Innocent Raccoon presents :

Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha Fan Fiction

Love Left Unspoken

/AN: A Word of Caution : This is a yuri-themed non-NanoFate fic. If you are offended at the thought of Nanoha not being with, or having a relationship with anyone other than Fate, or of yuri, this mostly likely is not a suitable read for you. However, for anyone open to yuri-pairings outside NanoFate I would encourage to give this one a fair chance.

On another note, I am working on a heavily NanoFate themed AU multichapter work and I hope to able to release it in the near future, this one just happened to come out first, and thus will have more focus until completion.

Now, without further ado, please enjoy this fanfiction to any of it's possible extent.

[Edit : fixed a few Hayate's lines to be in line with her accent.]

Disclaimer : I own nothing from MSLN series. Just hoping I did..

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

"Vivio! Are you ready? Let's go! Hayate-chan is waiting."

"Just a minute~"

Hmm.. That means about five minutes for a quick check. Purse, check. Contents; wallet, keys for car house, spare key for Vivio's bike, passkey for work, ID, Instructor license, inter-dimensional communication device, strawberry flavored lollipop, few pieces of bubblegum, napkins, bandages, aspirin, anti-freeze, antiseptics and okay I probably don't need this all but I guess it won't hurt. Vivio might be a big girl, but I'm still her mama. *sigh* Okay, lastly; extra hair-bun, small pouch containing my make up and a small mirror, check, all clear and good to go.

Now, the real question – how do I look? Am I good to go?

"Raising heart, 3d mirror, please."

For the umpteenth time in the past hour, I call for the holographic full scale mirror.

"You are ready, my master."

Crossing my arms, I give a few taps on my right arm with my left fingers and raise my eyebrows looking at the red glowing orb called 'Raising Heart', my Intelligent Device.

"Alright, my master."

"Thank you." I thank my Raising Heart with a hint of apology mixed in. I know better than to snap at her just because I'm nervous. It's sounds like a poor excuse and something that does not suit me, but I can not help it. I feel like I am doing something, bad.. Something I am not allowed to, even when it's only a friendly outing, some fun in the park, a show, a dinner and maybe a few drinks with my dearest friend when the kids have gone to sleep. Like Hayate-chan says, I am entitled to a little fun, right? I deserve a break every now and then, right? It is not, it's not.. wrong, is it? Fate-chan would agree, surely..?

I breath deep letting the air in filling my lungs to collect my calm and take a good look at the holographic reflection of myself.

My hair is tied at my usual ponytail on the side, today I chose right, normally I wear it on the left side. I feel like I want a change, but I can't let go.. Sad how much my hair reflects me, clinging on to a ghost of the past, when I am the one speaking everyone of going onward.

I lean in closer to make sure I have no lose lashes. It feels weird, wearing mascara, looking at carefully plucked brows, seeing the peach-orange eye shadow and rosewood red eye liner I feel like I've done something inexcusable. My eyes don't look mine. I never used to wear much cosmetics. Moisturizers and occasional light foundation with a flavored lip gloss, either strawberry or peach, those were just about everything. Today.. I try to be new, try something new, I don't know.. Maybe I'm making excuses so I could run away, again.

I straighten my back and look at the woman the reflection portraits. The marigold blouse lies under a mahogany jumper dress with a bronze shawl laid over the shoulders. A golden triangular amulet was left hovering over the mounds the breasts form on the clothes. It is a very precious gift from my dear friend, from my daughter's 'other mama', from my - I guess it's finally safe to say - now ex-girlfriend..

An issue I don't feel comfortable touching right now and one of the reasons we're heading out today. I've spent last weeks in a fog, veiled in a dark shadow and made even Vivio worry. I feel a failure as a mother. I don't know if I could have made it without Hayate-chan and her knights. Truth be told, it's nothing new, they've saved me countless times as I've practically had to raise Vivio on my own all these years despite all the promises we made for each other.. and.. I don't want to smudge my make up right now.

Ding Dong Ding*

"Aunt Hayate~!" Vivio runs energetically to the door and almost hits the woman behind slamming it open.

