Merry Christmas Sabrina, you wonderful, wonderful girl, you. I love you!
Abigail Brown had never, in her entire life, wished she were dead.
She also, is unsure whether it was because of what Jimmy Edward's said before he'd shot himself or maybe it was Keith Scott's face before his own brother killed him in cold blood. She knows why she wished herself dead though. So she could keep the images away.
It was one thing, so watch a boy, so broken, so scared, and so completely and utterly alone kill himself because some people didn't understand him, but it was another thing all together to watch someone- someone who was supposed to protect, who was supposed to love unconditionally, kill his brother.
She'll never understand why he did it. No amount of excuses he came up with could change it either. He could threaten everything she stood for, threaten her life- everything, and she would never believe his malicious lies.
So she told Lucas Scott, Keith's nephew, about what a monster his father was. She'd told him and he tried so hard, she knows this, he tried to tell people. He tried to tell his mother and the police but nothing worked, so she fled.
Dan Scott would know it was her. He'd know she'd told Lucas and if he killed her- it wouldn't really matter because she was dead now anyway, at least on the inside- he'd kill her mother too and no matter how much Abby hates him, how much she wants to die sometimes, she could never let it happen to her mother who was so good and brave and strong.
Sometimes, she wakes up at night. She always seems to find herself drifting back to the day at the school, when Jimmy had let her go. She doesn't understand why he did and she realizes she doesn't know very much about anything. All she knows is that when she looked into those eyes, she didn't see a monster. She didn't see a kid who was so bent on killing everyone who'd done him wrong. She saw somebody who was hollow. He was nothing and he knew it, but it didn't change the fact that everyone treated him like the dirt they walked on.
So he chose to strike back against everyone. Maybe it wasn't so everyone would see how strong he could be. Maybe he was showing people what bullying did and what happens when you treat someone like their worthless.
He'd left his mother, Abby found out. His mother had to live with the idea that her son murdered a good man and held up a school. She had to go through every day without her son because people made stupid mistakes.
Abby thinks that maybe she could have stopped and said hello to him in the hallway had she known he was going do something like that. But, she realizes, that you should stop and say hell to everyone, not just because you think they'll do something terrible if you don't.
So she ran as fast as she could down the hallway because God the anger and frustration and the fear was eating away at her, making her skin crawl and her heart pound and she didn't want to die. Not then. Not there.
Have you ever watched someone die? Have you ever seen the light go out in someone's eyes and be able to do nothing because you were too cowardly to go to the police or to stand up for someone? Have you ever watched someone get bullied and torn and ripped apart and you didn't say something? Abigail Brown has.
She finds out one night when she comes home that Dan Scott has been sentenced to jail for the murder of his brother Keith Scott. And she's finally at peace because no, it won't bring back Jimmy Edward's or Keith Scott, but they've both found justice now. And that's really all that matters in the end.