Author's Note: Well boys and girls, I've gone through this and edited some. I'm still not sure I like it, but I corrected any spelling I came upon that was icky, but I'm working in text, so there IS no spell check. Also the keyboard I was typing this up on stuck on some of the letters. I'm working on the sequel, Simplicity, and hoping that it doesn't ruin Innocence. Because so many have complained about it, Simplicity will not be in the first person and is, (I think) In a different tense. I'm not changing the person and tense on Innocence out of, I admit it, laziness. That and the fact that I kinda like it, but I can see how it might be acward, so, like I said, next one is in a different person, at least. I've also hit a bit of a writers block, so don't mind me if it takes a bit to get the next one up. Thankyou for the reveiws, and the critism is much welcome, I don't get enough of it, it's just stuff like 'this sucks' that I want to avoid. *Grin* Be kind, spare my lil ego.
Innocence
Part One: Innocence
Hello, my name is Staria Dreamrose, and the tale that follows is the story of my life. I am a witch, and a hired assassin. But that comes later, for now I will focus on the past, on where it all began. The only question is when it all began. Well, I guess it began when...
I sit on my bed, pouring over the letter that had arrived in my family's mailbox this evening. It was an invitation to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. My family is technically a wizard family, but only from a few generations back. My grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side were both from muggle families.
But enough on that, and back to the story. I hear the front door open and shut downstairs. I rush down the steps and greet my mother enthusiastically. We have lived alone for the five years since my muggle father died. I wave the letter in her face and she finally becomes frustrated and snatches it from my hand. She reads over it excitedly and then embraces me warmly, shrieking with exhilaration. We agree to go to Diagon ally the next day to get supplies. So innocently do things begin.
We get my supplies and it is time to go in no time. My mother gets me an owl as a going away present and I have named the owl Hecate. She watches me go through the barrier on the train platform with such pride that I feel myself begin to glow. I'm so busy waving at her over my shoulder that when I turn around I run headlong into a tall, rather sleazy looking boy. He shoves me and I stumble a little, dropping my things. Compared to him, I'm teeny. I'm small, even for my age, with lapis blue eyes and more golden hair than body mass. The boy growls angrily at me, exposing me to breath that I'm sure has never seen a toothbrush, before turning to his friends and making some nasty comment about 'half muggle mudbloods'.
I open my mouth to say something nasty back; my father was muggle, but I loved him dearly. However, before I can open my mouth, I hear a voice speaking from the other side of the sniggering group of boys.
"Oh, shut-up Severus", said a boy with black hair and black eyes.
I raise my eyebrows, surprised. Two other boys come up behind the first. One also has black hair, though it is shorter than the first's, and eyes that are almost as dark a blue as mine. The third boy also has short hair, which is light brown in color. His eyes are a warm brown, but there is a shadow of something else behind the warm surface, as well as a certain sadness.
I don't dwell on it. The boy that knocked into me, Severus, I correct myself, has spat out another scalding comment and stalked away, friends trailing behind. The first boy offers a hand to help me to my feet and introduces himself as Sirius Black. The second boy is James Potter, and the third introduces himself a Remus Lupin.
I feel my lips quirk in a smile.
"Remus Lupin?", I ask, feeling my smile grow.
The boy raises an eyebrow. "What?"
I shake my head. "Nothing, just what your name translates to."
The other two haven't missed what was said, they are by no means stupid, and look on intently.
The third boy shoots me a questioning look. I cock my head to the side, sending pale hair over to one side, and saying, "Well, Remus is a Roman figure. He and his brother, Romeulus, were raised by a she-wolf, and Romeulus went on to start Rome, which, in the beginning, was one of the most famous wizard cities in history"
"And Lupin is really close to the Spanish word 'lupe' and to he Latin word 'lupus', both of which mean 'wolf'"
"So were your parents extremely fond of wolves or something?" I finish, returning the questioning look.
Remus has gone a bit pale at my logic, but he manages a weak grin, and says, "Actually, I think it is a family name. My father's as well."
I feel myself deflate a bit, but I grin, "Oh."
Meanwhile, Sirius and James look like they are going to burst out laughing but don't want to offend either Remus or me. I am betting on me.
They begin to turn blue, so I finally tell them to laugh before they hurt themselves. They crack up, and to my surprise, I do to. I don't think that I've laughed so hard since before my father's death.
The train whistle blows, and Sirius helps me up and the three of them help me gather my scattered belongings. As we walk to the train, a thought seems to occur to James. He says, "Oh, yeah, by the way, what's your name?"
"Staria.", I answer, "Staria Dreamrose."
Once on the train, we find a compartment and sit down. Sirius and I talk, while James and Remus look through their Transfiguration textbooks. About five minute into the ride, a rather chubby boy with very pale hair and light gray eyes comes into the compartment dragging a rather heavy looking trunk and asks us if he can sit down.
I feel myself grow instantly mistrustful. I've always been like that. My father said that it was a wonderful sense of intuition, and my mother says that she thinks hat it will make me incredible in divination. I think it's a headache, in all senses of the word. All I know is that this boy will probably do something regrettable in the future. But why punish people today for their mistakes tomorrow?
So I smile kindly and say, "Sure", and the boy plops down on an empty seat.
When we get to the school, a gigantic man, named Hagrid pairs us up two to a boat and brings us across the lake. Remus is with the new boy, who's name I learn to be Peter, James is paired up with a girl that I do not recognize, and that he doesn't seem to either, though he is staring at her with such intensity that it makes me laugh softly. I have to admit that she is pretty though, with bright holly red hair falling about halfway down her back and sparkling green eyes. I laugh again.
I myself am in a boat with Sirius. He looks up and asks me what's so funny, grinning himself. I shake my head, refusing to answer, grinning like mad as well.
We get to the castle and a stern looking woman, who introduces herself as Professor McGonagall, leads us into a big dining hall that's ceiling reflects the night sky and then gets a rather ragged looking hat, placing it on a stool. Someone near the back says something about being sorted into our houses. The line of first years instantly explodes into conversation. We have to be shushed repeatedly.
"Adams, Yolanda", is the first one called. She becomes a Slytherin, and I kinda tune it out after that. I snap out of it when, "Black, Sirius", is called.
I wish him good luck, and he goes up and puts the hat on. The hat waits a moment or two before yelling out "GRIFFINDOR".
I hadn't noticed before, but each new student was greeted with loud cheering from whatever house they enter. Sirius grins at us and goes to it at the Griffindor table.
The next name I notice is my own. "Dreamrose, Staria" I managed to ignore two letters completely. Makes you wonder about my attention span, eh?
I go up to the stool and pull on the hat. As you can imagine, I am quite surprised when the hat begins to speak to me.
"Well, let's see...", the hat murmurs into my ear, "Lots of courage...and a good, sharp mind...might be a Ravenclaw...lots of talent as well... hhhmmm, trouble trusting people, but a loyal friend if they can gain your trust...Hufflepuff?...no ....oh, well, might as well put you in... "GRIFFINDOR!"
I go and sit at the table, smiling at Sirius as I flop down in a chair.
James, Peter, Remus, and the girl who had road in the same boat as James, who's name is Lily, all become Griffindors. Severus becomes a Slytherin, which came as no surprise to me, since the Slytherins are supposed to be the spoiled, mean-spirted ones.
Professor Dubledore comes up and makes some announcements about how the Forest on the school grounds is forbidden to all students and warning us to stay away from the womphing willow that had been planted on the grounds this year, unless we are fond of being smacked hard enough to go flying across the yard.
Lily and I say good night to the boys at the Griffindor common room. I'm surprised to see that Remus's face looks pale and drawn. We follow the prefects up a long set of stairs.
We have had a wonderful feast and I am exhausted by the time that the prefects have taken us upstairs to our rooms. I am delighted that Lily is in the bed next to mine, for we had talked during the feast and she seems very nice.
I lay down on the bed, and close my eyes. I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
For three months, everything is fantastic. Lily and I bond wonderfully, as do the four boys and I. Classes are wonderful, and we all seem very happy. Severus's hatred for us seems to grow with every passing day, though none of us appear to mind much at all. The only strange thing is that, every month, Remus seems to disappear...
I wake up to find that it is still dark outside. The other four first year girls in my dorm are still asleep. I walk up to the window that is next to my bed and look outside. The moon is pale and perfectly round, full.
And quite suddenly, it all clicks.
Remus is a were-wolf.
It all makes sense now; the name, the willow that was planted this year, it must in some way be to keep him away from people during the full moon. I remember how sickly he had looked the tonight, and how he disappears every month.
Always at the full moon.
