Title: I Am Not There
Author: Ashley
Rating: T
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Ship: JJ/Emily, mentions of previous Reid/Morgan, hints of Rossi/Gideon, and Morgan/OC.
Summary: Takes place immediately after Moving On. The team holds each other up through another funeral. Third in Gone series, read the first two first.
Disclaimer: On my profile.
Warnings: Character Death
Author's Notes: I'm sorry this took so long to get up! I was busy writing Moving On…
"Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die."
Elle held her head as high as she could while she read the poem with a soft spoken voice, the rest of the team didn't try to hide their tears as the loss of the head of their family washed over them all again. JJ held her and Emily's daughter close to her chest, the adopted two year old was fast asleep, oblivious to the fact that her grandpa was being buried. Derek stood next to Hotch, both their eyes slightly red and puffy.
"Gideon was a great man, he was like a father to all of us." Elle cleared her throat and looked down at her feet. "When Spencer passed away last year, it took a great toll on Jason. He had considered Spencer as his son and no parent should have to bury their child." Elle looked at Garcia and the usually bubbly blonde looked back at her with dead eyes. "We will always miss Jason, but on his deathbed he made us all promise that we would stay together as a family and support each other to the end. Thank you for being here today, it would have meant a lot to him, having you all here." Stepping away from the microphone Elle moved back to her place standing beside Emily and JJ. Derek wiped his eyes and walked toward the microphone Elle had just abandoned.
"It's been a rough year, for all of our team. After Spencer's death, we sort of fell apart but Jason was there to put us back together again." Derek didn't know where to look, so he looked down at his feet. "But I know for a fact that he went the way that he wanted to go, peacefully in his sleep."
"He was a man to be remembered, someone who, no matter what, will hold a place in the hearts of the people he saved, and all the people closest to him.
"When you remember Jason Gideon, remember only the good times, remember that he was a hero, someone who never put himself first, and someone who loved his family with everything that he had. Thank you."
Final respects were paid, and Hotch looked around at his slowly dwindling team. "Who's up for a drink at Lucky's?"
Derek smiled faintly, "I'm in, I need a beer."
Emily and JJ nodded, "Us too, we just have to take Adriana home, and we'll meet you guys there." Penelope nodded as well, never taking her eyes off her feet.
"I'm in, I just need a ride, I rode here with JJ and Em." Derek nodded, taking her hand gently. Their friendship had become tighter ever since she gave Derek the DVD she made him.
"I got you baby girl."
"You know I'm in Aaron, what do you say Elle?" Dave had known Gideon the longest, so it wasn't a question of weather he was headed for a bar, but whether he was headed out on his own. Elle nodded and they all headed toward their cars, having trouble splitting up to go to their separate vehicles.
"Every one besides Emily and JJ going straight to Lucky's?" Nods all around, and everyone said goodbye and hurried toward their cars.
Everyone held back from ordering their drinks until Emily and JJ showed up, still in their black dress, and even once they had ordered, they seemed hesitant to drink them. Almost as if they were waiting for someone to walk in. Finally Hotch held his beer up, following suit so did the rest of the BAU team.
"To Jason Gideon." It echoed all around the table and everyone finally started to drink. Before long they were all well on their ways to being rolled out of the bar. The only sober one was JJ, because ass she said 'someone needs to drive you hooligans to my house tonight.'
The more they drank the more they started to talk, again happy stories were brought up of Gideon, and then happy stories of Gideon and Reid, father and son in so many ways.
"Do you remember when Gideon tried to teach Reid how to fish?"
"Oh! JJ tell Emily about the time Gideon had to carry Reid off the jet because he fell asleep and we couldn't wake him up." Similar stories passed around the table before the bartender called out for last call. Everyone taking random bills out of their pockets, they threw enough money down onto the table to cover their drinks.
"JJ, can I stay with you and Emily tonight? I really don't feel like being alone tonight," Penelope said, but it came out all slurred. Everyone laughed at Penelope's attempts to speak, but Emily seemed to understand her.
