cloud.
So unique, in fact, it occurred to him that clouds not only don't talk or glow. They certainly didn't get bigger either. This cloud, however, was.
By the time Shikamaru could figure out what was going on, it was already too late. The "cloud" was virtually on top of him. Before it landed though, he managed to describe his feelings in one incomplete statement before he felt the wind being pushed out of his lungs.
"Oh son of a-..."
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Rock Lee was slumped against a tree, chakra exhausted. At his side, the Sand-nin Gaara, the same boy who had nearly ruined his future as a ninja sat similarly exhausted. Both enemies-turned-allies could only watch the petrified remains of Kaguya Kimmimaro frozen against one of many "bone trees" he created to form the "bone forest" in front of them.
They had a lot to think about because of that fight. Kimmimaro had laid down his life for one of the most evil and twisted individuals in recent history, for no reason other than because he was his friend. Lee could only lower his head and concentrate, what if Gai-sensei had been like that, what if his own precious person were to be as manipulative as the Snake Sannin, would he have been the same monster the Kaguya was?
Before any more meaningful (and God[s forbid, deep) wisdom could be gleaned from these thoughts, Lee found himself anti-climatically crushed by another pale white light.
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The poison was already taking its toll on Hyuuga Neji. Even with Kidoumaru dead, the strategist of the Sound Four was having the last laugh posthumously. Now the boy, barely in his teens, was faced with a most sickening joke life had thrown at him.
He had finally learned there was no such thing as fate in his life, and that he had more to live with than bitterness and hatred. His own uncle had humbled himself before him, and he had finally realized his teammates were more than just a random mix up of acquaintances. It made him feel sicker than the poison could. Lee and Hinata had never antagonized him, and yet he cut them down at virtually every turn. He had privately belittled the bowl-cut haired boy and he nearly (and deliberately) killed his own cousin, who had virtually little skill to defend herself with.
Maybe, just maybe he deserved to be out here. Lying in the middle of a field, poison just eating away at his body, and no friends surrounded him. If this is the way it would end, he didn't mind. He deserved it.
Neji turned his head back to the sky. It was cloudy over his general area, a fitting mood for the end. So imagine his surprise when he saw the clouds part for a glaring white light.
Neji winced, he didn't feel like he was about to die, but if that heavenly light was any indication, it was time. He was tempted to shut his eyes as the brilliance filled his vision. If he deserved Heaven after all he had put people through, so be it. It didn't mean he couldn't shut his eyes to lessen the pain in them for a few seconds. Even though everything was already black when he felt the light hit him, all consciousness was lost.
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"What's taking them so long, are they all right," a pink haired girl queried worriedly.
"You asked that question five minutes ago," a blonde, pony-tailed girl answered, only with a hint of annoyance in her voice. She was tempted to add her trademark "billboard-brow" insult, but thanks to the tense mood in the last few hours, she had thought better of it.
Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino weren't in the happiest of moods right now. As they sulked, five of Konoha's best genin were risking their lives just to bring one back. Why would Sasuke betray them-people who actually cared for and about him-for the heartless and obviously deceitful Orochimaru? Surely his desperation for power and revenge couldn't have sapped him of his common sense, could it have?
"I-I hope Naruto-kun and the others make it," a petit, blue-haired girl said as she twiddled with her index fingers. "And I hope they don't come home empty-handed."
"Don't worry Hinata," Sakura said with a slight rise of hope in her voice. "Naruto is one of the best ninjas I know, even if his academy scores sucked." The girl turned her head to face the Hyuuga girl, forcing a hopeful grin. "If anyone can bring back Sasuke, it's him, and it's not like he went out alone!"
"Weren't you just fretting over them one sentence ago Sakura?" Ino inquired skeptically.
"Ix-nay on my oubt-day." Sakura hissed through gritted teeth.
"Look Hinata," Ino began, standing up with a might, heavenly, dynamic glow at her back. "Naruto, Shikamaru, Kiba, Chouji, and Neji are the best of their rank! Every genin in Konoha should rightfully envy them! They know no fear and feel no strain! And they're only five of the Konoha twel-," she paused for a moment as if just noticing something. "Hey, does it seem brighter all of a sud-," she managed to breathe out before she was thrown clear by an energy ball that had landed squarely on her two friends.
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'ScorescorescorescorescorescorescoreSCORE!' Was the only thing barreling through the mind of the almighty Jiraiya. In the next room was the first woman to let him get lucky he could think of. Normally the man was a voyeur, but now was finally the time to experience it first hand. Who knew what kind of insight this would give him for his Icha Icha Paradise series? Only one way to find out, that's for sure.
