This is a one-shot about what Willow is thinking a few days after Tara left her.

This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction, so review and give me pointers on how I can improve my writing.

Thanks!

Willow looked around the room, taking it in.

It seemed emptier, somehow, and colder, much, much colder than it had.

3 days. It had been 3 days since she had lost everything. 3 days since she had stopped using magic. 3 days since her friends had cleared out everything, so she would not be tempted to relapse. 3 days since she had nearly caused a disaster. 3 days since Tara had left.

Tara, Willow thought, I was so stupid to lose her like that. I should have known better than that. I should have worked it out, not hid behind magic.

All of the sudden Willow started shaking uncontrollably.

Not again! She thought.

It was like withdrawal, only stronger, and harder to resist.

She had become addicted to the magic, the power, the rush. The problem with episodes like this one was that the magic came from her being, so she had to be careful of letting it leak.

I can't let it control me! She thought forcefully, as if this would make the feeling go away. No! No! No! Not again! Never again! I refuse to let it control me!

With more effort than she would be willing to admit, she was able to push down the need for magic.

She had been careful not to let Buffy or Xander see how much she struggled, to leave the room when she had an episode like this.

They had noticed that she struggled, but not how much.

I can do this. She thought, as she got into her sweat pants and tee shirt. I have to do this if I ever want a chance to undo what I did.

She started to tremble again, but not with withdrawal this time, with sobs. Tears for the mistakes she had made, for the people she had hurt, and for the love she had lost.

Just relax and it will all go away. She thought. If I can just get to sleep, then I can escape all of this, if only for a few hours.

And she did get some sleep that night, but it was no escape. She spent the entire night tossing and turning with nightmares of what had happened the past few years, with Buffy, Giles, Xander, Dawn, and mostly, Tara.

She woke up at 2:47 that night, smothering a scream, after dreaming of Tara, yelling about everything she had ever done to hurt her.

She cried herself back to sleep thinking: Why? Why me? What did I do to deserve all of this? Why won't it all just go away? What have I done?

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