Questions Few Have Thought to Ask About the Teen Titans
By Churnok
Disclaimer
Teen Titans is the property of DC and Warner Brothers and is used here for non-profit entertainment purposes only. Permission is given to anyone who wants to archive this story as long as they let me know first and give me a link to their site. I welcome any comments, questions, and/or constructive criticisms.
What makes a Tamaranean Drunk?
There was a loud explosion in the living room of Titans Tower. Robin, Cyborg and Raven rushed in to find the TV a smoking ruin and their alien teammate flying erratically around the room and giggling like a deranged hyperactive 4 year old.
"Starfire what's wrong?" Robin demanded.
She paused in her flight to float upside down and stare at the other titans with a puzzled expression.
"How are you (hic) standing on the ceiling?"
"Star, we're not standing on the ceiling," Cyborg stated calmly. "You're floating upside down. Now why are you acting so crazy?"
The alien princess resumed her flight. "Beastie Boy gave me some of his (hic) chocolate soymilk. It made me feel funny at first, (hic) but now I feel…Cumulous!" Giggling like a hyena on a sugar high she crashed through the wall above the living room door.
"Cyborg, go see if she's OK, Raven and I will try to find Beast Boy," Robin was clearly not pleased by what was going on. Without a word the larger titan went to get their alien teammate.
"It's not my fault!" Beast Boy exclaimed as the green skinned titan emerged from his hiding place in the kitchen area and walked towards them. "I mean how was I to know soymilk would make her go all goofy like that?"
"It's OK BB," Robin said as he put a hand on his teammate's shoulder. "No one's blaming you for anything. I just want to know what happened."
"I was just in the kitchen making a glass of chocolate soymilk, so I'd have something to drink while watching cartoons, when Starfire came in. I offered to mix her a glass, and she accepted. She seemed fine until she finished it, then she started laughing a little too hard at the cartoons. Next thing I know she's flying around the room and giggling like a hyena with the hiccups. I tried to calm her down, but when she got spooked by the TV and blasted it I felt the best thing to do was take cover."
At that point Cyborg came back in with Starfire draped over one shoulder.
"Is she alright?" Beast Boy asked.
"I got a (hic) Booboo on my butt," the Tamaranean whined.
"She's still coo coo for Coa Coa Puffs, but otherwise she seems to be fine.
"Good," said Raven. "Let's get her into the med bay and find out what soy boy's milk did to her."
"Hey!" BB protested as he followed them to the bay. Once there, they secured Starfire to a bed and ran some scans while she sang Coconuts.
"According to these scans," Cyborg said after they had run every scan and their patient had fallen asleep, "she's drunk."
"But how?" Beast Boy was clearly confused. "I mean it was just chocolate soymilk. It's supposed to be healthy for you."
Healthy for humans," Cyborg explained.
"But Starfire is a Tamaranean," Robin continued. "Not everything reacts the same in her body as it does in ours."
"But she's had soymilk before and she's eaten chocolate so why didn't she go all goofy then? "
"It must have been the combination of the two," Raven stated. "But it doesn't look like it did any real damage. I say we let her sleep it off."
"Agreed," said Robin, "but let's keep her under observation until she wakes up. I'll take the first watch."
"Let me do it Robin," Beast Boy requested. "I know I had no way to know, but I still feel responsible. "
"OK BB, you can take the first watch. I'll relieve you in a couple hours. Call us if anything changes."
"You got it Robin."
A few hours later, as the rest of the team was settling down to burgers, Robin helped Starfire stagger into the living room.
"Hey Star," Beast Boy greeted her. "How are you feeling?"
"I would feel better friend Beast Boy," she groaned as she held her head, "if you did not shout."
""Don't worry Starfire," Raven said as dark sorceress handed her alien friend a cup of herbal tea that would help with the headache. "The hangover will soon pass."
"Thank you Raven," Starfire accepted the steaming cup from her pale friend and drained it. "I feel like there are Zitzar stampeding through my head."
"I still can't believe that you got drunk on chocolate soymilk," Beast Boy stated. Makes me wonder what else is going to have funny affects on you."
"Already thought of that BB," Cyborg stated. "I programmed the computer to do a comparative scan. By the time it's done we should know every that has a negative effect on her."
"I wish that wasn't necessary," the alien princess muttered. Clearly the experience was still taking a toll. "I just want to live like a normal earth person."
"I hate to break it to you Starfire," Robin said with a smirk, "but you're an orange alien living with a green shapeshifter, a cyborg, a half demon sorceress and a former circus brat turned teen vigilante. Even if you don't include our crime fighting activities we're about as far from normal as you can get."
"Besides, a lot of people have allergies and strange reactions to things," Beast Boy stated as they began to eat. "I used to be allergic to bee stings, before I could turn into one."
"Yeah," the boy wonder added, "We couldn't use some cough drops at Wayne Manor because Alfred couldn't stand the smell of menthol."
"You think that's something," Cyborg put in, "I have an aunt who was addicted to Mexican food even though it gave her gas something fierce."
"Just because you have to be careful what you eat doesn't mean you're any less normal than we are," Raven continued. "In fact, it's kind of comforting to know that you can't just eat or drink anything you want."
The words of her friends put Tamaranean's mind at ease and soon the conversation shifted to more regular topics such as who was wining what earth sports and the best way to deal with the current major villain. The results of the medical program could wait until tomorrow.