And that one way was to finally get laid!
In the next room was a fully disrobed honest to gods broad! She may have been built like Tsunade, but she was also every bit as well endowed and had no intention of using it to sock him into next February with the former. Why she was so eager to go, Jiraiya did not know or care. What did matter was something that he had to get done before he even stripped down.
Sitting just in front of the sink were the magical blue pills that would help him get his "better half" up and running for someone his age. He needed it if he ever hoped to give the woman (or more importantly, get for himself) a good lay. His hand tensed as he reached out for the bottle of wondrous bottled masculinity.
He didn't think he was so excited that he'd be quavering. At the moment he was starting to have second thoughts if he was ready for this. Surely the rather potent pills would not be healthy for a man of his age if he was this shaky. On the other hand...
It was when the ceiling caved in and Jiraiya was pounded by a brilliant light that he realized he wasn't the one quavering.
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Kataki Ai's nude form was rocked out of the cushy hotel bed and plopped hard on the floor. For a moment, she had thought the Toad Hermit had caught on to her plot. The Rock kunoichi instinctively drew a kunai she had carefully hidden in the spring board under her bed. She was tempted to get dressed, but there were two mitigating factors that prevented her from doing that.
One: If the Sannin was really planning his next move, she couldn't afford to take the time to get dressed. He could attack her while she was blinded putting on a top, or, if she was putting some pants on, she'd be nearly immobilized if they weren't pulled all the way up. Two: She had more freedom of movement this way. Three: Jiraiya's lecherous nature was common knowledge. She needed all the "distractions" she could get.
She clutched the blanket over her naked form and hid her kunai underneath. Looking intently at the door, she noticed smoke pouring out from the gap in the floor. It was a curious maneuver, but one that would not save him.
Her entire clan was massacred at the hands of that ninja during the Third Great Shinobi War when she was only ten years old. She had obsessed over revenge to the point where her concentration in training was nearly nonexistent. However, when she remembered what made her fall from grace as a ninja, she immediately got her life back on line and started training more vigorously than ever; training for this exact crossroads in her life when she would bring an ignoble end to that lecherous tree-hugging leaf-nin.
Using a practiced voice of terrified concern, she immediately pressed against the wall next to the door before calling out: "Jiraiya-sama," she cooed in mock worry. "What happened? Is everything okay in there?"
As she said this, she dropped the blanket, moving the kunai just to the edge of the door. "Come out big-daddy Jiraiya-sama, I won't be in the mood all d-a-aaaay!" She said in a convincing act of frustration. Her smug expression belied her seductive tone.
She waited.
And waited.
Waited still.
"Ugh," she grunted. Shunting chakra into her left leg, did a partial SWAT turn, lifted it off the ground, and with a single thrust, belted the door off of its hinges.
She expected Jiraiya to be knocked backwards by the door. If not, then he would eventually swoop down from the ceiling or from an illusory disguise. It was one or the other.
It was about when the door had hit the ground on the street a story below that she noticed something was amiss.
She stayed in a combat stance for two straight minutes, expecting Jiraiya to be hiding somewhere else, ready to pounce her after seeing her true intent. Unfortunately, not only did she not sense any killing intent, but she didn't sense him period. He had simply dropped off the face of the Earth.
The bathroom was totaled, and so was the empty bedroom below it. Six months of meticulous planning had been thwarted by a simple, meticulous, and inexplicable explosion. Six months spent to bring justice to her clan gone to waste in a few short seconds.
The kunai trembled in her hands as the realization hit her. Five years of hard work to hone her skill to ANBU level quality. An additional year spent hunting down the Toad Hermit, and finally six months scheming up a plan that was just as degrading for her as it would have been lethal to him. She thought she could see all that time molded into a tangible form and set ablaze in her eyes.
It was about then she remembered the kunai in her grip, the one that had also been robbed of the opportunity to end that murderer's undeserved life. She also remembered her fingernails, painted with cyanide-laced nail polish. She intended to "accidentally" dig in to the Sannin's back with them if she couldn't use the kunai to finish him "the old fashioned way."
With her family dead, and her one chance at revenge gone, she was now torn over one new dilemma: Take the fast way out, or take the less messy way out?
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'What happened,' Was the first thing drifting through his mind when the white had faded to black. In this unconscious state, there was little able to pass through the boy's head. 'Sasuke, something about that bastard,' his mind stirred.
