Ok, so this has been in my draft for months, ever since I saw the gifset that inspired this little story (link at the end of the story - ALL credit goes to remember3x20 for this idea) and I decided to post it because I tried to write more but couldn't so I thought, what the hell, just let this one go. Anyway, I was just so in love with the idea of this AU that i had to write something, so here it is.
Enjoy.
"Le monde a soif d'amour —tu viendras l'apaiser.
The world is parched for love —you will come and quench its thirst."
- Arthur Rimbaud, excerpt of 'Soleil et Chair'
Felicity slumped even more in her seat.
Thea was asleep in hers, looking pale, her forehead covered in a thin layer of sweat. Felicity looked at her for long beats, thought back at the way she'd seen her stumble back and fall when the bullet went through her. How for one short, heart-stopping moment, Felicity had seen the blood and had thought.
She looked away, but there was nowhere she could look that wouldn't remind her of the last hellish week she'd had. Her brain wouldn't stop wheeling. Sometimes she wished she could just forget things, but she hadn't been made that way.
God, she was exhausted. They'd been in the air for almost twelve hours, jumping from airport to airport under five different identities. When Felicity dared to think that Moira had arranged all this she felt her stomach roll.
That woman was…
Felicity rubbed the tips of her fingers against her eyelids. She was sorely hoping that Moira Queen and Amanda Waller would never ever meet, or there would be no hope for mankind. And really, it wasn't like Felicity had much to say here. She'd been complicit to some very questionable things happening in the later year and a half of her life, so…
The worst of it was that she wasn't even sorry. And she was sure that a certain someone stepped into her office again, asking for her help, she would do it all over again and not change a thing.
Ok, so maybe she would do some things better, maybe more efficiently. But for someone who knew so well the bitter bite of regret, when it crawled in her bed during her many sleepless nights, Felicity was happy to say that she didn't regret her choice at all.
The thought was a bit chilly. Felicity didn't know what that said about her.
Maybe she and Moira had more in common than their cool relationship had ever allowed them to share. Who knew? At this point, Felicity was sure she would never find out.
She got up and walked down the narrow lane of the plane, to where the coffee lived. Her legs were numb and when she got up they hurt. She needed to make her peace with this situation, one way or another. She needed to accept that she was an international fugitive now. That she was being smuggled across the world and into a literal Secret Assassin base.
Her life hadn't made sense by normal standards for a while, but this took the fucking cake.
Her hand shook as she poured the coffee. It spilled.
Felicity put the thermos down hard and then winced. She held very still, not even daring to breathe, listening if the noise had stirred Thea out of the first quiet sleep she'd had in hours. It hadn't.
Thea had the senses of a wild cat usually, but she'd been beyond exhausted. After all, it's not every day that your father is exposed as the city's vigilante and your name hits the papers as his fast-footed sidekick, along with you ex sister in law. No, things like those didn't really happen every day, not even to them. Neither did car bombs and an almost-assassination.
Robert had gotten Thea out of the way quickly enough that day, but the bullet had still lodged in her shoulder. She was alive now only because Robert knew his way around stopping any kind of bleeding that wasn't fatal, and because that crazy old man had dared to perform an emergency transfusion on his daughter when he'd realized she would die of poisoning and not of the bullet. Right there in lobby of Queen Consolidated he'd opened a vein and given Thea his very blood to save her life.
Felicity slid down the wall and pulled her knees up, hid her face against them. She still had tremors from that particular memory.
No, her life wasn't ordinary at all. And she'd been happy with that. She just wished she knew how to deal with this too.
She'd been trying for the last twelve hours. Even as she settles on the soft carpeted floor of the plane, she still had no answer.
Nanda Parbat meant the Mountain, apparently. Or something. It sure wasn't an easy trek getting there though. The heat alone was enough to melt the skin beneath their clothes. The fact that they had to walk uphill under that baking sun was just the cherry on top of the shitcake.
Thea heaved Felicity held her wais more securely though she was out of breath herself.
"Just a little further." Digg reassured them, as he walked ahead, a gun on this hand and the GPS tracker mapping their position on the other. "According to the coordinates Robert gave us, we're almost two miles away."
Felicity looked at Thea, took in the pallor of her face and the dots of sweat on her forehead and told her to stop. She helped the other girl sit down for a while.