"Of course you can stay, every one is welcome, none of us should be alone." Emily was more sober than JJ and Penelope, but not by much. Hotch looked around, searching for Derek.
"You okay to go home?" Derek nodded, holding up his phone.
"I'll call for a ride, are you good to take the girls home? I can get Anthony to take Rossi and Elle home." Hotch looked over the three giggling girls, who had obviously had more than enough to drink.
"Yeah, I should be fine, and Elle stopped drinking a few hours ago, she's around that corner I think." The nauseating sound of someone spilling the guts could be hear.
"Ugh, ew. Is that Elle?" JJ stepped as close to Emily as she could.
"Nope," Hotch and Derek started laughing as two people came around the side of the building. "That was Dave," Hotch lightly grasped Dave's shoulder, before patting Derek on the back and dragging the three giggling girls toward his SUV. Derek rubbed Dave's shoulder, the older man was sobering up quickly, and was taking deep breaths to help himself.
Elle walked in between the two men, throwing an arm over both their shoulders. "You boy's need a ride home?" Derek shook his head slowly, feeling very dizzy when he did that.
"Nope, Anthony is coming to pick me up." Elle nodded and turned to Dave.
"How bout you old man?" Dave glance over at Elle and shook his head.
"No, I have something I need to do before I go home, I'll get a cab."
"You sure Rossi? It won't be any trouble for me to take you home, or wherever you need to go."
"No, really Elle, I'll be fine." A black car pulled up the curb and Derek's boyfriend, Anthony climbed out.
"Hey babe, you okay?" Derek smiled faintly and nodded.
"'M a 'lil drunk." Anthony chuckled and pulled Derek into his arms.
"Let's get you back to your place then." Derek nodded and allowed Anthony to help him to the car.
"Buy guys!"
"Bye Derek!" Elle smiled and waved to her friend.
"Bye Morgan." Dave watched as Anthony pulled away from the curb and sped down the road.
"Last chance, you sure you don't want a ride?"
"I'm sure Elle, go home and get some rest." Elle nodded and briefly squeezed Dave's shoulder.
"Night," she said, as she headed for her car.
"Night Elle." Sighing, Dave shoved his hands into his pocket and started walking down the sidewalk, slowly heading for the cemetery. It was cold, and he pulled his coat tighter around his body, grateful that the cold air was clearing his head.
It was a short walk to the cemetery, but it seemed like hours to Dave. When he finally got to Jason's grave, a light drizzle had started to fall. Crouching down on the damp grass, Dave ignored the cold rain that was falling on him.
"Jason… I know I didn't speak today, but I just couldn't find the words to describe what you meant to me, what you meant to all of us." Dave sighed and put his forehead in his hands. "I knew when I got that call from Aaron, I just knew you wouldn't fight it. I didn't expect you too."
"We just started pulling the pieces back together, I can't imagine what this is doing to Derek, so soon after he lost Spencer, now he's lost the only father figure he's known since his own father died." Dave couldn't help the tears that welled up in his eyes, damn alcohol he thought. "I've known you longer than anyone one else on the team, I really thought I would go before you though." The rain was pouring down in sheets, and Dave realized he was shivering. "I have something for you," reaching into his soaking wet pocket Dave pulled out a single wooden rosary.
Kissing the cross softly, and then crossing him self, Dave looped the rosary around the peak of the headstone. It was hard for him, he had nobody but Aaron and Elle that knew that he and Gideon had been together, if only for the short time since Spencer had passed away.
"I'm really going to miss having you around, you pigheaded Irishman." Dave chuckled softly, "Who the hell am I going to argue with?" Taking a deep breath, Rossi put his hand gently on the headstone. "I wish I had told you before you died, but I never got the chance. I love you Jason." The Italian stood slowly, not caring that he was freezing, not caring that he was soaked to the bone, he just stood and stared at his long time friend, and lovers grave.
Jason Gideon
Loving Father and Friend
July 12, 1953 - February 8, 2011