"...this close to getting laid..." A voice echoed in the darkness.
Naruto paid it no mind and tried to focus. He had to try and remember what happened. Already he was remembering the Sound Four (Five?) and their "kidnapping" of his best friend. 'Kidnapping,' he thought bitterly, 'not exactly kidnapping when he runs away after breaking loose and tries to kill you when you catch up with him.' Yet somehow, he still couldn't bring himself to hate the Uchiha.
"...Watch your language," another voice said in a detached yet sarcastic voice. "There are children here. Oh please think of the children!"
"Well, screw them, they weren't the ones who almost scored," the first voice exclaimed, irritated.
Most people would scoff at Naruto's naiveté. Sasuke was dead set on revenge, going as far to tell Naruto he didn't give a rat's ass that he'd be surrendering his body to someone who was actually weaker than the man he was trying to kill. Most people would be eager to see the Uchiha prodigy fall for his petulance, howl for his blood, and smile as the frozen waters of Cocytus claimed him.
"...Neji, Hinata, which one of you are who again," said a third, bored voice. "No matter what colors they are, that stuff you're wearing all looks the same to me."
"...Believe me Nara, I would have taken this stuffy helmet off a while ago if I could find out where the straps were."
Naruto's problem, however, stemmed from the fact that he wasn't "most people." Whether intentionally or not, Naruto saw and brought out good in the most unlikely people. He believed in people, people who would spit in his face, gladly kill him if he let his guard down, and beat him silly all over a stupid monster a short-sighted, naive Hokage had saddled him with.
"...can't be the Valley of the End. I don't see any water..."
More importantly, Naruto had made a promise to Sakura. Despite the crush on the salmon-haired girl, his feelings went unrequited in face of unintentional competition from the Uchiha boy. She had pleaded him to bring Sasuke back, something Naruto didn't hesitate to make a promise on. And as luck would have it for both teammates, Naruto never broke promises, ever.
"Hey," the first voice he heard said much more clearly. "Naruto is coming to, give him air!"
A colorful blur filtered through the darkness as the blonde ninja began to regain awareness of the outside world. Blotches of light burned away at the darkness, and what little of said darkness remained started to take shapes and forms. At last he could make out details.
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The first thing Naruto saw when he awoke was a bright, cloudless sky. He didn't see the sun from his angle though, and judging by how little his eyes hurt, he could only conclude he was in the shade somewhere. Things got slightly darker though, when an alien armored figure suddenly loomed over him.
Naruto blanched for a moment, the human-ish thing standing over him was imposing. Not a single patch of flesh could be found anywhere under the plastic-metal looking armor and flexible body glove it plated. Furthermore, the being's face was concealed by an almost mirror-like golden visor that completely concealed its face. The armor plating along the creature's body was painted as well. It was mostly green, but there were orange trimmings along the sides of its arms and legs. Before Naruto could freak out and humiliate himself at this sight, however, the creature spoke.
"Hey, Naruto's awake! The power of youth shines through once again!"
Wait a minute, that thing! Its voice was...holy shit! He couldn't believe it!
"Wait a minute! Lee, is that you," Naruto managed to breathe out.
"Of course," Lee remarked proudly. "Who else would I be?"
Without warning, another one of the "creatures" popped into Naruto's line of sight, trying to divide its attention between "Lee" and himself. Its armor was identical in design to Lee's, though the coloration was different. The armor was black with a brown trim on its arms and legs. Further still, emblazoned on the creature's upper arm appeared to be an emblem of the head of one of those actors who would play ninjas in those Kabuki plays, covered in flames.
"Lee," the second person said in a cool, collected voice. "Give Naruto some room to get up and breathe." Naruto recognized the voice immediately, but Lee's remark confirmed it.
"Oh, sorry Kakashi-sensei," he said as he backed away from Naruto.
"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto repeated, puzzled. The armored man had spoken with his voice, but he saw nothing to indicate who it was under the armor. However, lying on the ground really wasn't the best way to get a better look at the world. He decided to remedy this by willing himself up, to which he was welcomed with a strange (though not uncomfortable) feeling. He could feel himself move up, but it didn't feel like he was touching dirt, grass, or anything. No matter what, he just felt a slightly varied pressure against some strange soft, yet firm material rubbing against his skin.
It was about when he jumped into a crouching position that he noticed a similarly armored hand plant itself on the ground. Odd that he felt pressure against his arm coming from the same direction. He followed the hand to its source, only to find it was coming from his shoulder.
