Nervous
Scratch that nervous couldn't even describe the feeling coursing through Damon Salvatore as he killed the engine of his camaro. Terrified seemed to be more like it, and when it came to being scared Damon rarely ever felt that feeling, but right now that's all he seemed to feel.
Usually by this time he would be out of the car but instead he remained parked on the bridge his fingers having yet to release the steering wheel as they gripped onto it for dear life. Part of him was surprised that the steering wheel had yet to snap because of his death grip maybe that's a good thing after all baby bro told worked his ass of re-building this ever so slowly allowing his hands to slip and rest on his lap.
It was a beautiful and ugly irony here he was a vampire who didn't need to breathe and yet as he sat here he felt as if he couldn't catch his own breath. Over one hundred and seventy years old a person would think that a person who had walked this earth for so long had done anything and everything, but for Damon that wasn't the case because he still had so much he wanted to experience which had been the reason that had brought him here.
"The last time that I had been here…that I had done this was visiting Alaric a good buddy of mine and a father of Elena" realizing what he says "no disrespect or anything" he's quick to correct "you will always be her parents…you are the reason why I love your daughter and you're the reason why I'm here."
A dead silence no pun intended falling across the cemetery as Damon nervously rocked on his heels, his hands shoving into his leather jacket as he remains silent for a moment considering his next words.
"I'm going to ask Elena to marry me" feeling as if the weight of the world is suddenly lifted from his shoulders at his admission, and as comical as it sounds he pauses as if expecting to hear their reply back. "I know that you don't favor my kind" flinching slightly "but I also know that you love your daughter and you'd accept her regardless….I know that my past isn't clean and I've done awful and horrible things."
Casting his gaze around he does a quick sweep around the cemetery making sure that no one is lurking and listening to what he's about to confess next. "I wasn't always a monster, I was a man who believed in truth, justice, romance and most importantly I was a Southern gentleman" a rich chuckle escaping his lips "and that's the man standing before you today the man who if I had known Elena in my time I would have courted her the right way….ice tea on the porch and then a chaperoned walk in the gardens."
Though Damon was known for his seductive nature deep down the romantic in him still appreciated the romance in the world. "I would have asked permission to kiss her, and then when the time was right I would have gone to you" shifting his gaze towards the stone that has Grayson Gilbert inscribed on it. "I would have asked you to give me the honor of asking for your daughters hand in marriage."
"When I turned the years that followed was dark but through the violence, a selfish act that ended in bloodshed there was always one thing that I still found myself missing" swallowing hard "my humanity it was something I valued more than anything." Sucking in a nervous and un-needed breath "for so long I fooled myself into believing that I would never find my way, that darkness would always encase me but then I met Elena" a soft smile crossing his features. "Though it took time and we participated in a tango that always had us take one step forward and then two steps back….somehow along the way we found each other and I found my humanity….she restored my humanity and for that I'll always love her."
"I know that I'm not the first choice for your daughter" he point blank says "but I also know and can say with one hundred percent certainty tell you that I am the best choice for her, because no one will ever love her the way that I do."
"All a parent ever wants for their child" shaking his head "well a good parent" he corrects knowing that his dear ole daddy never gave a damn about his well being. "Is for them to find happiness and I can give your daughter that….I can make her forget the hell and chaos that surrounds us, I know this because she makes me forget when I'm with Elena I'm human again….fangs or not my heart beats for her and her alone."
Reaching into his back jean pocket he retrieves his phone, pressing the home center button as it lights up showcasing the time. "I have to go" he whispers placing the phone back securely in his pocket. "You were the last stop on the list….I know Blondie can talk, but even she eventually will run out of things to say" chuckling in amusement as he shakes his head. "I know that you most likely don't approve of this, but if Elena agrees to this…if by some miracle she says yes I promise you that I will prove you both wrong…that's the beauty of eternity I have forever to change your mind."
Tap
Tap
The sound of someone tapping against the glass of his window drawing Damon from his thoughts as he flicks his gaze to see the reason why he's here in the first place, reaching across as he manually rolls down the window, and now meets Elena's confused expression.
"Damon are you okay" Elena's concerned tone reaching his ears causing him to smile I missed that tone.
"Define okay" he states with a smile only to be answered by her brows furrowed in confusion.
