A/N: shot story. Prompt I found on live journal about what was going through Ray's mind when he thought Suki had escaped.

Losing what was never yours

Ray ran down the hall away from Fenton and his dorm, the sound of the alarm was pounding in his ears, all he could hear was Whisper promising discipline and his blood.

All he could think about was Suki.

Before Fenton had mentioned the possibility that his alarm could be due to her escape he had been both annoyed and unworried now he ever fiber of his being was afraid. His nerves tight and his chest hallow at the thought that he would never see her again. Who knew what was out there waiting for her, Gnomes, Redfang, there were too many horrible possibilities. He had always thought Redfang was a load of crap, good only for scaring the pants off of Forest but now with Emily gone and Suki possibly running through the woods the idea didn't seem so far fetched. Even Ian had said that he had seen Redfang.

He didn't think he had ever been this afraid in his entire life. Not since he had woken up at Tower when he was ten had he felt such fear of the unknown. He had to get to Suki's dorm room. He had to know one way or the other. If she was gone, there was nothing more he could do but be afraid, and if she wasn't gone maybe the horrid twisting in his body would leave, maybe he would pull her into an embrace.

God if he never felt her in his arms again he didn't know if he could go on. A sudden rush of sickness slowed him and he had to brace himself against the wall as he pushed the taste of vomit back down his throat. If he never got a chance to hold her, to kiss her to tell her that he was hers for the rest of his life. If he couldn't hear her sweet lilting voice again, if he couldn't watch as she scrunched her nose in disapproval. If he could never see her again... He swallowed hard and made a quick turn down another corridor and found her dorm.

"Get back to your room." a stern boring looking monitor told Ray as he tried to get to the door handle.

"I just want to check on my friend." He tried to slide past them but they weren't giving in without a fight.

"So do we." Another of the monitors said as he opened the door.

Ray could see the foot of a bed but could hear no movement. The pain of her disappearance flooded him and he pushed himself into the room, "Suki!" his voice sounded far more desperate than he ever wanted to show. The nervous turmoil bubbling out of him.

There she was sitting on her bed calmly with CJ. She looked nervous but it didn't really matter to him how she looked as long as he could see her. Know that she was safe and in no way being eaten alive by Redfang.

"You okay Suki?" he tried to be cool but he was nervous and relieved and it came out in his voice.

She however was a cool as the other side of the pillow, "Yes, thanks Ray. You should go to your dorm now." she smiled at him a grateful thank you for worring about me smile and Ray's insides settled down.

She was safe. She was alive. She was here.

He nodded and left the room. His heart was still pounding hard but the horrible worry that had so consumed him on the way to her room was gone. No visions of her being attacked by Gnomes or being eaten alive by Redfang filled his head. Only her calm voice and her soft smile.

He would be able to see her again. He could see her in the morning, he could make sure she was safe. Sure Ian could fight but the idea of him fighting alone tring to protect three people useless in a fight... he knew as well which ones he would try hardest to protect and he knew it wouldn't be his choice. The fight played out in his head. They would be in the middle of the woods. Ian and Gabe walking right beside each other, they may as well have been married for all he cared, CJ would be a little farther ahead but not more than an arms reach away from Ian he would be sure of that. And Suki would be just behind Gabe, her eyes on some sort of electronic device.

And they would come from behind. He imagined that she would scream and Ian would grab Gabe and push him protectively behind him. Suki would already be captured or possibly dead by the time Ian fought the Gnomes off. An incredibly sick feeling rushed over him and he had to force his brain to think of something else. Something that didn't involve Suki Sato because ever thought that involved her filled him with an intense fear and sickness.

She could slip away from him anytime. He looked down at the door handle as he pushed it open revealing Don and Fenton pacing the room nervously.

"Where the hell have you been!" Don basicly screamed when he saw that his best friend had finally made his appearance.

Ray looked from Don to Fenton confused, "Didn't Fenton?"

"Tell me what? That you had said Sato's name and ran away?" Don's arms were flapping around in his outrage/ He looked like he was trying to fly.

"I was just making sure she was all right... calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down he says," he looked at Fenton before continuing, "You willing to get sent to West Campus for some girl that barely knows you exsist?" Ray was sure that Don hadn't meant those words to come out so harshly but they cut Ray all the same.

Ray brushed by Don to sit heavily on his bed. He fell back into the bed and rolled away from Don, facing the wall.

"Man I'm sorry..."

"No you're right...it's not like she's my girlfriend or anything." the words came out of Ray's mouth bitter and sharp. Don flinched and Fenton looked up from the book he was reading in time to see Ray throw his blanket over him and mumble, "you can't lose something that was never yours."