Hey guys! This little story has been in the works for a while now (originally as Girl Talk, chapter 2), but it was an anonymous review someone left today that prompted me to finish it up, and as its own story to boot. Guest, you're absolutely right – there's no shame in asking, so I hope this will tide you over for now. I will be following this up with a Thierry/Hannah chapter for you, so I hope you enjoy it when it arrives! I couldn't reply to you personally, so thank you very much for your review - I always love hearing from my readers.

More generally, I hope Hannah is in character here – I've not got the book to hand at the minute, so couldn't reference her as I wrote. If you think I've done something out of character, please let me know! I can only improve if I get feedback, after all :)

Thanks for following me so far guys, you're all amazing. As ever, hope you enjoy!

There was a knock on the door. Hannah looked up from the book she was staring at more than reading.

It was three days since her birthday. Three days in which to call her mother and Chess and Paul and apologise, and attempt – somehow – to explain. Three days to just be, to live, to be seventeen for the first time in... not just her lives, in history. Three days to be with Thierry, to remember and revel in him, in them. Long, peaceful days that were a first in all her lifetimes. Never before had they had time to just be happy together. Only stolen moments, a few hours, a day at most – and then Maya would intervene, or Thierry – the old him, the more rash, desperate him – would do something stupid. She remembers the times he turned up in her life, and stole her away with a litany of apologies but an unwavering conviction. She remembers the terror, and the hate. She remembers being almost glad when Maya shows up – pretending to be a friend, pretending she would get her out.

Then the image would change and it would be Thierry who killed her. Not really him, but she couldn't tell at the time. She would say everything she could to hurt him before she died, never knowing he didn't hear her – that she only made Maya more satisfied.

In a way, she's glad he didn't hear some of the many last words she said to him, even though she said similar things to him during those lives. At least she said the worst of it to Maya, even unknowingly.

She remembers her through the years as well – always wise, always a mentor, a friend. She still has to consciously remind herself that the person she saw before she died was Maya as well, even if she looked like Thierry. She remembers one life time where she fought back – the warrior life. She'd fought back with the steel sword she'd been raised using – but steel doesn't harm vampires. She had been frustrated, more than anything, during that death. She'd land blow after blow, should have crippled or killed with each one... but he – she – just kept coming, smiling, laughing, and still saying 'he' loved her.

She remembered one particular instant. She'd dodged so far, had somehow managed to get behind the vampire. She'd stabbed, driving the blade clean through the monster's body, just beneath the shoulder blade.

As she remembered, steel turned to wood, dim dusk in a forest turned to the crushing darkness of a cave, relieved only by the light of the torches. And this time Maya didn't laugh it off, use the weapon in her body as a pivot to throw her, giving the vampire enough room to get her hands on her and kill her. This time she crumpled, she gasped, she died.

She still laughed.

The knock came again and Hannah started – she'd done it again. Drifted off into thought instead of doing what she was supposed to be doing – like reading about Hadrosaurids. Like answering the door.

'Come in,' she said, glad her voice was relatively normal. She couldn't get that recurring image – the stake protruding out of Maya's back, that delicate hand collapsing in on itself – out of her head. It invaded no matter what she was doing or thinking of.

The door swung open and a dark head appeared around it.

Hannah pushed down the small surge of disappointment that it wasn't Thierry. After three days, he'd reluctantly admitted that he had a small empire to run and had gone to see to the most important things he'd put on hold. He was still nearby, just in his office down the hall, but Hannah wasn't going to disturb him just because she wanted to keep him all to herself for... well, the next few millennia to make up for the ones they had missed would be a start. She was making herself be patient. They did have all her many future lives stretching out ahead of them now, with Maya gone.

So she summoned up a smile for the vampire hunter looking at her curiously. 'Hey, Rashel.'

The tall girl took that as an invitation to come in. Hannah hadn't seen much of the other soulmates in the past few days – she'd spent most of the time recovering in bed while the vampire blood faded. The last time she'd seen Rashel was on the way back from the cave. She was dressed differently now, more like the first time they'd met – simple, practical shorts and T-shirt. No all black, ninja-like gear. No wooden sword.

She latched onto the casual clothing. It was grounding. It was away from that cave.

'I just came to see how you were feeling. Bar the vampires themselves, I've had the most experience with l-' she cut herself off, looking at the ceiling in exasperation. 'I need to stop doing that,' she sighed, almost to herself.