"How many times I'd told ya to stop calling me aunt? Makes me feel so damn old!" Hayate steps in the hallway speaking loudly stopping briefly to take Vivio in a full bear hug. I can't help but smile at the scene. It's so funny to see my friend try to pick Vivio up like she was still little when she has already reached older woman's height.

"And how many times have I told you to stop teaching my child such language?" I still have be firm, even if it is mostly futile.

"C'mon the kiddo's hearda lotta worse things in school by now."

"That's true ma~" Vivio turns to me with a cute a matter of fact face and lets Hayate free from their embrace smirking. "..it's also true that you're old Aunt Hayate."

"Why you little-"

Vivio sneers pulling out her tongue flashing by Hayate with her new moves she had learned training her Strike Arts and jumps out to meet everyone left outside.

"You should watch who you let Vivio hang out with, she's picking up some bad influence."

"And who's influence is that?"

"I dunno, some very fine woman who's quirks got'cha out of your lump, least for a minute, now c'mere lemme take a good look at ya."

Hayate steps in closer wearing her usual playful smile on her face.. and switches it to an acted look of astonishment.

"Oh my~ You're so.. Orange! Took legs right under me."

I can only giggle at her expressions and gestures. This really helped to change the mood. I feel grateful, but I have to get a word in too.

"And you're.. Flowery?"

My astonishment is more akin to a genuine bewilderment, because.. She indeed looks a bit fluffy bud of a forget-me-not on her light azure blue dress with lightweight baby blue frilly layers on the outer hems. Looking further, the blue little flower has silver barrettes forming a cute H on her coffee brown hair she has let grow down near her shoulders. Seems she's fully set on growing a long hair after all.. Not that I mind.. Or that it would be any of my business.. I just think it will be a change, a positive I'm sure..

"But why, I am a delicate lil' flower. So whadda ya say we go right out on the sunshine before I wither in here?"

I smile at her playful wink and as I turn to pick up my purse I take a note on the detail that the white strap sandals she wears on her feet, do have a flower decoration. So it was intentional, even if unusual. I spin back around and decide to convey my appreciation also in an unusual manner. It might just be the theme for the day, unconventionality.

"First though.." I hug the blue little flower in front gently but tightly. "..I think this flower needs some love."

"Ooh~ If ya ain't careful, you'll be sending misleading signals, missy. Not that I complain, but I thought it'll be a family outing so I gotta hella wrong kinda lingerie for a hot date."

I giggle for her efforts in covering her nervous embarrassment in her peculiar humor. She always falls deeper in her accent when she's feeling flustered, or highly emotional. I choose to take it as a compliment this time as she finally gives in embracing me back and gives me a little peck on the cheek.

"I love you too, hun. Now let's go out n' have some fun~"

"I hope Vivio hasn't had too much fun already.. It'll be a challenge if the Wolkenritter are exhausted before we even get to the theme park."

Hayate let's out a heartfelt laugh and I giggle after as we walk out to meet the chaos ensuing on the yard.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 1 : Enclosed

An exhausted sigh escapes my lungs as I sit down the wooden bench a bit apart from the attractions.

"I'm sorry, dear. Mama needs to catch her breath first." I apologize to the young girl bouncing too excitedly for her beige miniskirt. Her yellow crop top left all too much exposure as it was.. I wonder if it had been too early to let my girl buy her own clothes..

"Ooh~" Vivio pouts cutely half disappointed, half understanding. "You can let your old bones rest ma. It's fine if I still go, like with Vita-chan and Miura-san?"

"Oy! Why are you calling Miura with 'san' and me with 'chan'!? Respect your elders!" Vita growls in loud outburst causing giggles to rise from our group. Truthfully, the red sundress and a red fluffy cap with a large knitted rabbit on it covering half of the head where long twin braids dangle from, don't exactly help in seeing the short girl as an adult. Not with the way even Vivio has outgrown her. I feel a bit sorry for my colleague, even if I find it amusing every time.

"But Miura-san is my elder?" Vivio responds in a mocked bewilderment, before she takes on a challenging posture crossing her arms with a wide stand. "Let's see if you can earn the respect by surviving the big screamer, repeatedly!"

