"All right, men," said tribble#327284927819347. "It's time to move out."

"Hey wait a minute," said tribble#8383749270402842048. "What do you mean, men? If we're born pregnant, we must all be female."

"You're right," said tribble#327284927819347. "My mistake. Oops, excuse me, I have to give birth."

"You're always giving birth," complained tribble#11111111124325435, who happened to be her 1126616th cousin 137891 times removed.

"Well, so are you," countered tribble#327284927819347.

"But that's different," tribble#11111111124325435 muttered under her breath.

"Hey, come on. We're family. Let's not argue. We've got a universe to take over."

"Oh yeah!" said a newborn baby tribble, perking up.

"Who are you?" asked tribble#11111111124325435. "I think I'll call you Fred. After the penguin."

"But everyone else has numbers, not names. And besides, Fred is a boys' name," said Fred.

"Well, let's start a new tradition then," said Fred's mother.

Tribble#327284927819347, the platoon general, was getting impatient. "We're never going to get anywhere like this! We have to work together! Oops, excuse me, I have to give birth."

"We're not going to get anywhere like this," said Fred. "Let's all get abortions!"

"Isn't that illegal?" said tribble#491839284727397493.

"Of course not," said Fred. "This is the twenty-fourth century, silly."

"All right," said tribble#327284927819347 exasperatedly. "Fine. Let's use Fred's idea. Everybody is getting an abortion."

Everybody did. "What do we do now?" asked Fred.

"Go annoy some Klingons?" suggested Fred's mother.

"Take over the universe!" shouted the platoon general, who had violent tendencies. "Annihilate everyone!"

"Even the Cardassians?" asked Fred's sister.

"Who are you?" asked Fred. "Let's call you Quigley."

"Do we have to annihilate the Cardassians?" Quigley whined again. "I kind of like them."

"All right!" said the platoon leader. "We'll annihilate everyone except the Cardassians! Now let's move out! Oh, and by the way, I have decided on a name. I would like to be called Bob."

"Okay, Bob," said Fred's mother. "Come, Fred. Come, Quigley. Come, Dasher and Dandruff and Cancer and Priscilla."

All the baby tribbles followed their mother and Bob. "Where are we going, anyway?" asked Dandruff.

Bob stopped and considered this. "Earth," he finally decided.

"Earth?" said tribble#11111111124325435. "Where's that?"

"I don't know. But I've heard of it."

"And has anyone considered how we are going to get to Earth?" asked Fred logically.

Bob considered this as well. "Worf speed," he finally decided.

"But don't you need a ship for that?" said Fred. "And I think it's warp, not Worf."

"Oh," said Bob.

"Well?" said Fred.

"Well what?" said Bob.

Just then the sun went nova and they all died. The good news was that Q and the penguin named Fred survived and lived happily ever after, even if the tribble named Fred did not. The even better news was that all the Cardassians died too. The end.