A/N: One of my series of one-shots, this one focusing on Courfeyrac, which is rather interesting since I usually don't get to delve into his character very much in my stories. This story is rather depressing, though. ;A;
Courfeyrac and 'Ferre are M. Hugo's, but the storyline here is entirely mine.
"Sorrow"
Sometimes life seems too quiet
Into paralyzing silence
Like the moonless dark
Meant to make me strong
Nicolas Jean de Courfeyrac was very excited. For the first time in almost two years, he would be spending a couple of weeks with his older brother. Ever since Gautier had left for Paris, he had rarely returned home. He claimed to his parents that he was simply busy with schoolwork, but in confidential letters to his younger brother, he had revealed the true reason for his absence. His brother, upon reaching the city and living among the horrors and disgraces of the city, decided to join in a new common student group. It was an anti-monarchist group, and Nicolas knew that his brother was certainly going to be in a huge amount of trouble if their ever-royalist father found out. But Nicolas could keep a secret; for his favorite brother, he always could.
"Nicolas!"
He perked up when he saw his older brother walking up to him as he sat on a bench in the Luxembourg that they had arranged as a meeting place. Gautier smiled fondly, ruffling his brothers black hair.
"It just keeps getting longer. You should probably cut it, mon frère, or Maman may have a fit."
"I like it this way" The fifteen year old pouted. "I hope soon it'll be long enough that I can pull it back into a ponytail."
"You are such a dandy." Gautier chuckled, and Nicolas scowled.
"I am not! I'm going to be like you, you know. Next year, Mama and Papa are even going to send me to Paris for school."
"So you finally convinced them; that's great." Gautier smiled. "Your friend Combeferre is attending school here as well, is he not?"
"He's attending some specialty Med school, last I heard. But he's an entire year and a half older than me, so he got to go earlier."
"You aren't lonely, I hope?" Gautier asked concernedly. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay home with you…"
"Oh, no, it's fine. I still have Julien Enjolras, and Jacques-François, I guess. Although Jacques' too whiny most times."
"Is that any way to speak of your younger brother?" Gautier grinned, "At least the two of you get along. I was a bit worried about it when I left."
"You needn't worry about me. I'm quite able to take care of myself, Gautier; I'm almost sixteen already!"
"Almost sixteen already?" Gautier said, amazed. "Time sure flies on by, doesn't it?"
"Indeed it does." Nicolas smiled. "It seems like just yesterday we were two little rascals, running along the beach, wreaking havoc on the others."
"Those were good times, indeed." Gautier ruffled his brothers hair again, and Nicolas swiped at his hand.
"Stop that! I'm not a kid anymore!"
"Indeed, you're not…" Gautier stared down at Nicolas with an almost sad expression on his face, but then he suddenly grinned. "But you still pout just like you used to when someone teases you."
"I do not pout!" Nicolas argued, pouting, and Gautier laughed loudly, shaking his head.
"Of course not, of course not. Come on, Nicolas, let's get back to my apartment."
Familiar breath of my old lies
Changed the color in my eyes
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by
The next few days, Nicolas trailed his brother almost everywhere he went. Even to the meetings Gautier attended, which Nicolas admittedly found boring yet in a way very interesting and eye-opening. He was enthralled by the speaker's ability to speak in such a convincing way; it reminded him of his friend Enjolras. Although, he'd thought, Enjolras would have been much more powerful; he had a very strong presence, and even the smallest look and sentence had you captured. Still, Enjolras was one he counted as a close, friend, and for him such things were rare. Sometimes coming from an aristocratic background had its downsides. Many, he supposed.
"Nicolas, are you coming with today?"
Nicolas looked up from his book and nodded, placing a bookmark and shutting it. Gautier raised his eyebrows.
"Robespierre? I didn't think you got into that sort of thing."
"One of your friends loaned it to me." Nicolas shrugged. "I find it fascinating, really. It's a very interesting concept."
"Indeed, indeed." Gautier replied, grabbing his hat from the bureau. "Come, let's hurry: I've had warnings of violence on the streets in this area, targeting students. We should get to the café before dark."
"Right." Nicolas said, grabbing his coat and heading after his brother. They walked down the darkening streets swiftly, with little chatter. They were a mere block from their café destination when Nicolas felt himself being suddenly pushed to the ground, and he heard Gautier's angry exclamation as three men stepped out of the shadows, and he appeared to recognize at least one of them. HE growled.
"I should of known. How dare a violent group such as you claim to be worthy of our cause?"
"Oh, shut up, Aristo." One of the men sneered, and Gautier scowled.
