Shadow the Hedgehog gets a colonoscopy

Shadow was a hedgehog. He was much like Sonic the hedgehog who was also a hedgehog only he was black and had white fur on his chest and black stripes on his spines and red eyes. He also was much meaner than Sonic ever was and often used guns and swore and was mad all the time.

Shadow was in the doctors office because he had not been feeling well.

The doctor came in wearing a sterile glove.

"Okay Mr. Shadow Hedgehog, please turn over to your stomach and lie down on the examining table please. I must insert this camera into your colon. It will not hurt," said the doctor.

Shadow instantly became very enraged and fearful of his masculinity. He did not want a tube with a camera being shoved up his bottom because that was very wrong and the doctor knew it. He was committing sins.

"How dare you!" roared Shadow as he jumped back off the table angrily. "You will not stick that up my butt, you sick fag!"

"But Mr. Shadow Hedgehog! There's nothing wrong about this! Often times many men have them and they can save you from cancer! Please calm down," pleaded the doctor.

"NO! FUCK YOU!" screamed Shadow and pulled out his guns and aimed them at the doctor.

The doctor instantly looked shocked with wide eyes and raised out his hands and began to cry and panic.

"Oh God please! I have a wife and two children! Please don't!" cried the doctor as he begged and sobbed and cowered.

"You don't deserve any mercy," Shadow said bluntly and pulled the triggers of his guns multiple times firing many bullets into the man before him.

He fired until there weren't any bullets left in the chambers. Then he pulled out fresh magazines and slammed them into the stocks and slowly walked out the door and began firing at anybody who walked out into the hallways to see what the noise was all about.

Everyone screamed and ran and the halls began to fill with blood and dead bodies.

Policemen quickly came to try and stop the deranged black hedgehog alien but Shadow was far too strong and he killed them all before they could shoot at him.

Then he walked all the way back out of the doors to the front of the hospital and left back to his house.

He threw his guns down once he got there and opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer and drank it while watching the news. The news showed what happened at the hospital but nobody could find him. He laughed.

A few days later Shadow began very ill and went to a new doctor who was a woman.

"I'm sorry Mr. Shadow the Hedgehog. This tests came back and you have rectal cancer," she said sadly.

Shadow was going to pull out his hidden gun and blow her away for telling him such horrible news but then he decided not to. So he went home and cried.

And God heard him crying and cured his cancer.

Shadow looked up with tears in his eyes and was silent. "Why did you cure me?" he asked.

And God looked down and said "because I hate those people too and you do not deserve to die that way, my son."

Then Shadow stopped crying and smiled. He went to church and joined the choir.

The End