Title: Only Human
Summary: "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." The Christian in David Hassid wants Salvation, but damnation looks so good when it's shining in Nicolae Carpathia's eyes, and David is only human.
Note: Um... Well, it really didn't end like I had planned for it to, but oh well. Honestly, I'm already day-dreaming about a sequel to this, so I'll keep the ending as it is. I would also like to tell L-Syllabub that I'm sorry this took so much longer than I thought that it would, and thank her for not spontaneously striking me with a fish at any point during these last three weeks.
Disclaimer: I do not own Left Behind. Nicolae would be a much happier man if I did, but, unfortunately for him, Tim LaHay, Jerry Jenkins, Tyndale House Publishing, and Cloud Ten Pictures own the series.
Warnings: Homosexuality, blasphemy (perhaps...),Loss of Faith (potentially...), and although I don't think this qualifies as "erotica" at all, I know how squicky some of you Left Behind readers are, so I'll stick an M rating on it anyway.
It starts out so innocently.
There were a thousand reasons why this should not have been happening.
They aren't even alone when Nicolae makes his first move. The other directors and ministers are all still gathering up their reports and muttering to each other or themselves about the meeting...
They weren't even complicated reasons. There were a thousand reasons why this should not be happening, and every single one of them was obvious.
He touches David's shoulder, just to get his full attention.
To begin with, David was a Christian. Really. He was a good Christian, in fact. He worshiped Jesus Christ and called him Lord every morning and night, and he meant it. He Evangelized whenever the occasion allowed him to. He had one of the most dangerous jobs in the Tribulation Force, but he held it gladly, knowing that his side would win. He knows his side would win because it said so in the Bible, and he was a devoted Christian who believed every word of the Bible.
Their eyes meet. David can't stop them from meeting, because they're so close that there's nothing else to look at, and even if David could find something, it wouldn't matter. Those sparkling blue death-traps could suck up David's defenseless brown eyes and hold them like oppositely charged magnets.
And Nicolae was the Antichrist. The Evil One. The one who wanted to see everything that David loved destroyed. The Dragon. The sworn enemy of David's God. The Serpent. The one who lied to millions and condemned them to hell with promises of love. The foul tempter... but his temptations had their ways of never feeling fowl. That was the trick. Just as David was a good Christian, Nicolae was a good Antichrist. When Nicolae was actually there, looking into David's eyes and inviting him to do that which in a more coherent moment would be unthinkable, his words were soft, smooth, and comfortable, and it never sounded wrong. It's only later, when David's head hit the pillow alone, for a reason that God would approve of, that it would all come crashing down.
Then he smiles. It isn't the white teeth that make the smile so incredible, it's the way that those blue eyes get instantly ten times brighter, and a million times more enchanting, and by the time that David is fully aware of what's going on, he's lost any desire to break away.
Then, of course, there was the war. David refused to let his own feelings of lust jeopardize things for his brothers and sisters. He was still spying on Nicolae as though every word that rolled off the Romanian's tongue didn't stir new desires. For every other member of the Tribulation Force, that was a good thing. For David... Well, David could only imagine that getting sentenced to a painful and gory death was at least sixteen percent more unpleasant than it was already inevitably going to be if you've had sex with your judge, jury, and executioner. Multiple times. And once on the business table where that sentence was likely to be given.
It isn't with his words that Nicolae tells David what he wants. The words are usually mundane. "Will you stay behind, Director? I want a word with you in private..." The words are mundane, but David doesn't know why. Everyone knows. It's obvious that they know in the dark looks they shoot him, or the way they roll their eyes when Nicolae praises him. It's obvious in the way that they begin to hurry out the door.
David was not expecting any mercy if he ever got caught. In fact, the more David considered it, the more certain David was that Nicolae would take special pleasure in making David's last days on earth long and slow and sound-tracked by screams. Thus far, their willing sexual exploits had not included sadism, but David had little doubt that that was largely owed to David's unspoken unwillingness, not Nicolae's. David was a Christian who looked like a Jew. It was Nicolae's two least favorite things rolled into one neat little package that sooner or later was bound to end up in hand-cuffs at his the feet of the Prince of Darkness, and when that time came, the Prince of Darkness in question was going to enjoy himself thoroughly.
Everything is done with their eyes. It's not with his tongue that Nicolae orders David to find his own voice long enough to whisper "Yes, Your Excellency," and to hold very still until they are alone, but with this small but boarder-line threatening glint in his eyes.
It was not Satan's mercy that David was worried about, anyway.