"You're on kid! You'll be running back to your mama with tears in your eyes and tail between your legs before we even get started." Vita's hotheaded temper let her to snatch the obvious hook and I couldn't help but giggle again as the girls race to the monstrous roller coaster the kids have dubbed 'the big screamer'.

"Miura, make sure those two don't get lost." Zafira spoke in his usual stern tone, but not without a hint of worry in the mix. These kinds of things were everyday for him. He has been helping me and Fate-chan with Vivio a lot by looking after her while we were busy ever since the days at the Long Arch when we all worked together in Riot Force Six. Although, most of the time he has been babysitting her in his familiar form. It's only because he began instructing kids in martial arts at Yagami-Dojo that he started spending time in human form more.

"Got it, you can count on me!" A girl in her young teens wearing white capris and a strawberry red halter top gave a something similar to a salute, which I guess stems from her being Zafira's (and of the rest of wolkenritter) student in Yagami-Style Belkan Martial Arts, or something like that..

"Miura's become so outgoing and lively, I remember how stiff and nervous she was at first whenever we came by.." I reminisce with a faint smile.

"It's all thanks to Vivio-chan and the rest. They've really brought Miura-chan out of her shell." A gentle voice from behind startles me as Shamal arrives holding refreshments with Reinforce trailing behind.

"Here's for you, and here's yours." The blonde woman wearing a spring green tunic and a long green skirt with yellow pleats hands me a smile along with my soda drink before tossing another for the man wearing a blue parka hoodie over a white tank top and a gray pair of sweatpants sitting next to me.

"Thanks Shamal-san.." I give my sincere thanks with a nod before looking over her shoulder curiously "Where's Hayate-chan?"

"Umm.. There was a phone call.." A small light azure blue haired girl just close to grade-schooler in size fidgeted apologetically in her thin silvery dress worn over an aquamarine turtleneck. "Hayate-sama said she'll be right back."

I arch an eyebrow inquiringly. Reinforce was not this shy about such things, unless.. Is it really alright for all of them to be here? Well, since Agito-san and Signum-san are away on an assignment it's not exactly all, but.. It is unusual for everyone to be free without months' planning in advance.

"Don't tell me she's skipping work..?"

"It's nothing that bad. Hayate-chan is in an emergency stand by during these few days of leave, that's all."

"We're.. On a case that has a lot involved, but it's been progressing very slowly and Hayate-sama wants to keep updated on any new information we receive."

I nod in understanding hearing Shamal's and Reinforce's explanation.

"So I'm not the only one in need of a stress-free day of fun, huh.." I sigh to myself. "Well, if that's the case then.. As soon as Hayate-chan gets back we'll join to take up Vivio in her challenge. Vita-chan's not the only 'mama-aged' who gets to show they're very much to be respected." I rise up from the bench pumping my fist in air causing a few mothers to draw their children further away from the weird lady.

I'm so not going to let that affect.. Even if I can't help my blushing..

We laugh and chat merrily enjoying our refreshing drinks in the warm sun. This has been the best day so far for.. I can't even remember when was the last time I've had this much fun.. We used to laugh at stupid childish jokes like this, or whatever Vivio came up with, just enjoying the sweet time together. We used to have that a lot with Fate-chan. Days I never thought would come to an end.. I don't blame her. Her work IS important.. I just thought that.. Aw gee.. Didn't I just decide to have fun? This.. this can come later.

"I'm glad ya missed me, but I wasn't gone long enough for the world to end.. Or was I? Damn that was long phone call." A sudden voice creeped up from behind smirking to herself.

"Yeah it was, luckily your knights were there to save the day.. Also your soda's a bit stale, here you can have it." I turn around to smirk back at the brunette we had been waiting for a while. For quite a while, long enough to wonder if Vivio had actually gone M.I.A. despite Miura tagging along..

"You gulped it half down!?" Hayate shouts out. "Ew! Glad you did, but how d'ya do it? This is stale enough to bring any girl down.. You really are a devil, Nanoha-chan.."

I laugh wholeheartedly at her exaggerated queasy expression and the following melodramatics.