"John."
Digg turned, took one look at Thea and was by her side in a moment, lips pursed, almost angry.
"Queen stubbornness." he muttered, as he took the girl's pulse. "Why didn't you say something?"
The huffed a laugh. "I'm fine."
"Yeah you sound like it."
Thea just took another raspy breath, closing her eyes as if the effort required concentration. Felicity felt the twinge of guilt growing more insistent. She should have noticed.
"Ok. I feel better now." Thea said thickly. "I can walk some more."
Digg put a hand on her shoulder.
"I don't think so." And then he smiled for the first time in a few days. "How do you feel about piggy back rides, Speedy?"
Thea's eyes glazed over and she closed them, shaking her head minutely. Felicity knew what she would say before the words were even out of the girl's mouth.
"Ollie used to piggyback me around the house all the time."
Digg nodded. "Then you know the rules."
He turned, bending his knees so she could climb on his back. It must be a measure of the pain she was in that she looped her arms loosely around John's neck and shoulders and let him pick her up without the smallest protest.
John got up as if he didn't feel her weight at all. To be fair, Thea was tiny, but Felicity knew that the girl was no feather. She looked lanky but she was all muscle and deadly knees and elbows.
John passed Felicity the GPS tracker. They kept moving, sweating though every layer of clothing they were wearing.
After some twenty minutes of walking, Thea piped up.
"You ok, John?"
John only chuckled. He was hardly out of breath.
"Give me a break, kid. I've carried gear through the dessert that weighted twice more than you do."
Thea said nothing, but as she turned her face to rest her cheek against John's shoulder, Felicity could see her little smile. It wasn't even 20 minutes later however, that an arrow ebbed itself right in front of John's feet.
They stopped. From a distance, the people up in the hill looked like flickering shadows but the projectile weapon embed at their feet meant they were very much real people.
"You may go no further," a booming voice said, the tilting accent doing nothing to hinder Felicity's understanding of the words.
She stepped forward. This was her part now.
"My name is Felicity Smoak," she said, as loudly and steadily as she could. "This is John Diggle and Thea Queen. We were told our coming here was expected."
She didn't know whether to be relieved or not when the men on the hill looked among each other and put their weapons down. As it was, they had run out of choices days ago, so there was nothing they could do but to follow when they were told to do so.
Felicity felt dizzy once or twice as they walked up the narrow paths up the mountains. She tried very hard never to glance over her shoulder - the drop was so deep and sharp that Felicity couldn't see the bottom of the canyon. The abyss seemed to call at her with its own force of gravity.
God, she hated heights.
Once they got close enough, they could see the League stronghold through the fog. It was a building, a castle of sorts, but it looked like it had been carved right into the face of the mountain.
She saw him just as they stepped inside the castle's walls.
Even when Moira had mentioned him by name, laying out their plan to get her and Thea out of the country and somewhere safe enough, Felicity had told her she'd believe it when she saw it. And now he was standing right there. She was seeing it - seeing him – and still Felicity could hardly make sense of it all.
She'd asked herself along the way why a League of psychotic murders was considered anywhere near safe. But as she met Malcolm Merlyn's eyes in that hall so big she couldn't see the ceiling of… she believed.
"Felicity. It is good to see you after so long." he said as he stepped forward, long black robes flowing behind him.
"Malcolm. It hasn't been nearly long enough, so I really can't say the same."
He chuckled, though his eyes were cold. The smirk fell off his face though, when he saw Thea being carried in by John and laid into an awaiting stretcher.
The words Malcolm spoke in Arabic were completely foreign to Felicity but they made two men move as if his voice commanded them. When they grabbed Thea's stretcher and made to carry her away, Felicity and Diggle moved to follow them. There was no way in hell - and she might very well be in it - that Felicity was leaving Thea alone in this godforsaken place.
"You have not been dismissed." Malcolm said simply and just like that, a blade was at her throat. Felicity almost walked right into it, but Diggle pulled her backwards.
Felicity turned burning eyes to her once-stepfather.
"I'm not interested in chitchatting with you about old times, Malcolm. Where are they taking her?"
"To the healing rooms, where she will be most carefully cared for."
