Final Ode
Freewill. The ability to make a choice. A choice to live, a choice to love.
A choice to die.
The wasted ruin of what must once have been a magnificent church was cast scarlet with the sun's dying blood. It was fitting, Tabris thought as he ran his fingers lightly across the ivory keys of the old piano. It was to be the very last sunrise for at least one man, and so it was right that it should be a bloodstained one.
Tabris. The boy let out a sharp breath, his fingers stilling on the keys. He'd lived among the Lilim, lived their life, been called by another name for so long now that even his true name seemed almost foreign to him. But tomorrow… tomorrow he would have to face the fate that came with that name. Oh, he had his choice. But the fact remained that it was a choice he could not escape, no matter how he bent his will upon it.
"Freewill," he said, weighing the way the words rolled off his tongue. Was it really freedom, when the ability to choose couldn't change the road to be walked, when one could be cornered into making a choice one would rather not?
Long fingers set to stroking the keys once more. He enjoyed the feel of them, even if he wasn't playing. Music truly was the greatest height of Lilim culture, and he was sure he would miss it. Either way. Even though, somewhere inside, he already knew which way things would go.
He set his fingers against the keys, and began to play. The distinct notes rang clear in the air, but for once he could not find it in himself to smile at the simple joy of it. His heart was too full of other thoughts for even music to reach.
He wondered, and he wished. Wondered exactly what the morrow would bring, wondered how the choices of everyone who would be involved would affect the final outcome… perhaps the choice would not be the one he anticipated having to make.
Perhaps.
He wished he could spend one last, taintless night with the one who brought him to this choice. Wished he could explain, somehow. Wipe away at least some of the guilt and pain that was sure to be suffered.
The sure touch on the keys faltered, and a glaring off-note broke the soothing melody. Tabris curled his hands into loose fists over them, head dropping forward to obscure stark red eyes behind the soft fall of silver hair.
He hadn't realised it would be this hard.
One last night, that's what he wanted. One last moonlight duet in the ruins before everything went to absolute hell, one way or another.
"Kaworu?"
He looked up, startled, into the deepening twilight. Shinji stood just in front of the piano, hand flexing around the handle of his cello case. For a long moment Kaworu just stared at him. Then he smiled. He hadn't expected him to come.
"Shinji," he said softly as the other boy set down his cello and came towards him. The dark-haired boy was barely within reach before Kaworu grabbed his sleeve, pulling him onto his lap and into a kiss in one swift motion. He twisted his fingers between the other boy's as they kissed, willing himself to keep the burning desperation that had welled up at the sight of him out of the moment.
He failed.
It was several minutes later that the two boys drew apart, breathless, resting forehead to forehead.
"Let's play," Kaworu said softly.
Shinji nodded in assent, disentangling himself to fetch his instrument.
Ode to Joy. Ode to freewill and everything it gave me. One last time.