"Oh my, you're more a Queen of the Drama Stage than of a Night Sky, your real drink's untouched in the shades behind Shamal-san. Don't worry we put extra ice on it, just in case." I point to the large take out soda cup Shamal picked up.

"Oh~ This is.. This is! Indirect icing! What a rare event!" Hayate takes her drink yelling out something which makes as much sense as any other of her made up terms.

"Hayate-sama~ People are looking.."

"Let 'em look, as long as they're looking good!"

"Why they would need to- Oh, please tell me you just did not mean yourself by that, Hayate-sama?"

"Of course I meant the cup of drink about to accidentally spill and make a see-through silver dress a bit more see through!"

"Noo~! It's a pain to wash off!"

We smirk and giggle each to their own style to the manzai-routine Hayate engages with Reinforce and as they keep going on it's starts getting harder to refrain laughing even louder. Somebody needs to cut in to these two bokes before I fall apart and on the ground unable to hold it in.

"I hate to be the spoilsport, but I think it would be a good time to go catch Vivio-chan and the company. The event is about to begin in just under an hour."

In the end, the role fell on Shamal intervening in a nick of time, just before my collapse. Even Zafira's trademark poker face had been under a severe threat.

"Oh, it's that time, shoulda said something sooner, aw gee, Miura's been dying to see this one for a while." Hayate snaps out her comedy mode "Bring my kiddoball, let's go catch 'em all~!" Or not.. Well, I guess that should've been given. I shrug to myself and let out a small giggle as I see Zafira, Shamal and even Reinforce do the same.

"By the way, what event they're playing there?" It just came to me that I have no idea about today's show.. It's not that I wasn't curious, I was just.. preoccupied with.. moping.

"Why, it's magickal girlie lyricist Nyanoha-chan." Hayate is the first to answer.

"They're still doing plays on that? Oh my.. I never knew it's that popular.."

"The show's had a bit of downfall but it's still supported by all the hardcore fans and now they're trying to get new kids on the board with the new themes and all being introduced. That don't mean it ain't still as epic as ever! Also, panty-shots, they've increased." Hayate winks at the end in a.. hopefully playful manner.

I push the brunette by my side with my shoulder and pout jokingly. Half jokingly actually. Even if the Nyanoha-chan was only loosely based on the films made of our childhood adventures, I am still not all that pleased to hear a character originating from me flashing her unmentionables in public. Moreover, I am a bit worried how over the top Hayate feels today.. It's almost like she was forcing herself somehow.. It could just be my bad habits of over-worrying acting up again, but I want everyone to have a blast today. It's no good if it's all me.

That said, I don't mind a joke or too once in a while, dumb or not.

"So that's why you've been so eager, hm?" I sneer pushing my shoulder against hers for another hit and jump ahead with the rest of the crew before she gets her chance to retaliate.

Walking up ahead to the huge roller coaster, I spot a familiar amber haired figure bouncing excitedly along with a very spent looking redhead and a grinning teenage girl trailing from behind.

"Mama~ It was awesome! The line was like an universe long, but it moved fast and we got to ride it over and over and over again and Miura-san did a really cool pose at the last ride when they took the picture it was so so.." Vivio jumped in the air looking for the right adjective. "..aweshtognificient!" And came up with one of her own for the lack of a proper one. I guess it means it was so awesome it became astonishingly magnificent. I'm just happy to hear the nostalgic way she used to call me coming with a brilliant smile on her face.

This day, really is a good day, after all.

"I'm glad you had fun.. So, how about a quick light snack? Or should we get to seats in advance just in case?"

"Okay, if two or three people go get the goods the rest of us can go secure the best view, how's that for a plan."

"Fine by me."

"I don't see a problem."

"I concur."

"Agreed."

"Dibs on the best seat~!"

"Hey, that's mine!"

"Whatever, I just need to get some air that's not moving.."

We all agree and nod in unison.

"Right, now that's settled, I believe it's my turn to treat.. Who wants what?" I volunteer to be the or one the buyers and get ready to memorize the incoming orders.