"I don't believe you." She spit back, but the weapons at her throat didn't move and when Felicity tried to move despite the threat of the gleaming blade, Digg held her tighter. Those men would not relent, if Malcolm did not say so. It wasn't them that they had to deal with.
"What do you want, Malcolm." Felicity asked, for the first time her voice showing her exhaustion.
"Why, nothing you can give me, of course." he said, as if it wasn't by his orders that there was a fucking sword at her throat!
What even were these people!
"Then let us go!" Felicity gritted out.
He might say that he wanted nothing from her, from them, but Felicity knew him well enough to know better. He wanted her to be very aware of who exactly was in control here.
"Of course. You will be escorted to your rooms."
"I will be escorted to wherever Thea is going to be. That will be my rooms, thank you." Felicity said quietly. She'd learned to be quiet from him. At her most hateful, she always became quiet.
Malcolm's smile remained the same, but his eyes hardened. he stepped closer in her space. Diggle tensed.
"Felicity, you were always a bright girl, so I expect you to understand a very simple concept while you're here." He lowered his voice, softened his tone. His eyes remained as empty of real feeling as they'd ever been. "This is not a reenactment of your teenage years. You are in a foreign domain and you must show respect for its rules, or you will be punished accordingly."
"I will show you the respect you deserve, Malcolm." She replied coolly. "As I always have."
He sighed, shook his head in disappointment.
Felicity bit back her scowl.
He could go fuck himself. Tommy might have been more vulnerable to his manipulations, because Malcolm had started early with his emotional violence on his son, but Felicity was a different matter. She'd seen right through the fucker from the very first time she'd met him, even if her own mother hadn't.
"This is a different country, Felicity, a different culture." Malcolm explained, almost sounding patient. It only had made Felicity despise him more. "Do not be so thoughtlessly arrogant as to think that you can ignore its customs because you feel somehow superior to them. Here different rules apply."
She snorted. "You're as much of a foreigner here as I am, Malcolm. Don't talk to me about respect, you're one of the most racist people I've ever met."
Malcolm's lips pinched.
Felicity didn't understand what he said, but Digg did, so when two men moved to catch a hold of her arms, he fought back. He was put down within moments. Felicity screamed and kicked, but it did little difference. She was hauled away as if she weighted nothing, the grip of powerful hands so strong around her upper arms and wrists that she thought her bones would snap. She fought all the way to a set of double doors. They were opened and she was thrown in.
She almost faceplanted on the stone floor, but broke her fall with her hands and knees instead. Her glasses fell off from her face, landing a couple of feet from her. The impact hurt so much that she felt it vibrating all the way to her hips and shoulders. She pressed her face against the cool stone and let her body go. For a moment, she just wanted to lay there and sob her heart out.
But once she felt real tears gathering behind her eyes, she gritted her teeth and fought through them. She ordered her bruised and exhausted body to get up, get up, get up! until it obeyed. When she managed to stand she inspected herself. She'd scrapped her palms and knees bloody. Her jeans were torn at the knee. It was with an astounding amount of detachment that she observed this. She didn't particularly care.
She went to the door and pulled. It didn't give a single inch.
Felicity has known it would be locked. Malcolm had locked her in her room before. She'd broken her arm that time, when she'd fallen from the second story trying to scale out of the window instead.
Silver lining, Felicity thought as she rested her forehead against the hard wood: at least there are no broken bones this time.
Felicity felt her head spin as she stood there. She took careful stock of her own damage: she was battered, exhausted, had slept for only about three hours for the last forty-eight and couldn't even remember the last full meal she'd had. Dehydration was starting to make her head ache.
She needed to think. She needed…
She needed to clean up, Felicity decided. Drink some water, clean her face. Her hands and knees. She hadn't planned on sleeping, but she passed out on the couch she had sat on, just to think some. Next thing she knew, she was being gently shaken by the shoulder.
She startled awake, heart hammering. It was Digg's familiar face that she saw but she still tried to jump to her feet. Then she had to sit again, her head spinning and her vision darkening.
"Easy." John said as he pushed her down to the couch again. "You need to rest Felicity."
"I need to see Thea." She said, mind filled to bursting with the possibilities of what could have gone wrong with Thea as she slept away like the most careless caretaker on the planet. "Where is she? Do you know? Did they hurt you?"
