BLUE DUSK

By Snikachu 

It's dark outside and I'm at home with Jake. The rest of my family left to hunt an hour ago. Staying in the bed trying to fall asleep doesn't have any effects on me because I have a lot of things on my mind right now. Like how Billy, Jake's father is suffering because he's thinking Jake left at a university in Texas and is ignoring him, or like I'm not allowed to speak with my grandfather or call my mother mama, or my father papa. Everybody says I'm supposed to call them Bella and Edward but it's impossible. Every time I say those words out loud I feel even more distant to them, I feel left out. But my biggest problem right now is Alice. She wants to stop me to go to high school. If there's something I remember from the stories they tell me every Monday in the living room are the stories from high school (except the important things like their past or the story we put on like a masquerade). Alice saw me wanting to do it but I'm not sure if I achieve it…I just have to try my best talking papa into it. He keeps saying no because Jake couldn't be away from me so long and because people would treat me badly because they're envious and such…

But this is my only chance to go. I need to be in high school before I fully mature (I'm six right now but I rather look like sixteen) Charlie almost had a heart attack because he didn't see me for a week and I was already 2 inches taller. Alice keeps bugging me that she will side on me if I'll let her dress me up every morning before I go to school. Jake will definitely help me because he loves me and even if he never told me, the way he always caresses me and how protective he is (even though I do not understand why, compared to my family, my appearance is rather mediocre)… the only person that is competing with Jake for the "most over-protective being" is papa. I mean Edward. Rosalie and Emmet keep trying to convince my parents to give them the "tiny" house in the woods but they don't even want to hear those words. In case you don't know they are having some sort of contest like-who breaks the more beds and that's why I usually sleep in the big house. They say it's for my own good. Like a sixteen year old girl doesn't know what sex is?!

I heard a few nights ago Carlisle and Esme trying to convince mama and papa (this is useless I'll never call them by their names) to give me the freedom that they had and telling them as an argument that I am not venomous and that I eat human's food also so it won't rise suspicions and he assured mama that Alice won't interfere with my clothes every morning as she wishes.

" It's not that easy she normally speaks only trough her gift and if she touches someone, even by mistake he will know what she is thinking"

"I will talk to her about this and if the wishes to go there that much she will need to restrain herself. She's not a baby anymore for the love of God"

Mama hissed that moment and said the words like she was spitting them. So slowly only a vampire and me could hear them…"she's only six even if she looks like this. She is innocent and pure. We can never know what other people will do to her. I don't want her to be trough what I've been. It was exhausting, and it was so much noise."

"Be trough what you've been? What is so wrong of people to like you? I started to like you Bella when you decided to keep Nessie but this is too much. You have no idea what I'd give to be in your place at that time, being able to be with normal people in a natural way"

This was sudden. I knew Rose liked me for a certain reason and was always helping me and supporting me in her way but she hated Jake and they were always fighting. I had to side with Jake against her because her way she was thinking of him was like a slave rather than a good friend. She felt betrayed and she kept ignoring me and I was very surprised and happy about this. So happy my heart started throbbing with joy (she still liked me).

"I'm not sure she will like it or be able to accept our terms" said mama in such a silent voice that it was hard even for me to hear it.

"Well why don't we ask her. She sounds eager to know everything we are talking about and impatient to answer Bella" a smile appeared on Esme's lips. I never thought my heart would beat so fast and I hoped they wouldn't discover me with papa's gift. Damn it I bet he is reading my mind right now. Oh he is. He is smiling my mother's favorite crooked smile. Well read this papa I want to go there with the price of my life and I will accept your terms and to be sure I will be in full control I will talk to Nahuel and bring two sisters of him here to go to the high school with me. The story will be I'm your adopted daughter and that they are transfer students. Hmpf let me see you telling this all to them.

I realized my words, or better thoughts had a huge impact on him because he looked troubled and didn't pay attention to any other person (actually he didn't understand what was the use of those girls).My thoughts were surrounding him and he was drowning, realizing slowly that I was right and trying very hard to agree with me, Carlisle and the others.

I slowly stepped in the room. The fire was burning in the fireplace and yellow reflexes of it could be seen on their skin. It was fascinating to watch them like that, but suddenly realizing everyone was watching me made my blood rush to my cheeks making them pink and I felt them burning. I took a deep breath because I wanted to make it fast and breathing would slow me. Words burst out my mouth explaining them how I felt and all the things I would sacrifice for this. I bet Emmet is thinking that I'm way too melodramatic about this but if this is the only thing that can help me now… well all that is left for me is use it, tears started gathering in my eyes and slowly tiny water drops started falling on my cheeks.

The moment I saw mamas amused face I became my old true self, it wasn't working on her but ot had quite an impact on my papa. Quiet and not that ambitious, trying not to be observed by other persons, extremely altruistic and loveable, that's the way I normally am. But this is a different situation. I'm trying to protect what is mine. There are my own decisions I want to make and it doesn't matter if they are right or wrong. Becoming my old self made me embarrassed with the words I just said and I ended up running in my room letting papa deal with them. I caught a short glimpse at him. Now I knew he will help me, I saw it on his face.