"Oh~ That makes it too certain everybody's getting the right dishes, that's no fun~" Hayate fakes a frown trying to provoke another comedic chain reaction, and failing to get a decent reaction proceeds to order normally. "I'll take Lufen style chicken, an extra large orange soda aaand what the heck popcorn, a large fill."

"Oh, oh! I'll take a big double burger with Vaizen beef and a large lemon soda!" Vivio jumps up and down energetically.

"It think I'll have the same, but with coke.." Miura, however, remains much calmer on the outside, but I can tell from her eyes she feels just as bouncy as the girl next to her.

"Traditional Belkan salad, if one's available, if not, any salad will do.. I am careful about the meat I eat, especially during warmer days." Zafira explains coolly as I accidentally stare agape at his order. Fortunately, he takes no offense. I should totally go out more often. I got to know something I would have never thought of before.

"I'll have you know that if you collapse again because of your new ludicrous sports diet, you'll have to get someone else to treat you.. Those magazines are just tools for con artists to get fitness enthusiasts' money drained.. Oh, I'll have just fries.. and mineral water in a bottle." Shamal scolds the athletic man while giving her order in the mean. Looking at the frown on the grown man, I can believe that this isn't the first time something like this has happened..

"Oh.. I should've gotten fries too.. can I get fries too ma~? I promise I eat everything!"

"Make mine an extra serving, so we can share with anyone who wants fries as well, is that okay?"

I nod at Shamal and see Vivio agreeing as well. Although.. How am I going to carry all these..?

"Oh, I can come with you Nanoha-san."

And Reinforce just answered my question before I even let it out. You have a wonderful assistant Yagami Hayate. I hope you show your appreciation properly.

"We're going to reserve seats for you two as well, so no need to rush through." Shamal smiles motherly and turns to guide the bunch to the outdoors theater.

"So shall we go?" I turn to ask Reinforce who nods in response.

We thread along the path to the park restaurant nearby. I hope it isn't too packed at this hour. I may not be as excited about the show as Vivio and the rest, but I don't want to let their experience mellowed by an empty stomach. Everything feels better after a good meal.

"Umm.. Nanoha-san?" Reinforce paces up a bit to get a few steps ahead to talk and walk while facing me.

"Yes, what it is?"

"Are you.. having fun today, I mean honestly having fun?" She wears a worried face and I feel elated for being cared by such a cute and reliable girl but it also saddens me to make her so troubled all the same.

"To be honest, yes.. I am having fun, much more than I thought I could.. But if you ask me whether I'm alright, then the answer is no.. I am doing the best I can to forget about everything that's keeping me from enjoying our time here.." I answer as honestly as I can.. I am not used to being straightforward with my own emotions when they're not all positive. But I'm learning.. Slowly.

"I am not forcing myself, don't worry.." I smile as genuinely and reassuringly as I can, given the circumstances. I don't want her to misunderstand.

"If that's true, then good.. I feel relieved." The small girl sighs allayed and turns another one of her worries to my attention. "Hayate-sama has been so occupied worrying it was starting affect her work.. and health.. She has been cogitating means to alleviate Nanoha-san's pain and planned for this for.. days now. We all want you back to your usual self, Nanoha-san, but especially Hayate-sama."

I nod to the sweet devoted assistant of one of my dearest friend's ever since childhood. Rein-chan's grown a lot, much like Vivio, much like everyone. I can't afford to slack any longer.

"You really care about your mistress, don't you.."

Reinforce blushes adorably at my words offered with a smile wider than ones before.

"Gee~ Don't tease me, Nanoha-san. I am trying to be serious.."

I can't help but pat her head gently as she pouts hiding her embarrassment.

"I know, that's why I want to be serious as well.. Seriously having fun that is.. I know I have been relying on Hayate-chan all too much, and not just her. I want to show my appreciation to everyone who continued to care me out of my slump."

"It's nothing but natural, Nanoha-san." Reinforce says sternly, almost scolding. "We wouldn't be here without you. Not only me, but all the Wolkenritter would have never had these kind of lives if it weren't for Hayate-sama, Nanoha-san and Fate-san achieving the impossible. You saved us, now it is our turn to save you."