"Well" bracing her hands against the car as she leans forward poking her head inside "you sent me a text to meet you here…of all places" she drifts off trying to ignore the rush of bad memories that flood her.
Asking Elena to meet him at the place where her own life had been ripped away from her including losing her parents and her human life probably had been a stupid move on his part, but deep down he knew this was the right place. "There's a reason for that and I know this isn't a top spot for you, but I'm hoping to change that" only causing her to feel more confusion as he finally opens his driver's side door and slips out. Walking around the car to join her as he leans in pressing a short kiss to her lips "hi."
Though Elena wasn't feeling at ease were they were and Damon only caused her to feel more confusion the second that his lips lightly touched hers she find a smile instantly curling at her lips "hi back" she whispers against his lips.
Settling his hands on her hips and relishing in the fact that he no longer needs to walk around on egg shells around her or resist the urge to touch her. "I know you want to know why we are here and I'll explain it to you….and you'll understand shortly I just need you to bare with me….ca-can you" he asks with an arched brow.
Seeing the pleading in his expression she places her hands to rest atop his offering a reassuring smile "okay."
Relieved that she's going along with this he interlaces their hands together, lifting hers to his lips and pressing a kiss to each of her knuckles "thank you."
Drawing back he steps away from her trying to ignore the heavy weight of his heart and the item in his jacket pocket that wants to weigh him down. For a few moments he remains with his leather clad back to her allowing himself these short moments to gather and collect himself not sure on how or even were to start.
Finding the courage he spins around to face her, piercing blue meeting a confused yet warm brown. "There are places in our lives that when we are there or think back to them we are only reminded of tragedy mine was the quarry when Stefan forced me to turn. When I had been fooled into thinking Katherine had died I had wanted to die a long with her because in my eyes there was no more reason to live….no purpose to go on….but then I found out that she was still alive, entombed….I won't give you that lesson because we both know what happened there" giving a slight roll of his eyes.
"When Katherine returned that night her and I had a moment and in that moment I had allowed myself to put the past in the past because she was back and at that time that's all that mattered…but then she dosed me with cold water and told me that she would never love me….that it would always be Stefan."
I care about you Damon
I care about you
But I love Stefan
It's always going to be Stefan
Realization instantly flooding Elena's gorgeous features as he watches her connect the dots her eyes widening "Damon…that night" she trails off "why didn't you tell me?"
"I wasn't proud of that night, of what I did and I don't thank god a lot, but I did finding out that Jeremy had his ring on….I can't begin to imagine what I would have done if he hadn't." Dropping to silence for a moment "I didn't tell you because that night my world crashed down on me….for one hundred and forty five years of my life I spent it not living….I spent it trying to find a way to reunite with Katherine only to find out that it was a lie." Hating how he's opening past wounds but knowing that it's necessary "I felt stupid because for the longest time I had believed I had died for love, and then I realized I had died for a lie….something that wasn't real."
"You weren't stupid Damon" she instantly states "if anyone deserves that title it was Katherine."
A half smirk pulling at his lips "even in death somehow Katherine Pierce still has the ability to be the talk of the conversation" he teases masking his vulnerability.
"She does at that" Elena agrees with a small smile.
"Back on subject" clearing his throat "when Katherine ripped out my heart I thought well that's it….the only purpose and reason to go on is gone….I died and was reborn again for nothing….but I realized that I did die for love….I was re-born to love you…to be loved by you."
"Damon"
"I know" nervously laughing at his admission "I know it's crazy and borderline cheesy because it took years to happen but it did and knowing you Elena being with you I've never felt more alive…more human."
"When you and I met…first met"
"You mean when you compelled me to forget" she supplies.
"Yes" gaze dropping to the cement pavement before lifting to meet hers "it was by chance, two ships passing in the night and yet for that brief conversation I felt something for you….and it wasn't because you were the replica version of Katherine it was because in that short time of talking to you I knew instantly you were anything but Katherine."
"How though" she asks curiosity getting the best of her and wanting to dive deeper into this conversation seeing as they had never really spoken about their encounter. "I mean for all you know I could have been Katherine…we both know how good she was at tricking people."