"What the hell?"
Naruto had managed to find balance in a squatting position, looking over himself. He was covered head to toe in the exact same armor that "Lee" and "Kakashi" were wearing. However, there were still differences in the paint job. This futuristic clothing was mostly orange with a blue trim on the same spots Lee and Kakashi had on theirs.
"What is this," Naruto half asked, half exclaimed as he rose to his feet, not taking his eyes off the body encompassing armor he was now wearing.
"Hell if I know," another familiar voice said.
Naruto looked to see another armored figure-tan with red trim-pace down the dirt road they had been sitting in.
"Ero-Sennin," Naruto exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"That's the same question everyone's been asking each other in the last half-hour, look behind you!"
Naruto turned around to face four more identically armored (though differently painted) individuals conversing amongst themselves. One had red armor with white trimmings. Another was white with black trimmings. A third had white armor with blue trimmings. And the last had tan armor with black trimmings.
"Hey, who the hell are you guys," Naruto asked, just as confused as they appeared, despite the fact that their faces were invisible under their helmets. They immediately turned to face their new companion.
"N-naruto-kun," the white-blue one half shouted, half stuttered in a familiar voice, one that seemed to sound whispering yet loud at the same time "You're awake too!"
To Naruto's surprise, he and everyone else cringed at the strangely amplified voice of the normally quiet Hinata.
"Damn it Hinata, for the umpteenth time! Figure out how to turn the volume down on that helmet radio of yours! For once, speak more quietly." the tan-and-black one hollered in Shikamaru's voice. "And while you're at it, try to figure out what all these symbols and numbers floating in front of my face are. It's too damn troublesome to figure it out myself."
That said, Naruto finally noticed something else. Indeed, there seemed to be a tiny blue "X" floating in the center of his vision, not budging whenever he moved. In the corner was a blue circle pulsing outward, small flashes appearing as the people around him moved. It was a strange sight indeed.
"Damn it! I can't see a damn thing out of this helmet!" The white and black one cursed in Neji's voice. "Where is Naruto anyway?"
Without letting the others finish, the red and white figure rushed up to Naruto immediately. The boy flinched slightly, not knowing what to expect from this new figure. Naruto had just tensed when the red-armored person shouted.
"Naruto," she exclaimed in the unmistakable sweet voice of...
"Sakura-chan," Naruto exclaimed as he dashed to meet with the heavily armored kunoichi.
"Naruto," she said in a concerned voice. "Are you hurt? Are you alright, where's Sasuke-."
"One question at a time Sakura-chan," Naruto interrupted quickly. "I'm a little groggy, but I'm okay." It was about then when he registered the rest of Sakura's question. A frown formed on his face when he did so. "Sakura-chan, I'm sorry."
He couldn't read the expression on his teammate's face, but he didn't have to.
"Sakura," he paused trying to get the words out. "Sasuke, he got away."
The kunoichi remained silent. The only sign of emotion from her head as it slowly came to face downward. Even though he couldn't see the girl's face through the visor, it was enough to tell him exactly how she was feeling. It hurt him to see Sakura like this, even more than what was making her sad in the first place.
It was about then that it had hit him. He had gone back on his word. Not voluntarily, but he had failed. Failed to talk Sasuke out making the stupidest mistake in his life, something he promised Sakura he would do, and what did he have to show for it?
"There's still time Naruto," Sakura managed to say.
"What," the boy inquired, confused.
"It's the trick behind Orochimaru's body-swapping," Jiraiya interrupted, coming up from behind the blonde ninja. "Sasuke couldn't have made it to Hidden Sound in time. Even if Orochimaru isn't dead, he would have had to have taken a new body to avoid dying. Now he's gonna have to wait three years if he wants to take over Sasuke."
"There's still time then?"
"I guess," the middle-aged ninja said. "If by 'time' you mean 'wasting it on trying to talk a vengeful little boy out of the fast track to revenge that won't even work out anyway,' then yeah, you've got three years of it." The cynical sarcasm in the sannin's voice was thick enough to cut with a knife.
"Then we don't have a second to spare," the orange-armored ninja hollered. "I don't know how, but I have a feeling he's here. We have to start searching."
"Now hold on a second Naruto," said Kakashi as he moved up into the genin's path. "Even if Sasuke is here, there's still the issue of finding out where we are." The Jounin then panned his head across his surroundings. "In case you haven't noticed, this isn't the Valley of the End."
