Day after day, I am losing heart. It's been 33 days, 2 hours, and 5 minutes since I last felt his touch. Since I felt his lips against mine. It's been over a month and he hasn't written or called.
I lean against the window and watch the rain stream down. It seems to be raining more often in Tokyo these days. I stare out of the fogged-up window and imagine I see his face coming out of the rain. I can almost see his smiling blue eyes and ruffled black hair when I blink and the image vanishes. So instead I write his name in the fog in the window. A few strokes and it's the next best thing. It's getting to be a ritual. Every time it rains, I write his name in my window. As if doing so would bring him back to me. As if doing so would make my phantom Mamoru appear.
I feel water start to fill the corners of my eyes. No. I will NOT cry. I will be strong for him, for my Mamo-chan. But it's useless. I can feel the tears start to trickle down my face even as I angrily try to wipe them away. I can keep strong in front of everyone, when there's laughter and friends, and ice cream to keep me distracted. But I can't now.
I cross the room to my desk and pick up the letter that I wrote him earlier. This is the 33rd letter. I will mail it tomorrow. I scan my cheerful lines again. At least I can be strong in my letters.
How are you? I am doing fine, of course. Everyone has gone crazy over the idol group Three Lights that transferred to our school. Minako-chan says she wants to make all of them her boyfriends. One of them, Seiya, can be kinda childish but he can also be really nice…I love you, Mamo-chan. Write me soon….
Why hasn't he written or called? What if he's sick and can't do anything and I'm not there? Or…or what if there is another girl? Someone else to keep him smiling. No! I don't believe that. Our love for each other is too strong for that. He's probably too busy with university stuff and making new friends. But still…I would give anything to hear his voice or see his handwriting again.
The rain is coming down harder now. Little by little Mamo-chan's name fades as the window fogs up again. Trying to hold on to him, I pick my pink phone and dial that number again. It rings one, two, three, four, five times and on the sixth ring his answering machine picks up. "Hello" I hear his voice say "You've reached the Chiba residence. I'm studying abroad now and can be reached at…". I hang the phone up gently, though I feel like slamming it against the wall. It's just a phantom voice, like my phantom image. But it's better than nothing.
I lean, my chin against my right hand and stare into space. In my letter, I had almost told him about Seiya calling me Odango, just like he did but I didn't. It's funny how those few syllables can hurt so much and yet still make me smile. I pick his picture up for the thousandth time and I feel my tears well up again. I want him to call me "Usako" again. I want him to fight alongside me again. I want to feel his touch again. I want…I want too much.
Crossing my arms, I put my head down on my desk and feel myself drift off to sleep. I am simply too tired to deal with this anymore. On the window his name vanishes.
**************************************************************************
Hey, minna! I'm Ekaterinn and this is my first fic but not my last^_^. Raves? Rants? Give me a review or email me. 'Til next time...Ja!