"Thank you.. Now, what did you want to eat? I feel a melon pan'd be a good now.. I don't want to eat too heavy to feel too bloated to run along Vivio.. Not to mention we did have plans for a dinner after, didn't we?" Arriving to the restaurant, I change the topic and contemplate on a choices between light but nourishing and the food to match the mood of the event, which also is required to be easy to carry and easier to eat.

"I wonder if Hayate-sama had forgotten about that.." Reinforce ponders with a cute face, probably wondering if her mistress had not remembered the plans after in her excitement.

"Two big Vaizen beef double burgers, one with extra cheese and the other with paprika mayonnaise." I add a few spices of extras I know to suit the tastes of the people in question. "Then a box of roasted Lufen chicken, easy on the garlic, please, A traditional Belkan salad.." I glance to my side.

"with white garlic sauce on that one, please."

"..An extra large serving of fries, a large fill of popcorn and a melon bread."

"Oh, and a taiyaki, I mean two taiyaki.. thank you very much."

"And as drinks we would like.."

"I'll have medium cola."

"then a strawberry lemonade, a large cola, lots of ice on that, then a large lemon soda, an extra large orange soda and.. two bottles of mineral water.." I turn to wink at my side. "Just in case. Oh, and we'll take them along if it is alright? My apologies I forgot to ask, You do serve takeout, do you?" I panic a bit, I was so focused on the orders I forgot how not all Midchildan diners serve takeout orders.. This could be embarrassing..

"Yes ma'am, we do. Is there anything else you'd like?" The cashier smiles amused at my flustering.. Oh.. I feel even more embarrassed now, with all the fumbling and fidgeting..

"That is all, thank you very much." Reinforce answers on my behalf and I manage to recuperate just enough to nod in agreement as the smiling woman turns to me for conformation.

"You have such a reliable and adorable daughter~" She says fawning over Reinforce.. Oh.. Oh, my.. The small girl pouts a bit, causing the cashier to misinterpret it as an embarrassment of a shy child not used to compliments. I giggle to myself, wondering if I should correct her, but the woman turns to hand our order to the other employees at the back and I miss the chance.

I rub Reinforce's hair a bit instead.. Something about it really soothes me.. Well, the texture is incredible, and it's so pretty too.. But in the end, I guess it's mostly about the feel.. It's been a while since I've cuddled even with Vivio. Now that she's older, she has grown a bit less intimate, but.. it's only natural, right..? It's not just me being a poor mama..?

Reinforce smiles faintly under her pout only occasionally cocking her head to frown at the crowd of older women fawning over her.

"Here you go~ And a here's a little extra for the adorable daughter.." The waiter comes up from behind holding the paper bags containing our late lunch and a small Nyanoha figurine for the short girl beside me. I smile amused as I take the bags and watch Reinforce contemplating between telling the truth and accepting the gift. In the end she smiles politely taking the small toy.

"Thank you for your custom and have a very fun day~"

"Will do! Thank you very much."

"Have a one for yourself as well. Thank you very much!"

We head out to feed the rest of our 'family' hungry for light snack surely just as much as for the intense show that is about to begin. For the first time in a long while, I find myself hoping for the day to go by slower than usual.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

After the eventful show, we hung around the park visiting various attractions and being spent from all the fun we retreated to the Yagami mansion to have a delicious dinner Hayate prepared. My offers for help were turned down.. Gee, I wasn't that bad a cook..

"You still pouting for that?" The brunette sitting beside me inquired tasting the red wine in her glass. We thought to share a bottle or two with everyone, the children aside, but in the end Shamal and Vita had grown tired for all today's activities choosing to bid early goodnights and Zafira was still intent on keeping his new diet at least for a while, despite the small argument with the blonde nurse over it's effects. So, finishing the bottles fell on the two of us sitting still on the wide comfy loveseat.

"I just feel bad for not being able to repay all you've done for me.." I feel so.. indebted.. and inadequate.. and a lot dizzy from all the wine..

"Then.. smile." Hayate turns her gentle blue eyes to mine. "That's all I ever needed from ya. All I've ever wanted is a see on a big fat smile on your cute face.. A genuine smile, not a forced one, so don't ever figure on going down that road. Whatever needs come first, comes first to pave the way for a one heck of a grin I know you'll make."

