This just happened. I'm not sure how or why, exactly. My brain does strange things sometimes. I have no idea if I'm going to add to this or not, so... I hope you like it? The T rating is basically just for language. The characters wanted to swear, or it probably could've been K+. Review or follow or whatever if you want to encourage me to write more.
Gabriel had worked so hard, and now it was all for nothing. He'd been terrified of AU Michael, but he was the only option so Gabriel had gone to find him. And it had worked. He'd used his adorable-baby-brother-with-gold-doe-eyes powers to persuade Michael to pretend to kill him to get him back in witness protection. There was no way for Gabriel to say no to Sam, he wasn't that powerful, so the only way was to convince Sam that he was dead. But then something had gone wrong, because he'd just woken up in a weird room who-knows-where with Sam, Adam, Lucifer, and both Michaels. Ugh, he needed a way to think about those two separately. OK, so he'd call AU Michael Mike, and the Michael from his universe would be Micha. Was that still confusing? Oh, well. It was worth a shot. He'd change it later if he couldn't get it to stick.
Gabriel wondered when anybody was gonna wake up. This was getting boring. Maybe he should run off before Sam could see he was alive and realize he'd faked his death again. Or Lucifer might wake up and kill him again. He swallowed nervously. He hated thinking about how his own big brother had been all perfectly casual about killing him. It was horrid. He wanted the old Lucifer back, the one who'd cared about him and would've died for him.
Lucifer was the next person to wake up. Gabriel backpedaled to the other side of the room, flinching and watching Lucifer cautiously. The last time he'd been stuck being around Lucifer there'd been a concrete reason for Lucifer not to hurt him. Now they were alone and Lucifer had no reason to leave Gabriel alone. Lucifer sat up and looked around, seemingly confused.
"I was dead," he said.
Gabriel watched him, wide eyed. He decided being silent was a good idea. Maybe Lucifer wouldn't notice him.
"Gabriel," Lucifer said, getting up and approaching him, "my little brother." His voice was cold, with an edge of mockery.
Gabriel scanned the room for exits. Lucifer could probably catch him before he reached the only door in the windowless room. Crap.
"Are you scared?" Lucifer asked, "You always were a coward."
"I'm not a coward," Gabriel snapped, frustrated.
"Oh, no, of course not," Lucifer said, "You just run whenever anything scares you. That's not cowardly at all. You, Gabriel, are nothing more than a petulant, scared child."
Gabriel couldn't come up with a proper argument against that one, so he maturely stuck his tongue out at Lucifer.
"You're trying to prove my point, aren't you," Lucifer said, grinning evilly, "Cuz you are really not helping your cause, bro."
"I'm childish," Gabriel said, "Sue me."
"Well, Sammy's here, and he's a lawyer," Lucifer noted helpfully, "I can sue you if that's what you really want." He approached Gabriel, getting close enough to pin him against the wall.
Gabriel slapped Lucifer in the face. "Get away from me."
Lucifer laughed. "Ah, no, not happening," he said, "Why would I do anything you want?"
"Because we're brothers, Lucifer," Gabriel said, "That's supposed to matter to you."
"You let me get thrown in the Cage for millennia," Lucifer accused, "and you helped the Winchesters throw me back in once I finally escaped. We're not brothers anymore, Gabriel. Not in any way that matters."
Gabriel stared at Lucifer miserably for a moment. "Fine," he said, "Let me go."
"No." Lucifer scowled at Gabriel. "You'll pay for what you've done."
"Who's paying for what?" a new voice asked. Home Universe Michael (Micha) had woken up. He was sitting up and rubbing his eyes, looking confused.
"Oh, no," Lucifer said. He let go of Gabriel and turned to face Micha.
"Oo, are we out of the Cage?" Micha asked with childish delight, "Yay! It'll be so much more fun now!"
Gabriel stared at Micha. "What happened to him?"
"The Cage made him go nuts," Lucifer replied, "He's- it's creepy."
"Nuts?" Micha asked hopefully, "I like nuts. Except for cashews. They taste nasty."
Lucifer sighed. "No, kiddo. We don't have any nuts. There's no kitchen here."
Micha started crying.
"Oh, come on, Luce," Gabriel said, irritated, "You haven't even checked."
"Well, if you want to humor that- kid, then you can find him his nuts," Lucifer said, "I'm staying out of it."
Gabriel rolled his eyes at Lucifer. He knelt beside Micha. "It's ok, Micha," he said gently, "We'll find you some nuts, ok? Just ignore Luci. He's a big meanie."
"I'm not a-" Lucifer began angrily before cutting himself off. He glowered at Gabriel.
Micha ran over and hugged Lucifer. "Don't worry, Lucifer," he said, "We'll still love you even if you are a big meanie." He giggled.