I tilt my head to the side and consider. This would be a very bad thing to jump to a conclusion on and be wrong. So I decide to try to gather more proof before I confront him with it.
I come to a decision quickly.
I slip into my muggle clothes so that my robes don't hinder me; black jeans, black t-shirt and black sneakers. I tie my hair back with a plain scrunchy.
I go down into the common room, keeping to the shadows. I am surprised to find that it is fairly easy to sneak out, the janitor, Filch, does not seem to be around, and the teachers are probably all asleep. I creep out into the night.
I breathe in the cool night air, trotting through the tall grass. For once, I'm very glad that I'm petite; most of the grass is taller than me. I slide through the weeds soundlessly, until I reach a tree that is fairly close to the willow. I then crouch down and wait for dawn.
I wake up with a start, and see Madame Pomphry, the nurse, prodding a knot on the base of the tree with a long stick. It's still fairly dark. She then slips into an opening near the tree. Fifteen minutes later or so, she returns with a blanket wrapped, tired looking, Remus.
Biting my lip hard enough to draw blood, I head back to the castle.
I didn't think that I could have any more surprises tonight, but I made it back into my room and change back into my school robes without any problem. I go about my day as if normal, if a bit spacy, and after my classes are over, I find Sirius.
"Go get James and Peter and meet me in the library in ten minutes.", I say abruptly, then turn around and head towards my room to drop off my books. I don't tell him to get Remus because I think that we should decide what to do together. One thing is for certain though, they have the right to know; we are his friends. The reason that I'm not telling Lily is that, James and myself excluded, Lily isn't really as close to Remus or the rest of us as any of us are.
I drop off my books and run a brush through my thick hair. Then I head for the library.
As I enter, I check to make sure that the librarian is gone. Then I sit down at one of the tables and wait patiently.
Sirius is the first one to arrive, and he gives me a questioning look but does not say anything. James comes in and looks like he wants to speak, but Sirius shakes his head and James keeps quiet. Peter is the last to arrive, seeming oblivious to how uncomfortable everyone else is, and babbling mindlessly for a moment before catching on and quieting.
We remain silent for a few moments before Sirius finally grows impatient and says, none to politely, "What's up, Staria?"
Bracing myself, I turn to them.
"Remus is a were-wolf."
It takes almost four hours of our evening to lie out my proof and convince them that I'm correct. Finally, we decide to confront Remus.
Three weeks later, I am once again waiting in the library, except this time I'm waiting for four boys instead of three.
Sirius, James, and Peter all arrive silently this time, they are not looking forward to this any more than I am. Remus enters and finds us all staring at the door, or rather the place that we thought that he would come in. His smile fades.
I stand, and say in a voice that sounds soft and tired even to me, "I'm not going to beat around the bush, not that I ever do. Remus, we know you're a were-wolf."
He gave me a shocked look, but I don't stop speaking, fearing that I'd loose corage if I did. "We know that you change every full moon, and that a teacher leads you down a tunnel to who knows where so that you don't harm anyone."
"The only thing we don't know.", I say, raising my voice ever so slightly. Remus raised his head, "Is why the hey you didn't tell us!"
I don't think that he could have looked more surprised if I had bitten him. No pun intended.
"Well...I-I...I thought that you'd ... uuummm...well, desert me.", he finishes.
Sirius smacks himself in the forehead, sighing and saying in an exasperated tone, "Of course not, you silly dolt!"
James has a mad gleam to his eyes, a look of plotting. He speaks slowly. "What if... What if we were to become Anamagi? Were-wolves aren't dangerous to other animals, you know."
I look up and grin slowly at the other people in the room with me, and the grin, along with the idea, spreads.
It may just have been me, but I think that Remus looks the healthiest that I have ever seen him.
The rest of the school year goes by in a blur. I pass all of my classes with flying colors, as do the rest of the group. I am seriously upset to have to go for the summer, even if I look forward to seeing my mother. (I stayed at school for the holidays.) But go we must, and so we do, with many promises to send lots of owls, and me promising to send Lily, who does not have an owl as of yet, one for her birthday. And we wait for the net year.
And, that is where it all began. In our fifth year, we figured out how to do the spell to turn us into Anamagi. We could all turn into an animal at will, Sirius into a black dog, James into a stag, Peter into a rat, and myself into a hawk. We even gave ourselves nicknames; Moony(Remus), Wormtail(Peter), Padfoot(Sirius), Prongs(James), and Wings(Myself). We all passed Hogwarts with top honors. James and Lily were married, with myself and Sirius acting as Matron of Honor and Best Man. It was at there that Sirius asked me to marry him. I agreed and for a while we were content, planning, though I nearly killed the marriage consultant that my mother hired. James and Lily had a child, a beautiful little boy named Harry, with his father's face and hair and his mother's eyes, and Sirius and I were made godmother and godfather. It was a few weeks before the wedding when it all hit the fan. Word was out that Voldemort was out to get Lily and James, and some of the Potter family had already been murdered. Sirius wanted to postpone the wedding so that he could act as their secret keeper. I obliged, wanting my friends to be safe. If only I'd known.
When I found out about Sirius's betrayal, I was crushed, to say the least. I no longer wanted anything to do with the last of my old school friends. I had Remus erase my name from the map that we had drawn of the Hogwarts tunnels, and I made him and Sirius, whom I went to visit in Azkaban, to see one more time, promise never to speak of me, ever. They agreed, Remus because he was my friend and respected me, and Sirius because, in some sick corner of his mind, I think he still loved me.
I went to the ministry of magic and got a job as a hit woman, oh, sorry, politically correct term 'executioner'. In other words, someone to do the ministry's dirty work.
I never, in a million years, thought that they would send me to retrieve Sirius.
Part Two: Lost Love
I am sitting in Cornelius Fudge's office, listening to the minister babble on about how the ministry wants me to 'capture Black' and 'bring him to the receive the Dementor's Kiss'. I finally tune him out. One of the skills I've kept since my first year.
He drones on for a few more minute before I eventually interrupt, "Yes, Sir, I can see your point, but I don't capture, I kill."
The minister gets a little fidgety and looks somewhat peeved. "I know, Ms. Dreamrose, but none of our trackers have been able to find him; and you used to know him personally..."
I narrow my dark, lapis colored eyes, taking offense imeidiatly. "Your point being...?"
"Well... that you might know his like and dislikes... and that you might know his habits... and the such.."
The rest of the conversation was about the same from there, and I finally agree. I decide to go to the places and people that he was heard from and seen at last. My first stop will be Remus's cottage, since it was on the way to Hogwarts.
I quickly pack, I don't need much; some money, wizard and muggle, some muggle clothes because I never go on a job assignment in my witch robes, and truthfully, I like muggle clothes better, and my weapons: a small gun, two knives, and my wand. Then I go.
It is night when I finally arrive at the cottage. It is built in the wilderness, with only a tiny dirt foot path leading up to it, so I have had to leave my vehicle near the beginning of the trail. I now pause before knocking on the door; Im really not sure how I feel about seeing Remus after all these years. The full moon was last night, so I won't have to do any quick shape changes.
I knock on the door softly, and after a few moments I here sounds of movement from inside. He opens the door and my eyebrows raise. The years have not been kind to my friend. Even though I know that he can be no older than thirty, me being twenty-nine, but his light brown hair is now flecked with gray. His warm brown eyes don't look so much warm as tired, and wary.
I watch his expression go to disbelief. "Wings?", I hear him ask the darkness.
"Staria.", I correct.
He nods, and invites me in, offering me a cup of tea. I shake my head, slowly.
He looks up. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head again. "Sorry, Remus, this is just business." I hate myself for saying it, but it is true.
His smile fades, and he bites his lip a little, "Thought so. Oh, well, what do you want?"
I sigh. "I need to know if you know where Sirius is."
There, it is out. I sit and wait, pretty sure that I won't get an answer, even if he knows, which I get the feeling that he doesn't.
Finally, I stand. "Thank-you for your time, Mr. Lupin. Have a nice evening.", I say, stiff and formal. Then I leave.
I sleep out by the road tonight. Not the most comfortable of places, but survivable. The next day, I set out for Hogwarts.
It is only half a day's drive by motorcycle to reach Hogwarts, but the second half of the day is filled with speaking with professors, Professor Dumbledore in particular, and convincing them to let me talk to some of the students. It is the first day of school, and I think they are nervous about me inadvertently scaring the first years. They agree eventually though.
Someone leads me into the Griffindor common room. I sit down and wait some more. I am a very patient person, but this was pushing even my limits. After about five minutes, a boy with a prefects badge sown onto his robe comes and leads me into the boys dormitory. Only one of the boys is in the room. He is sitting on one of the beds polishing a broom. I nearly gasp at his resemblance to James. Except for the eyes. The eyes are defiantly Lily's.