"I just came from Thea's room." John assured her. "She's better, and sleeping. Her fever is down too."
"Where…"
"Two halls down from here, second door to the right. I'm right across the hall from you. No they didn't hurt me. You have to sleep. I'll take first watch."
Felicity blinked. Her brain felt slow.
She must have agreed at some point, but she didn't remember much of it. It felt like a dream. Next thing she knew, felicity's head was somewhere soft and she was out like a light again.
She didn't remember Diggle helping her up, though the sting of him cleaning up her cuts and bruises did stand out among the hazy memories. She was glad she didn't remember him helping her undress for bed, but maybe he hadn't. She didn't know. At this point it didn't even matter, weird as that sounded.
They'd known each other for years. He'd seen her bruised and bloody, and in elegant dresses alike. He'd helped her when she had a bomb around her neck and pulled her crying and shocked self out of a crumbling building when the Foundry almost fell on her. She'd even slept on his and Lyla's couch a few times and had breakfast with them in Yummy Sushi pajamas. The time when anything would make them hesitate when it came to taking care of each other were long gone… though Felicity thought they had to draw a line somewhere. She wondered what Lyla would think about her husband taking off another woman's clothes.
Lyla… Lyla who always found their 'done with your shit' faces hilariously alike. She said their mirror each other. Felicity could perfectly see her snorting about it.
Felicity wished she could be more like Digg when it came to resilience, but apparently her body's limits were way lower than his. Or Thea's, Robert's and Lyla's. She'd had no training for this, no preparation. She'd jumped head first into a dangerous situation and she'd made her way, same as she always did. But for the first time, hidden among mountains, Felicity wished she'd thought everything through better. That she'd made fewer mistakes.
She found herself wishing for strength that felt like it was fast running out.
The next day, Felicity didn't leave Thea's room for a moment. They had baths and dressed begrudgingly in the loose white robes that had been laid out for them, once they found out that their other clothes had been taken away. (she didn't admit they the soft cotton felt comfortable on her only because it had been given to her on Malcolm's orders. She was petty like that)
Felicity found that her tablet was missing too, but knowing that no matter how they tried, they would never be able to crack the security measures on her baby gave her a fierce kind of pleasure.
Thea was feeling better too. She'd been as astounded as Felicity had felt when she saw Malcolm. She didn't speak much to him, though Malcolm smile made her a bit uncomfortable. She tracked him the whole time he was in the room, as if she expected him to attack them at any moment. John did too, from the corner of the room, right behind Malcolm's back. Felicity had spent enough time around warriors to know when they were on their guard. Malcolm though looked as at ease as ever.
"I've always been very fond of you, Thea. I hope you recover well, and find your stay here pleasing."
That's what he'd said before leaving. Thea had just nodded. Once the door closed behind Malcolm, she turned wide eyes to Felicity.
"You know… I almost didn't believe mom when she said that he was here. That he was…"
"Head of the Demon." Felicity completed that thought when Thea seemed to stumble on the words. "Yeah, I didn't either. I'd hoped he was dead."
Thea didn't say anything to that. She didn't exactly share the more ruthless aspects Felicity's anger, but then again – and thank god – Thea didn't know Malcolm well enough to hate him the way Felicity did.
It was an intimate kind of hatred. One that you learned through details and through knowing all too well the subtle kind of violence a human being was capable of inflicting on another without ever lifting a finger. And that was just from her years of living with that man. But there were other things too.
Felicity had never been able to prove it and Robert had never fully believed her, but she had always suspected Malcolm had had something to do with what happened in the Glades five months ago. There had been too many coincidences for her to let it go, despite the fact that Malcolm and had been clean as a whistle and so had been Merlyn Global.
When they understood what the Undertaking actually meant, it had been almost too late. Felicity had been able to hack into the Unidac files and decrypt them, but not in time to find out there were two machines. Three hundred and four people had died. Tommy would always be in some kind of level of pain form the wound he took – that rebar that had almost run him through. But Malcolm had disappeared months before that. Nobody had seen or heard from him for almost a year. And now they were here, under his fucking roof again.
"You plan on going tonight to that thing he invited us?" Thea asked.
"I don't see how we have a choice." Digg said as he sat down on the ottoman close to the bed. "That didn't really sound like an invitation to me."
