Nope, still don't own iCarly… OH YEAH and probably never will….
***
What's a ham lover supposed to do when they realize something like this? Something like sort of, kind of, a little bit, being completely in love with your best friend/slash mortal enemy that is in love with your best friend that is your co-host of a famous web show?
I know this stuff happens to everybody but it's still hard! Yeah. Like I, Samantha Jaye Puckett would ever find anything to be too hard…
Well maybe I do find this a little hard…or extremely hard…Yeah…definitely extremely hard…And of course it would happen to me. Bully, ham lover, kill you in a secondish, me. Stupid irony…
Ya know why I'm so good at being bad? Because I know things about Freddie. I know everything about Freddie. You want to know why I would know something about Freddie? Because I am a sick and twisted lovesick, teenage ham loving girl. And that sums it up.
Stupid Freddie.
No, you just had to go off and ruin my life by being adorable…He ruins my life. That's one of the many reasons I hate him…..Or love him….Or-Okay. Not the point.
The point is that I have it hard. Being this whole situation with Freddie…And to even think that people take his side when we're in an argument….Well maybe I do usually start it but…He's just cute when he's mad.
I hate cute. No really. I do. If there is one thing I hate more than Freddie, it's how cute Freddie is. With those deep brown eyes, and chocolate brown hair that I can only imagine to be so soft…and the voice. His voice! As if he weren't cute enough! He had to go and hit puberty! Imagine!
It's sick. Nope, disturbing…Yes. That's the word.
And that is exactly why I will never. Ever. Ever. Ever. EVER tell him.
Hmph. Go ahead, be amazed. Sam Puckett just "Hmphed." Like I weren't a sad case already…
I mean really. What's a girl supposed to do?
Hey Freddie, I know that we don't ever get along, and I make your life miserable, but I think I kinda love you and want to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together, and I want you to completely sweep me off my feet with a diamond ring the size of Africa, and we could have a wedding with lots of snacks and foods! You could be a computer techy engineering fixer person, and I could be a butcher. Then we would grow old together and die together, and be buried on a far away hill together underneath an apple tree, cause I know you love apples, health freak, and then our many friends would stand by the grave and sob at the loss of us? More so me?!
Yeah. Cause that would be a great idea. Not. He'd probably hyperventilate….Psh. Dork.
How can someone get on my nerves so much and make me want to kill them, but then make me want to hug him so hard that he dies? Either way, this just doesn't seem healthy for Freddie…Or for me at that…I will NOT go back to juvi under any circumstances. Ever.
The sick part about that statement? Because I would miss Freddie too much to be permanently removed from his life…And to take his life away from him…
OH COME ON! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER SAM!
There is no way this could end nicely…
Exhibit A.
Me: Hey Freddie I love and want to marry you and you have to give me a diamond the size of Africa and we'll get married and live the rest of our lives together!
Freddie: Oh great yay! When do I need to start packing!
*BUZZER NOISE*
First thing, I would have no clue what to say to that! Although that is definitely a nice thought…
Okay…Exhibit B.
Me: Hey Fredwardo! You me, ring the size of Africa, spending the rest of our lives together, in love! How bout it?!
Freddie: *Stands there shocked and silent
*BUZZER NOISE*
Because really, how annoying is a know-it-all nerd that runs his mouth too much and then just stands there gawking like an idiot? I'll answer that for the kids at home…Insanely annoying.
Finally. The most dreaded example of all…Exhibit C.
Me: Hey Freddie!
Freddie: Hey Sam.
Me: Well, I've loved you since I first met you, and I want you to be the person that I can depend on for the rest of my life.
Freddie: *Kisses Carly* sorry, you're a little late the woman of my dreams is already here.
And then he laughs.
Because that would just give me nightmares. All gushy and mushy and….Ew…
This is it…I've gone mad! No denying it! I'm not even hungry right now. I am disgusted with myself.
But I don't know why, because it is all Freddie's fault. For being so…Freddie…
Oh well…
Maybe one day he'll tell me he loves me…
And give me a ring the size of Africa.