disclaimer: not mine, never mine, don't sue me, i have nothing.
"Noah?"
"Mm?"
"What would you say is our song?"
Noah blinked at the papers he was reading before tipping his head back to look at Kurt. "Do we need one?"
"Well… If we don't, what are we going to dance to?"
"At the wedding?"
"Yes." Noah frowned slightly. He hadn't really thought about it.
"What do you want?"
"Noah, it's not what I want, it's about what fits us."
"Oh. Well give me a day to think it over?"
Noah knew he'd won when Kurt smiled before leaning over to kiss him.
While Kurt was at work the next day, Noah postponed his own work to go through their old CDs and MP3s. Stumbling across a Taylor Swift CD of Kurt's, he smiled. This was something Finn had gotten the diva for his birthday the summer after their parents got married, back in 2011. Almost eight years back, now. Glancing over the titles, he really didn't recognize most of them, so he just put it in to listen as he scanned the others.
About halfway through, one song in particular caught his attention. He listened to it, but it was already nearly over. Starting it over, he paid close attention, shocked at how much it seemed to overlap with what had really gone on between them.
It obviously wasn't precise, but the mood and basic line of lyrics matched beautifully.
He almost wanted to argue with himself because it was Taylor Swift; it was country music. But it really was perfect.
You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables
Left a small town and never looked back
I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin'
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts
Kurt really had been waiting while in college when they met again, in San Diego of all places. Puck had been in the restaurant with a potential date, when he walked up to take their order. There were some excited greetings and Kurt was clearly a little embarrassed to be caught by Puck working like that. But it hadn't mattered to him, he was psyched to find a familiar face in this new world of grown-ups.
He hadn't actually heard from the girl again, but within a few weeks it didn't matter.
I say, "Can you believe it?"
As we're lyin' on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now
Puck transitioned into Noah during that first year of dating Kurt. It was a strange, new experience. He'd never really been monogamous before, only with Lauren but that was a special case all its own that didn't need to be gone into.
Thing was, he tried to be Puck at first. Mr. Badass and Unaffected. It didn't work, though, because Kurt got to him so easily. And one night, six months into it, they had been at Noah's apartment, watching a movie, when he realized (silently to himself) that he could understand just what love really was and why people risked their hearts for it.
Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Now, there had never been a moment when Kurt put his arm around Noah like that, but they had stood by the pond in the park near Kurt's place and watched the river from Noah's bedroom window more than once. It was calming for him, and he'd put his arms around Kurt plenty of times. At this point in his life, though, Noah could admit to having been the boy he was in high school partly because of his father leaving when he was young. Sarah hadn't been old enough to remember the fighting, but nearly every hateful word had been etched into Noah's young mind, and the things his mother continued to say after he left, for years after he left, reinforced the idea that love wasn't ever worth it.
Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes
By the end of the first year, they both had things at each other's apartments: a toothbrush, pajamas, underwear and socks, food, movies. Kurt even had an abbreviated version of his facial routine in Noah's bathroom. Noah had learned over the months that Kurt wasn't always as fussy about his looks as he put on. In the early mornings or late nights he would wander the apartments in sweats and tees. When he woke up his hair was a mess.
It was honestly one of the sexiest things he'd known.
Kurt also liked to play video games and he could swear like a sailor if he wanted to. Some nights they would play for hours online with Finn and one or two of the other guys from high school. But then he realized Kurt was learning just as much about him.
Kurt hadn't pressed when Noah got depressed mid-March. It had been the presentation of breakfast in bed on Beth's birthday that made him realize that Kurt knew what day it was. He had wanted to bawl right then, but he was afraid to let Kurt see that weakness in him. He had to be strong and be the support that Kurt would need. How could he let Kurt be his support?
And Kurt had stroked his hair, no longer a Mohawk but still short. Kurt found out other things, like that he called Sarah every week to make sure his mom hadn't snapped yet and she was safe. That he had trust issues and problems with authority figures, particularly male ones.
When Kurt finally figured out that it was the split of his dad that had him so seriously fucked up, Kurt had given him the sweetest kisses and whispered that they would never mess up like that. That they would get through the bad things.
But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
This is what I thought about:
Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
When they finally moved in together, after nearly two years of dating, things got more stressful. Bills were coming in that were higher than either had dealt with before, now that everything was for two fulltime. Noah couldn't find steady work, but was writing occasional articles for newspapers in the area.
Kurt was trying out for plays and musicals and movies and TV but was still waiting at the same café they had met in. But they always managed to stick it through, remembering how much this relationship really meant to each of them.
It was something neither of them had ever had before.
And I remember that fight, two-thirty AM
You said everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street
Braced myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."
There was a fight, though. It was dumb and irrational, but Noah was so upset in the end. What really sent him out the door at three that night was when Kurt had implied that he could have been on Broadway by now. That if it weren't for Noah he'd be in New York living the life he'd always dreamt of.
Noah had shouted at him that that was fine. That he could go ahead and get on a plane and go live the life he wanted. That he wouldn't care. Then he stormed out of the apartment and down the stairs and into the parking lot.
He kicked his car's tires, swearing, struggling not to cry. This was what happened, he should have known, he had known! His dad left to go live the rock star life he'd given up for his mom and him, what had made him think Kurt wouldn't eventually do the same?
When the doors to the building opened and he heard Kurt calling his name, he stiffened his back, physically waiting for the emotional blow of Kurt telling him he was going. That he did want that life and he didn't need to be tied down like this.
But instead, those long, nimble fingers touched his shoulder and Kurt whispered his name again. Noah tried to shrug him off, but Kurt tightened his grip. The next thing he said had shocked Noah through, but it was really what he'd wanted. What he'd needed.
"I love you. And I won't leave you."
You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water.
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Kurt turned Noah around and kissed him. He whispered to him about all the nights they had spent talking about how they would never do what his parents had to each other. All the promises of love and devotion. All the kisses and hugs and gifts and everything.
Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it
I can see it now
It was exactly a year later, six months ago now, that Kurt had asked him to marry him. They had been dating for just short of three and a half years. The wedding was planned to be held on their fourth anniversary and was in a few weeks. That Kurt hadn't asked this question sooner was a bit surprising now that Noah was trying to find a song.
Well, not trying any longer. He'd found it. There would never be a more perfect piece for them. Checking the track number to the case, he smiled.
Mine was the title of the song, and it was poetic in itself. Maybe he would get it engraved on the inside of the bands.
Setting the case aside, he left the CD playing and went to work on the article he was writing before starting dinner. Kurt was going to love his choice. It was perfect.