He looks rather surprised to see someone that was unfamiliar in his dorm. I'm blunt. I've always been blunt. I used to say that tact was just another type of lying. "I need to know where Sirius Black is.", I say, taking out a picture of Sirius that the ministry had given me, though I have no doubt that this boy, who I was made godmother to so many years ago, knows what his godfather looks like.
The boy, Harry, I correct myself, blinks with surprise from behind his wire-rim glasses, but he meets my gaze evenly. I am slightly impressed; not many can meet my eyes directly. He leans forward and studies the picture intently, as if he has never seen the man in his life. Slowly, he shakes his head. "Nope."
I leave that as it is. If he doesn't tell me right off, the chances are that he will not tell me ever or that he simply does not know. I see a book open next to him, a photo album, and I can't resist. I know what it is because Hagrid sent me an owl requesting pictures of Lily and James and telling me why. Being that I hadn't exactly been an exemplary godparent, I had been happy to oblige.
"May I see?", I ask, pointing to the album.
He seems to consider for a moment, then hands me the book. It is turned to the picture of James's and Lily's wedding. I look at myself in the picture, and am surprised at how innocent I looked, how young. Instead, I comment simply, "My hair was longer then.". It's true, my hair was almost past my knees then, it is now only at my waist.
Harry looks surprised, and takes the book back to take a closer look. I don't give him a chance to speak. I just say "Nice meeting you Harry, sorry that I haven't exactly been a wonderful legal guardian.", and leave. I seem to be walking away from people more and more these days.
It is just my bad luck that I happen to run into Severus Snape before I leave Hogwarts. No, I did not literally run into him this time. I just saw him. I don't expect not to be noticed, I look like a somewhat taller version of myself when I went to school here. But he simply glares daggers at me. I glare back and leave it at that. I came here to get information, not to start a fight. Besides, I have a job to do.
I go outside and start on my way again. Without intentionally doing so, I go down to Hogsmeade. I figure that while I'm there, I might as well go to an inn and sleep on a bed for once. Even I need clean sheets once in a while. Besides, it's been two days on the road since I changed clothes, and my jeans and t-shirt have seen better days. Yep, time to go to an inn. And take a shower.
It doesn't take long to find an inn. The innkeeper seems very happy to get any kind of business this time of year, and informs me cheerily that there are only about five people staying there at the time.
The first thing I do is take a nice hot shower. Then I get dressed in my all black again, and head out. There's no rest for the employed.
I walk out into the streets with no real plan, just to take a walk, I guess. I walk for a while before a wave of dizziness overcomes me. I recognize it immediately as a premonition.
Since my first year, my sense of intuition has grown to the point where I actually have visions once in a blue moon. Ok, well more often than once in a blue moon, but not every day.
Colors flash against my now closed eyelids, to fast for me to define anything. Some of the time my visions are like that; meaningless pictures and sounds that make no sense until the event actually happens. Big help, huh? And one hell of a headache.
I shake of the chill that the premonition had sent down my spine. This had been a picture of the past, not the future. I then head back to the inn. I'm more than ready to sleep now.
The dream is odd, but familiar in a way. It is of my first day of Hogwarts. Everything goes exactly a it did that day, but I feel that there is something that I am missing, something important...
I awake in the morning at dawn with a horrible headache. Groaning, I pull out the lavender balm that I made before I left and rub it on my temples. After a few moments, the headache is gone. Madame Pomphry would be proud.
I pull myself out of bed and get dressed. Time to send a progress report to the ministry, via owl. I write the report and go to the post-office. When I'm done sending it, I decide to take a walk, having nothing better to do. I walk up to the shrieking shack and then back to the inn.
On an impulse, I decide to leave Hogsmeade. I pack my things and head out of town towards London, also on impulse, but over the years, I've learned to trust my impulses, they have saved my life more times than I can count.
The drive takes longer than I think, and I have to sleep by the roadside again. Definitely not my favorite place to sleep. I continue in the morning, and I reach London by mid day. First thing that I do is get a room in a cheap motel. Even I have my tolerance level for rocks poking me in the back during the night. I have the bruises to prove it.
I head towards the slums, for I highly doubt that, if Sirius is here, that he can afford a hotel room.
I walk through the streets with no real plan, even though petite blonde just screams 'victim', and I don't like shooting some poor lout simply because he chose the wrong girl to pick on. I must admit that it was by pure luck that I found Sirius.
I was walking down a street when I see a black dog slink into a back ally. Usually, I would just dismiss it as a stray, but how many times have I seen Sirius in dog form? I follow the shadowy looking dog down the ally, quiet as a shadow myself.
Going up to the door through which the dog had disappeared, and telling myself that I'm setting myself up for a trap, I go into the building.
As my eye adjust to the dim light, I realize that I am in an abandoned warehouse. There is a dark hump at the farthest edge; Sirius. I also realize that I am to big of a target in human form. Quickly, I change into my hawk form and fly into the rafters, flapping hard because there is no air current in the building, except for a few drafts coming through cracks in the walls. I get so that I am about a hundred feet from Sirius. I shift out of hawk form and quickly cast a spell called 'Shroud of Shadows', blending myself into the darkness of the warehouse.
It is only when I get closer and lean over that I realize my mistake. The dark shape is actually the hippogriff that escaped from being executed last year at Hogwarts. I personally think that they had no right trying to execute the animal, but I am not exactly happy to see it at the moment. I turn quickly, crouch near the floor, and kick out at where I hope the knee joint will be, a break in the knee joint is hard to heal and hurts like hades.
I miss the joint because he is about an inch back from where I thought he would be.
"Don't Star", he says softly, and I notice that he has a wand pointed at me. "I wont hurt you, but you need to hear me out, ok?"
I nod my head slowly, not daring to take my eyes off the willow wand that is pointed at my forehead. Some distant corner of my mind wonders how he got a wand, and I realize that he was expecting me. I really don't like how well he knows me.
I ease my body down onto the floor slowly, eyeing him warily, and he continues, voice still soft. "Just let me have a chance to prove my innocence.", and it's not a request.
I laugh softly and without humor, the sound harsh in the otherwise quiet warehouse. "I hardly think that threatening your ex-fiancee is considered innocent."
As you can imagine, I'm a bit surprised when he winces, but he covers it up quickly. "It's not like you gave me a choice. Are you coming or not?", he says, offering me a hand.
"It's not like you're giving me a choice.", I say, getting up on my own. "And how exactly are you planning to 'prove your innocence'?"
He doesn't answer, only shakes his head, and mutters something about a truth spell.
Before we leave, he takes all of my weapons: My wand, my gun, and the knives on my wrists and in my left boot. Damn.
I try to pull my hatred for him around me once again.
I can't help but remember that old saying; you know, the one about hate not being the opposite of love.
I am very surprised when he leads me into the outskirts of Hogsmeade. I make some comment about thinking him smarter than that, which he brushes off, and we move on. We end up right outside the shrieking shack, and then in it. We go up to a second floor room.
"Fine, what now?", I ask.
"Now we cast a truth spell"
I almost ask who we are going to cast it on, but I think that would be pushing my luck. I know he means the type of truth spell where you cast it on a place, not a person.
"Fine.", I say again, "But I get to cast it.", not trusting him enough to cast an honest truth spell.
"Fine.", he answers. That word seems to be a large part of our vocabulary at the moment.
I pull out a pouch full of blue, sandy powder. Truth powder is very good if your interrogating someone, but you can also use it to cast a certain spell that shows you a past event; you just need to know when the event happened, and you need to be in the place where the event occurred.
He tells me the date and estimated time without me asking, and I stand. Slowly, because he still has the wand pointed at me.
I cast the spell and am instantly surrounded by shadowy figures from the past. It is only once Peter is saved from death by Harry that the images fade.
I stare. And stare. And then I stare some more. It's true, all of it. What am I supposed to say? Golly Gee Wiz, I'm super sorry that even though we were in love I didn't believe that you didn't kill our best friends and then I became a hit witch for the ministry of magic and tried to tow you back so that these half dead monsters can suck out your soul and leave you a brainless pile of mush?
However, I don't get the chance. He pulls my wand, gun, and knives out of the pockets of his dirty robes, handing them to me one at a time. Then he tosses his wand on the bed. "Now you can make your choice.", he says, hooded black eyes never leaving my face.
I consider my feet for a moment, before suddenly dropping my weapons and hugging him warmly. He remains stiff for a moment before hugging me back, equally warm. "Gods I'm sorry", I mummer into his hair.