"Huh," Naruto said as he got a closer look at his surroundings.
The party was standing in the middle of a sunken dirt road, surrounded by short, healthy looking grass. Further out, Naruto could see walls of sun dried rock towering at least a hundred feet into the sky. He swept his eyes across these rocks to see that they encircled their position in a sort of crude rectangular shape. Within the basin of the canyon were more rocks, and even a few strange looking pine trees. Wherever they were, Kakashi was right, this wasn't the Valley of the End. They were smack dab in the middle of a box canyon.
"Hey," Naruto shouted with a look of revelation under his helmet. "We're smack dab in the middle of a box canyon!"
"See Sakura," the copy-ninja said with a hint of amusement. "He isn't a lost cause."
"Way to kill the mood Kakashi-sensei," Naruto muttered. It was about then that Naruto's attention span gave out and his eyes began wandering across the landscape until they landed on some strange object not too far from his position. Curious, he briefly moved away from his group as they continued to converse with each other.
"In any case," Neji piped up, training his focus on the rest of the group. "What Kakashi-sensei means is that we should investigate this canyon, and find a way out if possible."
"Neji-kun," Hinata said as quietly as she could, her voice still sounding like someone blasting rock music from a neighboring room. "We're over here."
Embarrassingly enough, Neji was looking in the opposite direction of his peers.
"Right, of course," Neji replied as he slowly did an about-face. "But where do we start?"
"We'll split up into teams of course," Kakashi said bluntly. "Jiraiya-sama, would you do the honors?"
"I've already decided that each team should have a Jonin," Jiraiya began. "So that means Ka-..."
"Hey Ero-Sennin! Look what I found," Naruto's voice yelled enthusiastically from his side. The man nearly jumped out of his bones in surprise and immediately turned to his right.
"What?"
When he had completed his turn, Jiraiya found his helmeted face just centimeters away from the strangest device he had ever seen. He was staring down a hole 9.5 millimeters wide that connected to a rectangular "barrel" behind it. It was a streamlined hunk of black metal a bit longer than a human arm. A wider section jutted downward at the back end of the strange device. Furthermore, the upper front portion of the contraption seemed to have an arch with a scope mounted on it. The one pointing it at him was his ever eager and energetic student, who had been courteous enough to hold the item so close and still for him to examine. It was about then that Jiraiya had a realization.
"Naruto," the Toad Hermit exclaimed in a slightly panicked voice. "Put that thing down!"
"What, why," Naruto questioned as he lowered the mystery machine.
"Because," he began with a pause to make sure he had the genin's attention. "You don't know where it's been!"
"Grr," Naruto huffed as he walked away, object still in tow.
"Now as I was saying..." he continued.
At this point, Naruto had stopped behind and off to the side of Shikamaru, who was listening bored but intently to the Sannin's instructions.
"What does this thing do," Naruto wondered aloud as he tossed and turned the item around in his hand. Even though Shikamaru was within an earshot, he pretended not to hear the hyperactive ninja, nor the clicking and clanking of the device tossing in his hand.
"Kakashi and I will be on different teams." He then sized up the people he had so far, five genin and a chuunin. It was unsettling to have so many inexperienced ninjas venturing into the unknown with him, even when he was playing escort and splitting them up with his student's student. It wasn't like he had much of a choice though.
"Maybe it has something to do with this," Naruto muttered as he looked at the strange digital counter on the back of the "arch" jutting out of the upper-front of the machine. It was currently on the number "36" but the number didn't change. It was about then he started examining the back half of the machine.
"Naruto, Sakura, Shikamaru, the three of you are with me," the Sannin ordered. "We're going..." he paused to indicate his left, "...in that direction to see if we can't find ourselves a way out of here. Kakashi will take the rest of you guys and investigate..." he paused again to gesture to the opposite direction, "...that way."
"That seems simple enough," Neji remarked.
"I dunno, the simpler a mission sounds, the more troublesome it tends to be," Shikamaru butted in. "And from what I've gathered, there's a few rocky outcroppings and some shade here and there, but for the most part, the canyon is just open ground where everything is in plane sight."
"You're absolutely right Shikamaru," Kakashi affirmed. "But the fact of the matter is that there's simply no other alternative now." He looked up at the slight, though relatively high incline at the side of the road, blocking any decent view of the end of the canyon. "Even so, remember, stay on your toes, we have no idea if there's anyone else in this canyon, or if they're hostile or not. And frankly," he lightly tapped his helmet with his fist. "I can't remove my headband to use the sharingan when I can't get this damn helmet off."