Hannah looked at her oddly. 'What?'

Rashel glanced back down with a self-deprecating smile. 'I'm trying to train myself out of my xenophobia. It's taking a while.' When Hannah just kept staring, confused, she gave a resigned tilt of her head and elaborated. 'I keep going to say things like 'leeches' and 'parasites' just out of habit – then stop because, well,' she threw up her hands in mock surrender, 'it turns out they're not all like that and I'm, despite my best efforts, in love with one. And several others that I've met have turned out to be pretty decent people that I wouldn't mind calling friends.' She shrugged and pulled up the chair from the dressing table, placing it quietly beside Hannah's bed and taking a seat. 'Anyway, what I was going to say was I've had the most experience dealing with vampires – particularly the bad ones, and I just thought you might want someone to talk to.' She looked up at Hannah then, green eyes honest but firm. 'It's not easy, killing. Or it shouldn't be.'

Hannah sat back, startled. Sure, everyone seemed to know who had killed Maya, there below the blue sky in the mine shaft. But this was the first time anyone had actually addressed it. 'Oh. Well- I-' She stopped, blowing out a breath, turning it into a rueful smile. 'I didn't expect that, really.'

Rashel smiled, wry. 'Figured it was best to just come out and say it. I'm not good at this touchy-feely stuff. Look,' she said, eyes dropping again – this time a tad guilty. 'I know we all reacted like you'd slain the dragon down there, when we found out. We'd all been on edge since you went missing, and I think the relief just got to us. But looking back, I can see you weren't very comfortable. So I'm sorry for that. It's easy for people like us to treat it like... like winning a game or something. Because for years it was pretty much winning points – the more you killed on the other side, the more points. But it's easy to forget that most people – normal people,' there was that self-deprecating smile again, and a nod at Hannah, 'don't react like that. So I wanted to apologise, for making you feel uncomfortable. And I want to offer any help I can, even if it's just listening.'

Hannah stared at this girl – someone who had seemed so calm and in control of everything – casually opening up and offering her hand in one breath.

She gave a shaky smile, suddenly aware of a tight, fluttery ball in her chest that she hadn't even known was there before. 'I do already have a psychiatrist, you know,' she said, trying to make it into a joke.

Rashel smiled, but not with humour. With gentle understanding. 'And does this psychiatrist know the slightest thing about vampires, outside of T.V.?'

Hannah opened her mouth, faltered, smiled. 'No. Only what little I told him before I even figured out the whole Night World thing.'

Rashel bowed her head, accepting her point had been made. 'I don't want to pressure you into anything – if you don't want to talk, that's fine. But I know I could have done with someone who understood what it was like when I started killing.'

Hannah caught on that one word – started. Yeah, she knew Rashel was a vampire hunter and a fighter and all that, but up until now it hadn't really registered that she had killed people. People like Maya – maybe even people like Thierry. Had done so many times, for years. That the reason she had been at that cave was to fight – to kill if necessary – to get her out safely.

Odd, how your brain can just gloss over facts until they're shoved in your face.

'I- How old were you, when you...?' She couldn't quite say it, not so casually like Rashel could.

Rashel nodded, clasping her hands and resting her elbows on her knees, settling in for a long talk. 'Twelve. But I'd been training for it for years before that.'

Hannah sat a silently mouthed twelve to herself. That was just – that was so young. She and Chess were still watching Scooby Doo and The Land Before Time at that age.

Funny to think that it was only five years ago. Not that long, when you think about it.

She felt suddenly shy, now that she had Rashel sat there, patiently waiting to answer anything or hear anything Hannah had to say. Not that she didn't want to talk – even if part of it was simple morbid curiosity – and it wasn't so much as wondering where to start, as how do you even have this conversation? Yes, I killed someone, watched them mummify in seconds, and I keep seeing it. How about you?

Rashel must have seen her struggle, because she looked down and said, 'pretend I'm your psychiatrist. No one is going to come in and interrupt us, so this is a safe room. You can say anything to me, and I promise you it won't shock me or turn me away. So if it helps, pretend I'm your shrink and we're in their office.'

Hannah stopped again, stumped, then saw what she meant. With Paul, she could just spill things out no matter how they sounded.

