Title: Need You Now
Author: Brittany
Tagline: "I said I wasn't going to do this. I said that I wasn't going to call you or miss you or show up on your doorstep at three in the morning because I can't get you off my mind. But...here I am. For you."
Summary: You don't get to decide when you are or aren't in love with someone, no matter how much easier everything would actually be if you could.
Spoilers: 6x22
Rated: PG-13
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: A much more fluffier take on the break up and make up of my two favorite ladies. :)
"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now."
Need You Now- Lady Antebellum
The chilling winds of spring brush against her petite body, as she stands in front of the apartment complex, cigarette in her right hand, the other carefully burrowed inside of her protective coat. The pale moon light brings the lines across her beautiful face to life as they tell a story of where she has been, a story of where she is going, a story of heartbreak, love and lust. Her body chills in a fit of trembles as the arctic wind dances across the back of her bare neck, creating riveting goosebumps across her entire body. Yet, the blond woman does not move as her body aches with the pain of the frosty air; instead she stands frozen, immovable, with a heartbreaking blank stare painted across her most flawless face.
Fumbling with the cigarette that is placed carefully between her index and middle finger, she tips the cigarette as the ashes fall onto the side walk below her before she places it against her lips. Steadily, she takes a long, slow draw from the smoldering object as her glossy eyes remain perfectly fixated upon the apartment complex that towers before her, especially upon one window in particular. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she can no longer ignore the aching pain that pulses through her small body; a pain that radiates from the broken heart inside of her chest.
It was never supposed to be this way, she sighs, as another puff of smoke escapes from her pursed lips. She never thought that her own insecurity and head strong attitude would lead her to this heart breaking point in her life. She never thought that she would find herself alone after all these years, standing outside of her ex-girlfriend's apartment complex, smoking a cigarette, a habit that she has been meaning to break ever since she was seventeen years old. Yet, here she stands, her golden curls cascading in the most perfect of dances around her face, just hoping to see a glimpse of the life she left behind.
Calliope Torres had certainly been different from all the girls that she had been with before, for many more reasons that just one. When they first started dating, she was a 'newborn' as she so delicately nick named her, she still found herself unable to accept her sexuality or make it known to her father. She is cocky, strong, pushy, and amazing, Arizona sighs. She had been all the things that she swore she would never involve herself in, particularly the hot headed Catholic father who refused to accept his daughter's sexuality part of the equation. But there had been something about her, something so amazing, something so special that the rest of the world wasn't lucky enough to see, something that only she could find harbored deep inside of her. She is loving, compassionate, understanding, beautiful, warm, and she is everything that she can not live without. But now, now, she is the one thing that she has to learn to live without, even if it kills her, because if there is one thing Calliope Torres deserves in the world, it is happiness.
She wishes that it could be different between them, she sighs with another draw of her cigarette. She wishes that she could be as fearless as Calliope is and agree to have a baby with her. She wishes that she could forget the knowledge that has been bestowed inside of her as a Peds surgeon and simply just be a woman in love who wants to have a family with the woman that she loves. Yet, there is too much fear, too much uncertainty and she loves Calliope far too much to put her through years of nightmares of tiny coffins. Leaving her is the best thing for her, it gives her a chance to find the one person who can give her everything Arizona can't, leaving her means that she can truly be happy. But there is something that just keeps getting in her way, every time.
It amazes Arizona really, at how much she truly needs Calliope to survive. It amazes her at how she has forgotten how to breathe without Calliope by her side, how she has forgotten to sleep without her warm body laying next to hers, how she has forgotten how to eat without her smiling face sitting on the other side of the table from her. And now without her, it is as if her entire world is falling apart and hiding it behind the perk and the smiles is getting more and more difficult every time that she sees Calliope's beautiful face.
Standing here now, in front of her apartment, cigarette pressed against her lips, she realizes how impossible it all is. Impossible to pretend like she isn't dying inside every time that she sees Callie, impossible to tell herself that she doesn't love her anymore, impossible to be happy with someone who isn't her, impossible to be without her. And she prays, with every amount of strength that is left inside of her weak, vulnerable body that Calliope feels the same way.
With one last draw from her cigarette, she abandons the cancer stick smoldering on the pavement below her. Twisting her fingers in her messy blond curls, she swallows the cry in the back of her throat before she pushes herself toward the apartment, their heartbreaking farewell echoing through her mind the same way it has so many nights before, each time breaking her heart a little deeper.
