Alright, so after a long hiatus (very long, I know) I have taken this story and made some changes. The plot is still the same, but I wasn't quite happy with the way things were. So, here's the new (and hopefully improved) version of You Must Be Joking!
Chapter One: Introductions Are Made
"We're going to miss the train Ron!" Hermione screamed up the stairs, trunk standing beside her.
"No we're not!" Ron yelled, lugging his own trunk down said stairs. "Come on Harry, we're going to miss the train!" he added in the other direction.
Hermione crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Honestly." she muttered.
"Harry, where's your trunk?" Ron asked, trying to see if he missed it.
Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I can't seem to find my invisibility cloak. You guys don't happen to know where it is, do you?" he asked, hoping they had it, or had at least seen it.
Ron and Hermione shook their heads. "Sorry Harry." Hermione said regretfully, knowing how much it meant to him. "We have a few minutes though. I'm sure we can find it."
"Yeah." Harry said dejectedly.
The trio left Gryffindor Tower on a mission. They would find Harry's cloak even if it was the last thing they did.
As they walked towards the stairs, a voice called out to them. "Lose something?" Behind them, leaning against a wall, stood Draco Malfoy, hand around something, though it appeared to be thin air. It was obvious that he had Harry's cloak. And now Harry remembered where he had left it.
"Give it here." he said, slowly walking towards him.
"I don't know that I should. You really should learn to take better care of your things." Draco replied, eyeing where the cloak was.
"Bloody Malfoy." Ron muttered, shaking his head.
"Oh, honestly!" Hermione cried in frustration. She walked over to where Draco stood and ripped the cloak out of his hands, leaving Harry and Draco speechless. "Here." she said, handing the garment to Harry. "Now let's go. If we don't hurry we'll miss the train." She then grabbed Ron by the hand and pulled him with her, protesting all the way.
Harry gave one last glance in Draco's direction before following them.
Half an hour later saw them on the train, leaving Hogwarts, and another year, behind.
"Really Hermione, you worry too much." Ron said with a sigh. "Like we'd really miss the train."
Hermione looked up from her book. "It wouldn't be the first time." she said, remembering their second year.
Ron's mouth dropped open. "That wasn't our fault!" he cried in outrage.
Harry sighed, knowing it would be a long train ride. Tuning them out, he looked out the window and thought back to the year that had officially come to an end. What a wild ride that was...
It was Harry's sixth year and everybody was anxiously waiting for the opening feast to begin. Dumbledore stood for his start of year announcements and the room filled with silence. If you looked at him, you could see a strange twinkle in his eyes. He knew something that he wasn't telling. "This year we have a new muggle studies professor, a course which has been made mandatory due to recent events." This brought a chorus of groans and cries of outrage. When the hall became silent again, he continued. "Her name is Miranda Drason." he said, looking around the Great Hall. "Oh, dear. It appears as though she hasn't arrived yet." Everyone could tell there was something left unsaid, which normally was not a good thing. However, before he could continue, the door opened and in walked a young woman. She was of average height, with long black hair and blue eyes. Although she was wearing a robe, she had on a pair of blue jeans and a light yellow t-shirt. On her feet was a pair of sneakers. She walked right up to the staff table and took the remaining seat on the end.
Snape noticed how young she looked and immediately protested. "Headmaster, she can't be more than nineteen. Are you sure she's qualified?"
It was then that Miranda finally spoke, "Actually, I'm seventeen. Oh, and sorry I'm late. It was hard to navigate the halls and staircases. It's really quite amazing how they move and...yes, sorry." When she spoke, they noticed something else.
"She's an American?" This time it was McGonagall.
Snape had had enough. "Are you sure you haven't lost your mind?" he questioned, staring at the headmaster as thought he truly believed he had.
Soon everybody was talking about the newest addition to Hogwarts' teaching staff. However, they all stopped when Miranda spoke again, her statement bringing dead silence. "Now really, how hard can it be to teach muggle studies? Especially if you're a muggle!"
Upon hearing that Miranda was a muggle, the room filled with silence for several moments. Then, a voice came from the Slytherin table. "A muggle?! How did this happen?" Following this, the room erupted into chaos. Te professors and students were all talking amongst themselves. Some were even arguing. Cries of "They can't possibly allow her to teach here!" and "Dumbledore has finally lost it. Completely mad!" could be heard among the clamor.
Dumbledore sighed. This was not going well at all. Not that he had expected it to go well, but still. He glanced over at Miranda to see how she was taking this. Expecting to find her upset or outraged at the comments being made about her, he found her to be calm. It appeared she was also amused. At the time that she had been offered the teaching position, she had been warned that there would be several, if not many, who would dislike her due to her young age and the fact she was not a witch. This did not bother her at all. She was used to being places where people did not like her and often avoided her. At least this she could handle. They may not be polite towards her, but at least they said something.