So she settled back against the cushions on her bed, turned away from Rashel – like on Paul's couch – and just said what came to mind, eyes staring at the far wall without really seeing it. 'I just... I didn't want to do it. I tried to, earlier. Got free, made myself a stake, got ready to ambush her... and I couldn't do it. I was right behind her, ready to stab her in the back, and I couldn't do it. Even she asked me why. I don't know if it was one of my other lifetimes,' she said, half-turning to Rashel, almost absent-mindedly. 'Maya suggested that, actually. My priestess training, or my Buddhist life. But I've had other life times where I would have done it – I was a warrior, once. They were kind of fighting, in my head, while I was standing there. But when it came down to it – when she was going to spear Thierry-' she held her hands out, shaking her head helplessly. 'I just did it. No thought. Just moved.' She looked right at Rashel then with a kind of half-laugh. The dark haired girl was watching her steadily, serious. 'I thought I was fine at the time, you know? I wasn't proud of it, but it had to be done. That simple. Then I got back here, and those last few minutes just won't go away.' She shook her head, staring blankly at her knees. 'I didn't know vampires mummified like that. And I keep seeing her hand, just bones in leather. Or her laughing and choking on the blood. How do you get that out of your head?'

Rashel sighed softly and Hannah looked up at her. There was sympathy there – more than that. Empathy.

'The short answer? You don't,' she said, blunt. 'That kind of thing stays with you. In my experience, I eventually got used to it through sheer exposure. Kill enough of them; they all start to look alike. I thought I was coping, but it turns out I was just... pushing it down. Ignoring it. Now I'm being made to actually look back and re-evaluate things... I'm suffering for it. So even the ones I thought I'd forgotten are suddenly popping up in my head again. That's karma for you.' She shrugged, dipping her head to run a hand through her hair, lifting it off her neck. Even with the air con, the place was warm. 'Honestly, I can't tell you how you'll recover from it because I don't know yet myself. But what's helped me so far is staring it in the face, so to speak. I try to remember everything I can about it – and acknowledge it. Yes, I did something terrible, and I'm not going to forget again. But I'm remembering it, I'm acknowledging it, and I'm not going to let it get in the way of my life.' She sighed again, sitting up. 'I feel like I'm not explaining this very well,' she confessed.

Hannah smiled. 'Well I just babbled on about my one, so I think we're equal there.'

Rashel grinned. 'I'll take that. But, OK, what we did was horrible – not just for the people who died, but for us. There's no getting around that – anyone with a conscience who kills suffers for it as well. But what you in particular have to remember is that Maya well and truly deserved it. She wasn't a victim, she wasn't innocent, she wasn't nice. Maya was the embodiment of every evil vampire I've ever met. The world can only be a better place for her not being in it. More importantly, you did it with the best intentions anyone could have – saving someone else. If you hadn't killed Maya, would Thierry still be alive?'

Hannah wrapped her arms around herself, closing her eyes. She didn't want to picture what could have happened. 'No.'

'And as you said before, you didn't do it out of hate, like me. You couldn't kill her in cold blood – you're not a murderer, Hannah. You're someone who made the best choice in a horrible situation. And I'm sorry that you had to make that choice. If things had gone to plan, you wouldn't have had to.'

Hannah nodded, smiling and relieved, in a way. It had been an odd, meandering talk, but that ball in her chest felt a little steadier, a little looser. It made it easier to talk. 'Gone to plan?'

Rashel grimaced. 'That's why Quinn and I were there. Thierry was supposed to scout the cave out – we were hoping to find you alone, get you out, then confront Maya. Unfortunately she was already there and we didn't have time to ambush her before she grabbed you. Thierry had to say something before she did.'

Hannah nodded, but lingered over the story. 'And by confront, you mean...?'

'Kill her? With any luck. Not Thierry's idea, you understand – he's rather stuck on his 'no killing' rule. But Maya was a legitimate threat and this was going to be the best opportunity we had to finish her. Quinn and I volunteered to go alone and help deter any of Maya's lackeys, should they be guarding the place. That was our official job, anyway, but I think Thierry knew what we were planning. And it would certainly be a loophole in his rule.'

Hannah frowned, confused. 'But, all that stuff you just said – that you're suffering for it now. Yet you still go out and keep doing it?'

Rashel's subtle cheer faltered, faded. She looked away as though caught out, then gave a little shrug as if to say 'may as well tell her'. 'I don't know anything else. I've focused on nothing but killing vampires since I was five. I literally wouldn't know what else to do. Plus I'm very good at it, and that's a skill set that Circle Daybreak desperately needs right now. Not just killing, but fighting, evading, etcetera. Sure, a vampire can give you great insights into how they move and their habits and everything else, but only a vampire hunter can tell you what movements and habits to exploit, how best to lure out a vampire, how to trap them. And...' she trailed off, opening her hands as if to free her confession.