"So that's what it's about is it? Well, let us settle this elsewhere, and more peacefully: just let my brother go. He has no part of this."
"Gautier, no!" Nicolas cried, trying to stand up but one of the other men pushed him back down, and Gautier started forward angrily.
"Don't touch him! Your quarrel is with me alone!"
"Our quarrel is with you and your aristo ways, M. de Courfeyrac." One of the men mocked. "And this includes your dandy of a brother. Such a pansy, he doesn't even try to fight back."
Nicolas trembled, his gray eyes wide in fear as he stared at the three men, the leader he now noticed sported a long knife in his hand and a small handgun in his belt. Gautier glanced at him, and then looked back up at the men.
"Don't you dare touch him again. Hurt me if you must, but…my brother is young. Let him go, and you can do whatever you want with me."
"We'll do that whether your dandy brother is here or not." The leader sneered, and it took only a second for the gun to leave his belt, and only a second more to cock and then…
Sorrow last through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
BANG
Nicolas sat frozen as he watched his brother hit the pavement, and the men just laughed. He couldn't even move as one of them turned back to look at them. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, could hardly breathe….he trembled uncontrollably as one of them crouched down next to him.
"See that, kid? This is what happens to those who try and go against their background, try to make us feel like their one of us." He tilted Nicolas' head up with the knife. "Now, I'm gonna let you live, sou you can spread this message to all your little aristocratic buds, alright? Remember that we let you live, you little sniveling bastard. Got it?"
"He ain't gonna say nothin' ; look at 'im. 'e's just a little wimpy teen. Let's get out of here before the police come."
"Right." The leader glared at Nicolas one last time before he sat on the ground and then the group moved away, leaving Nicolas paralyzed where he had been left.
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly [guy] that's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by
"…Nicolas…"
Nicolas stayed frozen, and it took several attempts for the faint call to reach his mind. When he finally looked up, he saw Gautier, his eyes half closed, gazing at him with a vague smile on his face.
"…thank goodness, you're alright….they didn't hurt you…"
"G-Gautier…" Nicolas sobbed, still unable to move and he shook so much that his teeth were chattering. Gautier just smiled.
"It's alright…Nicolas…go, please…"
"I-I can't…" Nicolas choked. "I c-c-can't…"
"You must…" Gautier pleaded. "Please, Nicolas…if Maman found out…you were with em…."
"B-but…I can't…I won't leave you…"
"Please…" Gautier smiled, but it was pained. "I'll be fine…go…."
"I…i…" Nicolas clenched his teeth to stop their chattering and nodded. "Okay...I-I'll go, but…but promise me….Promise me you'll come back…"
"I will…" Gautier gave him a strained smile. "Goodbye, Nicolas…"
Nicolas just nodded and got to his feet slowly, making his way through the alley and back towards the apartment, sobbing brokenly because he knew that his brother had been lying.
Sorrow last through this night
I'll take this piece of You
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As You flew right through me
"What?"
Etienne Combeferre ran pell-mell through the streets, brushing the rain that had started up. Someone had just informed him of what had happened, and if he knew Nicolas….He shook his head grimly as he made his way to the Luxembourg Gardens, and to the little place in the bushes that was always dry, and where he knew he would find his best friend.
"Nicolas?" He called as he crawled underneath, and sure enough, Nicolas was there, curled into a ball, hugging his knees, his head buried in his arms. He gave no sign that he had even heard his friend's voice, and after a few more tries, Combeferre shook him.
"Nicolas? Nicolas, it's me, Etienne. A fellow student told me, about your brother…"
"'t-'tienne?" Nicolas looked up, his eyes swollen and red as evidence of his tears. Combeferre nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Nicolas, I am so sorry. I can't possibly know how you feel…."
Nicolas just sobbed, burying his head in his best friend's shoulder.
"Why him?" he cried. "Why Gautier? Wh-what did he ever do? Wh-why?"
"Shhh…" Combeferre soothed as Nicolas dissolved into tears once more. "Nicolas, it was just a random attack. Your brother just happened to be there at the time. Thank goodness, you weren't there as well, or you would've shared the same fate."
So no one knew he had been there as well. Nicolas was both relieved and sickened by the thought. This stement only made him cry harder.
"Why not me me? Wh-wh-why him, and not me? Wh-why?"
"Nicolas, please don't say that." Combeferre begged. "Please don't do this to me. DO you know how worried I was when I heard them mention your last name, and that someone got shot? God in heaven…I thought you were dead…" he whispered. "I was so scared…"
Nicolas didn't reply, but he sniffed and pushed himself off Combeferre's shoulder and tried to scrub at his eyes. After a fruitless minute Combeferre handed him a dry handkerchief, smiling sadly.
