I've just started-well not just started watching Once Upon a Time because I've seen up to episode 10 in season 1 so I have a jist of what's going on. When I read on Sebastian's IMDB page that he played in it, I knew I had to watch it, so I've been watching his episodes after reading up some on his character. After that, I developed a head canon that Jefferson left Storybrooke and adopted the identity of Sebastian Stan. Along the span of time of Jefferson's existence, Bucky's consciousness attached itself to Jefferson and this is what has come from that. I really hope you like reading this.
There is mention of Doctor Who in this fic. Also, the dimension that Jefferson left, where I imagine Storybrooke to be, is the alternate dimension with the Meta-Crisis 10th Doctor.
Jefferson stood at his bathroom sink, brushing his teeth. He was happy to get out of Storybrooke. He was ecstatic to get away from his past and his problems. It didn't do much to get away from remembering everything from other worlds but it helped. It helped even more that he had taken up acting under the name Sebastian Stan. What didn't help was that somewhere along the line of his life he had actually acquired the consciousness of one James Buchanan Barnes. And said consciousness was currently sleeping. And dreaming. And sleep-singing. Off key. Off time. And right in Jefferson's ear.
"This...time..." Snore. "This pl...ace." He flopped around like a fish on his bed. "Mis...used ...mis...takes." Big snore, more flopping. "Who was I...to...make you...wait...?"
Jefferson sighed. Something else needed to be played before bed from now on. They had both agreed that slow Nickelback songs would be fine, but apparently they gave James dreams about Steve and his past. Celtic music it was. Something without words so he didn't have to listen to James' incessant mumbling and sleep-singing.
He thought. In order to wake up the sleeping Barnes, he needed his iPod. He finished his teeth and grabbed his iPod off the dresser. He searched the artists and songs for something that neither of them liked much. "Ahh, here we go." He found Happiness in Darkness by Gothminister. He put in the ear buds, cranked the volume, hit play, and cringed at the volume.
When the guitar hit, Bucky flew up, and was instantly on his feet. "What the fuck was that?" he exclaimed. He heard the loud throng of gothic music reverberating all around him. "God damn it, Jeff!"
Jefferson shrugged innocently. "You were sleep-singing again. What else was I supposed to do?"
"Wake me up like a normal person?" Bucky suggested sassily. "You can be in two places at once. I've seen you lounging in my library, drinking tea while your shooting a scene on set. If you can do that, you can wake me up like a normal person."
Jefferson thought about that and then shrugged again. "But that's no fun. And three actually," Jefferson corrected him. "Mentally, physically, and metaphysically."
James was unamused. "Don't sass me, sir. You know what I mean. You can hide in your thoughts but you can't project your mental consciousness like you can your metaphysical form." He was at his dresser, getting ready for the day. He was not thrilled with the way he was awoken. Steve would have done it differently, but Steve would have done it differently for the seven or eight years it had been that he had attached to Jefferson.
"We have plans for the day," Jefferson informed him. "We're going out with Chris and the three of us are meeting up with Natasha after lunch and hanging out for rest of the day."
"You mean Scarlett," Bucky corrected him.
"Just keeping you on your toes, old man. Wanna keep you in check, make sure you're not slacking," Jefferson joked with him.
Bucky laughed. "Yeah, sure, blame your forgetfulness on me, you loon. I think you just made a mistake and you're using me as an excuse," Bucky sassed back.
Jefferson laughed and smiled and stopped laughing the moment he heard the knock on the door. "Chris," he and Bucky said simultaneously.
"Are you talking to yourself again, Baz?" they heard Chris call up from the front door that was the foot of the stairs. They heard the lock click as Chris unlocked the front door and let himself in.
"No, of course not! Why would I do that?" Sebastian called down. "I'm almost ready. I just need to find my shoes."
"Okay. Just grab them. You can put them on in the car. Scarlett wants to meet us for breakfast. Her schedule cleared up and she's free for whole day. For some reason, she wants to take us shopping."