'I enjoy it. I like hunting. And I know that the people I'm targeting now are the monsters I always thought they were. That helps a lot.' She sighed, looked up at Hannah. 'At the end of the day, I've had a lot of practice at dehumanising – for lack of a better word – my targets. That's how I can go through with it. These recent ones, I've not had much trouble with because I know they're bad. But there are a few from my career that I'm... uncertain on. There are a few that I killed just because they were a vampire and I had an opportunity. Those ones trouble me, and sometimes my missions here remind me of them. So when I get back home, I... decompress. I'll talk to Quinn. I'll read a book,' she nodded at the one Hannah had set aside, 'or I'll go for a swim or a run or watch a movie. I relax and distract myself, but sometimes I'll have a bad day. When I do, I tell Thierry I'm off missions for a couple of days. I talk to him about it. And I talk to Quinn. I just check base, I guess. I talk to make sure I'm not the only one who feels like this, that this is normal. Us three and Ash, actually. We all need that kind of... support group, really. We've all done bad things that we struggle with, so we help each other with it. Guess it's going to be a group of five, now,' she said, nodding at Hannah.

She lifted her head, surprised. 'Really? I wouldn't be intruding, or...?'

Rashel snorted, the solemn mood breaking in an instant. 'Nope. It's not much of a thing to be welcomed into, but you're welcome nonetheless. You don't need to stay and listen to our stories if they make you uncomfortable – believe me, Ash ducks out a lot of the time when me or Quinn are having a particularly rough time and need to talk it out to get past it. Thierry always stays, even though I'm pretty sure Quinn and I both have him beat as far as horrific actions go. I think because he feels responsible for us all, so he doesn't want to walk out on anyone even though none of us would blame him.' She stopped with an almost glum expression. 'You know, your soulmate was the first genuinely, utterly nice vampire I ever met. I thought he must just be the craftiest one ever, putting that front up to fool everyone, but no. I was disappointed he was so nice, because I felt guilty for previously lumping him in with the others.' Rashel stopped grumbling to eye Hannah speculatively. 'From the way he tells it, that's your influence you know.'

Hannah couldn't help the smile that found its way to her mouth. 'He would say that, but honestly – that's just him. He doesn't give himself enough credit – and gives me too much.'

'There is no shutting him up once he starts talking about you,' Rashel mused.

Hannah snorted, breaking into a laugh and ducked her head, cheeks warm. 'I hope he doesn't bore you all?'

Rashel slung an arm over the back of her chair, slouching back, grinning. 'Nilsson's pretty good at getting him back on track. Lupe just prods him until he notices. We don't mind, really – we all know what it's like, to be that... that fascinated with someone. Like you can spend your whole life learning about them and still have things to talk about.'

Hannah smiled. 'It's weird. Even though I've probably been with my soulmate the longest – just counting the individual days we had, I mean – I still feel like I've got a lot of catching up to do.'

Rashel tilted her head thinking. 'Probably because you were different each time. Sure, you learn about Thierry – but millennia is a long time for someone to change in. Your impressions will have been different each time, because you were. So in a way, you're starting from scratch. A clean slate.'

Her smile turned inward this time, distant. 'I think that's what we need,' she said quietly.

I hate you! I don't want anything to do with you! Let me go!

Hanje, please, I know you don't understand right now – but I brought you here to keep you safe. To save you.

I'd rather die than be with you for another minute!

She blinked hard, found herself staring at the pale gold blankets covering her knees. When she looked up, Rashel was watching her closely.

'That happen often?' She asked.

Hannah started, then realised – Rashel might have moments like that too. Moments where you slip inescapably into a memory. 'I- Sometimes. There's so many memories crammed into my head, it's like they sometimes come to the front and won't go. Like I'm there again.' She paused, chewing the inside of her cheek, then continued. 'What you said, about a clean slate – it just made me think about one of the times things... didn't work so well. One of the lives I'd rather not remember.'

'Do you want to talk about it?' The smile was gone, and that steady calm was back – like nothing could shake her. Hannah only hesitated for a moment.

'Once – well, a couple of times, actually – Thierry tried to keep me safe from Maya by hiding me. But he didn't think to tell me that before he did it.'