Finally, Naruto noticed the ring shaped hole that guarded a tiny, hook shaped lever. Slipping his finger into the hole, he found his index finger wrapped nicely around the "lever." With a gentle tug he felt it go back slightly.
"Just a moment, I think I dropped something," Shikamaru said as he knelt down to the ground to find whatever it is he dropped. From the angle he was at, the open end of the mysterious machine was just six inches from his ear.
"Hey, Shikamaru," Naruto exclaimed as his finger squeezed around the lever. "I think I finally figured out how-..."
RATATAT!!!
"GOD DAMN IT!"
Everyone jumped into an alert stance, anyone who had even a remote knowledge of taijutsu or jyuken immediately turned to the source of Shikamaru's scream. The lazy ninja was crouched on the ground, clutching his ears in pain. Right behind and off to the side of him was a dumbstruck Naruto, holding the strange device still in his hand as whisps of smoke hovered out of the end.
"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM NARUTO!?" Shikamaru shouted with a very un-Shikamaru-like loudness.
"How was I supposed to know that would happen?!" The orange ninja shouted in a panicked voice.
"DIDN'T JIRAIYA TELL YOU TO DITCH THAT THING?!"
"Uh..."
"Yeah Naruto, didn't I tell you to ditch that thing?" Jiraiya said threateningly...
"Uh, no," Naruto said a little too hastily. "You said to hang onto it for..." he trailed off, thinking of a good word to finish the sentence with. "...study?"
Never before had Jiraiya looked more imposing than in the futuristic suit that covered him head to toe, and the silent stare he gave to Naruto sent chills down his spine.
"Oh, right," the Sannin said as if he actually remembered what Naruto was talking about. "That might come in handy some time. Just try not to play with it anymore, okay?"
"This is such a troublesome, bothersome drag!" Shikamaru hissed as his ears continued to ring.
Blood Gulch Outpost #1
Crackle, crackle, spark!
Deep in the bowels of Red base, the blazes of an arc welder pulsed against the dim lights of the upper floor. The only competing illumination was the faint blue glow coming from the gravity lift that brought people up from the arbitrary "garage" below and the sun roof above. The room itself was constructed with a plain gray stone-metal hybrid and had no furniture or other distinguishable features whatsoever, save for an occupied flag post. The flag resting on the pole was mostly red, save for the black diamond with a white cobra super-imposed over background.
The most notable feature of the room, however, was its three inhabitants, or rather, "two and a half." The first was an olive armored "man" missing his body from the waist down. The second, a man in regulation red armor, knelt in front of him, tangling furiously with wires and servo motors sticking out of the "half-man's" legs. Finally, observing this situation was a man in pink armor, just waiting for the red one to order him around.
"Donut," the red-armored man said in a grizzled southern accent. "This is the most delicate part of Lopez's operation," he warned the pink armored man. "I want you to watch his visor very closely for any unnatural glowing for the next minute."
"But Sarge, you're on eye level with him. Can't you just look at it," Donut queried.
"Si tu habia aprendado espanol, yo puedo ensenarte las direcciones por reparar, pendejo." (1) The robot said, annoyed. His feelings on the issue, however, were lost both in his monotone, emotionless voice and his clearly non-English language.
Sarge sighed, frustrated by this menial task.
"Damn it, if there were only some way to access Lopez's repair procedures," the gruff squad leader lamented. "I suppose there's no shortcuts in war. I'm just going to have to second guess things just like on the battlefield." He paused momentarily, a thoughtful look under his helmet. "That reminds me, the next time we go on the offensive, Griff has to charge blindly at Blue Base, they'll be so shocked at his foolishness they'll be too stunned to fire, after which he'll sacrifice himself to get caught in my line of fire and go down with the rest of those blue devils! Genius!" The Staff Sergeant congratulated himself.
"That was an excellent tangent sir," said a maroon armored man entering the room. "It even came with an excellent strategy!"
"You can't go for five minutes without kissing his ass, can you," said another frustrated, orange armored soldier entering the room after him.
"Simmons, Griff," Sarge greeted. "You're just in time. I need someone to hold these leg wires together so Lopez can get a diagnostic on his leg motor systems."
Sarge's eyes immediately landed on Griff. "Griff, come here and hold these two wires together!"
"Puedo hacer que por yo mismo, gracias. Tengo brazos ahora," (2) the robot protested.