"Hey! We scored! My cousin said we could use their time share! So, Fiji? We can either go at the end of this month or save up three weeks of time and rearrange our surgical schedules and go at the end of next month," Arizona beams, scrolling through the events and photos of Fiji. Callie sighs, tossing her leather jacket onto the counter top before she carefully takes a seat across from her star crossed lover.
"What's that?" Arizona asks as Callie turns her palm face up to reveal the seven digit number her oh, so, lovely, patient had written in black ink. Staring at the number, she contemplates her answer before she looks up at the most beautiful pair of blue eyes she has ever seen.
"This cute girl's number," Immediately, Arizona's face falls and Calliope is quick to notice, "And I can't get it off. I'm not going to use it. I don't want to use it. But I...I can't stop wondering if maybe she wants a baby one day." The truth crashes into the both of them like a ton of bricks, each one boring it's way farther and farther into their cracked hearts that ultimately keep bleeding love.
"I love you. Everything about you. But there's this one thing that I need and I can't change. I can't ask you to change. I don't want you to change..." Yet Arizona interrupts her.
"And I can't be the one who keeps you from having a baby," Arizona sighs, a weak smile curling upon her lips. Staring into Calliope's pleading, warm russet brown eyes, she feels everything slowly falling apart, and no matter how hard she tries, she knows nothing can keep it together, "I love you, too. And we can...we can keep going..."
"I don't know where we're going!" Callie snaps, her voice breaking as a fresh batch of tears form within her eyes. Swallowing the cry in the back of her throat, Arizona simply nods her head as she shuts the laptop, extending her hand forward.
"Come here," Arizona whispers. Almost instantly, Callie places her hand within Arizona's as she crawls onto the sofa beside of her lover. Their lips meet together in an all too familiar face, Arizona cupping Callie's face in her hand as she curls into her lap, pushing her bottom lip unnoticed under her lover's tongue. Yet, as quick as the make out session starts, it stops, as she rests her forehead against Calliope's, struggling to catch the breath that the Latina is blissfully unaware that she is taking away from her.
"God, what are we going to do?" Callie asks.
"Well, I'm going to get my stuff together...." Arizona begins as the realization finally hits Callie as to what she has truly done to their love. Wrapping the gorgeous Peds surgeon in her arms, Calliope takes one last moment to breathe her in, to feel every inch of her skin against her.
"And what? We'll just..." Yet her voice trails off as Arizona shrugs with a pained smile.
"We'll see each other at work," Arizona exclaims.
"I'm so sorry. I love you," Callie cries into her shoulder and Arizona simply nods, rubbing soft circles into her tender back as it takes all the strength she has to fight away her own tears that dance within her pale blue eyes.
"Me too. Me too," whispers Arizona.
Hesitatingly, she stands in front of her apartment door, her fist outstretched to knock upon the door but the doubts that fill her mind stop her once again. What if she makes a fool of herself? What if Callie already moved on? What if she thought that she would be happier without her? With having a baby with someone who wasn't her? The doubts plagued her mind as she gnaws innocently upon her bottom lip, but, no matter how much her mind tries to talk her out of this, her heart needs it. She knocks upon the door softly, swallowing the cry in the back of her throat as she shifts nervously from one foot to the other, fumbling with the lighter in her pocket. Quietly, the door opens to reveal a sleep deprived Cristina standing on the other side, her eyes slanted in confusion as she recognizes exactly who she is.
"What are you doing here? You broke up with her, remember?" Cristina grumbles, rubbing the eyes with the back of her palm. Arizona stiffens at the two words that continue to break her heart, faint tears trying to form in her eyes before she shakes her head.
"You're wrong. She broke up with me. I didn't want to break up. I wanted to keep going. She was the one who...it wasn't me. I didn't do this, I'm not the bad guy, here," Arizona defends, her jaw locking tightly as she begins an intense stare down with the promising Cardio goddess. Cristina chuckles quietly to herself, propping her weight against the blue metal door as she shakes her head.
"It doesn't matter. I think you've done enough damage, don't you? All she does is walk around here and cry and mope. Mope and cry. You've made her such a...such a...chick. She's not the bad ass Callie anymore. You...you just...you go and change her and then you leave her because you don't want a baby? You? You, McPerky? Ms. Smiles and Perk and wheelies! No, you may have not broken up with her but you broke her," Cristina snaps, her voice echoing with caring and anger. The tears pound within Arizona's beautiful blue orbs as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, ignoring the cry that desperately wants to escape from her trembling lips.
"I want to see her. I....I need to see her," Arizona begs, her voice breaking but Cristina stands strong and solemn, unmovable from the post in which she stands. With slanted eyes, she takes a moment to study the young woman that stands before her and she pretends like she doesn't notice that every inch of her is slowly breaking apart, because it is far more easier to see her as the bad guy than to sympathize with her.