I smile faintly for the care I'm encouraged to indulge in and take a sip from the glass on my left hand right after.

"Ooh~ getting warmer."

"I dunno~ I feel kind of cold." I mock-shiver putting the half empty glass down on the table. "Mmh~ now it's getting warmer." And snuggle in the lap of my dear friend on an impulse.

"Definitely.. Here's to hoping it don't get too hot." Hayate gulps the rest of her wine blushing abashed at my sudden closeness. It has always, well mostly – more often than not – been her initiating our moments of skinship.

I blame it on the wine. Not that the reasons matter. I long for the closeness, the feel of my body held against another. I don't want to use my dear friend as a comfort, or a rebound, but I just want to stay awhile like this.. With a soft touch and a soothing scent in a moment where nothing else matters. The last time we were like this, was the day I collapsed on the training field during work.. It had been a week since my final fall out with the woman I thought I would spend my eternity with.. I vaguely remember her driving me home and taking the day off to take care of me.. She held me close and it was the first time I slept in all week..

"Do.. you want to talk about it?"

"No.. Not really.. There isn't all that much to say.." I sigh and feel a gentle hand brushing my hair.. She doesn't say a word.. just.. keeps brushing my hair. "..There's no going back, not this time.."

"You sure? You've been through this before.. You've been through a lot, and-"

"Not this time.. Not anymore." I cut in. This, true, was not the first time my relationship with Fate faced 'bumps on the road', but this isn't one of those times. This was a dead end. "We.. fell out of love a long time ago.. Well, I did.. I just never wanted to admit it." I swallow a tear, but another one forces it's way through.. and another.. and another..

"It hurts.. It still does.. I believed.. I truly, swear to God honestly believed we'd survive what ever may come.. It wasn't a wedding vow, but we promised we'd make it through.. It hurts to let it go, to kill the illusion... it was a dream, but I loved it all the same."

"It wasn't just a dream.. I know ya loved her."

"If I really loved Fate-chan, how could it just end!? It doesn't just end, love does not just end! I know it, I'm cold.. I'm not fit to love... I- I'm.." I burst out in sobs unable to speak and clinch tighter on the soft lap under burying my head in it's warmth. I feel awful, I'm begging for pity. I want her to deny it all. To say I was okay the way I am. That there's nothing wrong with me.. But I can't ask my friend to lie.. The only liar.. is me.

Hayate says nothing, merely holds my head gently and pets my back kindly. Sweet poison. It hurts as much as it soothes my pain. It feels good.. and drowns me all the same.

"I'm a mess.. aren't I.."

"Yes, you are."

"Ouch.." I let a pained laugh at the blunt answer.

"Don't expect pity from me.. That's not what I'm here for." Hayate's warm voice doesn't match her cold words, but I feel it calming.. "I am not gonna let you invalidate everything you've been through, all the memories you've made, all the things that made you, you. Every single moment of it is something precious, no matter how it hurts now, but you're here because of it. Don't deny that. Nanoha-chan is Nanoha-chan, and I want you to remain the one I know, the one we all know and love, for the days to come."

I ease my hold and turn my head to see the woman holding me facing the ceiling and the vast space beyond. Listening her voice I feel my body warming again and more.

"If ya couldn't love, you couldn't have raised Vivio.. She's all the proof you need to look at to know who you are whenever you're feeling lost. We can't do it for you.. We.. I can only stand here waiting.. You don't need to rush, there's no hurry.. I'll wait as long as it takes, I ain't going anywhere.. I just want you to promise me one thing.." The blue eyes turn back on me again.. A gentle, kind smile that hides the pain it's wielder holds within. "..whenever you're ready, I want you to give me that smile we talked about."

I try to smile, but my chest tightens again.. My lies hurt all the more.. Now more than ever before.. I bury my face in her lap pushing my nose against the smooth thin fabric separating me from the warmth of her skin..

"I promise.." I don't know if and when I can keep it.. But I promise honestly. I want it too, I want nothing more than to face my dear friend with earnest feelings.. I place my arms around her feeling her breathing heat up for an instance, before she meets my embrace wrapping her arms around me pulling tighter..