"Grocery shopping?" The hopefulness in Jefferson's voice was laughable. He didn't like going clothes shopping with people because he believes that they would find his obsession with hats a little...obsessive.
"Well, it is." Bucky had a habit of answering Jefferson's thoughts, but Jefferson had a habit of just leaving them lying around.
"I wish," Chris agreed. Scarlett was, how say, a little bit...insistant...when it came to shopping. She had this habit of dragging the whole crew—sometimes all at the same time—on shopping trips. Nobody complained about those though, because that seemed to the be the only time that Robert bought new suits. Shopping on his own, he had this habit of buying ridiculous t-shirts, strange sneakers, and crazy accessories. "I did tell her that we still had our morning jog though, so we do have some time to prepare ourselves."
"So why am I putting my shoes on in the car?" Bucky had his shoes in hand as he climbed down the stairs. There were a lot of times that Bucky really did see Steve reflected in Chris and this was one of those times.
Chris laughed. "Yeah, guess you're right. We can just jog around here and take the car to meet Scarlett."
Bucky slipped on the shoes and walked out the door, followed by Chris who locked the house back up. "You know, it's a little unnerving how you know where my key is," Sebastian told him.
"It's not my fault that you keep it where Steve always had it," Chris joked, referring back to when he and Sebastian filmed Captain America.
Bucky felt a twinge of his heart strings. He's the one who had always placed the key there. "Must have done it subconsciously." He shrugged, playing it off as nothing but he felt like fading to the background, leaving Jefferson to be up front while he cried and reminisced.
Jefferson pushed his way up front, telling Bucky that he should do something to get his mind off of Steve. "We don't to break down in tears in front of Chris or Scarlett. We don't need to explain the tears. I don't need to explain the tears. You probably wouldn't be able to speak." Metaphysically, Jefferson gave Bucky a big hug. "Go lay down. I'll bring you a mug of tea," and brewed him a steaming mug of green tea. He added in a dash of whiskey for effect. He brought it to Bucky's room and set it on the side-table. He gave Bucky a kiss on the forehead and left him alone.
Sebastian had been jogging along side Chris for about a half-hour when he took his iPod out of his pocket and stuck one ear-bud in his ear. The song was changed from Happiness in Darkness by Gothminister to Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park. Jefferson wasn't the one changing the song and realized he was going to be subjected to Bucky singing again. This was a song that Bucky frequently played when lamenting about Steve and this was a thing that was happening quite often when they hung around Chris, Scarlett, and Anthony on set and off set and the play count went up dramatically during filming as well.
"I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared."
Jefferson stopped mid-stride. He heard yelling in his head and it brought on a sudden migraine. It was Steve. Yelling for Bucky. Or maybe it was Dean yelling for Sam. So many realities, so many outcomes, so many deaths. So much loss and pain and misery. It was times like these that he wondered how he could go on. And then he thought of Grace and Alice and Cat. They had made moments like this survivable.
"Baz?"
Jefferson barely heard Chris. His vision was fading, blurring.
"Sebastian!"
The last thing he remembered seeing was Chris rush to his side. He caught Sebastian right before he hit the ground.
But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared.
Jefferson regained slight consciousness. He heard the doctors rushing around him, checking his vitals, making sure he was alright. Jefferson sent a quiet thank you to God that he only had one heart instead of two.
"Is he going to be alright, Doc?" he heard Chris ask in a panic.
"He only fainted and it was from being out in the sun too long," the doctor told him. "He'll be fine, Mr. Evans."
"See, it'll all be fine, Chris."
Scarlett.
Jefferson tried to smile but couldn't physically do so. He smiled internally though. He heard the smile in her voice and both of their concerns were enough to keep him going.