He nods, chin barely able to rest on my head because I'm so short. I pull back, and I realize that his eyes are wet, as are mine.
I touch the wetness on his cheek, and suddenly we are kissing. The kiss is familiar and passionate; but finally I pull away.
"We have to figure out what to do.", I say softly.
"What is there to do?", he asks, "I'll go back into hiding, and you'll go on as though normal." Problem with a truth spell is that it can only be cast once in any place.
"With a few exceptions.", I say, "I'll tell them that you defeated me, and I'll talk to Remus and Harry."
He seem about to argue, but agrees when he sees my face. "Ok.", he says, nodding.
And I leave.
My first stop, as before, is Remus's cottage. I go up and knock on the door. No answer. I knock again before finally yelling, "Moony, it's Staria, would you open the freaking door?!"
The door opens and Remus's tired face shows through.
"Staria", he says. "How nice to see you.", he adds, sarcasm heavy on his voice.
He invites me in again, and once again he asks me if I want tea. I accept this time, but after he makes the tea, neither of us seem to know what to say.
Finally he says bluntly, "Did you kill him?"
"No", I say, meeting his eyes evenly.
He looks up, surprised, and I can't help but grin.
"Tell me.", he says.
And so I do.
I stay with Remus for a week, then go to visit Harry.
This time, they allow me in sooner for two reasons: I'm not here to question anyone, and the fact that Harry is still my godchild.
He look rather surprised to see me, but doesn't say anything when I approach. So I talk.
I tell him my name, and then I tell him the whole story, this time with myself included.
We talk for a while longer, and then I leave.
I buy a small cottage outside of Hogsmeade. Being a contracted killer may not be fun, (To most people, that is) but it pays well.
For a few months, everything is fine, or as fine as it can be. It is not until near the end of the school year at Hogwarts that everything blows up in our faces.
Part Three: Trial
I awake to the sound of pebbles beating against my window. I grab my wand and make my way through the dark room towards the window. I pull open the window and relax a bit when I recognize who it is; Remus. My ease replaced by worry when I hear his tone of voice.
"Staria, come down, it's important."
I don't question him, I just yank on a pair of jeans under the baggy red polo shirt that I sleep in and take the steps three at a time, thick gold curls flying behind. I fling open the door and usher him in. I don't bother with niceties like tea and the such; as soon as he is inside the house, I say, "What happened, what's wrong?"
"The Dementors found Sirius.", he says breathlessly, "It'll be in the paper tomorrow, they are giving him the kiss tomorrow at dusk."
I swear, not softly, and I see some of the neighbors peeking out from behind there curtains; I hadn't bothered to shut the door. I growl and say, "Thanks for telling me, hopefully I'll see you before dusk." I start up the stairs.
"Where are you going?", he asks.
I pause on the steps for a moment before saying, "To find Peter."
I go upstairs and change clothing: Black boots, black jeans, pale gray t-shirt, and a black duster coat. And of course my weapons. I come downstairs to find Remus already gone. I lock the door behind me and begin my search. I know just where to start.
The place that I go is a shady inn in London. Why do all wizard convicts flock to London for some reason? Anyway, the inn is in rather poor shape, and the bathroom when I look at it leaves much to be desired. I am surprised that the health department hasn't shut this place down yet. Gee I love the places life takes me.
I enter the bar and become slightly uncomfortable with the looks that I am getting from some of the men. Not because I'm afraid of them, but because I don't want to have to shoot some poor dupe for coming on to strong.
I ignore most of the people after taking a quick glance around the room. I don't bother to stop, but head straight up the stairs to the sleeping area off the inn.
The smell is almost intolerable, but in one corner, I find exactly what I am looking for. A balding, chubby, sleeping lump.
I kick Peter in the side. Hard.
He wakes up immediately of course.
I watch his eyes grow wider as he realizes who I am. I feel a strange peaceful attitude come over me. My killing attitude, if you kill enough people and things you learn not to care, to ice yourself over. But I'm not going to kill him. Yet.
"St-St-Staria?", he stutters, and I feel a slightly wicked grin spread across my face, utterly against my will.
"Hey Peter.", I say, feeling my grin grow. I am so going to kick his traitor butt. Lily used to have a saying about me grinning. Something about disembowelment following my grinning like that. Oh, well.
He starts to stutter out some story or another and I loose patience. Did I mention that I have a very low tolerance level for idiots? Finally I tell him about the truth spell. He freaks out and tries to bolt, but I am ready for it and catch him by the back of the shirt.
I tilt my head unapprovingly. I also really dislike cowards. Peter seems to be all of the above. Sighing, and making sure to keep one hand on the neck of his shirt, I quickly cast a tying spell. One that is designed to hold an Anamagi; it shrinks or grows to fit the size of the person that it is holding. In this case I make sure that the ropes go around his mouth. His voice is getting extremely irritating.
The other occupants of the inn simply glance at us as we walk through, me dragging Peter. No one even raises a finger to stop me. Maybe they are used to their house mates being removed from the building forcefully.
I bite my lip. It's really late, or early, depending on how you look, and I'm a bit worried about getting there on time. I decide that I'll have enough time to get home and then head to the meadow outside of Hogsmeade where the event is to occur. It is the first public execution of the Dementor's Kiss in history.
I manage to get home without crashing the motorcycle, even though Peter is struggling as best he can. When we get to my cottage, I find a note on my door requesting that I be present at the meadow to act as security, just as I had suspected. I get to the meadow very quickly, be that it is very near to my house.
At the clearing, I am surprised to see that some Hogwarts students are present. I mentally groan, today must be their day to visit Hogsmeade. From the shadows, I scan the crowds quickly for Harry, and finally find him see him speaking with two other students. I let out another mental groan, for the expression on his face matches one of James's expressions exactly, one of plotting. I close my eyes for a moment and pray that they don't try anything stupid, though I don't need my intuition to tell me what the answer to that is. I'd better work quickly then.
I'm a little distracted from deciding what to do when they bring Sirius out into the clearing. If possible, he looks worse off then when I saw him last. Finally I decide to just shove Peter out there as proof to back up Sirius's story. Tact is definitely not my forte.
They are now bringing out the Dementors. I'd better hurry. I feel a stab of cold in my chest, but ignore it. I've seen and done a lot of horrible things in my lifetime, but I'm not about to let that stop me now. This is to important.
I bite my lip again, drawing blood. Harry and his friends have all taken out their wands. Well, ok...
"Wait." I say, voice carrying, stepping out of the shadows and shoving Peter out in front of me. His legs are bound, so he falls over and roles several times. Everyone in the meadow is staring at us. Even the Dementors still-hooded faces are turned in our direction. I know that they can't see, but it's kind of eerie just the same.
The minister, who had been overseeing the kiss, is turning steadily red. "Ms. Dreamrose...would you care to explain who this is and what you think your doing?"
I tilt my head and widen my eyes, trying to look innocent and harmless. Yeah, me and Kermit the Frog. "Who, this?", I ask sweetly, nudging Peter with my foot. "This sir, is Peter Pettigrew."
The clearing explodes into chaos.
The first person to reach me is Hagrid, the groundskeeper for Hogwarts, now also a teacher. He pulls out the gag and I hear gasps from the people old enough to recognize Peter, even in his current condition. If possible, the meadow becomes more chaotic then before. Peter is magically hand cuffed and lead off, no doubt to Azkaban, and Sirius is instantly surrounded by people, Harry and his friends included.
I nod my head at him when I catch a glimpse of his face, then head back to the place where I parked my motorcycle. My work here is finished, and he will be much better off without me.
I am half way to my motorcycle when I hear him yelling to me and trying to catch up. I am at my motorcycle when I stop and turn around. And there he is, running as hard a he can to catch up with me. Funny, I didn't think that I was going that fast...
He catches up with be and wastes no time before saying, "Where are you going?!"
I meet his gaze evenly, and blankly. "Home."
"Why?"
"Because that's where I live."
He sighs and glares. "You know that's not what I meant."
I glare back. "That doesn't mean I can't pretend that I don't."
We sit there for a few more minutes, glaring dagger at each other. Finally, I drop my gaze. "Sirius, I can't.", I say, shaking my head.
"Can't what?"
"Can't fall in love again."
"Staria.", he says. "Did you ever fall out of love?"
I feel my carefully constructed wall crumble around me, and I start to cry, for the first time in a very long time, in fact, I don't think that I've cried since before my fathers death. I lean against my motorcycle and let out huge gasping sobs. After a brief hesitation, Sirius comes and puts his arms around me.
And that calls for a completely different type of crying.
And so it all happened. But I don't think that is really 'the end'. I think that is just the beginning...
