The family had finished Sunday dinner and Erin and Linda had offered to do the washing up while making the kids go outside to leave Henry, Frank and Danny with Jamie. It had been obvious to the whole family that during dinner Jamie was more withdrawn which was made known by the fact he didn't make any jokes at Erin's or Danny's expense which was unusual, therefore gaining everyone's concern for Jamie who undeniably had had the worst week imaginable.
Jamie was sat on the couch just staring blankly ahead avoiding eye contact with his grandpa, dad and Danny and not watching the TV which was on some random channel, Jamie had just put it on in the hopes everyone would just leave him alone. Danny was sat next to Jamie and gently placed a hand on Jamie's arm.
"Hey kid you alright?" he knew the answer was no but he hadn't seen Jamie react at all to Vinny's death and knew that if Jamie held it in, it would only cause him to slowly self-destruct.
Jamie's lack of an answer only heightened the worry Danny was feeling and knew this was the same for Henry and Frank.
"It's nice of Linda to invite us all on that holiday" commented Henry, looking directly at his youngest grandson. But again there was no response.
Frank was silent for a moment before leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees and looked into Jamie's eye line, "son you need to tell us how you're doing, we just want to make sure you're coping with all that has happened this week", there was still no response from Jamie until the news channel started a report on Vinny's death and the arrests of the Bitterman gang. That caused Jamie to suddenly stand up, grab his jacket and mutter something about needing some air.
Danny wordlessly got up and followed Jamie out of the house; Jamie didn't get in his car and instead just walked down the street. He didn't notice that Danny was following not far behind; Danny kept his eyes on Jamie not wanting his brother to get out of sight. Danny remembered his father getting the call about Vinny last Sunday and the terror he felt at how close he came to losing his youngest brother, his only living brother.
Danny looked over at the empty chair at the other end of the table, the chair where Jamie should be sitting. They had just finished and Nikki and the boys were in the process of clearing the table when Frank's cell phone rang. Danny tuned out what Frank was saying until Franks gasped and sucked in a breathe putting on his Commissioner's mask and saying "thank you" to the person who had called, either Garrett or Baker.
"Dad?" asked Danny, not liking the look on his dad's face.
"Baker called" Frank paused checking Nikki and the boys were in the kitchen with the door shut before continuing, "ten minutes ago there was a shooting at Bitterman, two patrol Officers from the 12th were involved"
"Dad Jamie works out of the 12th" said Erin sharing a shocked and worried look with Henry.
Frank sighed closing his eyes.
"Francis?" asked Henry standing up and walking to the other end of the table.
"Dad?" choked Danny grasping Linda's hand to ground himself.
"Jamie and his partner Vinny were the two Officers involved" said Frank,
Erin gasped and covered her mouth; Henry placed a comforting hand on her shoulder but kept his eyes locked on Frank. Danny and Linda just stared at Frank with wide eyes.
Frank sucked in another breath and continued "Jamie's fine he just took a bullet to his vest, but Vinny…he was already dead by the time back up arrived…he died in Jamie's arms"
They all turned to look at the chair Jamie normally occupied and felt saddened at what Jamie had just gone through while they had all been having the usual Sunday dinner completely unaware of what had just happened on the other side of the city to their grandson, son and brother.
"I'll get Santana for this" growled Danny his eyes still on Jamie's chair "he's going down" for Danny it wasn't bad enough that a cop had been killed, the cop had been someone he knew and liked and to add to that Vinny was his brother's partner and to have your partner die was bad but for them to die in your arms was traumatic.
Danny had felt great pleasure in taking Santana to the squad car and felt justice had been served for Vinny and in a way Jamie as well. Danny had no idea where Jamie was going until he rounded a corner and spotted the cemetery where Vinny had been buried two days ago. And sure enough Jamie walked through the gates and headed to Vinny's headstone, Danny followed but stayed back to give Jamie some space. Standing below the trees Danny was reminded of how silent and withdrawn Jamie had been.
They were all at Vinny's funeral in the cemetery because Vinny's mother said Vinny had always loved the outdoors and so wanted her son's funeral to be outside. Danny was seated beside Erin, his grandfather and dad and watched as Jamie marched past as one of the pallbearers. Danny couldn't bear to look at the coffin thinking how easily it could have been Jamie's and instead kept his focus on Jamie who joined the other pallbearers who were stood at attention to one side of the coffin. Danny zoned out throughout the whole service as his focus stayed on Jamie, he watched as during the firing salute Jamie seemed to flinch, if no one was looking for it (which they weren't) they wouldn't have noticed. Then once the flag had been folded it was given to Jamie as he was Vinny's partner. Jamie then marched towards Vinny's mother who rose from her seat and took the flag from Jamie's outstretched hands and passed it to her husband before she brought Jamie in for a tight hug. She whispered something to Jamie which made him widen his eyes before he composed himself and returned the hug before he gave a small smile to Mrs Cruz before he stepped back and turned back to where he had been stood before.
