He took note of the little things worth remembering. Little things that meant the world to him.
The sound of his heart, pounding wildly beneath is "Dashboard Confessional" t-shirt, made inaudible only by the loud vibration of the stereo. He was grateful for the all too familiar music pulsing through his body; it made him slightly less nervous. His hands shook less and his breathing was becoming steadier. But once he locked eyes with her again, the music couldn't save him. He became a shaking, pathetic fool again. She drove him wild and he loved her for that.
He committed to memory the way the light caught her dress when she moved, the scent of her hair and her touch, gentle yet hungry.
He paid close attention to as the lights dimmed before him and a soft yellow glow cast down upon them, lighting her features, darkening his.
And then, as he felt he would die of longing, he leant forward and kissed her.
A soft moan escaping his lips, "Marissa."
"Oliver?"
Oliver's eyes snapped open and he felt his head spin as he focused on her eyes. Those eyes had always entranced him. What was it about those eyes? Then, as the hotel room became steady, he remembered.
His hands were sweating as he held the gun to his head. He almost dropped it as he came to realization. Was he really dreaming?
Curling his fingers tighter around it, Oliver gripped the gun, not letting his watery fear slip and let go of it. He pushed it harder into his scalp and grimaced a little as he felt a piercing shooting pain spread across his forehead.
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry. I just…I heard you on the phone with him and I didn't know what to do." Oliver paced up and down, distressed.
He couldn't bear to look at Marissa. See the tears spilling down her perfect cheeks; see her shaking in fear, or sadness or both. But when she spoke he didn't need to look at her, he could see it all, clear as day.
"That's okay. So why don't you just put the gun down and we can talk about it."
Man, her voice was beautiful. He wanted so desperately to do what she said, to put the gun down and pretend none of this had ever happened. Then they could maybe still go to Paris. He could take her to see the Eiffel Tower. It would be perfect. Romantic. But no, now he had ruined his chances. He had scared her. And now the only thing left was to end it all.
"No, No. I can't. You'll leave." There was desperation and a sense of urgency in his voice. Oliver felt a strong urge to fall on the couch and cry. Cry and have Marissa comfort him.
She can't leave me. What would I do without her?Now there was a deeper emotion in Marissa's voice. Oliver could have sworn it was panic.
"Oliver I have to go some time."
"What to him? To him right?" He couldn't even bear to say Ryan's name.
"What about me huh?" He pointed the gun to himself as Marissa collapsed into quiet sobs on the couch opposite him.
What was going through her head? God, how he wanted her to stop crying. He would do anything but hurt her.
"You and I are friends…we always will be-"
He couldn't believe it.
He felt his voice rise in anger and shake in distress.
"Friends? Friends! Marissa, I'm in love with you!" He yelled incredulously, waving the gun around dangerously.
"How could you not know that? I've always been…you're the one that gets me. You're the only thing in my life that I love."
Oliver sniffed and rubbed at his temples.
Marissa's face glistened with tears as she spoke.
"Then, why? Why would you want to hurt me?"
Oliver stopped in his tracks. He almost forgot his pain, until he locked eyes with her again. Her intense doleful eyes always caused him pain.
"I don't! I never would…." He held out the gun to demonstrate.
"This isn't for you," He tapped at it to indicate. "It's for me 'cause if you leave I will have nothing else to live for, so you have to promise me you won't leave."
"Let's run away together."
Marissa looked up, wide-eyed and innocent, but her expression was not dismissive. It was one of fierce anticipation and eagerness.
She smiled sweetly, nodding, before reaching out to take Oliver's hand in hers.
"First stop, Paris?" She questioned flirtatiously.
"Wherever you wish, my girl." He grinned mischievously as he kissed her cheek.
"Paris it is."
"Oliver!"
Oliver's head was spinning faster than before. Fake memories swirled before him as he tried desperately to cling onto one. But too late, they were fast slipping away from his too slow grip. What was happening to him? He couldn't even discern what was real or fake anymore.
He looked in front of him and saw a tear-stained, terrified Marissa, staring up at him in bewilderment.
Okay, maybe this was defiantly real. Oliver knew it all too well. The screaming, the crying, the gun to his head. Everyone hated him. His dreams were fake. This was real. Why couldn't he just close his eyes and dream again? Why couldn't he just run away to Paris with her? She would love him then.