"No. No, because you'll just make it worse. She doesn't want to see you," Cristina replies. Arizona chuckles at her stubbornness as she takes a small step toward the woman, her blue eyes now flushing with the passionate fire that undeniably is burning inside of her.
"You don't know that. You don't know anything about Calliope and I. And both my father and brother was a Marine. They taught me how to fight, how to stand up for myself and when you grow up with the name Arizona, you learn to fight dirty on the playgrounds. So, if you don't let me see her, I'm going to have to go full on Robbins on your tiny little ass. Besides, you owe me! Remember that time when you pretended to be interested in Peds just to save your ass from getting fired when the Mercy Westers came? Well, I never collected on that favor and I'm collecting now. Let me see Calliope!" Arizona demands, her jaw locking tightly in anger as a tiny fist forms at her side. Cristina contemplates her decision, shifting from one foot to the other as she carefully studies her face before an all too familiar voice calls out to her.
"Cristina, it's okay. I want to see her," Callie exclaims, stepping from her bedroom. Instantly, Arizona's pale blue eyes find her body and a weak smile curls upon her lips. Watching as the raven haired beauty so elegantly makes her way from the bedroom to the doorway, Arizona swears that she nearly forgets how to breathe all over again. Cristina grumbles as she lets go of the door, stepping aside to allow Callie to take her place as she sends a quick glance toward Arizona.
"Fine. Fine. Whatever. How much longer till this show gets canceled anyway? I'm so sick of watching this lesbian love drama. Either you love each other or you don't, make up your minds!" Cristina grumbles, waving her hands in the air before she shuts her bedroom door behind her. Callie laughs quietly to herself as she leans against the door, her warm russet brown eyes studying the perfect features upon Arizona's nearly flawless face. Standing here, in this moment, Arizona sighs, it is almost as if nothing ever happened between them. Standing here, staring at her, she realizes exactly how much she loves her.
"What are you doing here? It's late," Callie states in a sigh, tugging at the rugged shirt that hugs her perfect body. Recalling when she used to sleep in that shirt when Calliope was working late, Arizona can't help but smile, her heart racing in her chest for the lover that she should have never let go.
"I know. I'm sorry. I just...I couldn't sleep and I couldn't stop thinking about you...about your smile and your eyes and your hair and I had....I had to see you," Arizona forces a smile to the raven haired beauty that stands before her. With a wrinkled brow, Calliope steps aside to allow the gorgeous curly haired woman step into her apartment as Arizona nods her head in gratitude.
"Arizona..." Callie begins but the blond interrupts her.
"I said I wasn't going to do this. I said that I wasn't going to call you or miss you or show up on your doorstep at three in the morning because I can't get you off my mind. But...here I am. For you," Arizona whispers, her hands falling to her side. Callie watches as the tears form within her lovers eyes and her entire body begins to tremble in fits of cries that desperately want to escape her, yet she refuses to allow them to. Instead of her normal pacing, Arizona simply stands, feet away from Calliope, her heart nearly beating a tattoo in her chest as she tries to make sense of it all.
"I told myself that I could to this, you know? I tried to be happy. I tried to hide it behind the smiles and the perk and the tiny humans who need my help. I tried to forget about you. Leslie is one of my best scrub nurses, I've noticed that she's been flirting with me a lot lately, so I asked her out to dinner. And as I was sitting across from her and she was telling me about her family, all I could think about was you. You, Calliope. I tried to like her, I really did, but at the end of the night, you were the only person that I wanted to be with," Arizona rants, her voice shaking as a cry nearly escapes from within her, but like always, she finds that strength to keep herself from falling apart in front of her again.
"I told myself that this was what was best for us, that we shouldn't drag it on because we would only hurt each other in the end, you know? I unpacked my things, put your picture away and I tried. I tried because I know that you need this. I know that you need to find someone who can make you happy, someone who can give you what I can't. So, I tried. I really tried to do this for you, but I just...I can't. I'm not strong enough to do this," Arizona rants, her voice wavering and Callie simply watches, her eyes watering with tears as a quiet gasp escapes from her pursed lips. How could she not see it before? How could she not see that Arizona was most certainly not okay with the arrangement they had agreed to?
"My father taught me to be strong and brave and to never give into my weaknesses. He told me once that it wasn't the physical ability that made a person strong, it was their mental ability to keep hanging on when everything got to be too hard. And for the most part, I can brush everything away, put on a happy face and keep reminding myself that everything could be so much worse. But I can't...I can't do that this time because to me, there is nothing worse than to look at you and know that I can't be with you," Arizona cries, her face faltering as the tears cascade down her cheeks and Callie only watches as the woman slowly begins to derail in front of her eyes.