The Beginning
Authors Note: Well, that's it. I'll probably end up writing a sequel eventually, but for now I have a 'happy' lupin story that I am writing, as well as a couple originals, and that should keep me busy for a little bit. Disclaimers to the mighty goddess J. K Rowling and all of her characters. Staria and any other characters that you don't recognize belong to me and I ask you not to use them without my permission. Thanks for listening to a psycho woman's babbling, and see you in the future. (Hopefully my Potter fics will be better then.)
Innocence
Part One: Innocence
Hello, my name is Staria Dreamrose, and the tale that follows is the story of my life. I am a witch, and a hired assassin. But that comes later, for now I will focus on the past, on where it all began. The only question is when it all began. Well, I guess it began when...
I sit on my bed, pouring over the letter that had arrived in my family's mailbox this evening. It was an invitation to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. My family is technically a wizard family, but only from a few generations back. My grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side were both from muggle families.
But enough on that, and back to the story. I hear the front door open and shut downstairs. I rush down the steps and greet my mother enthusiastically. We have lived alone for the five years since my muggle father died. I wave the letter in her face and she finally becomes frustrated and snatches it from my hand. She reads over it excitedly and then embraces me warmly, shrieking with exhilaration. We agree to go to Diagon ally the next day to get supplies. So innocently do things begin.
We get my supplies and it is time to go in no time. My mother gets me an owl as a going away present and I have named the owl Hecate. She watches me go through the barrier on the train platform with such pride that I feel myself begin to glow. I'm so busy waving at her over my shoulder that when I turn around I run headlong into a tall, rather sleazy looking boy. He shoves me and I stumble a little, dropping my things. Compared to him, I'm teeny. I'm small, even for my age, with lapis blue eyes and more golden hair than body mass. The boy growls angrily at me, exposing me to breath that I'm sure has never seen a toothbrush, before turning to his friends and making some nasty comment about 'half muggle mudbloods'.
I open my mouth to say something nasty back; my father was muggle, but I loved him dearly. However, before I can open my mouth, I hear a voice speaking from the other side of the sniggering group of boys.
"Oh, shut-up Severus", said a boy with black hair and black eyes.
I raise my eyebrows, surprised. Two other boys come up behind the first. One also has black hair, though it is shorter than the first's, and eyes that are almost as dark a blue as mine. The third boy also has short hair, which is light brown in color. His eyes are a warm brown, but there is a shadow of something else behind the warm surface, as well as a certain sadness.
I don't dwell on it. The boy that knocked into me, Severus, I correct myself, has spat out another scalding comment and stalked away, friends trailing behind. The first boy offers a hand to help me to my feet and introduces himself as Sirius Black. The second boy is James Potter, and the third introduces himself a Remus Lupin.
I feel my lips quirk in a smile.
"Remus Lupin?", I ask, feeling my smile grow.
The boy raises an eyebrow. "What?"
I shake my head. "Nothing, just what your name translates to."
The other two haven't missed what was said, they are by no means stupid, and look on intently.
The third boy shoots me a questioning look. I cock my head to the side, sending pale hair over to one side, and saying, "Well, Remus is a Roman figure. He and his brother, Romeulus, were raised by a she-wolf, and Romeulus went on to start Rome, which, in the beginning, was one of the most famous wizard cities in history"
"And Lupin is really close to the Spanish word 'lupe' and to he Latin word 'lupus', both of which mean 'wolf'"
"So were your parents extremely fond of wolves or something?" I finish, returning the questioning look.
Remus has gone a bit pale at my logic, but he manages a weak grin, and says, "Actually, I think it is a family name. My father's as well."
I feel myself deflate a bit, but I grin, "Oh."
Meanwhile, Sirius and James look like they are going to burst out laughing but don't want to offend either Remus or me. I am betting on me.
They begin to turn blue, so I finally tell them to laugh before they hurt themselves. They crack up, and to my surprise, I do to. I don't think that I've laughed so hard since before my father's death.
The train whistle blows, and Sirius helps me up and the three of them help me gather my scattered belongings. As we walk to the train, a thought seems to occur to James. He says, "Oh, yeah, by the way, what's your name?"
"Staria.", I answer, "Staria Dreamrose."
Once on the train, we find a compartment and sit down. Sirius and I talk, while James and Remus look through their Transfiguration textbooks. About five minute into the ride, a rather chubby boy with very pale hair and light gray eyes comes into the compartment dragging a rather heavy looking trunk and asks us if he can sit down.
I feel myself grow instantly mistrustful. I've always been like that. My father said that it was a wonderful sense of intuition, and my mother says that she thinks hat it will make me incredible in divination. I think it's a headache, in all senses of the word. All I know is that this boy will probably do something regrettable in the future. But why punish people today for their mistakes tomorrow?
So I smile kindly and say, "Sure", and the boy plops down on an empty seat.
When we get to the school, a gigantic man, named Hagrid pairs us up two to a boat and brings us across the lake. Remus is with the new boy, who's name I learn to be Peter, James is paired up with a girl that I do not recognize, and that he doesn't seem to either, though he is staring at her with such intensity that it makes me laugh softly. I have to admit that she is pretty though, with bright holly red hair falling about halfway down her back and sparkling green eyes. I laugh again.
I myself am in a boat with Sirius. He looks up and asks me what's so funny, grinning himself. I shake my head, refusing to answer, grinning like mad as well.
We get to the castle and a stern looking woman, who introduces herself as Professor McGonagall, leads us into a big dining hall that's ceiling reflects the night sky and then gets a rather ragged looking hat, placing it on a stool. Someone near the back says something about being sorted into our houses. The line of first years instantly explodes into conversation. We have to be shushed repeatedly.
"Adams, Yolanda", is the first one called. She becomes a Slytherin, and I kinda tune it out after that. I snap out of it when, "Black, Sirius", is called.
I wish him good luck, and he goes up and puts the hat on. The hat waits a moment or two before yelling out "GRIFFINDOR".
I hadn't noticed before, but each new student was greeted with loud cheering from whatever house they enter. Sirius grins at us and goes to it at the Griffindor table.
The next name I notice is my own. "Dreamrose, Staria" I managed to ignore two letters completely. Makes you wonder about my attention span, eh?
I go up to the stool and pull on the hat. As you can imagine, I am quite surprised when the hat begins to speak to me.
"Well, let's see...", the hat murmurs into my ear, "Lots of courage...and a good, sharp mind...might be a Ravenclaw...lots of talent as well... hhhmmm, trouble trusting people, but a loyal friend if they can gain your trust...Hufflepuff?...no ....oh, well, might as well put you in... "GRIFFINDOR!"
I go and sit at the table, smiling at Sirius as I flop down in a chair.
James, Peter, Remus, and the girl who had road in the same boat as James, who's name is Lily, all become Griffindors. Severus becomes a Slytherin, which came as no surprise to me, since the Slytherins are supposed to be the spoiled, mean-spirted ones.
Professor Dubledore comes up and makes some announcements about how the Forest on the school grounds is forbidden to all students and warning us to stay away from the womphing willow that had been planted on the grounds this year, unless we are fond of being smacked hard enough to go flying across the yard.
Lily and I say good night to the boys at the Griffindor common room. I'm surprised to see that Remus's face looks pale and drawn. We follow the prefects up a long set of stairs.
We have had a wonderful feast and I am exhausted by the time that the prefects have taken us upstairs to our rooms. I am delighted that Lily is in the bed next to mine, for we had talked during the feast and she seems very nice.
I lay down on the bed, and close my eyes. I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
For three months, everything is fantastic. Lily and I bond wonderfully, as do the four boys and I. Classes are wonderful, and we all seem very happy. Severus's hatred for us seems to grow with every passing day, though none of us appear to mind much at all. The only strange thing is that, every month, Remus seems to disappear...
I wake up to find that it is still dark outside. The other four first year girls in my dorm are still asleep. I walk up to the window that is next to my bed and look outside. The moon is pale and perfectly round, full.
And quite suddenly, it all clicks.
Remus is a were-wolf.
It all makes sense now; the name, the willow that was planted this year, it must in some way be to keep him away from people during the full moon. I remember how sickly he had looked the tonight, and how he disappears every month.
Always at the full moon.
I tilt my head to the side and consider. This would be a very bad thing to jump to a conclusion on and be wrong. So I decide to try to gather more proof before I confront him with it.
I come to a decision quickly.
I slip into my muggle clothes so that my robes don't hinder me; black jeans, black t-shirt and black sneakers. I tie my hair back with a plain scrunchy.
I go down into the common room, keeping to the shadows. I am surprised to find that it is fairly easy to sneak out, the janitor, Filch, does not seem to be around, and the teachers are probably all asleep. I creep out into the night.