What many did not know was that Miranda had been hired for more than her teaching ability. Dumbledore chose her specifically because she was of such a young age and a muggle on top of everything else. The fact that she was an American was an added bonus for him. He could get her perspective on many things to help him in the was against Voldemort. Plus, she could relate to the studente on a more personal lever, being closer in age to them than the rest of the professors.
Miranda soon noticed that Dumbledore was trying to calm and silence the students with the help of a few of the professors, but to no avail. It was then that a voice filled the room. "QUIET!" It was Hermione, who had had quite enough. While everyone had been talkin and arguing, she had sat there and had given the situation much thought. Noticing the professors struggle to calm the students without yelling, she took the reasonable approach. Yelling would be the only way to quiet some of these students. Noticing the whole room had quieted, and focused their attention on her, she blushed. "Yes, sorry. I think that we should give her a chance. If Dumbledore feels that she is qualified, then we should go along with that judgement. Besides, being a muggle does not affect her teaching skills. In fact, she may even be better qualified because of it. Plus, she's an Americana and that can help offer a different perspective. At least give her a chance."
Having said this, she sat back down. The Gryffindors agreed whole-heartedly and said so. The Hufflepuffs agreed as well, but did not comment. They did feel some sympathy towards her as they knew she would have a hard road ahead. The Ravenclaws had their doubts, but decided to give her a chance. If she proved to be a good teacher, that was good enough for them. The Slytherins were extremely unhappy, but seeing that there was nothing they could do about it, they just scowled and began plotting the best way to make her time at Hogwarts as miserable as possible.
Dumbledore stood and finished his speech, thanking Hermione, who blushed yet again. The food soon appeared and everyone started eating, forgettign all about their new professor. Miranda ate as well, though not much, realizing that she had quite a challange ahead of her. But she looked forward to it and the fun it would bring.
When the feast was over, the students took off for their dormitories. Miranda left the staff table and ran to catch up to Hermione, who was chatting with Harry and Ron. "Hey, thanks for what you said in there. I really appreciated it. I guess I'll see you later. Hermione, Ron, Harry." With that, Miranda took off for her own quarters.
"Uh, you're welcome." Hermione called after her. They started walking again towards Gryffindor tower, when Hermione realized something and stopped both Ron and Harry. "Wait a minute. How did she know my name?"
That night, Hermione tried to come up with every possible explanation for why Professor Drason knew her name. Meanwhile, Ron and Harry were immersed in a game of chess. "Ha! Checkmate!" Ron shouted.
Hermione turned on him, her eyes shooting daggers. "Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate?! Besides, you always win!" She then started pacing and returned to listing off possible reasons.
Ron rolled his eyes, while Harry began to wonder when Ron and Hermione would finally realize their feelings for one another and stop their bickering. Alright, so it was doubtfull they would ever completely stop bickering.
After awhile, Ron began to fall asleep in his chair, bored from Hermione's ranting. It did not last for long, for soon Hermione noticed and jerked Ron awake. "Have you heard a word I said?" she asked ferociously.
Ron had caught bits and pieces and had a general idea of what Hermione was talking about. "Yeah, Professor Drason knows your name. Who cares? She knew mine and Harry's too, but you don't see us losing sleep over it!" Ron exclaimed, before storming up the stairs.
Harry watched this and decided to go upstairs himself. After all, it was getting late. Or at least that is what he tried to tell himself. He actually did not want to end being on the receiving end of Hermione's anger. Besides, he had a lot to think about. Like how he was going to tell is friends that he was gay. He had figured it out over the summer when he had noticed himself checking out the quidditch players in the new book Ron had sent him for his birthday. It was not a total shock, seeing as how he had never really noticed girls in 'that way.' Well, there had been Cho, but that turned out to be nothing more than a small crush. Since then, he had not so much as turned his head when it came to the opposite sex.
When he entered the room, he noticed that Ron was already asleep. That was good, since he did not want to listen to Ron rant anymore than he did Hermione. Looking around, he saw that Neville and Dean were also asleep. Seamus, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. Probably off with some girl, if the rumors were true.
Harry settled into bed and fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. The last thought he had before drifting off was about what Professor Drason had said. "How did she know Hermione's name?"
Meanwhile, down in the dungeons, Miranda was adding a few touches to what was now to be her 'home.' She liked the cold, and since Professor Snape was the only one currently occupying the space, it seemed like a perfect solution. So she was given the rooms just down the hall from his, though he was practically livid when he found out.
Unlike the students that Professor Snape taught, Miranda was not at all frightened of him. If anything, she found his comments humorous and enjoyed aggravating him to no end. In fact, his reactions made her laugh all the more, though she never let him know that. If she did, he might stop reacting in such a way. Instead, she let him believe that he irritated her as much as she irritated him.
"No," she said, remembering the chat with Dumbledore, "I don't believe I'll have a bad year at all. In fact, things look pretty good!"