"Do I have a choice," Griff asked dejectedly, knowing full well what the answer was.
"Now Griff, choices are for Blues, come here and hold these wires together."
Reluctantly, Griff plodded over to his superior and Lopez. It was no secret that he was the laziest person in the canyon. Anything that constituted as work was poison for the Red soldier.
"By the way, take off your gloves," Sarge added quickly as Griff knelt to reach Lopez.
"What," Griff asked, suddenly worried. "But the electricity will fry my hands!"
"The gloves are too clumsy. This part of the operation requires delicate, ungloved fingers to handle the wires smoothly. You wouldn't want to paralyze Lopez for life would you?"
"God damn it," Griff hissed before complying.
"Sarge," Simmons interrupted as Griff went to work, on the mechanical man. "I've gotten off the horn with Red Command. They say they've got reinforcements on their way here, though they didn't say when."
"It could take forever for all I care as long as it means I can use my newest assault plan as intended," Sarge replied, musing about his earlier tangent. "I just hope we don't get more Griffs like our last delivery of reinforcements got."
"Don't worry sir, there can't be that many more Griffs in the universe."
"Yow," Griff yelled as 60 watts pulsed through his unprotected hands.
"Suck it up Private, that's an order! No pain, no gain...of-peace-and-tranquility-brought-on-by-your-untimely-demise!" Sarge bellowed.
"Up yours," the orange-armored private hissed.
"What was that private," Sarge asked dangerously.
"Up yours sir," Griff repeated.
"That's more like it soldier," the Staff Sergeant growled.
"¡Si usted no todo se calló y me consigue fijé, yo los mataré y volveré a O'Malley!" (3) The robot said in as threatening a tone as he could muster.
"That's the spirit Lopez," Donut said in a cheerful, irony-free tone. "See Griff, you should stop being a negative Nancy and be more like Lopez!"
"I'll consider that when I can feel my hands again," Griff replied caustically.
"Well, get back to work while you can't feel them," Sarge countered. "That way it won't hurt when you get electrocuted again!"
Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha
On the other end of the mysterious box canyon, a nearly identical base sat in the relative shade of the rock walls. Aside of its position relative to the base and the blue flags and banners hanging off the side, there was no difference in design from its red counterpart. The inside of the base was indistinguishable from its red counterpart entirely.
The relative peace of the base was shattered, however, when two gleeful yells rippled from the gravity lift.
"WHEEEEEEE!!!" shouted two figures rocketing up the blue pillar of light connecting the first floor garage to the ground floor. One was a man in blue armor and a young woman in yellow followed immediately after him. No sooner than they landed on the floor did they dash to the other end of the room to drop down into an identical but unlit pit. Seconds later, their cheerful cries repeated as they re-ascended the grav-lift, being joined by a small, bipedal lizard-like creature in the process..
As they reached the peak of the lift though, the fun ended as a cobalt armored soldier stood in their way.
"Caboose, Sister, damn it, the gravity lift is not a toy," the mood killer yelled.
"Aw, but Church, the new girl and Junior are having a good time," the man in blue armor defended in a child like voice.
"Hey, I can like, totally speak for myself Caboose," the girl in yellow armor said in a slightly terse "valley girl" accented voice. "But anyway, Caboose is like, totally right. It's the only thing to do around here."
"Blargh," the small alien added.
"Why the hell haven't you guys killed that thing yet," Church asked, visibly frustrated by the alien's very survival.
"Because he died already," Caboose began, "when Andy blew up O'Malley."
"Does that look dead to you Caboose?!" Church demanded as he looked back at the 'little abomination of nature.'
"But," Caboose began. "He was on O'Malley's ship...and so were Sheila,"
"-Who transmitted herself back into the tank where she belongs!" Church interrupted.
"And Lopez..."
"-Who the Reds had a backup copy of." Church said dangerously.
"And Te-," Caboose managed to reply before Church smashed the butt of his sniper rifle in Caboose's face.
"Shut the fuck up private!" Church hissed in an unusually (for Church) angry tone.
Caboose shared a look with the dim girl at his side and back to his friend. Ever since Tex died (again), Church had been acting mean-well, meaner to the other Blues, and had been spending hours in front of a haphazard pile of robot parts which he had been fiddling with and assembling non-stop for the last three weeks since O'Malley was destroyed...and Tex with him.