"I'm glad you're safe, Nicolas."
"…"
Courfeyrac tried to reply, but he just couldn't find the words, so he just bowed his head and nodded numbly.
And we kiss each other one more time
And sing this lie that's halfway mine
The sword is slicing through the question
So I won't be fooled by his angel light
A week later at Combeferre's apartment, Nicolas was still trying to convince himself that this was all just some crazy dream. It had to be. It just had to. He rolled over on the bed, which he had yet to move from since Combeferre brought him back to the apartment a week ago. Combeferre looked harangued and tired, but the would-be doctor was greatly concerned over his helplessness in helping his friend. Nicolas was basically mute, speaking in only short sentences and refusing to eat, claiming he didn't feel like it. His brother's death had caused a huge dent in his life, and as Combeferre had written in the letter to Nicolas' parents, it seemed unlikely that Nicolas would ever return to normal. Combeferre walked into the room a few minutes later with Nicolas' parents, and his little brother, Jacques-François. His mother Corrine was cry, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief, and the husband was doing his best to look clam and stern as always, but even his eyes were slightly reddened.
"Nicolas?" He asked, and Nicolas just curled up under the covers, causing M. de Courfeyrac and Combeferre to exchange a glance.
"Has he been like this the whole time?"
"Sadly." Combeferre replied, going over to the bed and shaking his friend lightly. "Come on, Nicolas-your parents are here. Please don't ignore us."
Nicolas turned over reluctantly, and pushed himself to a sitting position. Corrine gasped and flung her arms around her now eldest son.
"Oh, Nicolas, mon petit! Thank goodness you are safe!"
Nicolas just nodded, but tears began trailing down his cheeks, and his mother squeezed him tighter.
"Oh, my poor child, my dear…it's alright, it's going to be alright, we'll get through this…"
"B-but he's gone…" Nicolas whispered hoarsely. "H-how can life go on if he's not here?"
"Live for him, dear." Corrine whispered sadly. "Gautier always wanted you to be happy, so you ust be happy for him. He would want you to be happy no matter what happened, sweetheart. SO please, just smile…for him…"
"I can't…" Nicolas whispered, crying. "I-I can't, Maman…it hurts…"
"I know it does dear." Corrine choked. "I know it does…it will take time, maybe even years. But onee day, we'll be able to smile again."
Sorrow last through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And up into the stars….
One month later, Combeferre returned to his apartment to find it empty. He was at furst surprised, and then quite worried and headed back out after his friend. Nicolas was in the first place he checked-the bushes in the park. However, where he expected to find Courfeyrac crying, he was…humming. Combeferre blinked in surprise.
"Nicolas?"
"Courfeyrac."
"Hm?" Combeferre blinked I surprise. "What?"
"Don't call me by Nicolas anymore." Nicolas replied lightly. "I've decided I will no longer be referred to by my first name. I will simply be Courfeyrac-no particle, no Nicolas, no nothing."
"What…." Combeferre gaped. "Are you alright, Nicolas?"
"Courfeyrac." Said man corrected, and surprised his friend with a smile. "And yes, I'm quite alright. I've just realized there's no need to waste my life all depressed. I'm going to stick my chin up and keep going, no matter what. SO I'll smile, and I'll be happy, because that's what he wanted."
"Happy meaning an over-cheerful façade? Really, Nicolas, this is ridiculous…."
"I'm serious." Nicolas replied. "I'm changing who I am. I will be Courfeyrac, and I will continue in my brother's work with a smile on my face. Now, the only question left is whether or not you will join me."
"Join you? What the….you're crazy, absolutely stark raving mad, Nicolas…maybe we should get you to a doctor…"
"No! Etienne, please, I am not going crazy." Nicolas smiled. "I'm just doing what my brother would want me to do."
"To turn into a grinning maniac and continue in the same cause htat got him killed? Gee, somehow, I'm just not following your wisdom…."
"Please, Etienne!" Nicolas pleaded, the smile dropping off his face. "Please, just help me with this…please…"
Combeferre took one look at his friend's face, and sighed deeply.
"Fine. I'm with you."
Courfeyrac just smiled, and hugged his friend close.
"Thank you, Etienne! You're the greatest friend."
Combeferre just frowned, knowing there would be a day he would regret his decision later on. But for now, he would humor his friend. Just to keep the smile on the face of Nicolas Courfeyrac.
Joy will come….