The next day I was still wondering about what was their decision and while I did that saw myself into a mirror. The last time I saw myself in this mirror was about 5 months or so. I was mortified when I saw how much I've changed. My skin was almost the same as my family, I got a lot taller and I'm able to wear easily a bra. My hair grew a lot but it's not wild and wavy like my mother's as I thought. It's rather Spiky and soft and when I move it balances almost near my waist. This girl isn't the me I pictured she became more beautiful but not as beautiful as my parents, nor ordinary as a human. She was somehow between them she suddenly became red an has a serious expression. Now she's confused, she's quite cute when she's puzzled. I guess this is really me someone caught between these worlds never able to be only with her family or friends…without being able to fully understand them, never meeting their expectations not knowing what they're feeling when they fight, when they hunt, when they're in love. I saw mama and papa looking at each other and I realized what powerful this chemistry named love is to them. I also see humans on the window on Valentine's day holding hands and kissing. I wonder … if I'm an unique creature can I love like the others. People fall in love for people like them and the same with vampires. What if there's nobody out there like me and I will never find my half. Thinking about this I heard a growl outside. My papa was outside with Jake and he was speaking with Him. Jake's face was disfigured with pain. That moment when he saw me I saw a tear and he transformed into a wolf and ran away. That instant it hit me and pinned me to the floor. My whole body felt numb and incapable. I was sinking in fear and remorse I could barely open my mouth my lips were only able to make 4 words: "How could you…Edward". Tears were silently rolling down my cheeks and they were so cold that they made me shiver it didn't took long until Alice was here. This wouldn't have happened if I wasn't this disgusting creature. Alice would have seen this and she would have stopped my dad say those words. Even though he repeated them unconsciously being himself shocked of what he said Jacob heard them and because he was my big brother and cared for me so much that he didn't want to see me suffer.

This is the last thing I remember before passing out(thanks to Jasper-he couldn't calm me down so he made me faint- I hit my head). I woke up in my room in the mansion. Remembering all this made me hurt again and my heart beat faster. No one came which was weird. The door opens with a silent shriek and my mother came in. She looked distracted and had a sad smile on her face. When she sat on the bed there was not even the slightest chance of movement. Like she sat there forever. In a silent voice she started speaking.

"I wasn't a vampire forever. I became like this because I wanted to bear my own baby and give birth to it. I almost died when that happened but the only chance for me to live was to become a vampire by all means."

She looked happy when she remembered that, even if I was sad. I made my mother go trough such pain. How much more egoistic can I be?! I even want Jacob all by myself but I won't let go of this idea too soon.

"You, Nessie, are the seed of love between me and your father. Between a human and a vampire and if that moment I wouldn't have been human, you wouldn't be here now talking to me."

"But you told me you were always a vampire."

"I lied so that you won't be hurt. It looks like I allready hurted you so let me finish."

" Before that I fell in love with Jacob which is a werewolf as you know. You see Ness love appears unexpectedly and sometimes she is there growing steadily until someone acknowledges her. Therefore cheer up and come eat. I made fish and chips, your favorite."

She was already floating gently towards the door and the minute she opened it I could see all my family wandering around my room. Apparently my mom developed a new type of wall that protected you from being detected by enemies (no sounds or images passing trough it). Edward came slowly and grabbed my hand.

"Are you okay dear? I didn't mean to hurt you but I was surprised of…the way you were thinking. I didn't know you were feeling that way. It was more like I was suddenly in your place and I felt trapped. I felt exactly what you were feeling. I'm sure you'll find love sometimes. You don't know but love is always beside you"

He said that with a big grin which really annoyed me. It was like he knew more than I did and I can't normally tolerate lies and secrets. Not when they're so obvious.

"Well, how am I supposed to find true love if that love never saw me?"

"Oh, but she did see you and…"

"How can someone possibly see me if I'm trapped in this house? People don't even know of my existence. You even made Grandpa swear he won't tell anyone. Not even my Grandmother (by the way I never saw her) or Billy. What kind of denaturated parents are you?!"

That being said it was a total silence. Dad was like in a trance. Never said a word which is unusual. He would defend himself by now. I said all those harsh words to make sure he was all right, that he began acting normally again.

"I need to speak with Carlisle. I think there is a chance your gift has developed without us knowing it."

That was the last thing I heard of him. He locked himself in the study writing something in my record. It appears that when I feel bad the people I'm thinking that moment suddenly feels the same thing as me. For example when we were outside…he felt empty.

Alice came in to let me know that in a few weeks I would go to high school. "To prevent your dad saying stupid thinghs again your mother is struggling to develop a new type of wall that would surround you and follow you everywhere. Therefore you will have privacy but in weekend you must let her rest."

"And papa agreed to this so easily?"

"He said something like: you had it planned all along didn't you Nessie. You knew the way Bella would react. Looks like we have to go to Brazil…He had such a funny face when he said it. Just like an old man :))"

"Well if it's boss's orders I can't help it. I must go find two friends"

After a week things were settled and we were all going to a trip with Alice in Brazil. I'm really afraid of how they would react. Hope they like me.