"Hey, Happy New Year," Kris said into the phone. A huge grin on his face, he had been waiting all day and night to talk to him.
"Hey Kris you too," Adam replied.
"What's wrong, you sound kind of...down, are you alright baby?" Kris asked, a trace of concern in his voice.
"Don't.....don't call me 'baby', please," Adam said flatly.
Both men were in their hotel rooms for the night lying in their separate beds. Kris is Las Vegas, Adam in Los Angeles.
"Oh my god Adam, whats....whats wrong?" Kris questioned.
"Kris," Adam sighed and sniffled lightly to try to hide the fact that he was crying.
"Adam please, tell me what is wrong," Kris pleaded now sitting up straight in his bed.
"I can't do this anymore Kris," Adam bit his lip to try to stop the tears forming in his eyes from seeping down his cheeks.
"Can't do what?" Kris asked fearful, even though he knew in his heart exactly what Adam was talking about.
"This Kris....this," Adam let himself go, the tears came streaming now, he sobbed lightly into the crook of his arm.
"Adam I love you, don't do this, to us," Kris panicked.
"What 'us' Kris?" Adam's voice got louder, his tears remaining to fall, "There is no 'us' there will never be an 'us', you have no idea, no idea Kris just how much this hurts me."
"Adam I'm trying to do the best I can, it's not as easy as it seems," Kris was starting to choke up himself, he couldn't let this relationship end, he couldn't. There was no way he could live without Adam in his life.
"God....I love you Kris, more than I love myself, more than I have ever loved anyone. But no more, I can't do this anymore, I have to move on, this is killing me," Adam responded wiping more escaping tears from his eyes.
"Did you watch my performance of "Can't Stay Away" tonight? It was for you," Kris told Adam lovingly.
"Kris stop! Please, just stop," Adam sighed and began crying again. "How the fuck do you think you would feel if the person you loved was married, and you can't have them...my heart, all of it belongs to you, yet your heart is not all mine, I can't share you anymore Kris, I'm done."
"Ilove-"
"Bullshit, do not try to tell me you love me, because you know what Kris? If you loved me...you would be with me, and only me."
"I can't live without you," Kris wiped at the tears falling from his cheeks, his hand resting in his hair and pulling, his face contorted in a painful weep.
"My new years resolution is to get over you, I have to, this can't continue, god I love you, but no more," Adam sniffled.
"Adam please, please, I'll do anything," Kris begged.
"That's not the first time I've heard that before Kris or I might believe you this time."
Kris continued to bawl, Adam held the phone to his ear and bit his lip and closed his eyes holding back more sobs, hearing the one he loved so much so upset...it hurt him.
"Do you know the song 'Stay' by Sugarland?" Adam broke Kris' emotional whines off short. "Yeah, go listen to that song and you will understand where I'm coming from Kris."
"Adam I love you, I love you, I'm so sorry, I love you," Kris sobbed into the phone. "Please don't leave me, please don't."
"I guess I'll see you at the concert in February, bye," Adam hung up.
"No! Oh god no!," Kris shouted into the phone before realizing that Adam was gone. He had lost him because of his own selfishness. Afraid of what might happen if he were to divorce his wife and come out to the public, even through countless times of Adam telling him that 'no matter what happens we will have each other'. He no longer had him.
Adam plugged his phone into the bedside charger and crawled under the covers. His wet eyeliner stained the white pillowcase but he could care less. Because he had just lost the man he would give the world for. He tried to stay strong and tell himself that he wasn't going to cry anymore. But when he replayed Kris' beautiful voice telling him 'I love you Adam' for the first time, he lost it. He cried himself to sleep.
Kris chucked his phone at the wall in between loud screams and buried his wet tear strewn face in the pillows and cried out Adam's name at the top of his lungs over and over until he fell into a deep sleep. That night he dreamt Adam was holding him and kissing his face, telling him that everything would be alright.