Rashel's only reaction was her eyebrows lifting.

'He'd been around for a few days, doing some work in the village I lived in, helping bring in the harvest. Just passing through, he said. He'd seemed so wise, and happy to listen to me. I couldn't read or write, but he started to teach me. He cared about what I thought, I wasn't some little worthless girl to him. But he lured me away from the village – just talking, at first, then once we got too far away to be discovered, and I said I should be getting home – he stopped me. Influenced me, I think, to knock me out. I woke up in a remote hut, up in the mountains somewhere. A safe house, he called it. He wouldn't let me leave – just kept saying he was doing this to keep me safe, to save me. I think I was there for a few weeks before Maya found us. He tried to explain a few times, but I just kept screaming at him to let me leave, to take me home. I never found out why he did it in that life. I hated him by the end.' She paused, then – 'I was thirteen.'

'Do you forgive him?'

Hannah looked up. It wasn't the clumsy platitude she'd expected. She sighed, thinking. 'I know why he did it, now. And I know he knows it was wrong. He was desperate. He only tried that in a few lives – that was the last one. He didn't try it again; it wasn't worth it. He couldn't bear keeping me prisoner, and not even being able to save me to make up for it. And there were so many lives after that, where he was nothing but... contrite. Regretful. Always trying to make up for something that I couldn't even remember. I don't think he was in his right mind, those few centuries when he kidnapped me. He'd spent millennia, watching me die, helpless to stop it. I think he was willing to try anything by then, if it would work. When he realised it wouldn't, he stopped. But, he still did it. I was still terrified, traumatised, for those last few weeks of those lives. Dying was a relief, in a way. So, no. I won't forgive him, because that's not something you just shrug your shoulders and forget about. But I will move past it – and I'll let him move past it, too. I won't hold it against him.' She gave a small smile. 'Eternity is too long to hold a grudge for.'

Rashel ducked her head, shaking it with a smile. 'Well, Thierry was right. You are as good a person as he said. Not many people could just put that aside.'

Hannah shook her head. There it was again – that quiet reverence she didn't deserve. 'Why do you do that?'

Rashel looked up, quizzical. 'What?'

'That... that, thinking I'm so much better than other people. That I'm someone to look up to. Everyone here seems to do it – they defer to me, like I know more than they do, when I'm just some girl from Montana who likes palaeontology and happens to be in love with a Lord of the Night World.'

Rashel opened her mouth, shut it again as she considered. 'Honestly, I didn't realise I was. And Thierry's told us so much about you – your different lives – we all kind of feel like we know you already. Or...' she trailed off, eyes narrowed in sudden comprehension, 'we know the other Hannahs. We know about all your different lives, down the years. But the one we don't know about is yours. You, right now, bar what we've learned from you in the past few days. And we shouldn't treat you like one and the same, because you're not. And I'm sorry that we have so far.'

Hannah blinked, then blinked again – her vision wouldn't clear. Don't be stupid, she told herself, drawing in a deep breath and blinking hard to clear her eyes. It would be stupid to cry now, after everything, and from relief of all things.

'Thanks, Rashel,' she said when she was reasonably sure her voice would be steady.

Rashel gave her a reassuring smile, then unexpectedly leaned forward to squeeze her hand. Just brief contact, like she wasn't sure how long she should hold her hand and didn't want to make it too long, but there all the same.

'I think what we need to do is introduce you to the group again. Not as Lady Hannah – as Hannah Snow, the aspiring palaeontologist from Montana. Let them get to know you as a person, not a figurehead. And someone needs to smack Thierry over the head for getting us all to put you on a pedestal.'

Hannah giggled, the tears returning. This time she gave up and let them out – and found only a couple, nothing to be ashamed of anyway. 'I think I'd better do that. No one else would dare.'

Rashel laughed. 'You got that right.' Then she stood fluidly, stretching before half-turning towards the door. 'Want to go now?'

Hannah looked at her, then the door. 'What, right now?'

Rashel chuckled. 'No time like the present. And you might have infinity number of lives to go, the rest of us poor mortals only have the one.'

Hannah stared for a moment, then threw the covers back and rose to her feet. Her heart was beating faster, and oddly she was reminded of her first appointment with Paul. The same nerves. Only this time, she knew she'd be seeing a werewolf within a few minutes, and she knew what she was going for. 'Okay. Let's go.'