I breathe in the cool night air, trotting through the tall grass. For once, I'm very glad that I'm petite; most of the grass is taller than me. I slide through the weeds soundlessly, until I reach a tree that is fairly close to the willow. I then crouch down and wait for dawn.
I wake up with a start, and see Madame Pomphry, the nurse, prodding a knot on the base of the tree with a long stick. It's still fairly dark. She then slips into an opening near the tree. Fifteen minutes later or so, she returns with a blanket wrapped, tired looking, Remus.
Biting my lip hard enough to draw blood, I head back to the castle.
I didn't think that I could have any more surprises tonight, but I made it back into my room and change back into my school robes without any problem. I go about my day as if normal, if a bit spacy, and after my classes are over, I find Sirius.
"Go get James and Peter and meet me in the library in ten minutes.", I say abruptly, then turn around and head towards my room to drop off my books. I don't tell him to get Remus because I think that we should decide what to do together. One thing is for certain though, they have the right to know; we are his friends. The reason that I'm not telling Lily is that, James and myself excluded, Lily isn't really as close to Remus or the rest of us as any of us are.
I drop off my books and run a brush through my thick hair. Then I head for the library.
As I enter, I check to make sure that the librarian is gone. Then I sit down at one of the tables and wait patiently.
Sirius is the first one to arrive, and he gives me a questioning look but does not say anything. James comes in and looks like he wants to speak, but Sirius shakes his head and James keeps quiet. Peter is the last to arrive, seeming oblivious to how uncomfortable everyone else is, and babbling mindlessly for a moment before catching on and quieting.
We remain silent for a few moments before Sirius finally grows impatient and says, none to politely, "What's up, Staria?"
Bracing myself, I turn to them.
"Remus is a were-wolf."
It takes almost four hours of our evening to lie out my proof and convince them that I'm correct. Finally, we decide to confront Remus.
Three weeks later, I am once again waiting in the library, except this time I'm waiting for four boys instead of three.
Sirius, James, and Peter all arrive silently this time, they are not looking forward to this any more than I am. Remus enters and finds us all staring at the door, or rather the place that we thought that he would come in. His smile fades.
I stand, and say in a voice that sounds soft and tired even to me, "I'm not going to beat around the bush, not that I ever do. Remus, we know you're a were-wolf."
He gave me a shocked look, but I don't stop speaking, fearing that I'd loose corage if I did. "We know that you change every full moon, and that a teacher leads you down a tunnel to who knows where so that you don't harm anyone."
"The only thing we don't know.", I say, raising my voice ever so slightly. Remus raised his head, "Is why the hey you didn't tell us!"
I don't think that he could have looked more surprised if I had bitten him. No pun intended.
"Well...I-I...I thought that you'd ... uuummm...well, desert me.", he finishes.
Sirius smacks himself in the forehead, sighing and saying in an exasperated tone, "Of course not, you silly dolt!"
James has a mad gleam to his eyes, a look of plotting. He speaks slowly. "What if... What if we were to become Anamagi? Were-wolves aren't dangerous to other animals, you know."
I look up and grin slowly at the other people in the room with me, and the grin, along with the idea, spreads.
It may just have been me, but I think that Remus looks the healthiest that I have ever seen him.
The rest of the school year goes by in a blur. I pass all of my classes with flying colors, as do the rest of the group. I am seriously upset to have to go for the summer, even if I look forward to seeing my mother. (I stayed at school for the holidays.) But go we must, and so we do, with many promises to send lots of owls, and me promising to send Lily, who does not have an owl as of yet, one for her birthday. And we wait for the net year.
And, that is where it all began. In our fifth year, we figured out how to do the spell to turn us into Anamagi. We could all turn into an animal at will, Sirius into a black dog, James into a stag, Peter into a rat, and myself into a hawk. We even gave ourselves nicknames; Moony(Remus), Wormtail(Peter), Padfoot(Sirius), Prongs(James), and Wings(Myself). We all passed Hogwarts with top honors. James and Lily were married, with myself and Sirius acting as Matron of Honor and Best Man. It was at there that Sirius asked me to marry him. I agreed and for a while we were content, planning, though I nearly killed the marriage consultant that my mother hired. James and Lily had a child, a beautiful little boy named Harry, with his father's face and hair and his mother's eyes, and Sirius and I were made godmother and godfather. It was a few weeks before the wedding when it all hit the fan. Word was out that Voldemort was out to get Lily and James, and some of the Potter family had already been murdered. Sirius wanted to postpone the wedding so that he could act as their secret keeper. I obliged, wanting my friends to be safe. If only I'd known.
When I found out about Sirius's betrayal, I was crushed, to say the least. I no longer wanted anything to do with the last of my old school friends. I had Remus erase my name from the map that we had drawn of the Hogwarts tunnels, and I made him and Sirius, whom I went to visit in Azkaban, to see one more time, promise never to speak of me, ever. They agreed, Remus because he was my friend and respected me, and Sirius because, in some sick corner of his mind, I think he still loved me.
I went to the ministry of magic and got a job as a hit woman, oh, sorry, politically correct term 'executioner'. In other words, someone to do the ministry's dirty work.
I never, in a million years, thought that they would send me to retrieve Sirius.
Part Two: Lost Love
I am sitting in Cornelius Fudge's office, listening to the minister babble on about how the ministry wants me to 'capture Black' and 'bring him to the receive the Dementor's Kiss'. I finally tune him out. One of the skills I've kept since my first year.
He drones on for a few more minute before I eventually interrupt, "Yes, Sir, I can see your point, but I don't capture, I kill."
The minister gets a little fidgety and looks somewhat peeved. "I know, Ms. Dreamrose, but none of our trackers have been able to find him; and you used to know him personally..."
I narrow my dark, lapis colored eyes, taking offense imeidiatly. "Your point being...?"
"Well... that you might know his like and dislikes... and that you might know his habits... and the such.."
The rest of the conversation was about the same from there, and I finally agree. I decide to go to the places and people that he was heard from and seen at last. My first stop will be Remus's cottage, since it was on the way to Hogwarts.
I quickly pack, I don't need much; some money, wizard and muggle, some muggle clothes because I never go on a job assignment in my witch robes, and truthfully, I like muggle clothes better, and my weapons: a small gun, two knives, and my wand. Then I go.
It is night when I finally arrive at the cottage. It is built in the wilderness, with only a tiny dirt foot path leading up to it, so I have had to leave my vehicle near the beginning of the trail. I now pause before knocking on the door; Im really not sure how I feel about seeing Remus after all these years. The full moon was last night, so I won't have to do any quick shape changes.
I knock on the door softly, and after a few moments I here sounds of movement from inside. He opens the door and my eyebrows raise. The years have not been kind to my friend. Even though I know that he can be no older than thirty, me being twenty-nine, but his light brown hair is now flecked with gray. His warm brown eyes don't look so much warm as tired, and wary.
I watch his expression go to disbelief. "Wings?", I hear him ask the darkness.
"Staria.", I correct.
He nods, and invites me in, offering me a cup of tea. I shake my head, slowly.
He looks up. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head again. "Sorry, Remus, this is just business." I hate myself for saying it, but it is true.
His smile fades, and he bites his lip a little, "Thought so. Oh, well, what do you want?"
I sigh. "I need to know if you know where Sirius is."
There, it is out. I sit and wait, pretty sure that I won't get an answer, even if he knows, which I get the feeling that he doesn't.
Finally, I stand. "Thank-you for your time, Mr. Lupin. Have a nice evening.", I say, stiff and formal. Then I leave.
I sleep out by the road tonight. Not the most comfortable of places, but survivable. The next day, I set out for Hogwarts.
It is only half a day's drive by motorcycle to reach Hogwarts, but the second half of the day is filled with speaking with professors, Professor Dumbledore in particular, and convincing them to let me talk to some of the students. It is the first day of school, and I think they are nervous about me inadvertently scaring the first years. They agree eventually though.
Someone leads me into the Griffindor common room. I sit down and wait some more. I am a very patient person, but this was pushing even my limits. After about five minutes, a boy with a prefects badge sown onto his robe comes and leads me into the boys dormitory. Only one of the boys is in the room. He is sitting on one of the beds polishing a broom. I nearly gasp at his resemblance to James. Except for the eyes. The eyes are defiantly Lily's.
He looks rather surprised to see someone that was unfamiliar in his dorm. I'm blunt. I've always been blunt. I used to say that tact was just another type of lying. "I need to know where Sirius Black is.", I say, taking out a picture of Sirius that the ministry had given me, though I have no doubt that this boy, who I was made godmother to so many years ago, knows what his godfather looks like.