Felicity couldn't have said it better. "Let's keep our eyes open. Malcolm never does anything for nothing."
Thea huffs unhappily, her misery plain in her face. "What more could we have to give?"
Felicity looked away, heart aching. Thea was probably thinking of all she left behind. Of her father standing trial for fifty different accounts of murder. Of her mother being under investigation as an accomplice for that. If they lose the trial, Robert could be sentenced to death.
Thea had been so determined to stay. Felicity had been too, and they would have stayed, if the attacks on them hadn't started. Felicity would have been risking a lot more than prison if she'd stayed however. There had been three different attempts of kidnapping by the Triad alone since her name hit the press. One of them had almost succeeded on blowing up a floor of QC, just to create a diversion. Two of her researches had ended up in intensive care because of it.
They still didn't know who had leaked their identities.
For a moment, the thought came to her that it might have been Malcolm, but Felicity dismissed it. Malcolm had nothing to gain from exposing the Hood. He had nothing to gain from setting them all up so that Thea and Felicity herself could end up here, of all places.
But then again, Felicity didn't call herself an expert on the way a cold-hearted bastard's mind worked. And with Malcolm, one could never know.
If Felicity had been in that kind of mood, she would have said the hall where they had been ushered to looked a lot like Hogwarts' Great Hall, but a lot creepier. Flickering flames keeping the lighting so dim that the hall seemed more made of shadows than anything. Like everything else in this place, it was a trick to keep you on your toes. People who called themselves with a pretentious name like 'league of assassins' probably winning any prizes on subtlety of method.
She walked side by side with Diggle and Thea. They had both stuck to Thea's side, because - just as Diggle had promised Robert that he would watch out for his girls, even before the other man asked him to - Felicity had promised both Moira and her reckless husband that she would look out for their daughter. She'd promised Tommy and Laurel to look out for her own self too. Even when she'd felt like she'd lost everything else, Felicity had known that she wasn't alone. Her makeshift family was right there with her and they had to pull each other through this. That had been what had kept her sane these last few days.
When they picked a table on the far side of the room and sat on the cushions, Thea leaned a bit on Felicity's arm.
"How are you feeling?" Felicity asked immediately, her arm wrapping around Thea's shoulders to pull her closer.
"A lot better actually. I guess there people have experience handling bleeding wounds. I'm really starting to question my parents sanity for calling this a safe place though." she murmured.
"You shouldn't."
Both girls looked up, and saw Malcolm towering over them.
How prosaic of him. He used to love sitting her and Tommy down and walking back and forth in front of them as he spoke.
"This is the last place anyone will ever find you, no matter how powerful Robert's enemies may be."
"It's not exactly street thugs we're worried about, Malcolm." Thea said. Felicity squeezed her hand.
Don't tell him anything.
Thea bit her lip as Malcolm smiled.
"Oh, I know, Thea. I am glad you are feeling better, by the way. How is your shoulder tonight?"
Thea rolled said shoulder, rubbed her arm.
"Better," she admitted.
"Good. I'm glad. I wanted you to enjoy tonight. After all, this is the first chance I get to formally welcome you Nanda Parbat."
Felicity barely kept from rolling her eyes. He must be having the time of his life, ruling this place and having so many deadly people at his back and call. The thought both sickened and frightened her. Malcolm was the sort of man who should never be allowed to have any kind of power. The fact that he had so much of it made Felicity worry.
He left them alone after that and for a long time all they did was watch carefully as the League members went about their routines, and ate when the food was put before them.
Felicity watched everything with great detail. She took note of the way they dressed and the fact that all of them were armed. That she, Digg and Thea were wearing clothes of the same cut, but were the only ones wearing white. It was obvious that it was to determine their status, thought what that meant, Felicity didn't know. She didn't know their customs.
She watched the way people walked up to Malcolm and bowed to him, watched who he talked to, for how long and even tried to read his lips. When he unexpectedly met her eye, as if he'd been aware of her scrutiny the whole time, Felicity was startled, but she stared back without blinking. She may be in his power here, but he knew very well that she despised him. There was simply no point in pretending otherwise. Malcolm smiled, sharp and joyless, and looked away, turning to talk to the woman by his side – the only one whose black robes were bejeweled.
Felicity felt the little hair on her arms rise. No, she didn't like being here at all.
