Title: The Story of Wrong, Prologue/?
Author: NoirAnge
Overall Series Rating: R
Pairings: eventual 1+2/2+1, possibly others
Category: Duo's POV, Angst, Drama, slight AU (I make a few modification to the plot of the series, but otherwise follow very closely)
Episode: Whole series. This story follows the show pretty closely, with some changes on my part, which is why I label it slight AU. That being said, there will be SPOILERS... lots of them. Hopefully you guys have seen the show so that won't be an issue.
Warnings: Dark, death (NOT Duo or Heero), language, eventually shounen ai/yaoi, probably violence, spoilers, (extreme) psychological distress
Summary: Duo recounts his experiences during the war in order to explain... well, why he was wrong.
Feedback: MUCH appreciated. Comments, constructive criticism, confusion, questions, all welcome!
Prologue
"You must live, Duo, and remember us. Remember our love, Duo. Remember that..."
How many hours have I spent, filling in the end of the sentence she never finished? There were a hundred, a thousand endings to that sentence, all the things she had ever told me and ever meant to tell me, and I heard them in my dreams and in my waking thoughts. Remember, always remember. So I did. I remembered, and remember still. Everything: her love, Father Maxwell's kindness, Solo's bravery, Dr. G's lessons, the feel of Deathscythe's cockpit, the betrayal and self-loathing at being tricked by Treize into aiding in Noventa's murder.
That, perhaps, was the beginning of the end. Before, the disasters and tragedies in my life had always been personal. Solo's death ripped me apart, but I let Father Maxwell and Sister Helen comfort and love me, let myself love them as I had loved Solo, knowing there was nothing that could take them away from me. They were grown-ups, not street urchins, and they smiled and laughed and told me that God loved me, loved all of us, and that He had a plan for us and it was good. He took Solo back to end his suffering and send me to their church, and everything would be good, now.
I believed it, all of it and I knew that when the rebels took Maxwell Church hostage I would be able to save everyone, because God had a plan and it was good. There was no suffering for God to take from Father Maxwell or Sister Helen, and I knew that they were safe. But I was wrong, so wrong. There was no God, not the God Sister Helen told me about. There was only Shinigami, the God of Death, who ensured that I must lose all those I loved, that no one was invincible.
There was a simple solution to my problem, and I took it. I closed my heart, determined never to open it again and bring doom to those I loved. Eyes blinded by tears, I promised Sister Helen, cold and still in my arms, that I would remember, and then I promised myself that I would have revenge. I had learned to hate and everyone who brought me misery would pay. The people who had killed her would pay: the people who had attacked the church; the rebels who had held it hostage; the people who had allowed Solo and I to run homeless—allowed Solo to die when he could have been cured—so that I ended up at Maxwell Church bringing love and death; the nameless, faceless people who allowed my parents to die, allowed me to run the streets and bring love and death to Solo... they would pay, too. I would close my heart, I would remember, and they would all pay. It was crazy, but it was also right, so right in my eight-year-old mind and heart.
And it was still right when I was twelve and I met Dr. G, who gave me the perfect opportunity to have my revenge. He taught me to be a fighter, a soldier. The Sweepers taught me to laugh and smile again, though I was careful to keep my heart closed to them. I learned the history of the colonies, and that my personal tragedies were part and parcel of the problems and atrocities caused by the United Earth Sphere Alliance. I now knew who was to blame, and Operation Meteor was my chance to take revenge for Solo, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell and all the other colonists the Alliance had caused to suffer and perish.
Everything was right until Noventa died. I had arrived on Earth, was carrying out my revenge. I meet Heero and was pleased to know that I was not alone, not the only pilot fighting for the colonies. At the New Edwards base, I met the others, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei, and Heero destroyed Treize's jet. It was right, all right. but then the news came that it was not Treize who had died by Heero's hand, but Noventa and the other pacifists. Noventa, whom I had never met nor tainted with my love, and yet had died for all the same reasons Sister Helen died, with all the same calamitous consequences for my life. We had failed, and for the first time I entertained the thought that maybe, there was no way to win, and that closing my heart couldn't protect me from tragedy.
I did not let that thought linger, however. I extinguished it quickly and told myself I had never had it. I thought of Sister Helen and all that she bade me remember, and the memory of her love told me that this was not the end, that there was still hope, always hope, that I would succeed, that the Gundam pilots together could not fail to bring revenge, and peace in its wake.
Would you like to hear my whole story? I remember it all, everything, just as Sister Helen told me. I remember, and relive it every day, in every thought and every dream. I will tell you everything, and then you will understand that I, like Sister Helen, was wrong, wrong, wrong. She was wrong, but I promised to remember, to remember her and all she told me and meant to tell me. It's all in my head and it fits nicely with everything else in there, because that's all wrong too. I remember everything and I'll tell you it all, so you'll know why I'm here and why I'm wrong, why everything is wrong. You can learn it the easy way, and never have to suffer yourself, just listen to my story...
tbc