"Can I.. Sleep with you?" I ask with a muffled voice as I push my mouth against her belly. I hear a sigh.. and almost retract my words.

"Yes.." Hayate answers in quiet whisper I barely hear.. and picks her voice up again. "Yes, you can. You want to hit the bed now?"

"If.. That's not a problem..?" I pull my mouth apart to meet her gaze.

"No, not at all, truthfully, I'm a tad worn too.. Hell of a week.. Could use a good sleep, with a good company." She winks teasingly.. Like a joke she all too often makes. I can't take it anymore.. This.. A tear crawls around my left eye, sliding down my nose, passes my lips and falls on the lap.. I see her stunned worry, and I can't lie any longer.

I raise my head.. Her face comes all the more dumbstruck.. and shocked.. I lean in.. Her eyes wide stupefied I mutter into her lips. "I'm sorry." And close the gap between us pushing my mouth on hers..

I don't know what expression she wears.. I closed my eyes in fear.. I taste her lips, the squishy cushions with an aftertaste of a sweet apricot. I shudder.. I want to taste it further.. Drown drunk in it more than the wine from before.. I shiver.. I want to pull apart and run away.. Bury myself in a hole where I'd be never found.

"I'm sorry.." I pull my mouth away and lower my eyes unable to meet hers.

"Don't apologize.. I was.. surprised, is all.." Hayate mumbles to my ears holding me close not letting me run. "Come, let's get you some sleep.." She lifts me up and holding my hand she leads me to her bedroom..

I want to ask if it's still alright to sleep with me.. But I can't.. I'm afraid of hearing no..

I undress the dress and the blouse below tilting my head a bit to the right.. I don't see her glancing at me.. Hayate is changing her back to me.. I wonder if I did make her conscious of me, after all.. But the worry is eased fast enough when she faces me half-naked her body only covered by a lilac puffy bra and hipsters with a matching shade, her posture unfazed as ever, and hands me a peach colored camisole to slip in.

"Since it's your theme for the day, I thought this one's the best for ya. Not just 'cause it's nearly see through." She winks playfully. I sigh relieved.. The last I wanted was to trouble her..

I take off my bra, let it drop down on the floor, and dive in to the nightwear, almost tripping myself.. Ooff, that was embarrassing.. Lifting my flushed face I see my friend standing alert, ready to catch me should I fall and let out an appreciative smile for her.

"Ya really can't hold your liquor, can ya? C'mere let's fall a sweet dream to enjoy before tomorrow's hella loud banging our aching heads' face." Hayate motions me over, offering to support me the short way..

I stumble across the large open room and crash in the soft silky silver bed.. It feels as soft as it looks.. Turning left, I beckon the dear friend in mauve chiffon babydoll with my best puppy eyes.. She meets my gaze and shakes her head sideways smiling before crawling over to hold me.

"Hopeless drunk cuddly bear, what am I gonna do with ya..?"

"Just, hold me.. and don't let go.." I whisper.. I don't know if I hope I can convey the truth.. or if I just want to keep burying it.. But I know I want to stay like this, at least for the night.

"I won't.." I hear a silent sigh guiding me to a dreamless, peaceful sleep.. "..as long as you want me, I'll hold you close.."

/AN: This was something I've wanted to write for a while, and of the reasons I settled on writing stories from Nanoha-franchise, but somehow still felt hard to actually type down. Having a plausible reason for not having Nanoha with Fate while trying to keep everything in canon and everyone in character isn't as easy as I thought.. I hope I succeeded..?

Next in this series, I plan to dive in further to the break-up between Nanoha Fate as well as work on the state of their current relationship along with the progress in the one between Nanoha and Hayate. Let it be known; there'll be drama, and hopefully an instance or few of fluff along the road..(:

Please do leave a review without hesitating to point out the inevitable flaws in story, plot, characters or grammar if you like and please accept my heartfelt thanks for reading this.

Innocent Raccoon bows humbly and leaves a tray of cookies while fondling the keyboard for next chapters*