A knock at the door caused both Marissa and Oliver to jump in their skins.
"Oliver are you there? It's Natalie."
Oliver's heart stopped. He had to catch his breath and steady himself before he could speak.
He felt as if he were on the deck of a ship. Swaying, moving, shaking. His feet were not firmly placed on the ground. And that freaked him out.
"Uh…"
Marissa stood abruptly and Oliver waved a hand at her.
"Oliver, I'm coming in." Natalie's voice floated under the door.
"Uh, no, no. That's okay. Umm…I'm fine, I just got out of the shower." He struggled.
"Oliver please." Marissa pleaded.
Oliver turned away. No, he was not going to look at her.
In one sudden movement he put the gun to his mouth and silenced Marissa. "Shh."
Marissa's lip quivered, and her breathing as heavy as she fought back the tears.
Then, they heard it. A few seconds later. The voice that tipped Oliver over the edge.
"Marissa!"
Unmistakably Ryan's voice.
No.
No.
He was ruining everything. No.
Silence.
Oliver almost breathed a sigh of relief. Ryan couldn't save her this time.
Just walk away Ryan. She's mine now.
"Ryan! He's got a gun!" Marissa choked.
No! How could she?"Why did you do that?!" He screamed.
"I'm sorry, please just put the gun down and let them in."
The doors burst open as security guards charged through, followed by Ryan, Sandy and Natalie.
No. No, no, no.
This wasn't happening.
Maybe he was dreaming again? I mean, it had happened before, why not now?
"Sir, don't move. Put the gun down."
No. Why? Why?I love her.
She needs me. I need her.
"Ryan!" Marissa cried as she ran over to him. Him. How could she?
No. She doesn't love him. He's just trying to play the hero. Can't she see through that? Isn't she smarter than that? Of course she is.
Marissa come back…"Sir don't move! Put the gun down." They repeated.
Oliver nearly burst out laughing.
"Or what? You're gonna shoot me? I'll save you the trouble." He put the gun to his head and made the motion to squeeze the trigger.
But something stopped him.
Something.
"Come on son."
"Oliver, you don't want to do that." A new voice said. Sandy. What the hell was he doing here? Sandy. God, Seth was lucky to have a dad like him.
"Put the gun down now!"
Oliver turned to Marissa and whispered, "I'm sorry."
"Oliver, put the gun down man."
Ryan's voice.
No, why was he talking to me? He hated me. Everyone did.
"Why man, I'm doing you a favour."
"Why would you want to do that? You hate me. That's right. If you do this you won't hurt me, you'll hurt Marissa, the one person that cares about you and I know you don't want to do that. Oliver put the gun down, man."
Oliver closed his eyes. Closes them to everything around him.
"You don't know anything about me man."
"I know what its like to be abandoned by your parents, your friends...and have no one in your life who believes in you. But you put the gun down and you get a second chance."
Oliver just stood there, crying. He turns to look at Marissa. He feels eyes burning into him. Sandy, Ryan, Marissa.
Finally slowly, he sets the gun down on the floor.
Some huge part of him hopes he can have a second chance with Marissa. That as soon as the gun hits the cold ground, it will be all over and she will run into his arms, grateful he is alive.
But no.
The security guards rush to grab the gun and take it away.
Marissa doesn't run to Oliver.
She runs to Ryan.
"I'm sorry." He hears her whisper to Ryan.
Oliver stands, motionless, watching the scene in front of him.
He is oblivious to the handcuffs bounding his wrists, oblivious to the security guards tugging at his shirt, leading him out the door.
All he sees as he is led out is Marissa.
Marissa with Ryan.
This was not how it was meant to be played out. This is not right.
As Oliver feels himself being dragged into a car, he feels and sees nothing but darkness.
He is overcome by it.
And as he travels for hours on end, he hears nothing but her voice.
He is absorbed by it.
And as he hits the cold wall of his new room, as he hears the door lock shut, as the nurse switches of the light, he leans back and dreams of her.
Next stop, Paris.
A/N Well there u go! I know a lot of it is just what happened in the episode last season "the truth" but yea I just had to start it like this to begin the story :) please review : ) so I know if it's worth continuing with how it's like for him in the psyche ward. Thanks guys :)