"Indeed" nodding his head in agreement "you asked me what I wanted in life no one had ever asked me that, because no one cared what I wanted. Not my father, not Katherine, but you did, and for that short time you brought out a side of me that I had thought was long gone and it scared me, you scared me."
"Why did I scare you?"
Damon's mouth opening to answer her, but she cuts him off "that night I felt something for you too, a mysterious and handsome stranger who I opened up to…why did you make me forget Damon" licking her lips "things might have worked out differently."
"I played that what-if game more times then I'd like to admit" shrugging his shoulders "and in each scenario it doesn't work out….I mess up, I hurt you….I screw up and I still don't shed the monster part of who I am, because I don't want to."
"Returning home again I only had one desire to burn this town the way that it had burned me, but then you came back into the picture, and as many times as I tried to keep my concrete walls up bit by bit you broke them down. Feeling for you, standing on the sidelines and watching my brother love you and be loved by you killed me….it destroyed me but in that time it allowed me to feel emotions I hadn't felt for over a century…..insecurity, hurt, disappointment and most importantly heart ache. Your time with Stefan allowed me to slowly let human parts of myself back in again. The scenario of me not compelling you to forget fails each time, because I would have met you first, I would have wooed you and I would have had what I desired without fighting for it….it wouldn't have been real Elena, not like what it is now."
"I compelled you to forget because for the first time in years I found myself thinking about another woman who wasn't Katherine. My heart for years had been faithful to Katherine, yes I invited women into my bed among other things but it was to satiate my hunger….my heart only beat for Katherine and that night….that night I wasn't thinking of Katherine, I was thinking of you. As twisted as it was I felt like I was cheating on her" with a low growl echoing from the back of his throat "because at the time I still believed she was entombed waiting to reunite with me…and what I was feeling I didn't want to allow it so I took the cowards way out….because I wasn't ready to let you in….I wasn't ready to let the man that's now standing before you to surface."
Silence draping over the conversation as she remains quiet for a few seconds letting his past reasoning sink in. "Still I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently…not just with us but that night" her gaze automatically drawing to the exact section of the bridge that her parents car had crashed off of. Survivor's guilt and flashes of each time this bridge had added a new pain to her memory causing her to hug herself.
"Playing that game never works because whether the end result be good or bad in truth it changes nothing and you're still left with that haunting feeling creeping up at you and getting the best of you" he explains. Moving towards her to stand directly in front of her and blocking her view to were she's locked on.
Brown eyes meeting his sincere blues as she nods her head "it still doesn't change the fact that it hurts being here….that this place has taken so much from me my parents" choking back a sob "Stefan" she trails off recalling the possessed look in his eyes as he broke new speeds.
"Almost driving you off this bridge because he had said jump and Klaus hadn't taken the bait" even though Stefan had been a man possessed and on a mission Damon still found himself gritting his teeth at his brother's reckless action. There had been other methods, but instead his brother had chosen to kidnap Elena, drive like a manic on the bridge that had cost her parents life and cause her to relive that fear all over again don't forget how he almost turned her.
"Or the fact that I died on this bridge…that I almost killed myself on this bridge" blinking back tears "this bridge only brings me pain and bad memories" lowering her gaze "what are we doing here Damon?"
Placing his finger under her chin he lifts it so that she's forced to meet his intense gaze "I can't change what happened here….I can't take back what happened on here." Taking the pad of his thumb as he swipes away an escaped tear running down her cheek "but maybe I can give you a new memory something that replaces the heartache fills you with hope….and happiness."
Uncertainty filling Elena's expression considering that she found it quite doubtful that he actually had such an ability "and what would that be" she can't help but question.
This was it, the moment was now, and he could feel the weight of the object in his pocket wanting to make itself known. There was no going back from this and once the question was out in the open there was no going back for Damon. Standing there he allowed himself to let paranoia get the best of him and as much as he hated it he was now playing the what if game with himself.
What if she said no?
What if he couldn't handle the rejection?
What if she said it was too soon?
What if he made a complete fool of himself?
What if she was too young and needed a couple of years?
What if
"Damon"
Elena's voice once again breaking Damon out of the conversation with his inner voice that he was battling "sorry I spaced out there for a moment" he says with a weak smile.
Knowing he wasn't being truthful "are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes….I'm fine" swallowing the lump in his throat.