The boy, Harry, I correct myself, blinks with surprise from behind his wire-rim glasses, but he meets my gaze evenly. I am slightly impressed; not many can meet my eyes directly. He leans forward and studies the picture intently, as if he has never seen the man in his life. Slowly, he shakes his head. "Nope."
I leave that as it is. If he doesn't tell me right off, the chances are that he will not tell me ever or that he simply does not know. I see a book open next to him, a photo album, and I can't resist. I know what it is because Hagrid sent me an owl requesting pictures of Lily and James and telling me why. Being that I hadn't exactly been an exemplary godparent, I had been happy to oblige.
"May I see?", I ask, pointing to the album.
He seems to consider for a moment, then hands me the book. It is turned to the picture of James's and Lily's wedding. I look at myself in the picture, and am surprised at how innocent I looked, how young. Instead, I comment simply, "My hair was longer then.". It's true, my hair was almost past my knees then, it is now only at my waist.
Harry looks surprised, and takes the book back to take a closer look. I don't give him a chance to speak. I just say "Nice meeting you Harry, sorry that I haven't exactly been a wonderful legal guardian.", and leave. I seem to be walking away from people more and more these days.
It is just my bad luck that I happen to run into Severus Snape before I leave Hogwarts. No, I did not literally run into him this time. I just saw him. I don't expect not to be noticed, I look like a somewhat taller version of myself when I went to school here. But he simply glares daggers at me. I glare back and leave it at that. I came here to get information, not to start a fight. Besides, I have a job to do.
I go outside and start on my way again. Without intentionally doing so, I go down to Hogsmeade. I figure that while I'm there, I might as well go to an inn and sleep on a bed for once. Even I need clean sheets once in a while. Besides, it's been two days on the road since I changed clothes, and my jeans and t-shirt have seen better days. Yep, time to go to an inn. And take a shower.
It doesn't take long to find an inn. The innkeeper seems very happy to get any kind of business this time of year, and informs me cheerily that there are only about five people staying there at the time.
The first thing I do is take a nice hot shower. Then I get dressed in my all black again, and head out. There's no rest for the employed.
I walk out into the streets with no real plan, just to take a walk, I guess. I walk for a while before a wave of dizziness overcomes me. I recognize it immediately as a premonition.
Since my first year, my sense of intuition has grown to the point where I actually have visions once in a blue moon. Ok, well more often than once in a blue moon, but not every day.
Colors flash against my now closed eyelids, to fast for me to define anything. Some of the time my visions are like that; meaningless pictures and sounds that make no sense until the event actually happens. Big help, huh? And one hell of a headache.
I shake of the chill that the premonition had sent down my spine. This had been a picture of the past, not the future. I then head back to the inn. I'm more than ready to sleep now.
The dream is odd, but familiar in a way. It is of my first day of Hogwarts. Everything goes exactly a it did that day, but I feel that there is something that I am missing, something important...
I awake in the morning at dawn with a horrible headache. Groaning, I pull out the lavender balm that I made before I left and rub it on my temples. After a few moments, the headache is gone. Madame Pomphry would be proud.
I pull myself out of bed and get dressed. Time to send a progress report to the ministry, via owl. I write the report and go to the post-office. When I'm done sending it, I decide to take a walk, having nothing better to do. I walk up to the shrieking shack and then back to the inn.
On an impulse, I decide to leave Hogsmeade. I pack my things and head out of town towards London, also on impulse, but over the years, I've learned to trust my impulses, they have saved my life more times than I can count.
The drive takes longer than I think, and I have to sleep by the roadside again. Definitely not my favorite place to sleep. I continue in the morning, and I reach London by mid day. First thing that I do is get a room in a cheap motel. Even I have my tolerance level for rocks poking me in the back during the night. I have the bruises to prove it.
I head towards the slums, for I highly doubt that, if Sirius is here, that he can afford a hotel room.
I walk through the streets with no real plan, even though petite blonde just screams 'victim', and I don't like shooting some poor lout simply because he chose the wrong girl to pick on. I must admit that it was by pure luck that I found Sirius.
I was walking down a street when I see a black dog slink into a back ally. Usually, I would just dismiss it as a stray, but how many times have I seen Sirius in dog form? I follow the shadowy looking dog down the ally, quiet as a shadow myself.
Going up to the door through which the dog had disappeared, and telling myself that I'm setting myself up for a trap, I go into the building.
As my eye adjust to the dim light, I realize that I am in an abandoned warehouse. There is a dark hump at the farthest edge; Sirius. I also realize that I am to big of a target in human form. Quickly, I change into my hawk form and fly into the rafters, flapping hard because there is no air current in the building, except for a few drafts coming through cracks in the walls. I get so that I am about a hundred feet from Sirius. I shift out of hawk form and quickly cast a spell called 'Shroud of Shadows', blending myself into the darkness of the warehouse.
It is only when I get closer and lean over that I realize my mistake. The dark shape is actually the hippogriff that escaped from being executed last year at Hogwarts. I personally think that they had no right trying to execute the animal, but I am not exactly happy to see it at the moment. I turn quickly, crouch near the floor, and kick out at where I hope the knee joint will be, a break in the knee joint is hard to heal and hurts like hades.
I miss the joint because he is about an inch back from where I thought he would be.
"Don't Star", he says softly, and I notice that he has a wand pointed at me. "I wont hurt you, but you need to hear me out, ok?"
I nod my head slowly, not daring to take my eyes off the willow wand that is pointed at my forehead. Some distant corner of my mind wonders how he got a wand, and I realize that he was expecting me. I really don't like how well he knows me.
I ease my body down onto the floor slowly, eyeing him warily, and he continues, voice still soft. "Just let me have a chance to prove my innocence.", and it's not a request.
I laugh softly and without humor, the sound harsh in the otherwise quiet warehouse. "I hardly think that threatening your ex-fiancee is considered innocent."
As you can imagine, I'm a bit surprised when he winces, but he covers it up quickly. "It's not like you gave me a choice. Are you coming or not?", he says, offering me a hand.
"It's not like you're giving me a choice.", I say, getting up on my own. "And how exactly are you planning to 'prove your innocence'?"
He doesn't answer, only shakes his head, and mutters something about a truth spell.
Before we leave, he takes all of my weapons: My wand, my gun, and the knives on my wrists and in my left boot. Damn.
I try to pull my hatred for him around me once again.
I can't help but remember that old saying; you know, the one about hate not being the opposite of love.
I am very surprised when he leads me into the outskirts of Hogsmeade. I make some comment about thinking him smarter than that, which he brushes off, and we move on. We end up right outside the shrieking shack, and then in it. We go up to a second floor room.
"Fine, what now?", I ask.
"Now we cast a truth spell"
I almost ask who we are going to cast it on, but I think that would be pushing my luck. I know he means the type of truth spell where you cast it on a place, not a person.
"Fine.", I say again, "But I get to cast it.", not trusting him enough to cast an honest truth spell.
"Fine.", he answers. That word seems to be a large part of our vocabulary at the moment.
I pull out a pouch full of blue, sandy powder. Truth powder is very good if your interrogating someone, but you can also use it to cast a certain spell that shows you a past event; you just need to know when the event happened, and you need to be in the place where the event occurred.
He tells me the date and estimated time without me asking, and I stand. Slowly, because he still has the wand pointed at me.
I cast the spell and am instantly surrounded by shadowy figures from the past. It is only once Peter is saved from death by Harry that the images fade.
I stare. And stare. And then I stare some more. It's true, all of it. What am I supposed to say? Golly Gee Wiz, I'm super sorry that even though we were in love I didn't believe that you didn't kill our best friends and then I became a hit witch for the ministry of magic and tried to tow you back so that these half dead monsters can suck out your soul and leave you a brainless pile of mush?
However, I don't get the chance. He pulls my wand, gun, and knives out of the pockets of his dirty robes, handing them to me one at a time. Then he tosses his wand on the bed. "Now you can make your choice.", he says, hooded black eyes never leaving my face.
I consider my feet for a moment, before suddenly dropping my weapons and hugging him warmly. He remains stiff for a moment before hugging me back, equally warm. "Gods I'm sorry", I mummer into his hair.
He nods, chin barely able to rest on my head because I'm so short. I pull back, and I realize that his eyes are wet, as are mine.
I touch the wetness on his cheek, and suddenly we are kissing. The kiss is familiar and passionate; but finally I pull away.
"We have to figure out what to do.", I say softly.
"What is there to do?", he asks, "I'll go back into hiding, and you'll go on as though normal." Problem with a truth spell is that it can only be cast once in any place.