Furthermore, Caboose would often find Church's bed unslept in several nights in a row. Church insisted that he had taken a cue from the Reds' sergeant and had opted to sleep standing up with his eyes open, but on the few occasions where Caboose got up for a midnight snack, he would often find his superior shakily assembling the gradually more pronounced duplicate of Tex's first robotic body. Knowing Church's relationship with the mercenary and taking his progressively more irregular sleep patterns into account, the Blue rookie could only come to one conclusion.
"Y'know, Church..." Caboose began.
"What, Caboose?" The cobalt soldier asked venomously.
"I think," he paused as he would habitually, "that you have forgotten how to sleep!"
Church's only response to Caboose's "revelation" was silence.
"I could always teach you how if you forget, just like you helped me remember to breathe that one time!" The private said in a helpful, quiet tone. "Have you tried counting sheep?"
'Of course I tried counting sheep, you cockbite!' Church thought to himself, only to find his thoughts instantly muddled by his sleep deprivation. 'Then again, I suppose it would be tempting to imagine a bunch of sheep, on a farm,' he paused before unconsciously adding: 'there sure are a lot of farms in Texas...and another Texas would be-.'
"God damn it Caboose!" Church hollered. "Shut the fuck up, go back to screwing around with the gravity lift, shut the fuck up, keep an eye on Sister and Junior, and above all, shut the fuck up!" He yelled as he stormed away from the trio.
A moment of silence, Caboose felt bad, he made Church feel angry.
"Honk?" The baby alien honked.
777777777777
LLLLLLLLLL
"Ugh."
Uchiha Sasuke's walk was a disoriented shamble. The strange body hugging encumbrance-painted blue with white trimmings-further muddled his senses. That blonde idiot had done a number on him with that devastating assassination technique, and could only take some comfort in the fact that the same thing no doubt happened to him.
But he didn't, he didn't know why, but somehow the idea of being responsible for harming Naruto wasn't as relieving as he thought it'd be.
'The Mangekyou...is it really worth that much?'
Sasuke grimaced as he paced along the wall of a canyon path. He could make out a grassy field, dotted with rocks and dotted by a sparse number of trees lower in the canyon. There wasn't any movement from where he could see, but even in his disoriented state, he couldn't afford to let his guard down.
'To kill your best friend...are you really someone's friend if you kill them for power?'
The pulsing headache wasn't helping Sasuke's doubt. Itachi said himself that it was the only way to get the power to defeat him. There was simply no other option, no amount of training and all the chakra in the world wouldn't mean a thing if he didn't have the Mangekyou to counter his own. That facet of the Sharingan was just too powerful to counter with anything else.
'No, there's no other way,' he said. 'I knew what I was getting into when I left Konoha. It was for the best.'
While that rationalization made him feel better about himself, it did not do so physically. Even with his Sharingan, his world was somewhat blurry, and he was taking small, poorly coordinated steps to avoid plunging off the ledge he was navigating. This foreign terrain was treacherous and he knew that one false step would send him plummeting to his-
"WAAUUUUGGH!" Sasuke screamed as he slipped off the ledge, earth rapidly approaching as he struggled vainly to steady himself.
'No, not now, I haven't-.'
Suddenly, the fall stopped.
Sasuke, now somewhat more alert to his surroundings, looked around haphazardly. The location was the same, but the leveling seemed different. In fact, based on what he could see, he was on the canyon's grassy floor.
Sasuke looked down, against all odds he had landed on his feet with nary a spring to his landing. His legs didn't even hurt from the impact with the ground. In fact, now that he remembered it, he realized he was in a standing position for his entire fall.
'What the hell is going on here?' Sasuke thought as he finally pulled his eyes away from his feet. 'Never mind that. Is Sound Country supposed to have terrain like this?' His slightly clearer vision swept the dry setting for some sign of life...or hostility.
Then he saw it.
A circular stone structure rested at the end of the box canyon. A handful of blue banners and symbols interspersed on the otherwise lifeless gray architecture. He had been told by his Sound Four/Five "escorts" that Orochimaru's current headquarters was marked by a partially above ground structure that led under the surface. It was as good a place to start as any.
'Well, I came this far,' the Uchiha thought. 'Might as well see what Orochimaru wants.'
And with that, Sasuke carried himself to the distant base, not knowing what the future would hold.
Lopez translations
1. "If you had just learned some Spanish I could walk you through my repair procedures, retard."
2. "I can do that by myself, thank you. I have arms now."
3. "If you don't all shut up and get me fixed, I will kill you all and go back to O'Malley!"