Elena knowing Damon better than he knows himself now pressing her hands to rest on his firm chest, surprise in her expression "no you're not" lifting her questioning orbs to meet his deer in headlights blues "you're trembling."
"It's because I'm terrified" he says his tone lacking the usual confidence that everyone is use to.
Well that had actually shocked her considering Damon was someone who rarely ever admitted to being scared "why are you terrified?"
"Because what I'm about to do is probably the most selfish thing I'll ever do in my life" he confesses.
Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I'll ever say in my life
"If I'm going to do this then it's going to be done the right way" he simply states.
Without another word he lowers himself to the ground getting on bend and knee as he reaches for Elena's hand taking it in his.
"Damon" she half whispers watching in awe as he kneels before her.
"Elena for as long as I can remember I have shut people out of my life, but you snuck past the guards guarding my heart and found your way in. You became someone that I cared for, somehow that for once I didn't just think of myself but I thought of you too. You took on so many titles" the pad of his thumb tenderly caressing her knuckles. "The person I confided in, my friend who eventually I fell for….and hard….my dance partner who from the second fell into my embrace I found myself wanting to share every dance with you….through the physical and metaphorical tango between us finally becoming my girlfriend…the love of my life….my life."
You are my life Elena
"You're missing a title though"
Elena watching in silence as Damon uses his free hand reaching into his jacket pocket retrieving a beautiful antique box that looks as if it was crafted in the 1800's. Elena's gaze never leaving the box as Damon opens it revealing the maroon leather, brass hinge, velvet and silk lining in the lid, but the box suddenly going unnoticed as her gaze draws to the breathtaking ring now showcasing itself.
"My wife"
Opening what he deemed to be his treasure chest of things he had collected over the century and things he had kept that he still held dear to him he gently begins shifting through the items. "Aha" spotting the box lingering in the corner he reaches for it, retrieving it as he holds it in his hand.
Not yet opening the box just holding it in his hands recalling the last time the box had been open he had still been human. Sucking in a breath he hesitantly lifts the lid showcasing the ring that causes him to suck in his breath. There in the box it holds an original sapphire and diamond three stone ring, dating from the 18th century showcasing a vibrant light medium blue sapphire. Awe in his expression at the fact that the ring still is in perfect condition, admiring how each side is accompanied by a sparkling and very sizable antique cushion cut diamond.
Carefully he runs the tip of his finger along the striking gemstone that comes close to matching the shade of his eyes causing a soft smile to showcase on his features recalling the meaning that this ring held to him.
'My sweet boy I'm not going to make it. I want you to have this and when you find the woman that loves you for who you are I want you to ask for her hand with this ring that way even in death I will always be with you'
"It took over a century but I found her mama"
"I love you Elena and it's because I love you that I'm on bend and knee here before you. I know our love story has never been easy and I know time and time again I'd always remind you that we are toxic for each other...and we are but in a different way…..we are toxic when we are without each other…without each other we're miserable at best, but with every trial that we have gone through we deserve better than that.
"We've been through so much" a slight crack in his tone "if there's one thing I've learned through all of this it's that we are survivors. We've been ripped away from each other's lives so many times and I don't want to feel that ever again because it killed me being apart from you…returning to a you who no longer remembered me…somehow we were able to get past that to fall in love again…and through some miracle you were brought back to me. My favorite memory of us was the night before you had to depart for college…when you dragged me to watch the meteor shower and it ended up raining."
Seeing the smile on her face giving him that extra courage to push on "we promised each other forever and now that I'm back I intend on giving you that…both of us that. I can't promise you happily ever after because this is me we're talking about and there will be times were we will argue, won't agree on things, hold a grudge against each other….but I can promise you….I vow to you that I won't walk away. I will be right here, I won't let you go, I won't turn my back on you…..on us…..because when it's real you don't walk away, and this is the realest thing I have ever felt in my entire life human life included."
By now his voice is trembling and his usually steady hands shaking knowing that this is the most open and vulnerable he will ever be. "For so long I viewed eternal life as a curse, but now I see it as something beautiful because it means I have the chance of spending forever with you, loving you, laughing with you and everything in-between."
Intense and adoring baby blues solely trained on her as he offers her a nervous smile.
"Elena Gilbert"
Finally allowing the words he had been holding back out of fear to slip out.
"Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"