Lucifer looked terrorized and baffled. He cautiously patted Micha's head, looking at him like he was a bomb that could explode at any moment. Gabriel couldn't help laughing at Luci's expression. Lucifer gave him a betrayed look that just made Gabriel laugh more.
"What's funny?" Micha asked cheerfully.
"Luce's face," Gabriel laughed.
Micha looked up at Lucifer. He reached up and tapped Lucifer's nose before exploding into giggles. Lucifer looked like he was being tortured. The noise of Gabriel and Micha's combined laughter woke up Sam. He looked around, confused. He tensed when he saw Lucifer, but his face lit up when he saw that Gabriel was alive. There was no recognition when his eyes lit on Micha. Sam turned to where AU Michael lay asleep wearing Dean's body.
"Dean?" Sam asked, desperate hope in his voice.
Gabriel shook his head. "Sorry, Samsquatch," he said, "that's AU Mike, not Dean-o."
Sam sighed. "Figures. And Lucifer's back, so Dean got possessed for nothing."
"Well, thanks," Lucifer snarked, "You obviously appreciate my right to live a ton."
"And who's he?" Sam asked, motioning to Micha.
"I'm Micha," Micha said happily, "I remember you. You're the guy who let Luci out of the Cage by killing the mean girl. You're Sam, right?"
"Yeah," Sam said slowly.
"The Cage didn't agree with Michael," Lucifer said, "his behavior is childish, random, and utterly bizarre."
"It's not that bad," Micha said, crossing his arms, "I just act like a kid now, which is fine cuz my vessel's somehow a kid version of John Winchester."
"So, the archangel Michael is a small child, and we're all somehow trapped in a room that we have no idea how we got to in the first place," Sam said.
"Exactly," Micha said, "Great summary. Can we eat nuts now?"
"He's still on about that," Lucifer groaned.
Micha giggled, seemingly very happy that he'd annoyed Lucifer. "Nuts, nuts, nuts!" he cheered, jumping up and down on the spot.
"We really should explore," Gabriel said, looking around the room excitedly, "We don't know anything about this place."
"Yeah, there needs to be a way out," Lucifer said, "I am not staying here with you idiots. I'll get out if it's the last thing I do."
"Live a little, Luce," Gabriel said, "Try having fun instead of going all take over the universe."
"I will remake the universe in my image," Lucifer snapped, "Now that I've taken in the Nephilim grace, it's only a matter of time."
"Don't be a dumbass, Luc," Micha said, "That's naughty. You're not s'posed to try stuff like that, and Daddy would never let you anyway."
Lucifer stuck his tongue out at Micha, who giggled. "It's forked!" Micha squeaked, "That's so cool!"
Lucifer groaned. "There's no discouraging him," he whined. He glared at Micha, who giggled a little nervously and ducked his head. "I hate you," Lucifer told Micha, trying to upset him, "You're a spineless pushover who abandoned me and who couldn't even handle a couple years in the Cage without going insane. You're pathetic, and I don't care two cents about you."
Micha stared at Lucifer, eyes wide with horror. And then he burst into tears.
"Lucifer, what've you done?" Gabriel demanded, "You jerk!"
"Well, it's not my fault he's a big baby," Lucifer snapped. He looked guilty, though. "Don't look at me like that," he said crossly, "I'm not supposed to be nice, and I don't care if he cries!" He didn't convince anyone, but he was loud enough to wake AU Mike up.
"What's going on here?" Mike demanded.
"Luci's mean!" Micha sobbed incoherently.
Mike stared at Micha. "Is that- that's not supposed to be me, right?" He sounded horrified.
"Yup," Lucifer said cheerfully, "that's you, the grand prince of heaven, reduced to your usual state. Isn't it awe inspiring?"
"Don't you dare mouth off to me," Mike said, glaring at Lucifer and stalking towards him. They got ready to fight.
"Oh, no," Gabriel said miserably, "Not again. This is exactly why I ran away in the first place."
"Are you guys gonna fight the apocalypse?" Micha asked worriedly, "cuz that's mean. You should just be nice."
Mike and Lucifer ignored Gabriel and Micha. Micha started crying again and ran to hide behind Adam, who was still asleep. Gabriel slowly retreated to the corner. Sam followed him, worried.
"Gabe? Are you ok?"
Gabriel looked up at Sam. He was shaking, and he tried to use Sam's eyes to ground himself, but it wasn't working, and Mike and Luce were fighting the apocalypse and they might kill each other and everything was awful and he couldn't think straight but at least Sam was there so it might be horrible but it couldn't be that bad, but what if Sam left and then it was even worse and what if Asmodeus wasn't really dead and came back and Gabriel couldn't breathe and his throat was burning and his head was spinning- and Sam's hands were on his shoulders, grounding him.
"Gabriel, breathe," Sam pleaded.