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
Bucky shot out of bed for the second time that day. This time he awoke with a shout. He had a nightmare. This one was worse than any that he had ever had. He was shaking and he just stared at his hands, tears streaming down his face. "Blood. The blood," he muttered. "It was there. It was real. I know it was. No. No." He shook his head frantically. "It couldn't have been. It was Steve's blood. I would never—I would have come back to myself. He would have stopped me. No. No!" He curled up into a ball and cried, long and hard. He shook and he gasped and he sobbed.
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
"Sebastian?" He felt somebody shaking him.
"Baz, come back to us." That was Natasha's voice.
"Seb, please."
He felt weight on the end of the bed. Bucky uncurled himself and glanced at the figure on the bed. "Steve," he breathed soundlessly. He sat up and latched himself to his blond friend. "I thought you were smaller," he told Chris.
Chris hugged him back. "I thought you were dead." He buried his nose in Bucky's hair as reassurance to himself that Sebastian was still here and alive and not dead. "I don't think I could handle it if you were gone."
"I know I couldn't," Scarlett interjected. "There are others besides us who couldn't either," she added.
So if you're asking me, I want you to know.
Jefferson rose back up to the surface while Bucky faded to the background. He felt out of place. He had lost himself for that short time. He had a flashback and found himself back in WWII. He thought Steve had come to save him again and felt stupid and small when he realized that it was only Chris. He loved the guy and all and knew that there would never be a better guy to play Steve but acting and being are two completely different things.
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
"Grace, I'm sorry," Jefferson mumbled unintelligibly through tears as he continued to cling to Chris.
"What was that?" Chris asked, not hearing what Sebastian had spoken. "Did you catch what he said, Scarlett?" he asked their co-worker and friend.
Scarlett was quiet as she un-jumbled the words in her head. "I'm...sorry...?" She scrunched her eyebrows together as she went over it a few more times in her head. He couldn't have said anything else but she didn't catch who he was apologizing to. "He's apologizing," she confimed.
"To who?" Chris asked bewildered. "For what?"
But while they were talking, they missed the rest of the apology to his daughter. If they had paid attention, their questions would have been answered but at the same time, Sebastian would probably have been admitted because he can't tell reality apart from fantasy. But nobody seemed to remember that the Hatter was the most troubled in all of Storybrooke.
"Please forgive me, my Grace. If I hadn't left you none of this would have come to pass. You'd still be living with me in our cottage. You'd have your memories. You wouldn't be Paige. You'd still answer to Grace." He sobbed quietly and the tears continued to fall.
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Jefferson wondered if Paige ever saw him in her dreams. He constantly wondered if Paige saw him and thought he looked familiar. He wondered if she wondered why he looked familiar. He wondered if she ever thought he looked familiar from somewhere else besides town, besides Storybrooke. He reminisced on the times they played tag and hide and seek in the woods around their cottage. He wondered if that was a good enough reason for her memories to be sparked. He wondered if playing tag or hide and seek with her friends, if she ever went looking for the mad man in a hat or if he was never in her mind to begin with. Did Regina mess with her head so much that she had no memory of him whatsoever, not even sparks of memories?
His cried harder with each passing thought, clinging tighter to Chris for dear life while he shook with tears and spasmed with sobs.
"Baz, what is wrong?" Chris asked, unable to keep the worry and panic that he was feeling out of his voice.
And don't resent me when you're feeling empty
Jefferson stopped crying and wiped his eyes, an idea suddenly occurring to him. "I need to see Alissa." He couldn't see his Paige, his Grace, because of the dimensional rift. He hadn't been able to get his hat to work since he got here, but Sebastian's on-screen daughter was the next best thing.
Chris drove Sebastian to the house that Alissa shared with her parents. He got out of the car and walked up to the front door. He knocked on the door and waited. He took a step back when the door opened.
Keep me in your memory.
"Papa!" Alissa exclaimed when she answered the door and saw Sebastian standing there. "How are you, Sebastian?" she asked him, her eyes bright with excitement. It had been some time since they had seen each other with her schooling and acting practices and his time on set with Chris and Scarlett.