"I can't just stand by and watch you with Mark, with Teddy and not feel anything. I tried, at the cocktail party, I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't think you looked hot in that little black dress but it just doesn't work! I can't...I can't turn off my feelings for you. I can't be in love with you one second and then decide that I'm not anymore because it's what is best. Because the truth of the matter is, I'm always going to be in love with you. And I can't change that, I can't ignore that, I can't pretend like it's not killing me to see you and not be able to wrap you in my arms and tell you how amazing I think you are," Arizona rants, her voice breaking as Callie takes a slow, steady step toward her ex-lover.
"Arizona, breathe," Callie instructs, but it falls upon deaf ears as Arizona continues her frantic pacing and her adorable ranting that only brings a smile to Callie's face.
"Do you know why I'm here? I mean, do you really? I didn't just show up at your doorstep at three in the morning to give you this rant. I'm here because I need you. I...I can't sleep without you in my bed anymore. I can't eat without your smiling face on the other side of the table. I can't watch my favorite shows without thinking about you laying in my lap, looking up at me with your brown eyes all sparkly like glitter. I can't shower without having flashbacks to that morning with you when Lexie didn't knock. I can't go to my favorite stores because I keep thinking about you and I in those dressing rooms, I can't drink the coffee from my favorite shop because I keep seeing you there. I'm not here to make a fool of myself, I'm here because I need you, Calliope," Arizona whispers, and there is a crack in her voice that creates those infamous tears to form within Callie's perfect eyes.
"I loved women before, it's not a secret that I've always been a lesbian. I mean, I wasn't just staring at her mole, now, was I? I've been in some pretty serious relationships before in my life, as well. But I've never...I've never needed somebody. Normally, I'm a very self sufficient, independent woman who can take care of herself. But then you come along and change everything that I ever knew. Now, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't breathe without you. I can't live without you. I need you. I need you for the rest of my life, Calliope and to hell with ever thinking that I could do without. I need you, I need you because you make it better. Because you make me better. I just...I really need you," Arizona cries. Callie smiles with a laugh as she stares at her lover with nothing but the utmost love in her eyes.
"Please tell me that you need me just a little bit, too?" whispers Arizona. Within moments, the space that had once separated their bodies was gone as Callie cups the beautiful woman's face in her hands. Instantly, their lips crash together in the most perfect dance, Arizona cranes her neck as her tongue wraps around Calliope's front teeth, tugging just slightly. In a careful maneuver, Calliope picks Arizona up, her legs wrapping protectively around her waist as she leads her to the bedroom, each kiss as passionate, as loving as the last. Daring not to break from the kiss, she stretches her left hand out to open the door as her tongue slips into Arizona's mouth, wrestling for dominance. Carefully upon finding the bed, she drops the beautiful Peds Surgeon onto the large Queen sized bed before she falls hard between her legs, their lips reuniting in another frenzy of passionate kisses.
"I love you," Callie whispers in a kiss before trailing kisses down Arizona's slender, perfect neck. The blond grasps at her beautiful body, quickly freeing her from the large shirt that had once adorned her body. Gently, her fingers slip through her raven hair as she takes her face in her hands, her blue eyes finding Calliope's perfect brown and the tears flush through her eyes yet again.
"Never let me go," begs Arizona and Calliope simply nods with a sniffle of her own.
"Never again. I swear. You're mine, forever, Arizona Robbins," Callie exclaims before Arizona's lips quickly devour hers. Caught in the passion of the moment, Calliope's lips trail down the beautiful body of her girlfriend before she bites carefully into her neck, a moan escaping from the girl below her. A deep throat chuckle escapes from the raven haired beauty as her left hand cups the bottom of her thigh and the right strokes across her abdomen, flexing each muscle as her body literally pulses for her all too discreet touch.
"Calliope," Arizona moans, their lips meeting yet again in another passionate dance. With another deep throat moan, the chills instantly erupt up Calliope's spine before a hard knock on the wall catches them off guard with the rattling of the pictures that surround them. The knocking grows just a tad louder as the photograph of them on the nightstand tumbles over.
"Keep it down, you caged animals! Some of us are trying to sleep! God, could you get a room somewhere else?" Cristina grumbles. Staring down at Arizona very serious like for a moment, Callie suddenly bursts out in laughter as the blond does as well before their lips meet once again in a passionate reunion as they paint the night the bright colors of their love.
Reviews are always very much appreciated. :)