Gabriel gasped in a shaky breath. After that breathing was easier, and he was able to remember that Asmodeus was definitely dead and Sam was there to stay. Even with Mike and Lucifer fighting the apocalypse it could be a lot worse.
Sam pulled Gabriel down to sit on the floor. "Are you ok?" he asked.
Gabriel shook his head. "I'll survive." His voice was quiet, weak. He felt pathetic and stupid.
Luce launched himself at Mike and they slammed loudly into the floor. Gabriel flinched at the noise, crying out. He hid his face in Sam's shoulder so he wouldn't have to watch. He couldn't stand watching his siblings tear each other apart. It was the worst thing he'd ever experienced.
Micha couldn't stop crying. Mike and Luci were being mean and confusing, and he really wanted them to stop beating each other up and be nice. And Adam was still asleep, and Micha was realizing that a sleeping human wasn't the best hiding place. But he couldn't move, because then he'd be exposed out in the open and Mike or Luci might scowl at him. Micha flinched as Mike punched Luc in the jaw. He squeaked fearfully and accidentally woke up Adam, who sat up and looked around, confused like they'd all been upon first waking.
"Michael?" Adam asked, "What's wrong?" He pulled the little archangel into his lap and ran his fingers through Micha's tangled black hair.
"Nothing," Micha sniffled unconvincingly.
"Mike and Lucifer fighting's upsetting you, huh?" Adam asked.
"How'd you know that?" Micha demanded, "Humans can't mind read."
"It's just body language," Adam said, "Do you want me to make Mike and Luc stop fighting?"
"You can do that?" Micha asked hopefully.
"Yup," Adam said confidently.
Micha nodded eagerly. "Do it!"
Adam set Micha down and looked around the room for useful objects. The bucket of soapy water in the corner could not have been more convenient. Luc and Mike were rolling around on the floor. Luc was trying to tear Mike's hair out, and Mike was repeatedly slapping Luc in the face. They were both yelling a lot and kicking at each other. Adam marched over to them and emptied the bucket of soapy water onto their heads. They broke apart, gasping and baffled.
"Quit it," Adam snapped, "You're scaring your little brothers. Behave."
Luc sat up first. He looked more than a little ashamed of himself. "Sorry, Adam," he said.
"Don't apologize to me," Adam said sternly, "Apologize to Micha and Gabe. They're the ones you two morons hurt with your stupid fight."
Lucifer slumped off to apologize to Micha and Gabriel.
Mike stayed where he was, arms crossed in front of him. "I'm not apologizing because a mortal ordered me to," he said crossly.
Adam shrugged. "Be a dickhead if you want." He left to check on Micha.
Mike was left sitting on the floor in a puddle of soapy water, pouting like a toddler and trying to pretend he didn't feel ridiculous.
Lucifer stood three feet away from where Gabriel was cuddled into Sam's side. He was partially facing Gabe and refusing to look at him.
"What is it?" Sam asked.
Lucifer crossed his arms defensively. "I didn't do anything," he said.
"That's your idea of an apology?" Gabriel asked. He groaned. "It's a disaster, Lu."
"Fine," Lucifer snapped angrily, "I'm sorry I scared you by trying to murder that evil noodle head. It was completely inexcusable and I'm sure I'll do it again next chance I get." Lucifer managed to make the whole apology sound like an insult.
"Great apology," Gabriel snarked, "A real award winner, Luce. You'd almost think you really meant it."
Lucifer growled low in his throat and stormed off.
Gabriel's façade fell away as soon as Sam was the only person immediately there. "He's such a mess," Gabriel wailed, "I just want my brother back. Why can't he- I dunno- be my brother?"
Lucifer stormed over to Adam and Micha to 'apologize' as well as he could stomach. Little Micha was adorable enough that some of his anger bled away, but he still didn't want to actually say anything nice in his apology. He was the devil, after all; he had a reputation to keep up. Micha looked happy, but there were tear tracks on his cheeks and his eyes were reddened. His mood swung so easily in this state that he could go from glowingly happy to sobbing and back in two minutes. Lucifer had no idea how to handle that.
"Hi, Micha," he said.
"Luci!" Micha squeaked happily, smiling up at his brother.
Lucifer groaned. "Don't be all cheerful. It's weird."
"Don't be sad, Luce," Micha said, "Today's nice. We get to live in a cool house and explore it and there aren't any mean bars!"
"You have low standards," Lucifer complained, "I want to rule the universe, not live in wherever this is."
"But ruling the universe is Daddy's job," Micha argued, "We're just s'posed to- I've got no idea."
"That's not very helpful, kiddo," Lucifer said, "but I'm sure we'll figure it out, ok? Don't worry too much. I think we're stuck here anyway, so-" Luc heaved an overdramatic sigh and shrugged.
Micha giggled.