"With a few exceptions.", I say, "I'll tell them that you defeated me, and I'll talk to Remus and Harry."
He seem about to argue, but agrees when he sees my face. "Ok.", he says, nodding.
And I leave.
My first stop, as before, is Remus's cottage. I go up and knock on the door. No answer. I knock again before finally yelling, "Moony, it's Staria, would you open the freaking door?!"
The door opens and Remus's tired face shows through.
"Staria", he says. "How nice to see you.", he adds, sarcasm heavy on his voice.
He invites me in again, and once again he asks me if I want tea. I accept this time, but after he makes the tea, neither of us seem to know what to say.
Finally he says bluntly, "Did you kill him?"
"No", I say, meeting his eyes evenly.
He looks up, surprised, and I can't help but grin.
"Tell me.", he says.
And so I do.
I stay with Remus for a week, then go to visit Harry.
This time, they allow me in sooner for two reasons: I'm not here to question anyone, and the fact that Harry is still my godchild.
He look rather surprised to see me, but doesn't say anything when I approach. So I talk.
I tell him my name, and then I tell him the whole story, this time with myself included.
We talk for a while longer, and then I leave.
I buy a small cottage outside of Hogsmeade. Being a contracted killer may not be fun, (To most people, that is) but it pays well.
For a few months, everything is fine, or as fine as it can be. It is not until near the end of the school year at Hogwarts that everything blows up in our faces.
Part Three: Trial
I awake to the sound of pebbles beating against my window. I grab my wand and make my way through the dark room towards the window. I pull open the window and relax a bit when I recognize who it is; Remus. My ease replaced by worry when I hear his tone of voice.
"Staria, come down, it's important."
I don't question him, I just yank on a pair of jeans under the baggy red polo shirt that I sleep in and take the steps three at a time, thick gold curls flying behind. I fling open the door and usher him in. I don't bother with niceties like tea and the such; as soon as he is inside the house, I say, "What happened, what's wrong?"
"The Dementors found Sirius.", he says breathlessly, "It'll be in the paper tomorrow, they are giving him the kiss tomorrow at dusk."
I swear, not softly, and I see some of the neighbors peeking out from behind there curtains; I hadn't bothered to shut the door. I growl and say, "Thanks for telling me, hopefully I'll see you before dusk." I start up the stairs.
"Where are you going?", he asks.
I pause on the steps for a moment before saying, "To find Peter."
I go upstairs and change clothing: Black boots, black jeans, pale gray t-shirt, and a black duster coat. And of course my weapons. I come downstairs to find Remus already gone. I lock the door behind me and begin my search. I know just where to start.
The place that I go is a shady inn in London. Why do all wizard convicts flock to London for some reason? Anyway, the inn is in rather poor shape, and the bathroom when I look at it leaves much to be desired. I am surprised that the health department hasn't shut this place down yet. Gee I love the places life takes me.
I enter the bar and become slightly uncomfortable with the looks that I am getting from some of the men. Not because I'm afraid of them, but because I don't want to have to shoot some poor dupe for coming on to strong.
I ignore most of the people after taking a quick glance around the room. I don't bother to stop, but head straight up the stairs to the sleeping area off the inn.
The smell is almost intolerable, but in one corner, I find exactly what I am looking for. A balding, chubby, sleeping lump.
I kick Peter in the side. Hard.
He wakes up immediately of course.
I watch his eyes grow wider as he realizes who I am. I feel a strange peaceful attitude come over me. My killing attitude, if you kill enough people and things you learn not to care, to ice yourself over. But I'm not going to kill him. Yet.
"St-St-Staria?", he stutters, and I feel a slightly wicked grin spread across my face, utterly against my will.
"Hey Peter.", I say, feeling my grin grow. I am so going to kick his traitor butt. Lily used to have a saying about me grinning. Something about disembowelment following my grinning like that. Oh, well.
He starts to stutter out some story or another and I loose patience. Did I mention that I have a very low tolerance level for idiots? Finally I tell him about the truth spell. He freaks out and tries to bolt, but I am ready for it and catch him by the back of the shirt.
I tilt my head unapprovingly. I also really dislike cowards. Peter seems to be all of the above. Sighing, and making sure to keep one hand on the neck of his shirt, I quickly cast a tying spell. One that is designed to hold an Anamagi; it shrinks or grows to fit the size of the person that it is holding. In this case I make sure that the ropes go around his mouth. His voice is getting extremely irritating.
The other occupants of the inn simply glance at us as we walk through, me dragging Peter. No one even raises a finger to stop me. Maybe they are used to their house mates being removed from the building forcefully.
I bite my lip. It's really late, or early, depending on how you look, and I'm a bit worried about getting there on time. I decide that I'll have enough time to get home and then head to the meadow outside of Hogsmeade where the event is to occur. It is the first public execution of the Dementor's Kiss in history.
I manage to get home without crashing the motorcycle, even though Peter is struggling as best he can. When we get to my cottage, I find a note on my door requesting that I be present at the meadow to act as security, just as I had suspected. I get to the meadow very quickly, be that it is very near to my house.
At the clearing, I am surprised to see that some Hogwarts students are present. I mentally groan, today must be their day to visit Hogsmeade. From the shadows, I scan the crowds quickly for Harry, and finally find him see him speaking with two other students. I let out another mental groan, for the expression on his face matches one of James's expressions exactly, one of plotting. I close my eyes for a moment and pray that they don't try anything stupid, though I don't need my intuition to tell me what the answer to that is. I'd better work quickly then.
I'm a little distracted from deciding what to do when they bring Sirius out into the clearing. If possible, he looks worse off then when I saw him last. Finally I decide to just shove Peter out there as proof to back up Sirius's story. Tact is definitely not my forte.
They are now bringing out the Dementors. I'd better hurry. I feel a stab of cold in my chest, but ignore it. I've seen and done a lot of horrible things in my lifetime, but I'm not about to let that stop me now. This is to important.
I bite my lip again, drawing blood. Harry and his friends have all taken out their wands. Well, ok...
"Wait." I say, voice carrying, stepping out of the shadows and shoving Peter out in front of me. His legs are bound, so he falls over and roles several times. Everyone in the meadow is staring at us. Even the Dementors still-hooded faces are turned in our direction. I know that they can't see, but it's kind of eerie just the same.
The minister, who had been overseeing the kiss, is turning steadily red. "Ms. Dreamrose...would you care to explain who this is and what you think your doing?"
I tilt my head and widen my eyes, trying to look innocent and harmless. Yeah, me and Kermit the Frog. "Who, this?", I ask sweetly, nudging Peter with my foot. "This sir, is Peter Pettigrew."
The clearing explodes into chaos.
The first person to reach me is Hagrid, the groundskeeper for Hogwarts, now also a teacher. He pulls out the gag and I hear gasps from the people old enough to recognize Peter, even in his current condition. If possible, the meadow becomes more chaotic then before. Peter is magically hand cuffed and lead off, no doubt to Azkaban, and Sirius is instantly surrounded by people, Harry and his friends included.
I nod my head at him when I catch a glimpse of his face, then head back to the place where I parked my motorcycle. My work here is finished, and he will be much better off without me.
I am half way to my motorcycle when I hear him yelling to me and trying to catch up. I am at my motorcycle when I stop and turn around. And there he is, running as hard a he can to catch up with me. Funny, I didn't think that I was going that fast...
He catches up with be and wastes no time before saying, "Where are you going?!"
I meet his gaze evenly, and blankly. "Home."
"Why?"
"Because that's where I live."
He sighs and glares. "You know that's not what I meant."
I glare back. "That doesn't mean I can't pretend that I don't."
We sit there for a few more minutes, glaring dagger at each other. Finally, I drop my gaze. "Sirius, I can't.", I say, shaking my head.
"Can't what?"
"Can't fall in love again."
"Staria.", he says. "Did you ever fall out of love?"
I feel my carefully constructed wall crumble around me, and I start to cry, for the first time in a very long time, in fact, I don't think that I've cried since before my fathers death. I lean against my motorcycle and let out huge gasping sobs. After a brief hesitation, Sirius comes and puts his arms around me.
And that calls for a completely different type of crying.
And so it all happened. But I don't think that is really 'the end'. I think that is just the beginning...
The Beginning
Authors Note: Well, that's it. I'll probably end up writing a sequel eventually, but for now I have a 'happy' lupin story that I am writing, as well as a couple originals, and that should keep me busy for a little bit. Disclaimers to the mighty goddess J. K Rowling and all of her characters. Staria and any other characters that you don't recognize belong to me and I ask you not to use them without my permission. Thanks for listening to a psycho woman's babbling, and see you in the future. (Hopefully my Potter fics will be better then.)