Once the service was over Vinny's family went to the grave and said a few words before leaving. When they had left the graveside Danny watched as Jamie made his way to the grave, Danny walked over to Jamie and before he could say anything, Jamie still looking at the coffin said harshly "I'll make sure they're going down for this Danny, if it's the last thing that I do" Danny shivered at Jamie's words knowing how close he came to losing Jamie. But Jamie then straightened and with one more look at the grave with his eyes narrowed in determination he walked away with the drive of bringing his friend's killers to justice.
Danny saw Jamie's shoulders begin to shake and so he briskly walked over to Jamie as his knees began to buckle and caught him before he fell to the floor.
"Danny?" asked Jamie through his tears,
"I'm here kid" replied Danny holding his brother close, "I'll always be here. It'll be okay"
"Don't say that!" spat Jamie, wrenching himself away from Danny trying to stand but failing as he ended up crouched on the floor facing a shocked Danny.
"Why not?" asked Danny softly seeing the torment swirling around Jamie's eyes.
"Because that's the last thing Vinny said to me! And it's not going to be okay! It never will!" cried Jamie,
"Jamie I know that right now it feels as if the whole world is against you but it will get better trust me!" said Danny inching closer towards Jamie.
"Oh so you know how it feels to have your friend's mother thank you for trying to save her son then do you?!" wept Jamie, "because I don't know you if you know how much I'm feeling guilty, because Mrs Cruz thanked me for doing all that I could to bring Vinny home and how great a partner and friend I was to Vinny. Oh yeah I'm such a great friend and partner diving behind the wall when the first shot was fired before checking to make sure Vinny was behind some cover!"
Danny surged forward and griped Jamie's shoulders and shook Jamie and forcibly exclaimed "I'm so sorry that Vinny died but if you had done that kid then we would have been burying you as well!"
"I don't care Danny!" hollered Jamie as he ripped himself out of Danny's grasp and this time managed to stand up. He looked down at Danny who was still crouched on the floor and repeated quieter "I don't care!"
Danny rose to his feet and shakily said "Jamie please don't say that"
"I'm sorry Danny but it's true" whispered Jamie, "part of me wishes that I didn't walk out of Bitterman"
"Jamie" choked Danny, as he stepped towards Jamie.
"I'm really sorry Danny, but I still remember it as clear as day and I don't want to…I can't" whimpered Jamie,
"Jamie it will get better trust me on that. You have no idea how thankful I am that you survived, during Vinny's funeral I couldn't look at his coffin because I kept thinking how close it came to you being in it. That Sunday dinner you left such a hole and we all knew you were alive, I don't want to have to go through seeing that hole every Sunday."
"Danny I don't know if I can go on the vacation with the family"
"Why not?" asked Danny in confusion wondering where that comment had come from.
"Because how can I enjoy myself on vacation when Vinny is dead?" whispered Jamie as tears still fell down his cheeks.
"Jamie" sighed Danny, "I know you're feeling terrible right now but your life can't stop with Vinny's, you have to keep on living. That's what he would want and that's what the family and I want" Danny then embraced Jamie reassuring himself that Jamie was still alive.
"How?" asked Jamie,
"By carrying on one step at a time and coming on the family vacation to get away from it all and having the family there to help you take those steps forward".
Jamie nodded and slowly as his tears began to stop he felt himself slowly healing.
####
An hour later Danny and Jamie arrived back at the house and walked in, Jamie had his head down not wanting to see the sympathetic looks from his family. But Danny gave him an encouraging nudge and so he looked up to Jack and Sean walking towards him.
"So Uncle Jamie you are coming right?" asked Jack,
Jamie's eyes flickered over to Danny and then back to his nephews, he then smiled gently "yeah, you need someone to go crabbing with that won't fall asleep in the middle of finding a crab"
"Hey!" cried out Henry, "I'm taking that as an insult Jamie! As I have never done that!"
Jamie turned to face Henry with his eyebrows raised "really? Because I remember the last family vacation we went on all together was when I was 12 and you took me and Joe crabbing and fell asleep!"
"Did you Grandpa?" asked Sean,
"No I did not!"
"Yes you did! Joe even took a photo to prove it and I have it in an album back in my apartment!" replied Jamie.
A friendly argument then broke out but on the inside despite Henry's pride taking a hit he was relieved to see that Jamie was on the road to healing from his friend's death. The whole family were having similar thoughts, Frank caught Danny's gaze and mouthed 'thank you' Danny shrugged, what else was he going to do when his brother was suffering from the loss of someone else who was close to him? He was Jamie's older brother and that meant he was going to stick by his side through thick and thin.