David's heart begins to race, and he is never quite sure whether he's afraid or excited. His blood roasts, and he can't determine whether it's passion or the first little hints of the fires of Hell. What always amazes David though, is that the answer to those questions feels trivial at best. He knows that what he's about to do is wrong, but when he looks into Nicolae's eyes, something changes, and he doesn't care.
Given that David was as often as not driven to tears by paper-cuts, he doubted that Nicolae was capable of the kind of serious mercy that it would take for David to not consider his death horrific and cruel.
David never sees the other men leave. He has tried to watch them before, but keeping his gaze off of Nicolae during those moments is rather like crossing his eyes: David can do it for a second or two, but then the strain on his eyes becomes painful. When he hears the door close behind the last of them, he is never sure if he wants to sigh with relief or sob in fear.
David needed God's mercy. He needed it more now than he believed he had ever needed it before.
For another moment, they hold still, and Nicolae's eyes count it down. One. Be ready. Two. Do not disappoint me. Three. The game begins.
"Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven."
That's when he feels them; full Romanian lips on his face, on his mouth, and on his neck. He kisses back, too. In those moments, he doesn't care about Petra or the Tribulation Force or the Mark of the Beast. Heaven and Hell can both go to the latter. Nicolae is his world, and he wants nothing more than to look into Nicolae's eyes and taste the inside of Nicolae's mouth.
Thank God for bumper stickers and email signatures. It had been a long time since David had seen that particular saying, but it had stuck. It had sat in some dusty part of his mind for years until David had needed it, and now David went to bed every night reciting it in his head.
Nicolae is so over-powering that half of the time David misses the exact point when his body goes from vertical to horizontal. One minute Nicolae is pulling David out of his chair and onto his feet, and in the next moment David is flat on his back on the table. David knows Nicolae doesn't just push him, though. It never hurts. Or if it does, David is too spellbound to notice.
It was because he wasn't perfect. It was so easy for him to fall into Nicolae's eyes, and from there into Nicolae's bed, or any other surface that Nicolae felt would move things forward, because he was not perfect.
Nicolae's hands trace the buttons on David's shirt and follow his tie up until they're around his neck. How many times have they been in this position? Nicolae could kill him with one movement of his hand, but instead the blond leans down, until his body is almost completely covering David's, and whispers in his ear, "Ahuvi..." David no longer notices all of the subtle oddities of this moment.
It was alright for him to not be perfect, because no one in the Tribulation Force was perfect. Many of them looked rather perfect, sure, but David was certain that secretly Rayford had anger issues and Chloe was jealous of Buck's freedom and Chang was dishonoring his father, or something along those lines...
David's tie comes off first, followed quickly by his jacket. David's shirt never survives these exploits, and today will be no exception. With only a small amount of assistance from a pocket knife, Nicolae has the white material on the ground in three pieces in just under ten seconds. As Nicolae starts on his pants, David shivers as his bare back touches a table that is nearly ice cold from hours of the air-conditioner blasting directly down on it.
If God could forgive all of them, He could probably forgive David. He had forgiven Hattie for this very same sin, hadn't He?
All clothing seems to just fall off of the ruler of the world, and David's mind hits the speed of light. He can feel the warmth of Nicolae's body on his chest, contrasting sharply with the freezing table beneath him.
No, He hadn't. Hattie was a woman, and she had not been saved when she had done what David was doing. David was a Christian and a man.
Nicolae whispers something about how bless David should feel to be in a position that most others would beg their god to put them in, and David pretends not to hear him. Nicolae doesn't understand that David has spent what seems like an eternity on his knees before his Lord, discussing this very matter. Nicolae certainly doesn't understand that the pleas always sound more like 'Deliver me from Evil...' than what this earthly king was imagining.
David had often begged his Lord to relieve him of this, and deliver him from these temptations. David's Lord never answered. At first, David found it odd that the God who had created and moved the Earth itself couldn't move these desires.
Nicolae drops a few more kisses onto David's mouth, just so that the director won't feel too used, but David is still watching Nicolae's eyes, and Nicolae's eyes are impatient.
And then David understood. David was not a Christian and a man. When he looked into Nicolae's eyes, he was a man first, and then a Christian, and the man in him did not want this to stop, no matter how much the Christian in him did. He wanted the Christian part of his mind to win out and tell the human part to just shut the fuck up already, but it just wasn't happening that way, and God couldn't change his heart if the very human man in David wouldn't let him in. All of the prayer in the world meant nothing if those prayers were empty.
And then... fade to black.
"Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." No Christian was perfect, but David could never shake the feeling that he wasn't nearly as close as many of the others. Was David forgiven? He really didn't know anymore.