"I've been doing alright," he said, getting down to her level, a smile on his face. "I've missed you. How are you doing in school and stuff?"
Leave out all the rest.
She took a step forward and he stood up, moving out of her way as she stepped out the door and closed it behind her. "School is going great. I'm keeping my grades up and practices are fun. I've been doing some traveling but that's another story for another day." She sat on the porch swing and he sat next to her. "Now, why are you really here, Sebastian?" she asked him curiously. "You aren't going to drive all the way out here to see me to ask about my school? That's something you could have called and asked about. What's going on? Everything is all right, right?"
Leave out all the rest.
Jefferson chewed on his bottom lip before telling her the truth. "I miss her." If anybody was going to understand what he was talking about, it was going to be her, the girl who played Grace on screen.
Alissa looked confused. She felt confused. Who was he talking about? "Who do you miss, Baz?" She had absolutely no idea.
"Her," he repeated. "Grace. I miss my Grace."
Alissa studied Sebastian. Was she missing something? Something wasn't completely adding up here. She went over those words again in her head and something clicked for her. "Hat...Hatter?" she asked him. "Are you...Jefferson?"
He smiled and nodded, tears pricking his eyes. "That's right, Ali."
"Here," she said, pulling a cell phone out of her pocket. "I should give you this."
He took it and looked at it confused. "A phone. But I already have a phone." His mind was running at a million miles an hour. "Who gave you this?" he asked after he looked at the lock-screen. It was a picture of him and Grace that was taken years before he had been trapped in Wonderland.
Alissa smiled. "Spoilers, Hatter," she told him. "Why don't you give your Grace a call?" she suggested.
He tore his eyes away from the phone and the pictures on it and looked at Alissa. He didn't mention the odd personality change but instead asked, "It's possible to do that? She lives in a different dimension."
"I know. I know a lot more than you think. I've learned about dimensions and time and I've been to different worlds. I've learned so much on my travels with the Doctor."
Jefferson's eyes went wide and his brows scrunched together. "You've traveled with the Doctor?" He looked back at the phone in disbelief. "That's how you got these. The phone. The pictures. He took them." He dialed Paige's number and sighed in relief when she answered the phone.
"Grace!" he exclaimed.
"Papa!" she greeted him excitedly. "How are you? I miss you? When are you coming home? I can't wait to go back to the cottage with you."
Jefferson smiled widely. "My Grace," he breathed. "I'm doing so much better now. I missed hearing your voice, love. How are things? How are they treating you? I can't wait to go back to the cottage with either, sweetie. Unfortunately, I don't know when I'm coming home. I'm in a dimension where magic doesn't exist and you know how quirky my hat is. It needs magic to operate."
"How did you get there?" she asked, ignoring his other questions.
"Once I got out of Storybrooke, I found myself being tracked by hunters.* I befriended them and helped them track a creature of the woods. They gave me a magical item in return and I ended up here."
Grace sighed. "I do wish that you could return soon. I miss you. I miss hugging you. I miss playing hide and seek with you. Playing with the other kids just isn't the same. Things are okay, but they're slow. My parents here are treating me fine but it's not the same as being with you, Papa."
"I know, sweetie. I miss holding you in my arms. I'm happy that they're treating you well. I'll find a way back to you, I promise. I love you, my Grace. I have to go, but I'll talk to you again soon."
This is not the end of my Jefferson Sebastian Barnes head canon. I have more planned for the head canon but this was just a one shot. I have an idea for another story where the Avengers are invited to go on a cruise and Loki gets into mischief. This fanfic will also feature Jefferson. I suggest following me if you like this and/or you want to read the Avengers cruise fic.
* The hunters that Jefferson befriended are the versions of Sam and Dean in the Meta-Crisis dimension. The magic item that he was given was a crystal. I believe that the metaphysical properties of crystals, gemstones, plants, trees, and animals are high there so the crystals have magic in their cores.
