I'm affected by my nightmares more than i'd like to admit. They fill me with so much sorrow for the ones I lost, and hatred for the Capitol that scarred me forever. The worst dreams of all is the dream where Peeta's in agony and I can't do a thing about it except watch. That's a dream I get at least once a weak. When I have a nightmare, its pretty obvious. I thrash around and cry out, and sometimes I even let go and let the tears go. Peeta will come to me to calm me down.
"Wanna talk about it?" He'll asks as he keeps me close to him.
We moved in together a few weeks ago, in a house close to town. I guess we figured that we'd heal a lot quicker if there was two of us. He's truly been my comfort and my rock during my life's termoil. Maybe its because he knows what its like.
"You were...in pain." I'll say as I choke back tears.
He usually brings be tea and whispers comforting words. I can't thank him enough for being there. Even if he has nightmares of his own. At one point I said that the only person I was sure I loved was Prim. I' m beginning to think that she isn't the only person I love. Of course i'd never tell him that. I broke his heart by telling him that I wasn't in love with him already. It would just be unfair to play with his heart like that. I can't expect him to love me after all I've put him through.
"Its all right, I'm right here. I'm okay, songbird." He'll say with a tranquil voice.
I don't deserve his company. Sometimes I feel as if I don't deserve anything good in my life. I will forever guilty about the obliteration, even if the Capitol caused the deaths of my friends, and every single member of Peeta's family. Why does he still care about me? I'll find myself clutched to him, instantly feeling safe in his arms. His presence is sweet, soft, loving, warm.
"Don't leave..." I'll manage to mutter through soft sobs.
"I'll stay, I promise." he'll say as he mumbles something unaudible.
I fall asleep in his arms for a minute, until I get into the state of being awake and asleep at fhe same time. Peeta says something I understand, even in my half sleep.
"I love you Katniss. More than life itself..."