It was almost two hours since they'd stepped into the main hall when the double doors that led into it opened and about twenty people, all dressed in the same way and heavily armed, strode in. Their faces were hidden beneath deep dark hoods, their weapons on their belts.
They stopped right in front of the dais where Malcolm was sitting, shoved their hoods down and put their hands on their chests, bowed their heads. The back of their heads were all that Felicity could see, but she paid attention anyway. The women had their hair bound in tight braids close to their head. Some of the men kept it loose and others had cropped it so short that they almost looked bald.
Not for the first time she marveled at the irony of their situation. They had gotten out of Starling – or of the continent - to be safe from people meaning to kill them, or worse, and here they were, in the laps of even more ruthless killers. Felicity's brain had almost short-circuited for the last three days trying to understand this.
What had they been doing for more than a year? If this was where they deserved to end up, then all that she had done, all those horrible things she had helped do, to admittedly horrible people… what had they been for? Did they even mean anything?
Was Amanda Waller right? Did they deserve to be hunted like this?
Maybe they did. Maybe, if the only place where they could find safe haven was where Malcolm Merlyn dwelled, then they really had made a huge mistake and deserved everything that was coming to them.
This didn't change Felicity's determination to make it out of this alive and intact, but it did at least shift her point of view.
Thea leaned closer to Digg.
"What is he saying?"
Digg expression was opaque, but she knew him well enough to recognize the anger in his eyes.
"They're reporting a successful mission in Damascus, London and Dubai." Digg murmured. "He's formally welcoming them, and informing them that the Mountain has guests."
"What?"
"Us." Digg explained.
But Felicity wasn't really listening. She was still looking at all those people living in the shadows like this, doing a crazy man's will like he was their god.
It surprised her, the strength of her hatred for Malcolm. Felicity had probably never understood how much until that very moment. She'd hated him almost from the moment she'd met him and even gone so far as to sabotage him every time she thought she could get away with it, but this was different.
How could someone like him be allowed to have this much power? How dare Robert not tell her about this before?
How…
"Oh my god..."
Felicity turned to Thea immediately. She sounded breathless and scared and even thought Felicity had had a thousand thoughts swirling in her heads, that tone would have caught her attention anywhere.
"What is it? What's the matter, Thea?"
But Thea's eyes were fixed in front of her, squinting. Felicity followed her gaze and she just… froze.
It was impossible. It was…
Felicity closed her eyes. Took a deep breath.
It had been years since this had happened to her. Literal years. She'd thought it would never happen to her again. She'd thought…
It must be the flickering light of the torches, yes. This was just… it was the light, and the exhaustion and the dread that curdled her every thought.
It wasn't real.
"It's not him Thea." Felicity said, utterly convinced. They'd had this problem for so long, both of them. Moira too probably, but Moira would rather die than admit that kind of weakness to Felicity. And anyway, Felicity had gotten over it quicker, by sheer strength of will but also because she wasn't strong enough to do what Thea did: be willing to look for him everywhere, each day with a new heart, like it didn't hurt.
No, she couldn't. So she hadn't.
But Thea was resilience personified. Her fingers tightened around Felicity's wrist. It hurt, but not as much as the frail hope in Thea's voice did.
"Felicity…"
Thea's eyes shone with emotion even, shock slackening her face, making her into a 12 year old kid that had just lost her brother and father in one stroke again.
"Thea, please. It's not…"
"Stop! Just look at him!"
"Felicity…" Digg's soft voice made her heart drop.
Thea might have made a mistake, she sometimes did, and Felicity might have built the self-protecting inertia of not believing her, but John… John had no reason to see ghosts.
Felicity turned her head, looked straight to where that man had been a moment ago.
He wasn't there.
"To Malcolm's right." Thea directed her immediately. And that's when Felicity saw him. Truly saw him.
Saw the line of his jaw and his close-cropped hair; the gleam of a gem in his ear; his pale face, the deep set eyes and the circles beneath them like dark smudges. She saw his asymmetrical eyebrows and that mole on the corner of his mouth; the lips that she'd kissed and never forgotten, because her mind refused to let her forget anything, even when she hated herself for it.
She saw him, a ghost standing there just a few feet from her in a dark room and the world just… shifted on its axis and she fell off the face of it.