So this is a short songfic on Mayday Parade's 'One man drinking games.' If you haven't heard this song, I thoroughly recommend listening to it. It's just so good. I may have cut out a few lines, but you'll forgive me, right? You'll find out the POV when you read. Everything in italics are the song lyrics, everything else is my bad writing!

Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Mayday Parade, The song used in this fic, Dan or Phil.

~B x

And you said it would be funny, to keep me hanging in suspense.

It was another joke, another game. We played them all of the time, so I didn't understand why we lost. I still don't understand why we lost. I don't think I'll ever understand why, or how.

All I know is what I lost. And I lost far too much.

And I'd whisper that I love you..

Always. That's what I promised you. I promised you forever. But it turns out our forever wasn't for as long as we expected. For you, it was short. For me, It's never going to stop. It's never going to stop hurting. The emptiness that will never leave. Is that my forever? Is that my always? Is that my promise?

And we'd lay there in the darkness like the dream of you I had
Where we captured all the fireflies and knew what time we had
Could be counted on your fingertips, that almost made you cry

You promised me that our forever- our always wouldn't fade. And now I know it won't. And I'll always be left with that image of you lying in my arms, counting away the time we had. You were counting away our forever, weren't you? Is that what your blue eyes were misted with? It wasn't just tears. They meant so much more than that. Your eyes always gave so much away. I can't remember your eyes anymore. I can't remember the colour- I can't remember the perfect shade of blue they were.

But everyday I can remember the pain in them. The pain of knowing all too well.

You let me hold you tightly as we said all our goodbyes.

I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I didn't mean to put you into any more pain, but I needed to feel you close to me for that final time. Because even I knew that after that, there would be nothing. I wouldn't feel anything, and neither would you. I know that you were already hurting, but some part of my mind thought that if I hugged you that little bit tighter you wouldn't be able to leave me. Your soul wouldn't have been able to lose it's mate. Because that's what we were, wasn't it? We were so close; so together.. We were soul mates.

May I say I loved you more? May I say I loved you more?

That was the catch though, wasn't it? You never loved me as much as I loved you, Phil. It wasn't possible for you. That was one of the things I could constantly see in your eyes.

There was never a day where your eyes weren't filled with doubt.

And it must have been an hour that I clutched you in my arms,

That was the real start of our forever, wasn't it? The real start was when I finally realized that you were almost gone. That you were going to leave me. I was going to be alone. My forever started when yours ended.

And I must have said the right things because you instantly felt warm.

Memories. I told you all of our memories. I painted the pictures in your head of us together, forever, always with our cat whiskers on. The image wouldn't stay in my head though.. I could imagine it, but it was replaced quickly, so quickly, with the image of you there. So pale. So much paler than you normally were. Your eyes clouded over. But you continuously said you weren't cold, that you weren't going anywhere.

I could feel you though. You were lying again, to make me feel better.

I know you heard my heart stop beating and you wanted not to cry As your sympathetic whispers, they told a tale of bad good-byes

You wouldn't say goodbye to me. Not straight-out. You spoke in riddles. You said you'd always love me. Is that what our forever was? Is that what our always was? You kept telling me that I wouldn't be alone. You lied again, Phil. Not a day since you've gone have I not been alone.

And you swore you saw me laughing, and I swore I saw you smile
As the time we've spent together was meant to last us quite a while

You tried so hard to make it better. You re-told me all of our private jokes. You told me how you thought it wasn't supposed to finish like this. We were supposed to be forever, Phil. And it feels like I'm the only one who kept a side of our deal. I know you've already let go, but I can't help but hold on.

As I take this piece of you with me, I'll carry to my grave Knowing that for someone you're an angel sent to save

Your forever has finished now, Phil. You're free. You can go and save others the same way you saved me. But that doesn't mean that I can leave you. It doesn't work both ways anymore.

Keep Breathing my angel, if you go down I go with you, keep breathing just keep breathing.
May I say I loved you more?
Keep Breathing my angel, if you go down I go with you, keep breathing just keep breathing.
May I say I loved you more?

That's my problem now. I can't remember you how I want to. I wanted to remember you as my soft-haired lion, always close to me. But all I can remember is your doubt-filled eyes. Your unsure expressions. Were you ever certain about me, Philly? Because I know I was certain about you.

You were the only thing I was ever certain about.

Let's drink to memories we shared
Down one for all the hopes and cares
Here's two for being unaware
That you're gone
Because before too long you'll be a memory
Because before too long you'll be a memory

You're only a memory to me now, Phil. And you're the only memory left that I can't erase.

Are you happy that my forever is always?

Are you happy that yours never was?

Because you broke your promise, Phil. And I never broke mine.

Oh god, that song. I cry every time at it. Okay, so PLEASE review and check out my other stories if you have the time? I would love you so much if you did :)